Family controversy - Wedding Invitations (1 Viewer)

[Pipes]

I haven't been to a cash bar wedding in quite a while. The ones that were cash bars were boring (empty dance floor) ended earlier and an overall disappointment. Perfect atmosphere to allow kids.They did this wedding wrong, but not because of the no kids policy.

Blame the cheap ### people attending the wedding. I've been to plenty of cash bar weddings where people have had a great time and the dance floor was packed.

 

[Insein]

Cash bar is tacky. I tend not to buy anything if there is one. On the other hand, when it's open bar, I generously tip the tender. So I pretty much pay for my drinks to him/her.

 

[Pipes]

that's a different matter entirely. Very douchey IMO to not allow a single guest to bring a date. That just screams that you're cheap.

here are ignorant and passive aggressive people who would RSVP with the kids included anyway. Then they know they've put you in the uncomfortable position of having to clarify the no kids rule, then they'd feign surprise and say they assumed the whole family was invited.

As everyone says, this is your isue, not theirs. Enjoy your night without the grandson, or don't go.

I do think it's a little weird how the request was made ("please no kids under 12"), but maybe this is a regional thing when it comes to the invitation. If they don't want kids there, don't invite them. You do this by addressing the invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. The Dude" and leaving out anything about "and Family" or "and Grandson". This way if you want to have all your cousins there but not friends' kids, you can put the "and family" on those envelopes and leave it off others. And if there's a teenage kid you do want there, name them specifically on the invitation. Then there's no need for blanket statements.

Cool. So if you're inviting a bunch of ####### idiots to your wedding, make sure to include that line. Do people you invite who are single also need to be told they can't bring a guest to the wedding if they haven't been handed an invitation with "...and Guest" on it?

On a separate note, I went to the wedding of my wife's friend who married an Indian doctor. Very nice affair, but the place seemed too small for all the guests and they didn't have enough hors d'oeuvres. Later we found out that there were dozens of distant family members of the groom who showed up completely uninvited. The staff had to scramble at the last minute to set up more tables for them.

Please. It screams that you don't want a random person who you've never met at your wedding. We invited people with serious significant others who had them, but my fiancee's friends who are completely single aren't going to be bringing some random guy who they've been on two J-dates with.

This is really bad form.

Fine, anyone upset by it doesn't need to come. We have a limit on the amount of people we can have due to the size of the place, and I'm sorry, we're not going to exclude people that we actually want there to allow people to bring someone they barely know just so they can have a dance partner.

I realize they are different situations (and we're looking at them from different angles), but I find it interesting that the idea of not inviting young family members is met with shrugs and "it's their party, their rules" and "it's not about the guests, it's about the couple" while the idea of not inviting random guests is douchy, cheap, and really bad form.

I don't think either one is douchy. Whoever is hosting the wedding should call the shots. I do think having a cash bar is douchy though...

Why is a cash bar douchy? I'd say it's about 50/50 with the weddings I've been to recently and while I appreciate the free drinks I don't think anything less of the individuals if I have to pay for my drinks. Weddings are expensive and I certainly don't expect the bride and groom to pay for all of the drinks for 200 plus people.

I would trim the guest list before I would charge for drinks. The guests are already paying for a new outfit in many cases, perhaps travel and hotel, plus a cash gift to cover their meal and now they have to pony up for every drink too? It's considered poor etiquette.

There are creative ways to offer free alcohol on a budget, like just offering beer and wine, and you can buy it yourself to save money too.

I do think having the guests pay for all drinks is tacky. However having free beer, wine and soda but having guests pay for hard liquor is completely acceptable. The most recent wedding I was at had a complete open bar for a happy hour then after that was cash bar except for the beer, wine and soda which was free all night. Everyone had a good time.

I'm actually shocked when a wedding has a complete open bar all night. I know I can put down 8 to 10 Captain and Diet Cokes with no trouble and mix in a few shots in a party atmosphere like a wedding (don't do this every weekend). My bar bill alone would approach $100. Say you have 50 people like me which isn't unreasonable and another 50 that drink half as much plus another 100 or so that have 1 or 2 drinks and that bill alone will could be in the $7,000 to $10,000 range just for liquor. Way too much to ask the bride and groom to cover imho.

 

[pollardsvision]

I don't understand the cash bar thing.

There's a very cheap and easy fix (bunch of coolers, ice, and a lot of cases of Coors Light, or if you're fancy, it's older brother the Banquet Beer).

Obviously, that's not possible in a venue where the event hall wants to take care of the drinks, but I'd assume in many cases, a couple wouldn't do that because they don't want the reception to seem too low brow. But I assure you, no decent human being has ever looked at a cooler of ice and free beer and thought any less of the person providing it.

 

[NCCommish]

As everyone says, this is your issue, not theirs. Enjoy your night without the grandson, or don't go.

I do think it's a little weird how the request was made ("please no kids under 12"), but maybe this is a regional thing when it comes to the invitation. If they don't want kids there, don't invite them. You do this by addressing the invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. The Dude" and leaving out anything about "and Family" or "and Grandson". This way if you want to have all your cousins there but not friends' kids, you can put the "and family" on those envelopes and leave it off others. And if there's a teenage kid you do want there, name them specifically on the invitation. Then there's no need for blanket statements.

There are ignorant and passive aggressive people who would RSVP with the kids included anyway. Then they know they've put you in the uncomfortable position of having to clarify the no kids rule, then they'd feign surprise and say they assumed the whole family was invited.

