What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

Funerals bring out the best/worst of people. (1 Viewer)

mquinnjr said:
My dad's a funeral director, has been his whole working life. Some of the stories that he's told me over the years are pretty unbelievable. To make you feel better, I'm sure you're actually planning on paying for the funeral in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure no one will have to put a lien on your property when you try to sell it years later for the ~10K funeral bill that "you'll stop over after the funeral with a check" for. My dad said the day when they had to start taking credit cards if someone couldn't produce a check or a valid life insurance policy was a dark one. What I guess it's come to in our society that we're at a place in time that anyone, let alone many, would take advantage of a funeral home during a personal loss/grief situation where the family business funeral home is good enough to effectively extend credit without an up front hassle.
Tell your old man not to upsell a bunch of useless hokum and funerals wouldn't cost the 10k in the first place."doesn't your grandmother deserve the best" in the casket room is a pretty deplorable seed to plant in the emotionally wounded
Wow.

 
So my father's side of the family is very Country. I mean deep backwoods Kentucky folks Country. My Uncle passed away and the whole lot of them made the treck cross state for the funeral. Lets start with the fact that I have a cousin named "Green". And he was married to a woman named "Ruby". Green and Ruby. Kid you not. Well I haven't seen any of these family members for about 15 years. My brother tells me, "Hey your cousin Green is over there.." So I walk up to Green and this toothless god awful ugly woman and say, "Hey Green! How are you! And how are you Ruby?" This behemoth gets very angry and says in a VERY southern drawl "I AINT RUBY! I HIS FEE-YON-SAY!!". No one in the immediate family ever figured out her name. She was just his FEE-YON-SAY as she was mistaken for "Ruby" countless times, resulting in this angry response.

The wake for my uncle was at the church in this small town in Ohio he lived. I'm used to wakes being at funeral homes, but whatever.. My Uncle Carl got in trouble for smoking IN THE CHURCH (for this wake) not once, but two times.

The next day or whatever was the funeral. We have just buried my uncle in the cemetery and we are all lined up in our vehicles waiting to file out of the drive. As we are sitting there, the door on the vehicle in front of us opens up, and we see my Uncle Carl's arm slowly come out of the door holding his over-flowing ash tray. You guessed it, he turns it over, dumping a million cigarette butts on the ground of the cemetery. My wife looked at me and said, "Are you kidding me? Did I just see what I think I saw??" To which I could only look at her and reply (in my best southern accent), "Honey.. We is who we is"

 
mquinnjr said:
My dad's a funeral director, has been his whole working life. Some of the stories that he's told me over the years are pretty unbelievable. To make you feel better, I'm sure you're actually planning on paying for the funeral in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure no one will have to put a lien on your property when you try to sell it years later for the ~10K funeral bill that "you'll stop over after the funeral with a check" for. My dad said the day when they had to start taking credit cards if someone couldn't produce a check or a valid life insurance policy was a dark one. What I guess it's come to in our society that we're at a place in time that anyone, let alone many, would take advantage of a funeral home during a personal loss/grief situation where the family business funeral home is good enough to effectively extend credit without an up front hassle.
Tell your old man not to upsell a bunch of useless hokum and funerals wouldn't cost the 10k in the first place."doesn't your grandmother deserve the best" in the casket room is a pretty deplorable seed to plant in the emotionally wounded
Wow.
You might want to avoid painting funeral homes/directors as victims in general terms.

 
mquinnjr said:
My dad's a funeral director, has been his whole working life. Some of the stories that he's told me over the years are pretty unbelievable. To make you feel better, I'm sure you're actually planning on paying for the funeral in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure no one will have to put a lien on your property when you try to sell it years later for the ~10K funeral bill that "you'll stop over after the funeral with a check" for. My dad said the day when they had to start taking credit cards if someone couldn't produce a check or a valid life insurance policy was a dark one. What I guess it's come to in our society that we're at a place in time that anyone, let alone many, would take advantage of a funeral home during a personal loss/grief situation where the family business funeral home is good enough to effectively extend credit without an up front hassle.
Tell your old man not to upsell a bunch of useless hokum and funerals wouldn't cost the 10k in the first place."doesn't your grandmother deserve the best" in the casket room is a pretty deplorable seed to plant in the emotionally wounded
Wow.
You might want to avoid painting funeral homes/directors as victims in general terms.
I get the general view of the industry. My father is not in a network, as many funeral homes are now a part of. I am not myself a funeral director. It is literally my father and his brother in a local Catholic parish serving as that parish's funeral home. They have been taken by numerous families over time who never paid on credit that was extended to them without question so many multiple times over that I'd rather avoid divulging here those details. Thus no longer extending credit, which was absolutely common practice until recently. I mean, who would duck a funeral bill consciously? They're out there. I'm sorry if that's not an interpretation of the industry that most people experience that have lost a family member. I was just reflecting what I know as my father's livelihood in the business.

