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Funerals bring out the best/worst of people. (1 Viewer)

jonessed

Footballguy
I don't make any judgement calls at funerals, good or bad. That much uncontrollable emotion coming out in one place produces some odd and not always representative results.

 

STEADYMOBBIN 22

Footballguy
Pretty sure you have to provide your own story while soliciting others for theirs.

When my grandfather passed and we went to attend the funeral, the funeral home lost the body. :eek: After the obvious uproar they allegedly fpund him and we returned a week later for the services.

I have zero confidence that they found him.

 
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mquinnjr

Footballguy
My dad's a funeral director, has been his whole working life. Some of the stories that he's told me over the years are pretty unbelievable.

To make you feel better, I'm sure you're actually planning on paying for the funeral in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure no one will have to put a lien on your property when you try to sell it years later for the ~10K funeral bill that "you'll stop over after the funeral with a check" for. My dad said the day when they had to start taking credit cards if someone couldn't produce a check or a valid life insurance policy was a dark one. What I guess it's come to in our society that we're at a place in time that anyone, let alone many, would take advantage of a funeral home during a personal loss/grief situation where the family business funeral home is good enough to effectively extend credit without an up front hassle.

 

STEADYMOBBIN 22

Footballguy
My dad's a funeral director, has been his whole working life. Some of the stories that he's told me over the years are pretty unbelievable. To make you feel better, I'm sure you're actually planning on paying for the funeral in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure no one will have to put a lien on your property when you try to sell it years later for the ~10K funeral bill that "you'll stop over after the funeral with a check" for. My dad said the day when they had to start taking credit cards if someone couldn't produce a check or a valid life insurance policy was a dark one. What I guess it's come to in our society that we're at a place in time that anyone, let alone many, would take advantage of a funeral home during a personal loss/grief situation where the family business funeral home is good enough to effectively extend credit without an up front hassle.
Okay then.
 

Ketamine Dreams

Footballguy
Was at my wife's grandmother's funeral. The daughter of the deceased was really distraught over her death. Even though she was old when she died, my wife's aunt took it really hard. They had been really close and as a nurse, the aunt had helped care for her mom at the end, especially in the final days on hospice. She was struggling with the death and was taking numerous pictures of her mom in the casket in the entry of the church. Her SIL, (brother's wife) is a real piece of trash. She confronts her grieving SIL in the entryway and says real loud, "Linda, that's enough pictures! You need to stop taking those!" Everyone just turns and stares.

I turn to the SIL Judy, and say as direct and discreetly as I can, "It's not the time or place Judy. Everyone grieves in their own way." Judy stormed out mumbling a bunch of profanities/grumblings. My wife's side of the family is either real successful or complete trash....

 

Andy Dufresne

Footballguy
They're the worst people to begin with. It's only when you gather them together at an event like a funeral that you get to see it.

 

Andy Dufresne

Footballguy
Here's a funny funeral story for you.

When I was about 5 my dad's uncle died. At the funeral, his aunt was understandably grieving and crying. Well, my 5 year old heart couldn't take it so I thought to console her with these words, "Don't cry, aunt Barb. At least it wasn't you!"

She had a good laugh and gave me a hug and kiss.

 

roadkill1292

Footballguy
They're the worst people to begin with. It's only when you gather them together at an event like a funeral that you get to see it.
:goodposting:

At least at weddings those jerks are in a good mood and there is liquor.
I know there are wonderful traditions in some groups of celebrating the deceased's life with alcohol and good cheer but I behaved shamefully once at a funeral several decades ago. Had too much to drink too fast and acted like I was at a kegger instead of a funeral. A few of my friends were along for the ride but it was still disrespectful to many others in attendance. :bag:

 

koby925

Footballguy
One of the times I was most proud of my mother was when she spoke at my granfather's (her father's) funeral. Though she was "only" a homemaker who has taken on admin type jobs once her kids were grown up, she stepped up at a difficult time when her more accomplished siblings wouldn't or couldn't and delivered a wonderful tribute to her Dad.