Cool. So if you're inviting a bunch of ####### idiots to your wedding, make sure to include that line. Do people you invite who are single also need to be told they can't bring a guest to the wedding if they haven't been handed an invitation with "...and Guest" on it?

Now that's a different matter entirely. Very douchey IMO to not allow a single guest to bring a date. That just screams that you're cheap.

On a separate note, I went to the wedding of my wife's friend who married an Indian doctor. Very nice affair, but the place seemed too small for all the guests and they didn't have enough hors d'oeuvres. Later we found out that there were dozens of distant family members of the groom who showed up completely uninvited. The staff had to scramble at the last minute to set up more tables for them.

Please. It screams that you don't want a random person who you've never met at your wedding. We invited people with serious significant others who had them, but my fiancee's friends who are completely single aren't going to be bringing some random guy who they've been on two J-dates with.

This is really bad form.

Fine, anyone upset by it doesn't need to come. We have a limit on the amount of people we can have due to the size of the place, and I'm sorry, we're not going to exclude people that we actually want there to allow people to bring someone they barely know just so they can have a dance partner.

I realize they are different situations (and we're looking at them from different angles), but I find it interesting that the idea of not inviting young family members is met with shrugs and "it's their party, their rules" and "it's not about the guests, it's about the couple" while the idea of not inviting random guests is douchy, cheap, and really bad form.

I don't think either one is douchy. Whoever is hosting the wedding should call the shots. I do think having a cash bar is douchy though...

Why is a cash bar douchy? I'd say it's about 50/50 with the weddings I've been to recently and while I appreciate the free drinks I don't think anything less of the individuals if I have to pay for my drinks. Weddings are expensive and I certainly don't expect the bride and groom to pay for all of the drinks for 200 plus people.

We gave the first 2 or 3 drinks free(I don't recall exactly, it has been 25 years) and after that it was cash bar. No one batted an eye and lots got drank.

 

[Insein]

that's a different matter entirely. Very douchey IMO to not allow a single guest to bring a date. That just screams that you're cheap. here are ignorant and passive aggressive people who would RSVP with the kids included anyway. Then they know they've put you in the uncomfortable position of having to clarify the no kids rule, then they'd feign surprise and say they assumed the whole family was invited.As everyone says, this is your isue, not theirs. Enjoy your night without the grandson, or don't go. I do think it's a little weird how the request was made ("please no kids under 12"), but maybe this is a regional thing when it comes to the invitation. If they don't want kids there, don't invite them. You do this by addressing the invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. The Dude" and leaving out anything about "and Family" or "and Grandson". This way if you want to have all your cousins there but not friends' kids, you can put the "and family" on those envelopes and leave it off others. And if there's a teenage kid you do want there, name them specifically on the invitation. Then there's no need for blanket statements.Cool. So if you're inviting a bunch of ####### idiots to your wedding, make sure to include that line. Do people you invite who are single also need to be told they can't bring a guest to the wedding if they haven't been handed an invitation with "...and Guest" on it? On a separate note, I went to the wedding of my wife's friend who married an Indian doctor. Very nice affair, but the place seemed too small for all the guests and they didn't have enough hors d'oeuvres. Later we found out that there were dozens of distant family members of the groom who showed up completely uninvited. The staff had to scramble at the last minute to set up more tables for them.

Please. It screams that you don't want a random person who you've never met at your wedding. We invited people with serious significant others who had them, but my fiancee's friends who are completely single aren't going to be bringing some random guy who they've been on two J-dates with.

This is really bad form.

Fine, anyone upset by it doesn't need to come. We have a limit on the amount of people we can have due to the size of the place, and I'm sorry, we're not going to exclude people that we actually want there to allow people to bring someone they barely know just so they can have a dance partner.

I realize they are different situations (and we're looking at them from different angles), but I find it interesting that the idea of not inviting young family members is met with shrugs and "it's their party, their rules" and "it's not about the guests, it's about the couple" while the idea of not inviting random guests is douchy, cheap, and really bad form.

I don't think either one is douchy. Whoever is hosting the wedding should call the shots. I do think having a cash bar is douchy though...

Why is a cash bar douchy? I'd say it's about 50/50 with the weddings I've been to recently and while I appreciate the free drinks I don't think anything less of the individuals if I have to pay for my drinks. Weddings are expensive and I certainly don't expect the bride and groom to pay for all of the drinks for 200 plus people.

I would trim the guest list before I would charge for drinks. The guests are already paying for a new outfit in many cases, perhaps travel and hotel, plus a cash gift to cover their meal and now they have to pony up for every drink too? It's considered poor etiquette. There are creative ways to offer free alcohol on a budget, like just offering beer and wine, and you can buy it yourself to save money too.

I do think having the guests pay for all drinks is tacky. However having free beer, wine and soda but having guests pay for hard liquor is completely acceptable. The most recent wedding I was at had a complete open bar for a happy hour then after that was cash bar except for the beer, wine and soda which was free all night. Everyone had a good time. I'm actually shocked when a wedding has a complete open bar all night. I know I can put down 8 to 10 Captain and Diet Cokes with no trouble and mix in a few shots in a party atmosphere like a wedding (don't do this every weekend). My bar bill alone would approach $100. Say you have 50 people like me which isn't unreasonable and another 50 that drink half as much plus another 100 or so that have 1 or 2 drinks and that bill alone will could be in the $7,000 to $10,000 range just for liquor. Way too much to ask the bride and groom to cover imho.

