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Family controversy - Wedding Invitations (1 Viewer)

The Dude

Footballguy
My niece is getting married. In her invitations, it is written "We ask that children under 12 do not attend."

In my wife's immediate family, that rule only affects two families (one is mine). While it's not a personal exclusion to those two kids, it's hard not to consider it personal. One family has already RSVP'd with ZERO.

So what do you think? Is this perfectly okay? Is my SIL being a jerk? Should I bring my grandson to the reception anyways?

 

shadyridr

Footballguy
Why is she being a jerk? Its her party her rules. If you dont like it RSVP no. Heck id be thrilled. Perfect excuse to find a babysitter and have some fun. And one less plate you have to pay for.

 
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Pick

Footballguy
I understand people want to have the perfect wedding with no disruption. But I think it sends a bad message to start off a new family (getting married) by excluding others just because some little punk might be a nuissance. At some point, maybe they have kids and go through the same thing. That's a selfish thing for them to do but if I were you I'd still accomodate. Not a beach worth dying on (at least not yet).

 

bigbottom

I put on my robe and wizard hat
In order: (1) It's your niece and her husband to be's wedding. They should have the wedding they want to have. Kids can be annoying/disruptive. There may be a bunch of kids on his side of the family. (2) See last answer. (3) sister-in-law? Is she the one that came up with the rule? (4) grandson? Only if you want to be a complete butthole.

 
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NutterButter

Footballguy
Yeah, what others have said. This is pretty straightforward. Its her wedding, she sets the rules. You don't like the rules, don't go.

 

Ignoramus

Footballguy
:shrug:Seems like a reasonable request and while there are two families in your wife's immediate family affected, how many on the groom side and how many friends will this affect? Unless your kids are the animals that prompted this (which I'm sure they're simply precious), I doubt it's personally directed at you.

 
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Psychopav

Help us, Joebi-Wan Brynobi, you're our only ho
You can probably bring the kids to the service but not the reception. Check with the bride but in my experience the decision not to invite children is usually based on controlling costs for the reception, not because of some desire not to disrupt the ceremony itself.

Either way though this is not an unusual situation so you should only be offended if you're "overly sensitive, easily offended guy.". Do you want to be that guy?

 

Abraham

Footballguy
My brother and his wife asked that no children attend. Then they called two people and said "you can bring your kid". So the reception was uncomfortable as two couples looked like they weren't following the rules. Then word got around that they had been told to bring the kids which made everyone else :confused: with the bride.

 

bostonfred

Footballguy
I remember when I was a child, the only thing I liked more than finding reasons to feel insulted by family members was getting dressed up, sitting still in a church for an hour, then going to a fancy dinner party where I was not welcome and having a four hour dance with old people.

 

Craig_MiamiFL

Footballguy
Their event, their rules. Don't like it? Don't go.

As a child, I'd hate to have to dress up and go to one of these things anyway. I'd call the niece and thank her for not being forced by my parents to go.

 

mr roboto

Footballguy
Holy #### weddings bring out the worst in people.

When we got married I couldn't believe all the stupid #### people got 'offended' over. It's their event, not yours. And please don't complain to them, their parents etc. It all gets back to the bride and groom who don't deserve to worry about it. I'm constantly surprised that people make these things about themselves.

Eta: It's not a 'controversy'. It's a rule that the people paying thousands of dollars to throw the party are requesting, so it's a few relatively meaningless people complaining about a rule.

 
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the moops

Footballguy
Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts.

And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old?

There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?

 

17seconds

root of all aliai
This is one of those women things you need to roll with somehow. Nobody on here is going to think it's a big deal but probably 75% of women do, and you can't do anything about it.

For the love of god, don't start telling people who are upset by it to chill out.

 

NutterButter

Footballguy
Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts.

And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old?

There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?
Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.

 

proninja

Footballguy
My niece is getting married. In her invitations, it is written "We ask that children under 12 do not attend."

In my wife's immediate family, that rule only affects two families (one is mine). While it's not a personal exclusion to those two kids, it's hard not to consider it personal. One family has already RSVP'd with ZERO.

So what do you think? Is this perfectly okay? Is my SIL being a jerk? Should I bring my grandson to the reception anyways?
It's not about you, Woz

 

shadyridr

Footballguy
Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts. And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old? There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?
Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.
kids are usually much cheaper cuz they get chicken fingers and cant drink alcohol
 

proninja

Footballguy
Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts. And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old? There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?
Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.
kids are usually much cheaper cuz they get chicken fingers and cant drink alcohol
Right, and if it's catered at a price per plate they still get charged for a full plate

 

NutterButter

Footballguy
Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts. And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old? There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?
Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.
kids are usually much cheaper cuz they get chicken fingers and cant drink alcohol
The only experience with this controversy was my brother's wedding at the Harrah's in AC. He told me they still were $120/plate which was why he wasn't inviting them. I was cool with it.