 

Leroy Hoard

Footballguy
They're the worst people to begin with. It's only when you gather them together at an event like a funeral that you get to see it.
:goodposting:

At least at weddings those jerks are in a good mood and there is liquor.
Irish wake down?
When it comes to drinking the Irish do own everybody.
OMG, that is racist!!!!
Three expatriates are drinking in a NY City bar."As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth."Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "at my local pub in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.""Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.The Irishman swore every word was true."Did this actually happen to you?" they asked."No not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman,"but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

 

McGarnicle

Footballguy
They're the worst people to begin with. It's only when you gather them together at an event like a funeral that you get to see it.

At least at weddings those jerks are in a good mood and there is liquor.
I know there are wonderful traditions in some groups of celebrating the deceased's life with alcohol and good cheer but I behaved shamefully once at a funeral several decades ago. Had too much to drink too fast and acted like I was at a kegger instead of a funeral. A few of my friends were along for the ride but it was still disrespectful to many others in attendance.
My wife is Irish on her mom's side. After the grandmother's funeral they were all doing shots of Tullamore Dew, and I mean shot after shot after shot. I have an image burned into my brain that I wish I didn't see, of a cousin being helped to walk over to a bench so he could sit down for a bit and his pants falling down. No underwear.

 

PatsFanCT

Footballguy
You know what they say. The only difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral is one less drunk.

I'm uber Irish, and naturally have dozens of aunts, uncles and cousins. Being in my 40's, I've seen many pass. The jokes start from the moment you get to the wake, until the reception after the funeral ends.

Yep. They really are a lot of fun.

 

UOFI_316

Footballguy
We had someone crash the post funeral luncheon after my Grandma's funeral. We had rented out a back room at my Grandma's favorite restaurant. My dad was one of 11 kids so there quite a large group of aunts, uncles, and cousins there. In the middle of lunch people started asking who the random guy sitting in the corner was. After the meal my oldest Aunt went and asked the guy how he knew my Grandma. The guy had a few different stories and none of them were true. Aunt asked him politely to leave. During the lunch my mom announced that everyone was welcome back at my parents house to continue the family reunion. A group of us followed the guy out the door and made sure he left before we all started over to my parents house.

The guys car was full of stuff, like he was living out of it. We are guessing he looked through the obituaries and saw that my Grandma had 11 kids, 40+ grandkids, and just assumed he could blend in and get a meal out of it.

 

Tom Servo

Nittany Beavers
Pretty sure you have to provide your own story while soliciting others for theirs.

When my grandfather passed and we went to attend the funeral, the funeral home lost the body. After the obvious uproar they allegedly fpund him and we returned a week later for the services.

I have zero confidence that they found him.
Maybe he's buried with Hoffa. :shrug:

 

Andy Dufresne

Footballguy
Pretty sure you have to provide your own story while soliciting others for theirs.When my grandfather passed and we went to attend the funeral, the funeral home lost the body. After the obvious uproar they allegedly fpund him and we returned a week later for the services.I have zero confidence that they found him.
Maybe he's buried with Hoffa.
More likely they cremated the wrong body. :tinfoilhat:

 

PatsFanCT

Footballguy
Ketamine Dreams said:
Was at my wife's grandmother's funeral. The daughter of the deceased was really distraught over her death. Even though she was old when she died, my wife's aunt took it really hard. They had been really close and as a nurse, the aunt had helped care for her mom at the end, especially in the final days on hospice. She was struggling with the death and was taking numerous pictures of her mom in the casket in the entry of the church. Her SIL, (brother's wife) is a real piece of trash. She confronts her grieving SIL in the entryway and says real loud, "Linda, that's enough pictures! You need to stop taking those!" Everyone just turns and stares.