Most of the time, the cost is already built into the hall fee. You add it as an option or you don't. Either way it's a static fee, not whatever gets added up at the end of the night.

 

[Rick James]

A cash bar isn't ideal, but it's definitely not "tacky". I think that's awfully judgmental.

 

[NCCommish]

I don't understand the cash bar thing.There's a very cheap and easy fix (bunch of coolers, ice, and a lot of cases of Coors Light, or if you're fancy, it's older brother the Banquet Beer).Obviously, that's not possible in a venue where the event hall wants to take care of the drinks, but I'd assume in many cases, a couple wouldn't do that because they don't want the reception to seem too low brow. But I assure you, no decent human being has ever looked at a cooler of ice and free beer and thought any less of the person providing it.

In laws were footing the bill and this was their only daughter. No way it was going to be coolers and beer. If I had had my way we would've done something small and inexpensive. The reception would have been cooking out and hitting coolers for drinks. But no we had to spend 10k or so on people we never saw much of again.

 

[McGarnicle]

that's a different matter entirely. Very douchey IMO to not allow a single guest to bring a date. That just screams that you're cheap.

here are ignorant and passive aggressive people who would RSVP with the kids included anyway. Then they know they've put you in the uncomfortable position of having to clarify the no kids rule, then they'd feign surprise and say they assumed the whole family was invited.

As everyone says, this is your isue, not theirs. Enjoy your night without the grandson, or don't go.

I do think it's a little weird how the request was made ("please no kids under 12"), but maybe this is a regional thing when it comes to the invitation. If they don't want kids there, don't invite them. You do this by addressing the invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. The Dude" and leaving out anything about "and Family" or "and Grandson". This way if you want to have all your cousins there but not friends' kids, you can put the "and family" on those envelopes and leave it off others. And if there's a teenage kid you do want there, name them specifically on the invitation. Then there's no need for blanket statements.

Cool. So if you're inviting a bunch of ####### idiots to your wedding, make sure to include that line. Do people you invite who are single also need to be told they can't bring a guest to the wedding if they haven't been handed an invitation with "...and Guest" on it?

On a separate note, I went to the wedding of my wife's friend who married an Indian doctor. Very nice affair, but the place seemed too small for all the guests and they didn't have enough hors d'oeuvres. Later we found out that there were dozens of distant family members of the groom who showed up completely uninvited. The staff had to scramble at the last minute to set up more tables for them.

Please. It screams that you don't want a random person who you've never met at your wedding. We invited people with serious significant others who had them, but my fiancee's friends who are completely single aren't going to be bringing some random guy who they've been on two J-dates with.

This is really bad form.

Fine, anyone upset by it doesn't need to come. We have a limit on the amount of people we can have due to the size of the place, and I'm sorry, we're not going to exclude people that we actually want there to allow people to bring someone they barely know just so they can have a dance partner.

I realize they are different situations (and we're looking at them from different angles), but I find it interesting that the idea of not inviting young family members is met with shrugs and "it's their party, their rules" and "it's not about the guests, it's about the couple" while the idea of not inviting random guests is douchy, cheap, and really bad form.

I don't think either one is douchy. Whoever is hosting the wedding should call the shots. I do think having a cash bar is douchy though...

Why is a cash bar douchy? I'd say it's about 50/50 with the weddings I've been to recently and while I appreciate the free drinks I don't think anything less of the individuals if I have to pay for my drinks. Weddings are expensive and I certainly don't expect the bride and groom to pay for all of the drinks for 200 plus people.

I would trim the guest list before I would charge for drinks. The guests are already paying for a new outfit in many cases, perhaps travel and hotel, plus a cash gift to cover their meal and now they have to pony up for every drink too? It's considered poor etiquette.

There are creative ways to offer free alcohol on a budget, like just offering beer and wine, and you can buy it yourself to save money too.

I do think having the guests pay for all drinks is tacky. However having free beer, wine and soda but having guests pay for hard liquor is completely acceptable. The most recent wedding I was at had a complete open bar for a happy hour then after that was cash bar except for the beer, wine and soda which was free all night. Everyone had a good time.

I'm actually shocked when a wedding has a complete open bar all night. I know I can put down 8 to 10 Captain and Diet Cokes with no trouble and mix in a few shots in a party atmosphere like a wedding (don't do this every weekend). My bar bill alone would approach $100. Say you have 50 people like me which isn't unreasonable and another 50 that drink half as much plus another 100 or so that have 1 or 2 drinks and that bill alone will could be in the $7,000 to $10,000 range just for liquor. Way too much to ask the bride and groom to cover imho.

Venues typically offer the option of paying by the head rather than paying for actual consumption.

 

[McGarnicle]

A cash bar isn't ideal, but it's definitely not "tacky". I think that's awfully judgmental.

Google it and you'll see the consensus is that it is poor etiquette to have a cash bar at a wedding.

 

[comfortably numb]

A cash bar isn't ideal, but it's definitely not "tacky". I think that's awfully judgmental.

Google it and you'll see the consensus is that it is poor etiquette to have a cash bar at a wedding.

I personally wouldn't do it and when I have attended weddings that did have them had no issue whatsoever. Didn't say anything, didn't drink less etc...but yea, quite a few people always seem to have a remark or 3 about it being a cash bar.