To cheer up Pick, I was just trying to point out that, "Hey, there are families out there that have stiffed the funeral home for the tab. So, it could be worse."

 
mquinnjr said:
My dad's a funeral director, has been his whole working life. Some of the stories that he's told me over the years are pretty unbelievable. To make you feel better, I'm sure you're actually planning on paying for the funeral in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure no one will have to put a lien on your property when you try to sell it years later for the ~10K funeral bill that "you'll stop over after the funeral with a check" for. My dad said the day when they had to start taking credit cards if someone couldn't produce a check or a valid life insurance policy was a dark one. What I guess it's come to in our society that we're at a place in time that anyone, let alone many, would take advantage of a funeral home during a personal loss/grief situation where the family business funeral home is good enough to effectively extend credit without an up front hassle.
Tell your old man not to upsell a bunch of useless hokum and funerals wouldn't cost the 10k in the first place."doesn't your grandmother deserve the best" in the casket room is a pretty deplorable seed to plant in the emotionally wounded
Wow.
I apologize to you and your father. My comments reflect my general thoughts on the industry as a whole and every individual deserves their own opportunity to confirm or contradict my generalizations and being that I don't know you or your father, I should reserve Blanket judgement. I will take your at your word that he's been a man of faith and charity. However, my thoughts stem from being witness to many choices in a frequently immediate and unplanned moment where grief and raw emotions and loss are present. Often the choices I've seen are framed in the context of doesn't your family member deserve the best. In a last desperate act to prove love and loyalty, I've seen family members upsold on $6000.00 caskets and an all weather tubnerware tomb of some sort. It's detestable and deplorable to me, and worst of all, it's deliberate. But my words were unfair to your specific case.
 
I went to this funeral that was adults only and some guy insisted on complaining to the widow about his kids being left out.
Should've said instead "Thanks, this is much more enjoyable without kids running around".

 
mquinnjr said:
My dad's a funeral director, has been his whole working life. Some of the stories that he's told me over the years are pretty unbelievable. To make you feel better, I'm sure you're actually planning on paying for the funeral in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure no one will have to put a lien on your property when you try to sell it years later for the ~10K funeral bill that "you'll stop over after the funeral with a check" for. My dad said the day when they had to start taking credit cards if someone couldn't produce a check or a valid life insurance policy was a dark one. What I guess it's come to in our society that we're at a place in time that anyone, let alone many, would take advantage of a funeral home during a personal loss/grief situation where the family business funeral home is good enough to effectively extend credit without an up front hassle.
Tell your old man not to upsell a bunch of useless hokum and funerals wouldn't cost the 10k in the first place."doesn't your grandmother deserve the best" in the casket room is a pretty deplorable seed to plant in the emotionally wounded
Wow.
I apologize to you and your father. My comments reflect my general thoughts on the industry as a whole and every individual deserves their own opportunity to confirm or contradict my generalizations and being that I don't know you or your father, I should reserve Blanket judgement. I will take your at your word that he's been a man of faith and charity.However, my thoughts stem from being witness to many choices in a frequently immediate and unplanned moment where grief and raw emotions and loss are present. Often the choices I've seen are framed in the context of doesn't your family member deserve the best. In a last desperate act to prove love and loyalty, I've seen family members upsold on $6000.00 caskets and an all weather tubnerware tomb of some sort. It's detestable and deplorable to me, and worst of all, it's deliberate.But my words were unfair to your specific case.
No worries man, I definitely do understand the stigma and rap that the industry gets and how most people would see it. It's one of those things, I just know because I have heard about it all my life as it affects my father directly. I could go on forever about the things my father has told me about how it really works within the network funeral homes, which absolutely seem to align with your post and what most people know from their own experience, since they're the composition of most of the industry at this point (at least as far as Catholic funeral homes go).