I turn to the SIL Judy, and say as direct and discreetly as I can, "It's not the time or place Judy. Everyone grieves in their own way." Judy stormed out mumbling a bunch of profanities/grumblings. My wife's side of the family is either real successful or complete trash....
Why so many pictures. It wasn't like she was posing. Was she propping her up in different positions or somethin'?

 

apalmer

Footballguy
At visiting hours for my mother, a woman comes through the receiving line, shaking hands and saying "I'm Jane Doe, I worked with your mother. She was a wonderful woman." My siblings and I all thank her, while I'm thinking "I never heard Mom mention this woman." She leaves me, walks to the casket and exclaims "That's not [my mother's name]!" Me: "Yes, it is." Her (as she hurries away): "No, it's not!"

 

Gr00vus

Footballguy
Ketamine Dreams said:
Was at my wife's grandmother's funeral. The daughter of the deceased was really distraught over her death. Even though she was old when she died, my wife's aunt took it really hard. They had been really close and as a nurse, the aunt had helped care for her mom at the end, especially in the final days on hospice. She was struggling with the death and was taking numerous pictures of her mom in the casket in the entry of the church. Her SIL, (brother's wife) is a real piece of trash. She confronts her grieving SIL in the entryway and says real loud, "Linda, that's enough pictures! You need to stop taking those!" Everyone just turns and stares.

I turn to the SIL Judy, and say as direct and discreetly as I can, "It's not the time or place Judy. Everyone grieves in their own way." Judy stormed out mumbling a bunch of profanities/grumblings. My wife's side of the family is either real successful or complete trash....
Why so many pictures. It wasn't like she was posing. Was she propping her up in different positions or somethin'?
It probably wasn't about the actual pictures.

 

Leroy Hoard

Footballguy
At visiting hours for my mother, a woman comes through the receiving line, shaking hands and saying "I'm Jane Doe, I worked with your mother. She was a wonderful woman." My siblings and I all thank her, while I'm thinking "I never heard Mom mention this woman." She leaves me, walks to the casket and exclaims "That's not [my mother's name]!" Me: "Yes, it is." Her (as she hurries away): "No, it's not!"
Wouldn't it be funny if the other woman with the same name came back to work with her?

 

Whitetail Hunter

Footballguy
My friend is an estate planning lawyer and he has lots of stories about family members skipping the funeral/wake to be at the home of the deceased and load up on stuff they want. Disgusting IMO.

 

Billy Bats

Footballguy
No funny/crazy stories here, but I do know that the respect level at viewings has decreased dramatically over the years.

 

Pick

Footballguy
I got 9 siblings. Growing up was very rough with lots of issues and siblings estranged on and off. Two sisters don't talk to mom and dad anymore for several years now. Kind of a mutual decision I guess. Me and another sister maintain contact with estranged sisters. So the "funeral" is for a sister who dies somewhat unexpectedly (suicide). Between her daughter and her boyfriend they decided on a memorial after cremation where they will share some thoughts and then open the mic for others to say stuff. Very simple and nice but they are worried about some family members getting up and saying stupid stuff. So they ban my mom, dad, and two other sisters from speaking. And I get to be the one to break the news to them. Fun. The sisters lose it on me and threaten to not come. Parents are surprisingly accepting.

 

Hooper31

Footballguy
Parents are surprisingly accepting.
Possibility that there are things at work that you are unaware of?

I find that different people grieve in different ways. We each have our own differing needs in times like this. I tend not to judge in these situations.

 

Whitetail Hunter

Footballguy
I got 9 siblings. Growing up was very rough with lots of issues and siblings estranged on and off. Two sisters don't talk to mom and dad anymore for several years now. Kind of a mutual decision I guess. Me and another sister maintain contact with estranged sisters. So the "funeral" is for a sister who dies somewhat unexpectedly (suicide). Between her daughter and her boyfriend they decided on a memorial after cremation where they will share some thoughts and then open the mic for others to say stuff. Very simple and nice but they are worried about some family members getting up and saying stupid stuff. So they ban my mom, dad, and two other sisters from speaking. And I get to be the one to break the news to them. Fun. The sisters lose it on me and threaten to not come. Parents are surprisingly accepting.
Hfs. Sorry for your loss.
 