 

[pollardsvision]

A cash bar isn't ideal, but it's definitely not "tacky". I think that's awfully judgmental.

It's not something I'd do, but I agree tacky isn't the right word either.I've actually been to completely dry receptions, so I'm generally just glad if it's not another one of those.But it's just a difference in mindset. Nothing wrong with having a limited budget. Most do. For many, the first priority is to make it beautiful. For me, the first priority is make sure the people that gave up a Saturday evening to celebrate with you have some booze and a nice meal.

 

[pollardsvision]

NCCommish, on 29 May 2013 - 11:19, said:

pollardsvision, on 29 May 2013 - 11:14, said:I don't understand the cash bar thing.There's a very cheap and easy fix (bunch of coolers, ice, and a lot of cases of Coors Light, or if you're fancy, it's older brother the Banquet Beer).Obviously, that's not possible in a venue where the event hall wants to take care of the drinks, but I'd assume in many cases, a couple wouldn't do that because they don't want the reception to seem too low brow. But I assure you, no decent human being has ever looked at a cooler of ice and free beer and thought any less of the person providing it.

In laws were footing the bill and this was their only daughter. No way it was going to be coolers and beer. If I had had my way we would've done something small and inexpensive. The reception would have been cooking out and hitting coolers for drinks. But no we had to spend 10k or so on people we never saw much of again.

Sounds like you're a smart and decent man.

 

[Pipes]

A cash bar isn't ideal, but it's definitely not "tacky". I think that's awfully judgmental.

Google it and you'll see the consensus is that it is poor etiquette to have a cash bar at a wedding.

The comments by most lead me to believe they intrepret the cash bar as having to pay for all drinks (including beer and wine). At least in my experience the cash bar applies to hard liquor only.

 

[avoiding injuries]

I haven't been to a cash bar wedding in quite a while. The ones that were cash bars were boring (empty dance floor) ended earlier and an overall disappointment. Perfect atmosphere to allow kids.They did this wedding wrong, but not because of the no kids policy.

Blame the cheap ### people attending the wedding. I've been to plenty of cash bar weddings where people have had a great time and the dance floor was packed.

I'd prefer to blame the cheap ### people throwing the wedding than the guests who are more than likely surprised by the cash bar, especially since almost all weddings provide free alcohol. Get a less expensive cake, go chicken instead of steak, get a dj instead of a band, cut out the favors... Don't skimp on the bar.

 

[The Dude]

This thread is taking some surprising turns in topic and direction

 

[comfortably numb]

This thread is taking some surprising turns in topic and direction

We still don't want kids in this thread so shove it!

 

[Jules Winnfield]

I haven't been to a cash bar wedding in quite a while. The ones that were cash bars were boring (empty dance floor) ended earlier and an overall disappointment. Perfect atmosphere to allow kids.They did this wedding wrong, but not because of the no kids policy.

Blame the cheap ### people attending the wedding. I've been to plenty of cash bar weddings where people have had a great time and the dance floor was packed.

I'd prefer to blame the cheap ### people throwing the wedding than the guests who are more than likely surprised by the cash bar, especially since almost all weddings provide free alcohol.Get a less expensive cake, go chicken instead of steak, get a dj instead of a band, cut out the favors... Don't skimp on the bar.

What if the bride and groom are paying for the reception and are struggling for finances?

What if they supply beer, wine, and soda but make you pay for cocktails?

Link to the bold please.

 

[pollardsvision]

I haven't been to a cash bar wedding in quite a while. The ones that were cash bars were boring (empty dance floor) ended earlier and an overall disappointment. Perfect atmosphere to allow kids.They did this wedding wrong, but not because of the no kids policy.

Blame the cheap ### people attending the wedding. I've been to plenty of cash bar weddings where people have had a great time and the dance floor was packed.

I'd prefer to blame the cheap ### people throwing the wedding than the guests who are more than likely surprised by the cash bar, especially since almost all weddings provide free alcohol.Get a less expensive cake, go chicken instead of steak, get a dj instead of a band, cut out the favors... Don't skimp on the bar.

I tried explaining that to a buddy getting married who's bride had talked him into skimping on the bar. He couldn't get her to understand, they had a cash bar, and they are now getting divorced.I think that ought to be the first question a pastor asks in the pre-wedding counseling. "If you're wedding budget is only half of what you'd like to spend, what do you cut out to get it down to your budget?" If a couple can't agree on that, it's time to re-think things.

 

[jwb]

I haven't been to a cash bar wedding in quite a while. The ones that were cash bars were boring (empty dance floor) ended earlier and an overall disappointment. Perfect atmosphere to allow kids.They did this wedding wrong, but not because of the no kids policy.

Blame the cheap ### people attending the wedding. I've been to plenty of cash bar weddings where people have had a great time and the dance floor was packed.

I'd prefer to blame the cheap ### people throwing the wedding than the guests who are more than likely surprised by the cash bar, especially since almost all weddings provide free alcohol.Get a less expensive cake, go chicken instead of steak, get a dj instead of a band, cut out the favors... Don't skimp on the bar.

What if the bride and groom are paying for the reception and are struggling for finances?

What if they supply beer, wine, and soda but make you pay for cocktails?

Link to the bold please.

Then it's a really, really bad move to have a reception.

 

[comfortably numb]

I haven't been to a cash bar wedding in quite a while. The ones that were cash bars were boring (empty dance floor) ended earlier and an overall disappointment. Perfect atmosphere to allow kids.They did this wedding wrong, but not because of the no kids policy.