I'll spare the thread the ridiculous level of details, but in somewhat short summary it's totally different with a family business vs. a network funeral home. It's a dying breed, as my father competes with them. This never used to be the case. The "parish" territory concept has been completely defeated with price competition, which in my grandfather's time was a huge "no no," unwritten rule type thing. Outside the parish funeral directors used to "know the territory" and never advertise/conduct business in someone else's parrish. Networks started, and slowly over time the networks just started to overtake the parrish concept. It became a business vs. a service, and never should have. It's a shame.

I don't want to derail Pick's thread anymore than I already have, as the other posts are definitely good for him per his intent, and for folks to read and post on to cheer him up.

 
mquinnjr said:
My dad's a funeral director, has been his whole working life. Some of the stories that he's told me over the years are pretty unbelievable. To make you feel better, I'm sure you're actually planning on paying for the funeral in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure no one will have to put a lien on your property when you try to sell it years later for the ~10K funeral bill that "you'll stop over after the funeral with a check" for. My dad said the day when they had to start taking credit cards if someone couldn't produce a check or a valid life insurance policy was a dark one. What I guess it's come to in our society that we're at a place in time that anyone, let alone many, would take advantage of a funeral home during a personal loss/grief situation where the family business funeral home is good enough to effectively extend credit without an up front hassle.
Tell your old man not to upsell a bunch of useless hokum and funerals wouldn't cost the 10k in the first place."doesn't your grandmother deserve the best" in the casket room is a pretty deplorable seed to plant in the emotionally wounded
Wow.
I apologize to you and your father. My comments reflect my general thoughts on the industry as a whole and every individual deserves their own opportunity to confirm or contradict my generalizations and being that I don't know you or your father, I should reserve Blanket judgement. I will take your at your word that he's been a man of faith and charity.However, my thoughts stem from being witness to many choices in a frequently immediate and unplanned moment where grief and raw emotions and loss are present. Often the choices I've seen are framed in the context of doesn't your family member deserve the best. In a last desperate act to prove love and loyalty, I've seen family members upsold on $6000.00 caskets and an all weather tubnerware tomb of some sort. It's detestable and deplorable to me, and worst of all, it's deliberate.But my words were unfair to your specific case.
No worries man, I definitely do understand the stigma and rap that the industry gets and how most people would see it. It's one of those things, I just know because I have heard about it all my life as it affects my father directly. I could go on forever about the things my father has told me about how it really works within the network funeral homes, which absolutely seem to align with your post and what most people know from their own experience, since they're the composition of most of the industry at this point (at least as far as Catholic funeral homes go).

I'll spare the thread the ridiculous level of details, but in somewhat short summary it's totally different with a family business vs. a network funeral home. It's a dying breed, as my father competes with them. This never used to be the case. The "parish" territory concept has been completely defeated with price competition, which in my grandfather's time was a huge "no no," unwritten rule type thing. Outside the parish funeral directors used to "know the territory" and never advertise/conduct business in someone else's parrish. Networks started, and slowly over time the networks just started to overtake the parrish concept. It became a business vs. a service, and never should have. It's a shame.

I don't want to derail Pick's thread anymore than I already have, as the other posts are definitely good for him per his intent, and for folks to read and post on to cheer him up.
You're not helping your case here by admitting price-fixing.

 
mquinnjr said:
My dad's a funeral director, has been his whole working life. Some of the stories that he's told me over the years are pretty unbelievable. To make you feel better, I'm sure you're actually planning on paying for the funeral in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure no one will have to put a lien on your property when you try to sell it years later for the ~10K funeral bill that "you'll stop over after the funeral with a check" for. My dad said the day when they had to start taking credit cards if someone couldn't produce a check or a valid life insurance policy was a dark one. What I guess it's come to in our society that we're at a place in time that anyone, let alone many, would take advantage of a funeral home during a personal loss/grief situation where the family business funeral home is good enough to effectively extend credit without an up front hassle.
Tell your old man not to upsell a bunch of useless hokum and funerals wouldn't cost the 10k in the first place."doesn't your grandmother deserve the best" in the casket room is a pretty deplorable seed to plant in the emotionally wounded
Wow.
You might want to avoid painting funeral homes/directors as victims in general terms.
I get the general view of the industry. My father is not in a network, as many funeral homes are now a part of. I am not myself a funeral director. It is literally my father and his brother in a local Catholic parish serving as that parish's funeral home. They have been taken by numerous families over time who never paid on credit that was extended to them without question so many multiple times over that I'd rather avoid divulging here those details. Thus no longer extending credit, which was absolutely common practice until recently. I mean, who would duck a funeral bill consciously? They're out there. I'm sorry if that's not an interpretation of the industry that most people experience that have lost a family member. I was just reflecting what I know as my father's livelihood in the business.