Billy Bats

Footballguy
I got 9 siblings. Growing up was very rough with lots of issues and siblings estranged on and off. Two sisters don't talk to mom and dad anymore for several years now. Kind of a mutual decision I guess. Me and another sister maintain contact with estranged sisters. So the "funeral" is for a sister who dies somewhat unexpectedly (suicide). Between her daughter and her boyfriend they decided on a memorial after cremation where they will share some thoughts and then open the mic for others to say stuff. Very simple and nice but they are worried about some family members getting up and saying stupid stuff. So they ban my mom, dad, and two other sisters from speaking. And I get to be the one to break the news to them. Fun. The sisters lose it on me and threaten to not come. Parents are surprisingly accepting.
Sorry for your loss man. This now sounds like a powder keg waiting to explode. Are the two sisters and your parents that ignorant that they really would bring up stupid #### at the memorial? That seems a little over the top to ban them from speaking. It should've been handled the other way, as in asking people to speak instead of denying them. I might suggest that the two sisters not go, but that's ridiculous too, can't really tell them not to pay last respects to their sister. They need to iron this out before the service, or it might turn into Jerry Springer. Now that you're involved, sadly, try to mediate a meeting of your sisters involved so your deceased sister can have a proper memorial. GL man.eta: Thier issue is with your niece, not your deceased sister. I would ask them to put those differences aside for now an attend, if they don't go they will mostly likely regret it.
 
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Pick

Footballguy
Hooper31 said:
Pick said:
Parents are surprisingly accepting.
Possibility that there are things at work that you are unaware of?

I find that different people grieve in different ways. We each have our own differing needs in times like this. I tend not to judge in these situations.
I hope so. Everyone else was surprised by their reaction. It was too mature. It was weird to talk to my mom like that. It was great but weird.

Having said that, my mom's biggest concern was the effect this would have on my baby brother who is on an LDS mission in California.

 

Pick

Footballguy
Billy Bats said:
Pick said:
I got 9 siblings. Growing up was very rough with lots of issues and siblings estranged on and off. Two sisters don't talk to mom and dad anymore for several years now. Kind of a mutual decision I guess. Me and another sister maintain contact with estranged sisters. So the "funeral" is for a sister who dies somewhat unexpectedly (suicide). Between her daughter and her boyfriend they decided on a memorial after cremation where they will share some thoughts and then open the mic for others to say stuff. Very simple and nice but they are worried about some family members getting up and saying stupid stuff. So they ban my mom, dad, and two other sisters from speaking. And I get to be the one to break the news to them. Fun. The sisters lose it on me and threaten to not come. Parents are surprisingly accepting.
Sorry for your loss man. This now sounds like a powder keg waiting to explode. Are the two sisters and your parents that ignorant that they really would bring up stupid #### at the memorial? That seems a little over the top to ban them from speaking. It should've been handled the other way, as in asking people to speak instead of denying them. I might suggest that the two sisters not go, but that's ridiculous too, can't really tell them not to pay last respects to their sister. They need to iron this out before the service, or it might turn into Jerry Springer. Now that you're involved, sadly, try to mediate a meeting of your sisters involved so your deceased sister can have a proper memorial. GL man.eta: Thier issue is with your niece, not your deceased sister. I would ask them to put those differences aside for now an attend, if they don't go they will mostly likely regret it.
The memorial was last week. Mom and dad were great. Two sisters showed up but both visibly upset (understandable).

There was considerable discussion before about the denial thing. Seems pretty harsh. But the deceased sister had major, major issues with those four. And they are a little weird. I think everyone had good intentions but I could easily see them getting up there and going off the deep end.