Blame the cheap ### people attending the wedding. I've been to plenty of cash bar weddings where people have had a great time and the dance floor was packed.

I'd prefer to blame the cheap ### people throwing the wedding than the guests who are more than likely surprised by the cash bar, especially since almost all weddings provide free alcohol.Get a less expensive cake, go chicken instead of steak, get a dj instead of a band, cut out the favors... Don't skimp on the bar.

What if the bride and groom are paying for the reception and are struggling for finances?

What if they supply beer, wine, and soda but make you pay for cocktails?

Link to the bold please.

I personally would skimp on a lot of things before getting to the point where my guests have to shell out any $.

You are inviting guests to a party.

Make them comfortable.

 

[pollardsvision]

I haven't been to a cash bar wedding in quite a while. The ones that were cash bars were boring (empty dance floor) ended earlier and an overall disappointment. Perfect atmosphere to allow kids.They did this wedding wrong, but not because of the no kids policy.

Blame the cheap ### people attending the wedding. I've been to plenty of cash bar weddings where people have had a great time and the dance floor was packed.

I'd prefer to blame the cheap ### people throwing the wedding than the guests who are more than likely surprised by the cash bar, especially since almost all weddings provide free alcohol.Get a less expensive cake, go chicken instead of steak, get a dj instead of a band, cut out the favors... Don't skimp on the bar.

What if the bride and groom are paying for the reception and are struggling for finances?What if they supply beer, wine, and soda but make you pay for cocktails?Link to the bold please.

Then it's a really, really bad move to have a reception.

It's the wedding ceremony that ought to be skipped first. As long as a somebody in the family has a backyard, a grill, some coolers, and an iPod, a fun reception can be thrown together on a shoestring budget.Or skip both, but only one's to be skipped, skip the ceremony. Nobody likes those anyway.

 

[Pipes]

I haven't been to a cash bar wedding in quite a while. The ones that were cash bars were boring (empty dance floor) ended earlier and an overall disappointment. Perfect atmosphere to allow kids.They did this wedding wrong, but not because of the no kids policy.

Blame the cheap ### people attending the wedding. I've been to plenty of cash bar weddings where people have had a great time and the dance floor was packed.

I'd prefer to blame the cheap ### people throwing the wedding than the guests who are more than likely surprised by the cash bar, especially since almost all weddings provide free alcohol.Get a less expensive cake, go chicken instead of steak, get a dj instead of a band, cut out the favors... Don't skimp on the bar.

What if the bride and groom are paying for the reception and are struggling for finances?

What if they supply beer, wine, and soda but make you pay for cocktails?

Link to the bold please.

I personally would skimp on a lot of things before getting to the point where my guests have to shell out any $.

You are inviting guests to a party.

Make them comfortable.

A number of people have mentioned this and that's why I earlier brought up bringing a bottle of booze if I'm invited to a party. If someone invites me to a party I expect them to offer me beer, soda and maybe a glass of wine but I certainly don't expect them to open up their liquor cabinet for me. I always bring a bottle of something to a party and leave whatever is left behind...and while I don't bring my own bottle to a wedding I certainly expect to contribute something (paying for liquor) to my good time.

 

[comfortably numb]

I haven't been to a cash bar wedding in quite a while. The ones that were cash bars were boring (empty dance floor) ended earlier and an overall disappointment. Perfect atmosphere to allow kids.They did this wedding wrong, but not because of the no kids policy.

Blame the cheap ### people attending the wedding. I've been to plenty of cash bar weddings where people have had a great time and the dance floor was packed.

I'd prefer to blame the cheap ### people throwing the wedding than the guests who are more than likely surprised by the cash bar, especially since almost all weddings provide free alcohol.Get a less expensive cake, go chicken instead of steak, get a dj instead of a band, cut out the favors... Don't skimp on the bar.

What if the bride and groom are paying for the reception and are struggling for finances?

What if they supply beer, wine, and soda but make you pay for cocktails?

Link to the bold please.

I personally would skimp on a lot of things before getting to the point where my guests have to shell out any $.

You are inviting guests to a party.

Make them comfortable.

A number of people have mentioned this and that's why I earlier brought up bringing a bottle of booze if I'm invited to a party. If someone invites me to a party I expect them to offer me beer, soda and maybe a glass of wine but I certainly don't expect them to open up their liquor cabinet for me. I always bring a bottle of something to a party and leave whatever is left behind...and while I don't bring my own bottle to a wedding I certainly expect to contribute something (paying for liquor) to my good time.

party/wedding 2 different things.

I don't show up to a wedding with a bottle of anything as a gift

I do show up with a bottle of something to a party though

If I am hosting a party I am opening up my full liquor cabinet to anyone who shows up, and running out to get more if I run out.

If they bring a bottle, it will go on the table to be served.

 

[Pipes]

I haven't been to a cash bar wedding in quite a while. The ones that were cash bars were boring (empty dance floor) ended earlier and an overall disappointment. Perfect atmosphere to allow kids.They did this wedding wrong, but not because of the no kids policy.

Blame the cheap ### people attending the wedding. I've been to plenty of cash bar weddings where people have had a great time and the dance floor was packed.

I'd prefer to blame the cheap ### people throwing the wedding than the guests who are more than likely surprised by the cash bar, especially since almost all weddings provide free alcohol.Get a less expensive cake, go chicken instead of steak, get a dj instead of a band, cut out the favors... Don't skimp on the bar.