To cheer up Pick, I was just trying to point out that, "Hey, there are families out there that have stiffed the funeral home for the tab. So, it could be worse."
The funeral director was pretty awesome. I could see that job as rewarding and other times not so much. We had to pay in full before they would do anything and that's understandable. Hopefully I see some of that money back at some point but if not oh well.

 
So my father's side of the family is very Country. I mean deep backwoods Kentucky folks Country. My Uncle passed away and the whole lot of them made the treck cross state for the funeral. Lets start with the fact that I have a cousin named "Green". And he was married to a woman named "Ruby". Green and Ruby. Kid you not. Well I haven't seen any of these family members for about 15 years. My brother tells me, "Hey your cousin Green is over there.." So I walk up to Green and this toothless god awful ugly woman and say, "Hey Green! How are you! And how are you Ruby?" This behemoth gets very angry and says in a VERY southern drawl "I AINT RUBY! I HIS FEE-YON-SAY!!". No one in the immediate family ever figured out her name. She was just his FEE-YON-SAY as she was mistaken for "Ruby" countless times, resulting in this angry response.

The wake for my uncle was at the church in this small town in Ohio he lived. I'm used to wakes being at funeral homes, but whatever.. My Uncle Carl got in trouble for smoking IN THE CHURCH (for this wake) not once, but two times.

The next day or whatever was the funeral. We have just buried my uncle in the cemetery and we are all lined up in our vehicles waiting to file out of the drive. As we are sitting there, the door on the vehicle in front of us opens up, and we see my Uncle Carl's arm slowly come out of the door holding his over-flowing ash tray. You guessed it, he turns it over, dumping a million cigarette butts on the ground of the cemetery. My wife looked at me and said, "Are you kidding me? Did I just see what I think I saw??" To which I could only look at her and reply (in my best southern accent), "Honey.. We is who we is"
This is a pretty good story. Though it strikes just a little too close to home.

 
My dad's a funeral director, has been his whole working life. Some of the stories that he's told me over the years are pretty unbelievable. To make you feel better, I'm sure you're actually planning on paying for the funeral in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure no one will have to put a lien on your property when you try to sell it years later for the ~10K funeral bill that "you'll stop over after the funeral with a check" for. My dad said the day when they had to start taking credit cards if someone couldn't produce a check or a valid life insurance policy was a dark one. What I guess it's come to in our society that we're at a place in time that anyone, let alone many, would take advantage of a funeral home during a personal loss/grief situation where the family business funeral home is good enough to effectively extend credit without an up front hassle.
yeah during these tough times, the funeral home is often the one being taken advantage of
 
A couple thoughts:

Pick -- sorry to hear about your sister. She must have been in a lot of pain. Hopefully, some good can come out of this, as there is a chance that this gives your other family members a chance to reflect on their fights, and the fleeting nature of life. Possibly a renewed chance to mend fences.

Regarding the other tangent of this thread -- I've been coming to the FFA for about ten years now, and I continue to be amazed at how effing sharp you guys are. It reminds my I always need to be on my toes when I post.

 
My dad's a funeral director, has been his whole working life. Some of the stories that he's told me over the years are pretty unbelievable.

To make you feel better, I'm sure you're actually planning on paying for the funeral in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure no one will have to put a lien on your property when you try to sell it years later for the ~10K funeral bill that "you'll stop over after the funeral with a check" for. My dad said the day when they had to start taking credit cards if someone couldn't produce a check or a valid life insurance policy was a dark one. What I guess it's come to in our society that we're at a place in time that anyone, let alone many, would take advantage of a funeral home during a personal loss/grief situation where the family business funeral home is good enough to effectively extend credit without an up front hassle.
Tell your old man not to upsell a bunch of useless hokum and funerals wouldn't cost the 10k in the first place."doesn't your grandmother deserve the best" in the casket room is a pretty deplorable seed to plant in the emotionally wounded
 
I don't have any problem with the Funeral Home making money. Someone has to do it and they do take care of a situation that very few of us are prepared for but I did laugh at my Grandad's funeral and it's almost like he made sure I saw it. You could rent a flat screen tv for the service for videos or a slide show but the kicker was:

It was cheaper to go and buy the tv then it was to rent the tv. Thanks for the laugh Grandad.