 

Pick

Footballguy
Billy Bats said:
eta: Thier issue is with your niece, not your deceased sister. I would ask them to put those differences aside for now an attend, if they don't go they will mostly likely regret it.
Both threatened to not go (one lives in Virginia anyway). But I convinced them to come and they did.

We all went out to dinner after and it was semi-civil so there is that I guess.

 

Hooper31

Footballguy
Hooper31 said:
Pick said:
Parents are surprisingly accepting.
Possibility that there are things at work that you are unaware of?

I find that different people grieve in different ways. We each have our own differing needs in times like this. I tend not to judge in these situations.
I hope so. Everyone else was surprised by their reaction. It was too mature. It was weird to talk to my mom like that. It was great but weird.

Having said that, my mom's biggest concern was the effect this would have on my baby brother who is on an LDS mission in California.
With age comes wisdom? That's my guess, and that perhaps they are aware of some things that have happened and were said in the past that aren't common knowledge amongst your family.

GL, Pick. Hope you're able to get through this tough time okay. Maybe your family will be fortunate enough in the end to be pulled closer together via the tragedy.

 

Pick

Footballguy
Hooper31 said:
Pick said:
Parents are surprisingly accepting.
Possibility that there are things at work that you are unaware of?

I find that different people grieve in different ways. We each have our own differing needs in times like this. I tend not to judge in these situations.
I hope so. Everyone else was surprised by their reaction. It was too mature. It was weird to talk to my mom like that. It was great but weird.

Having said that, my mom's biggest concern was the effect this would have on my baby brother who is on an LDS mission in California.
With age comes wisdom? That's my guess, and that perhaps they are aware of some things that have happened and were said in the past that aren't common knowledge amongst your family.

GL, Pick. Hope you're able to get through this tough time okay. Maybe your family will be fortunate enough in the end to be pulled closer together via the tragedy.
My parents are completely nuts. But I still hope it wasn't a flash in the pan moment of clarity.

But ya, hopefully this opens up communication more.

I'm actually ok with the death (as much as you can be). Given what she'd been through I was surprised she made it this long. I thought that was where the stress came but it was the surviving family that caused all the stress.

 
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3C's

Footballguy
Sorry for your loss Pick. Hope you and your family are doing ok. It's a tough thing to go through and I wish no one ever had to.

 

Billy Bats

Footballguy
Glad everything went relatively smooth and everyone put their differences aside for the good of the family at a bad time. I've experienced family not speak for decades after a death in the family, it's selfish and petty (at least in my case)

 
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Pick

Footballguy
Glad everything went relatively smooth and everyone put their differences aside for the good of the family at a bad time. I've experienced family not speak for decades after a death in the family, it's selfish and petty (at least in my case)
It was like this before the funeral. And in some ways I think a lot of the reactions were from guilt. My fam is messed up but as some posters have said I think this could help us be more civil with each other and make better attempts to stay in touch.

I remember talking to the mortuary guy and discussing our concerns. He said it will surprise us how most people will respect the event. He was right.

 

Fennis

Footballguy
I went to this funeral that was adults only and some guy insisted on complaining to the widow about his kids being left out.

 

Smack Tripper

Footballguy
mquinnjr said:
My dad's a funeral director, has been his whole working life. Some of the stories that he's told me over the years are pretty unbelievable. To make you feel better, I'm sure you're actually planning on paying for the funeral in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure no one will have to put a lien on your property when you try to sell it years later for the ~10K funeral bill that "you'll stop over after the funeral with a check" for. My dad said the day when they had to start taking credit cards if someone couldn't produce a check or a valid life insurance policy was a dark one. What I guess it's come to in our society that we're at a place in time that anyone, let alone many, would take advantage of a funeral home during a personal loss/grief situation where the family business funeral home is good enough to effectively extend credit without an up front hassle.
Tell your old man not to upsell a bunch of useless hokum and funerals wouldn't cost the 10k in the first place. "doesn't your grandmother deserve the best" in the casket room is a pretty deplorable seed to plant in the emotionally wounded
 

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