What if the bride and groom are paying for the reception and are struggling for finances?What if they supply beer, wine, and soda but make you pay for cocktails?Link to the bold please.

Then it's a really, really bad move to have a reception.

It's the wedding ceremony that ought to be skipped first. As long as a somebody in the family has a backyard, a grill, some coolers, and an iPod, a fun reception can be thrown together on a shoestring budget.Or skip both, but only one's to be skipped, skip the ceremony. Nobody likes those anyway.

I wish more people did this. Receptions are alot more expensive than they need to be.

 

[Pipes]

I haven't been to a cash bar wedding in quite a while. The ones that were cash bars were boring (empty dance floor) ended earlier and an overall disappointment. Perfect atmosphere to allow kids.They did this wedding wrong, but not because of the no kids policy.

Blame the cheap ### people attending the wedding. I've been to plenty of cash bar weddings where people have had a great time and the dance floor was packed.

I'd prefer to blame the cheap ### people throwing the wedding than the guests who are more than likely surprised by the cash bar, especially since almost all weddings provide free alcohol.Get a less expensive cake, go chicken instead of steak, get a dj instead of a band, cut out the favors... Don't skimp on the bar.

What if the bride and groom are paying for the reception and are struggling for finances?

What if they supply beer, wine, and soda but make you pay for cocktails?

Link to the bold please.

I personally would skimp on a lot of things before getting to the point where my guests have to shell out any $.

You are inviting guests to a party.

Make them comfortable.

A number of people have mentioned this and that's why I earlier brought up bringing a bottle of booze if I'm invited to a party. If someone invites me to a party I expect them to offer me beer, soda and maybe a glass of wine but I certainly don't expect them to open up their liquor cabinet for me. I always bring a bottle of something to a party and leave whatever is left behind...and while I don't bring my own bottle to a wedding I certainly expect to contribute something (paying for liquor) to my good time.

party/wedding 2 different things.

I don't show up to a wedding with a bottle of anything as a gift

I do show up with a bottle of something to a party though

If I am hosting a party I am opening up my full liquor cabinet to anyone who shows up, and running out to get more if I run out.

If they bring a bottle, it will go on the table to be served.

It's the same concept though...contributing to your own good time. A good host does what you do and opens up the liquor cabinet but a good guest also does what you do by contributing to their own good time (bringing a bottle to a party or paying for your booze at a wedding). Now if the bride and groom are loaded great...I'll enjoy an evening of drunken fun on them. But if they are like most and don't have much money I'll gladly contribute to my own good time without referring to them as being cheap or douchy (not saying you did either but many others in this thread have).

 

[McGarnicle]

My cousin got married last year and the entire event was at the bride's parents' house on Long Island. Completely outdoors, tiny lot and tons of people. The family prepared all the food. Beer, wine and soda were provided. My cousin brews his own beer and that was the only beer provided. Music was a boom box, then later my cousin played a few songs with his bluegrass band (he plays banjo). It was really hot, then later there were torrential rains that lasted for hours and we were all huddled under tents. But it was a great vibe, food was great, everyone was in a great mood and had fun. One of the best weddings I've been to because it was unique and really reflected their personalities. It's been less than a year and I doubt there is any aspect of the event that they or the bride's family are still paying for.

 

[comfortably numb]

I haven't been to a cash bar wedding in quite a while. The ones that were cash bars were boring (empty dance floor) ended earlier and an overall disappointment. Perfect atmosphere to allow kids.They did this wedding wrong, but not because of the no kids policy.

Blame the cheap ### people attending the wedding. I've been to plenty of cash bar weddings where people have had a great time and the dance floor was packed.

I'd prefer to blame the cheap ### people throwing the wedding than the guests who are more than likely surprised by the cash bar, especially since almost all weddings provide free alcohol.Get a less expensive cake, go chicken instead of steak, get a dj instead of a band, cut out the favors... Don't skimp on the bar.

What if the bride and groom are paying for the reception and are struggling for finances?

What if they supply beer, wine, and soda but make you pay for cocktails?

Link to the bold please.

I personally would skimp on a lot of things before getting to the point where my guests have to shell out any $.

You are inviting guests to a party.

Make them comfortable.

A number of people have mentioned this and that's why I earlier brought up bringing a bottle of booze if I'm invited to a party. If someone invites me to a party I expect them to offer me beer, soda and maybe a glass of wine but I certainly don't expect them to open up their liquor cabinet for me. I always bring a bottle of something to a party and leave whatever is left behind...and while I don't bring my own bottle to a wedding I certainly expect to contribute something (paying for liquor) to my good time.

party/wedding 2 different things.

I don't show up to a wedding with a bottle of anything as a gift

I do show up with a bottle of something to a party though

If I am hosting a party I am opening up my full liquor cabinet to anyone who shows up, and running out to get more if I run out.

If they bring a bottle, it will go on the table to be served.

It's the same concept though...contributing to your own good time. A good host does what you do and opens up the liquor cabinet but a good guest also does what you do by contributing to their own good time (bringing a bottle to a party or paying for your booze at a wedding). Now if the bride and groom are loaded great...I'll enjoy an evening of drunken fun on them. But if they are like most and don't have much money I'll gladly contribute to my own good time without referring to them as being cheap or douchy (not saying you did either but many others in this thread have).