 

shadyridr

Footballguy
Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts. And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old? There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?
Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.
kids are usually much cheaper cuz they get chicken fingers and cant drink alcohol
Right, and if it's catered at a price per plate they still get charged for a full plate
no im saying the place charges less per child. Catering hall i got married in charged $100 per adult and $50 per child.
 

The Dude

Footballguy
My brother and his wife asked that no children attend. Then they called two people and said "you can bring your kid". So the reception was uncomfortable as two couples looked like they weren't following the rules. Then word got around that they had been told to bring the kids which made everyone else :confused: with the bride.
This is part of it. Somebody is going to show up with kids - and then what?

Also, I am only thinking abut bringing to the dance part not the dinner - so cost isn't an issue.

And on a side note, the other person who's child is left out - the niece was in their wedding party 2 years ago. That's not good.

 
My brother and his wife asked that no children attend. Then they called two people and said "you can bring your kid". So the reception was uncomfortable as two couples looked like they weren't following the rules. Then word got around that they had been told to bring the kids which made everyone else :confused: with the bride.
This is part of it. Somebody is going to show up with kids - and then what?

Also, I am only thinking abut bringing to the dance part not the dinner - so cost isn't an issue.

And on a side note, the other person who's child is left out - the niece was in their wedding party 2 years ago. That's not good.
Dude, it's THEIR wedding not yours. Respect their wishes/requests.

IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

 

matuski

Footballguy
You should call and make sure the the people getting married know this is supposed to be about you.

 

mr roboto

Footballguy
My brother and his wife asked that no children attend. Then they called two people and said "you can bring your kid". So the reception was uncomfortable as two couples looked like they weren't following the rules. Then word got around that they had been told to bring the kids which made everyone else :confused: with the bride.
This is part of it. Somebody is going to show up with kids - and then what? Also, I am only thinking abut bringing to the dance part not the dinner - so cost isn't an issue. And on a side note, the other person who's child is left out - the niece was in their wedding party 2 years ago. That's not good.
Dude, it's THEIR wedding not yours. Respect their wishes/requests. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.
:goodposting:
 

Abraham

Footballguy
Fwiw, Making a fuss is stupid. It's their wedding. I've skipped weddings where my kid wasn't invited. I've skipped weddings for a ton of reasons. It's their party, not yours.

 

The Dude

Footballguy
My niece is getting married. In her invitations, it is written "We ask that children under 12 do not attend."

In my wife's immediate family, that rule only affects two families (one is mine). While it's not a personal exclusion to those two kids, it's hard not to consider it personal. One family has already RSVP'd with ZERO.

So what do you think? Is this perfectly okay? Is my SIL being a jerk? Should I bring my grandson to the reception anyways?
where did I say it's about me?

I asked what people thought? The other family is offended - we are more bothered.

 
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mr roboto

Footballguy
My niece is getting married. In her invitations, it is written "We ask that children under 12 do not attend." In my wife's immediate family, that rule only affects two families (one is mine). While it's not a personal exclusion to those two kids, it's hard not to consider it personal. One family has already RSVP'd with ZERO. So what do you think? Is this perfectly okay? Is my SIL being a jerk? Should I bring my grandson to the reception anyways?
where did I say it's about me? I asked what people thought? The other family is offended - we are more bothered.
Shes not a jerk. You shouldn't even be 'bothered'. You are making this about you.
 

Abraham

Footballguy
They are only inviting two couples/families that have kids? Actually seems odd they would even make it a point to exclude those two.

 

pollardsvision

Footballguy
Obviously, that's up to them to do.

You just have to figure out if you want to go.

Now, let's get down to the nitty gritty.....what's' the booze/food situation like?

I'd have to think that if they tossed out the kid exclusion, they'd have a nice bar.

If not, then they are out of line for that, not the kid exclusion.

In fact the invitation should've said "We will have a huge bar full of top shelf hooch and a wonderful band. We expect our guests will have a fantastic time and do things that are unfit for small children to see, so we kindly ask you keep them at home"

 
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avoiding injuries

Footballguy
My niece is getting married. In her invitations, it is written "We ask that children under 12 do not attend." In my wife's immediate family, that rule only affects two families (one is mine). While it's not a personal exclusion to those two kids, it's hard not to consider it personal. One family has already RSVP'd with ZERO. So what do you think? Is this perfectly okay? Is my SIL being a jerk? Should I bring my grandson to the reception anyways?
where did I say it's about me? I asked what people thought? The other family is offended - we are more bothered.
No reason to be bothered or offended. It's quite common and perfectly acceptable.
 

Abraham

Footballguy
Read closer Abe.

In my wife's immediate family, that rule only affects two families (one is mine).
Something's not adding up. Is one of the kids a disaster? About how many guests? If they are having 300 people, a couple kids don't add much to the bill and don't get in the way. If its 15 people, the kids being absent will be very apparent. It's their decision to make, obviously, but it seems like a weird one to me.
 

proninja

Footballguy
Get a babysitter and have a good time. You don't matter. It's their wedding, and you should be there to support them.

Is getting a babysitter a financial hardship for you guys?

 

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