How do people schedule things, get people to actually attend, and not want to poke anyone's eyes out?
At a point, you can only accept that not everyone's going to make it to see you on or near a given holiday. Only you can decide how much of an affront that is at an individual level, and how much you should hold on to that affront the rest of the year.
Aside from that, one thing that's common in both mine and my wife's family is kind of an expanded, flexible holiday schedule (bringing in Thanksgiving and the few days afterward along with Yuletide/New Years). Loosely, it's gone like this over the years -- where my wife & kids spend (or have spent) our time:
Thanksgiving - Wife's parents early afternoon, my parents late afternoon/evening "for dessert" (or, yes, second Thanksgiving dinner!).
Day after Thanksgiving - Wife's biological paternal grandmother, sometimes with one or two of her biological uncles.
Saturday/Sunday after Thanksgiving - Get-togethers with family friends, often friends from out of the area visiting their family and leaving Sunday. Not a regular thing, but we do this often enough to deserve a mention.
Some mid-December Saturday - Big annual event at my wife's step-paternal grandfathers, out-of-town uncles/aunts/cousins drive/fly in for this. Stopped about 15 years ago.
Some weekend day(s) in mid-December - various "Friendmas" events with family friends and their kids. Less of a thing in recent years as our kids have grown.
Christmas Eve - Not a family day for most locally, but this was for years reserved for my wife's life-long best friend's parents' Christmas party. Life-long best friend family party stopped about 5 years ago, replaced with an occasional Friendmas event. During the height of COVID, my parents hosted present exchange on Christmas Eve.
Christmas Day - Generally similar to Thanksgiving, stopping at both mine and my wife's families. For several years, my wife's maternal aunt was on the outs with some other family, so we'd make her our very last stop late Christmas evening. Yes, it was exhausting to make three stops on Christmas Day with kids.
Day after Christmas - Similar to day after Thanksgiving, with wife's biological paternal grandmother and some family from that side.
Days leading up to New Years - Either Friendmas events or getting together with any family we hadn't seen for Christmas yet. Swing days.
New Years Eve - For years, this was with friends. Then after we had kids, for a few years we visited with my parents & siblings so it was kind of a mini-Christmas. Last several years, we stay in New Years Eve night.
New Years Day - My parents hosted a traditional family meal on NYD for years, like a low-key Thanksgiving. This ended about five years ago.