The difference is the good guest at a wedding just needs to show up, have a good time, not complain about having a NO KIDS RULE and make sure they leave a respectable gift for the bride/groom to use hopefully for their future marriage.

The good guest at a family function at your house shows up, brings a bottle or desert to help contribute to you taking up the responsibility of cooking/cleaning and hosting.

If a guest at my house ever left an envelope with cash and a thank you card, i would be like WTF??

 

[Spin]

Getting married in 6 weeks. We're paying for the entire thing ourselves. Inviting 220 people. and expecting ~160 to actually show. Ceremony will cost something like 3k. This is for the location (outdoor wedding), chair rentals, preacher, decorations etc. Our reception budget is closer to 6k. We originally toyed around with the cash bar idea, it's pretty common around here, but ultimately cut from the ceremony costs and decided to just go with Beer/Wine and two signature drinks. I wasn't opposed to the idea of a cash bar, the last few I've been to were all free beer/wine + cash for liquor, but I liked the idea of not doing the cashbar route. Couldn't afford a full open bar, so we limited it to just the two drinks. My favorite and her favorite. Seems to have been received well so far, but we shall see.

 

[RUSF18]

Getting married in 6 weeks. We're paying for the entire thing ourselves. Inviting 220 people. and expecting ~160 to actually show. Ceremony will cost something like 3k. This is for the location (outdoor wedding), chair rentals, preacher, decorations etc. Our reception budget is closer to 6k. We originally toyed around with the cash bar idea, it's pretty common around here, but ultimately cut from the ceremony costs and decided to just go with Beer/Wine and two signature drinks. I wasn't opposed to the idea of a cash bar, the last few I've been to were all free beer/wine + cash for liquor, but I liked the idea of not doing the cashbar route. Couldn't afford a full open bar, so we limited it to just the two drinks. My favorite and her favorite. Seems to have been received well so far, but we shall see.

Stop trying to be so reasonable and responsible.

 

[Johnny Rock]

How boring is a dry wedding? I don't even drink that much and I doubt I'd go. Can't imagine that happening in MN.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Thanks for all the support

You bet.

 

[bentley]

Wrote a check for $100 - when I got there and they said it was a cash bar - i asked my wife for the card so I could steam open the envelope and place a check for less inside.

Obviously it was a joke.

The hundo was more than appropriate and easily covered the meal.

Now a cash bar at a wedding, that's very tacky.

Cash bars at a wedding is pretty bad.

This. While I wholly support banning kids from weddings/receptions, if I was presented with a cash bar I would insist on bringing the boys and having one or both of them dump in the corner of the reception hall.

 

[bentley]

Getting married in 6 weeks. We're paying for the entire thing ourselves. Inviting 220 people. and expecting ~160 to actually show. Ceremony will cost something like 3k. This is for the location (outdoor wedding), chair rentals, preacher, decorations etc. Our reception budget is closer to 6k. We originally toyed around with the cash bar idea, it's pretty common around here, but ultimately cut from the ceremony costs and decided to just go with Beer/Wine and two signature drinks. I wasn't opposed to the idea of a cash bar, the last few I've been to were all free beer/wine + cash for liquor, but I liked the idea of not doing the cashbar route. Couldn't afford a full open bar, so we limited it to just the two drinks. My favorite and her favorite. Seems to have been received well so far, but we shall see.

Agreed. #### a cash bar. Offer people unlimited beer/wine if you can't afford more.

 

[bigbottom]

How boring is a dry wedding? I don't even drink that much and I doubt I'd go. Can't imagine that happening in MN.

I went to one. Not only dry, but no dancing either. Just brutal.

 

[shadyridr]

This thread is taking some surprising turns in topic and direction

You were all up in arms about your grandkid not being invited but you barely cared about it being a cash bar. You are definitely not a dude.

 

[The Dude]

How boring is a dry wedding? I don't even drink that much and I doubt I'd go. Can't imagine that happening in MN.

Problem is you don't find out until you get there

 

[Leroy Hoard]

This thread is taking some surprising turns in topic and direction

You were all up in arms about your grandkid not being invited but you barely cared about it being a cash bar. You are definitely not a dude.

True, The Dude would not abide this.

 

[The_Man]

How boring is a dry wedding? I don't even drink that much and I doubt I'd go. Can't imagine that happening in MN.

I went to one. Not only dry, but no dancing either. Just brutal.

Though it must have been cool to see John Lithgow officiate a wedding ceremony.

 

[The Dude]

This thread is taking some surprising turns in topic and direction

You were all up in arms about your grandkid not being invited but you barely cared about it being a cash bar. You are definitely not a dude.

I guess I am more opinionated about family than the alcohol.

It was obvious when I got there that expense was an issue. While I would definitely do my best to do it differently for my son - I can't fault others for cutting corners on expenses in today's economy/market. It was clear that things had been done efficiently - its not like things were inconsistent (like an elaborate meal but cash bar). .

 

[belljr]

i paid for my wedding and had a open bar but i cut down the guest list to like120, now that was tough....

 

[Steve Tasker]

While we're on the topic of wedding etiquette....

My close friend is getting married on Friday 6/21. The ceremony is at 2 PM at a hotel. I am not in the wedding party, but I am an usher; as such, I have been invited to the rehearsal dinner on Thursday night 6/20. The wedding is local, about a ~25-minute drive from where I live and maybe 35 from where I work.