 
Mr. Retukes said:
My dad's a funeral director, has been his whole working life. Some of the stories that he's told me over the years are pretty unbelievable.

To make you feel better, I'm sure you're actually planning on paying for the funeral in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure no one will have to put a lien on your property when you try to sell it years later for the ~10K funeral bill that "you'll stop over after the funeral with a check" for. My dad said the day when they had to start taking credit cards if someone couldn't produce a check or a valid life insurance policy was a dark one. What I guess it's come to in our society that we're at a place in time that anyone, let alone many, would take advantage of a funeral home during a personal loss/grief situation where the family business funeral home is good enough to effectively extend credit without an up front hassle.
Tell your old man not to upsell a bunch of useless hokum and funerals wouldn't cost the 10k in the first place."doesn't your grandmother deserve the best" in the casket room is a pretty deplorable seed to plant in the emotionally wounded
:lmao:

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Going to a funeral tonight for the first guy in our FF league to pass. The guy was walking his dog in the park and had a massive stroke on the way home. Bizarrely enough, the last person he spoke to was the funeral director, who's also in the league. Ran into him at the park. Two hours later the hospital called to come pick our guy up.

The FOGIES (Ft. Thomas Old Guys Inebriation and Entertainment Society) will miss you, brother.

 
Going to a funeral tonight for the first guy in our FF league to pass. The guy was walking his dog in the park and had a massive stroke on the way home. Bizarrely enough, the last person he spoke to was the funeral director, who's also in the league. Ran into him at the park. Two hours later the hospital called to come pick our guy up.

The FOGIES (Ft. Thomas Old Guys Inebriation and Entertainment Society) will miss you, brother.
Here's hoping he's Irish.

 
Going to a funeral tonight for the first guy in our FF league to pass. The guy was walking his dog in the park and had a massive stroke on the way home. Bizarrely enough, the last person he spoke to was the funeral director, who's also in the league. Ran into him at the park. Two hours later the hospital called to come pick our guy up. The FOGIES (Ft. Thomas Old Guys Inebriation and Entertainment Society) will miss you, brother. :banned:
Sorry to hear about your buddy. Cool league name.
 
So I had to go to my first funeral in about 10 years or so yesterday. My first wife's uncle but I felt obligated to go because I always liked him real well and did stuff with him. He also helped me quite a bit when I was building my house with the trim work.

I had no idea what a religious thing this would turn out to be. I went up to see the body which looked so different than how I remember him and under his folded hands is a bible which looked so old maybe it was a first print edition or something. That was my first clue.

I took my seat in the very back after that and the service soon started. This guy had not one but two pastors officiating. The first one was younger. He didn't say a whole lot but did say the standard stuff that he was now in heaven, eat. Then the other got up there. He just went off on a tangent for at least a half hour about heaven and hell. He kind of seemed like to use this poor guys body as a prop almost. Then at the end was the weirdest part. He actually said imagine there's an alter up here. Then he said "I know there are people here that don't know God" and went on about wanting anyone to come up there and join his religion. It felt like the end of a long scam and this guy thinking he needs to get a couple of more to replace this poor dead guy. Even if what he was saying got through to someone why would he think anyone there would want to do that and make this thing about anyone except the dead guy? Not good to do that to a captive audience.

 
So I had to go to my first funeral in about 10 years or so yesterday. My first wife's uncle but I felt obligated to go because I always liked him real well and did stuff with him. He also helped me quite a bit when I was building my house with the trim work.

I had no idea what a religious thing this would turn out to be. I went up to see the body which looked so different than how I remember him and under his folded hands is a bible which looked so old maybe it was a first print edition or something. That was my first clue.

I took my seat in the very back after that and the service soon started. This guy had not one but two pastors officiating. The first one was younger. He didn't say a whole lot but did say the standard stuff that he was now in heaven, eat. Then the other got up there. He just went off on a tangent for at least a half hour about heaven and hell. He kind of seemed like to use this poor guys body as a prop almost. Then at the end was the weirdest part. He actually said imagine there's an alter up here. Then he said "I know there are people here that don't know God" and went on about wanting anyone to come up there and join his religion. It felt like the end of a long scam and this guy thinking he needs to get a couple of more to replace this poor dead guy. Even if what he was saying got through to someone why would he think anyone there would want to do that and make this thing about anyone except the dead guy? Not good to do that to a captive audience.
Terrible.