Groom called me last night to let me know that he had booked an additional suite at the hotel for my other friends and I to spend the night on Thursday night so we don't all need to drive home and then drive back out the next day. I told him thanks but that I was planning on working on Friday morning...and he seemed astounded/taken aback. I mean, based on our discussions, I don't need to be at the ceremony until 12:30...I'm not involved in pre-ceremony pictures cause I'm not in the wedding party. I was planning on working until like 11:45 and driving straight to the ceremony. I know my friends in the wedding party are taking a full day off, and I would too....but I'm not in the party.

Is this poor form? I mean, he paid for a suite for us to stay over (without checking with me first)....a very nice gesture, but WTF? I feel like a chick for asking this question.

 

[shadyridr]

While we're on the topic of wedding etiquette....My close friend is getting married on Friday 6/21. The ceremony is at 2 PM at a hotel. I am not in the wedding party, but I am an usher; as such, I have been invited to the rehearsal dinner on Thursday night 6/20. The wedding is local, about a ~25-minute drive from where I live and maybe 35 from where I work.Groom called me last night to let me know that he had booked an additional suite at the hotel for my other friends and I to spend the night on Thursday night so we don't all need to drive home and then drive back out the next day. I told him thanks but that I was planning on working on Friday morning...and he seemed astounded/taken aback. I mean, based on our discussions, I don't need to be at the ceremony until 12:30...I'm not involved in pre-ceremony pictures cause I'm not in the wedding party. I was planning on working until like 11:45 and driving straight to the ceremony. I know my friends in the wedding party are taking a full day off, and I would too....but I'm not in the party.Is this poor form? I mean, he paid for a suite for us to stay over (without checking with me first)....a very nice gesture, but WTF? I feel like a chick for asking this question.

poor form? cuz you wanna work? of course not? but why not just take advantage of the free room and take the day off to party? that was a very nice gesture on his part.

 

[Billy Bats]

Yea very nice gesture on his part, but maybe a little late notice. He just assumed you were taking off. He's probably more disappointed that you're not staying to party and get hammered with everyone. Nothing wrong with working, but me personally I would bag the half day and party with my buds.

 

[belljr]

While we're on the topic of wedding etiquette....My close friend is getting married on Friday 6/21. The ceremony is at 2 PM at a hotel. I am not in the wedding party, but I am an usher; as such, I have been invited to the rehearsal dinner on Thursday night 6/20. The wedding is local, about a ~25-minute drive from where I live and maybe 35 from where I work.Groom called me last night to let me know that he had booked an additional suite at the hotel for my other friends and I to spend the night on Thursday night so we don't all need to drive home and then drive back out the next day. I told him thanks but that I was planning on working on Friday morning...and he seemed astounded/taken aback. I mean, based on our discussions, I don't need to be at the ceremony until 12:30...I'm not involved in pre-ceremony pictures cause I'm not in the wedding party. I was planning on working until like 11:45 and driving straight to the ceremony. I know my friends in the wedding party are taking a full day off, and I would too....but I'm not in the party.Is this poor form? I mean, he paid for a suite for us to stay over (without checking with me first)....a very nice gesture, but WTF? I feel like a chick for asking this question.

i thought the groomsmen were the ushers , i wouldnt sweat it andwork eta; i think it is poor form to have a.friday wedding at 2pm... vacation time for a wedding

 

[Mr. Pickles]

There need to be more actual controversies in this thread.

 

[Skylord]

I did this at my wedding. No children during the ceremony or reception. Nobody, including my sister, was allowed to bring their children.

Two cousins had issue and boycotted. One of the cousins had gotten married five years early and had the exact same rule at his wedding...

Your kids may be your center of the universe, but nobody else gives a damn. People seem to forget this.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

http://www.247parents.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/no+children+allowed.jpg' alt='a>'>

 

[comfortably numb]

While we're on the topic of wedding etiquette....My close friend is getting married on Friday 6/21. The ceremony is at 2 PM at a hotel. I am not in the wedding party, but I am an usher; as such, I have been invited to the rehearsal dinner on Thursday night 6/20. The wedding is local, about a ~25-minute drive from where I live and maybe 35 from where I work.Groom called me last night to let me know that he had booked an additional suite at the hotel for my other friends and I to spend the night on Thursday night so we don't all need to drive home and then drive back out the next day. I told him thanks but that I was planning on working on Friday morning...and he seemed astounded/taken aback. I mean, based on our discussions, I don't need to be at the ceremony until 12:30...I'm not involved in pre-ceremony pictures cause I'm not in the wedding party. I was planning on working until like 11:45 and driving straight to the ceremony. I know my friends in the wedding party are taking a full day off, and I would too....but I'm not in the party.Is this poor form? I mean, he paid for a suite for us to stay over (without checking with me first)....a very nice gesture, but WTF? I feel like a chick for asking this question.

Nice gesture, but this is just him thinking everyone's life is revolving around his wedding.

If you want to work go for it and don't feel bad.

If you can take off the time and party it up should make for a good time.

 

[Insein]

I did this at my wedding. No children during the ceremony or reception. Nobody, including my sister, was allowed to bring their children. Two cousins had issue and boycotted. One of the cousins had gotten married five years early and had the exact same rule at his wedding... Your kids may be your center of the universe, but nobody else gives a damn. People seem to forget this.

I love my kids but its so much stress worrying about their needs (especially little ones) at a party or gathering. I don't understand why anyone would purposely do that to themselves.