 
They're the worst people to begin with. It's only when you gather them together at an event like a funeral that you get to see it.
:goodposting: At least at weddings those jerks are in a good mood and there is liquor.
Irish wake down?
When it comes to drinking the Irish do own everybody.
OMG, that is racist!!!!
I would characterize it more as stereotyping. And being Irish I can say it is not far from the truth.
 
My MIL passed recently...while my wife and her sisters were making the arrangements my BIL grabs my arm whispers into my ear. "We talked on the way over here and would like moms car because our son is just starting drivers training" I look at him and just say "We can discuss that later..this is not the time or place"

My MIL just passed away that morning was not even embalmed yet and the first thing they are thinking about is what they can take.

 
My MIL passed recently...while my wife and her sisters were making the arrangements my BIL grabs my arm whispers into my ear. "We talked on the way over here and would like moms car because our son is just starting drivers training" I look at him and just say "We can discuss that later..this is not the time or place"

My MIL just passed away that morning was not even embalmed yet and the first thing they are thinking about is what they can take.
So did they get the car or what?
 
My MIL passed recently...while my wife and her sisters were making the arrangements my BIL grabs my arm whispers into my ear. "We talked on the way over here and would like moms car because our son is just starting drivers training" I look at him and just say "We can discuss that later..this is not the time or place"

My MIL just passed away that morning was not even embalmed yet and the first thing they are thinking about is what they can take.
So did they get the car or what?
Yes, my SIL asks my wife on the way out and my wife says "sure I don`t care" They took it home the next day. 2013 Malibu worth probably 13-14K.

 
My MIL passed recently...while my wife and her sisters were making the arrangements my BIL grabs my arm whispers into my ear. "We talked on the way over here and would like moms car because our son is just starting drivers training" I look at him and just say "We can discuss that later..this is not the time or place"

My MIL just passed away that morning was not even embalmed yet and the first thing they are thinking about is what they can take.
So did they get the car or what?
Yes, my SIL asks my wife on the way out and my wife says "sure I don`t care" They took it home the next day. 2013 Malibu worth probably 13-14K.
"oh we thought we would share the car.. of course if you need it more than us, we'd gladly sell it to you at 10% half the blue book value"

 
Last edited by a moderator:
My MIL passed recently...while my wife and her sisters were making the arrangements my BIL grabs my arm whispers into my ear. "We talked on the way over here and would like moms car because our son is just starting drivers training" I look at him and just say "We can discuss that later..this is not the time or place"

My MIL just passed away that morning was not even embalmed yet and the first thing they are thinking about is what they can take.
So did they get the car or what?
Yes, my SIL asks my wife on the way out and my wife says "sure I don`t care" They took it home the next day. 2013 Malibu worth probably 13-14K.
"oh we thought we would share the car.. of course if you need it more than us, we'd gladly sell it to you at 10% half the blue book value"
Of course after the emotions have gone away now my wife is regretting saying yes. There were 3 siblings. If the car was worth say 15K they should have been able to buy it for 10K or 2/3 of the value. So we got boned out of 4-5K right off the top. Other than her small condo the car was the most valuable thing in the estate and it was paid off.

 
My MIL passed recently...while my wife and her sisters were making the arrangements my BIL grabs my arm whispers into my ear. "We talked on the way over here and would like moms car because our son is just starting drivers training" I look at him and just say "We can discuss that later..this is not the time or place"

My MIL just passed away that morning was not even embalmed yet and the first thing they are thinking about is what they can take.
So did they get the car or what?
Yes, my SIL asks my wife on the way out and my wife says "sure I don`t care" They took it home the next day. 2013 Malibu worth probably 13-14K.
"oh we thought we would share the car.. of course if you need it more than us, we'd gladly sell it to you at 10% half the blue book value"
Of course after the emotions have gone away now my wife is regretting saying yes. There were 3 siblings. If the car was worth say 15K they should have been able to buy it for 10K or 2/3 of the value. So we got boned out of 4-5K right off the top. Other than her small condo the car was the most valuable thing in the estate and it was paid off.
:(

Sorry for your loss, and for your relatives preying on your wife during a tough time. Some people just suck. I'm no saint, but it would never cross my mind to consciously try and screw someone like that, let alone a relative. That's a "how do you sleep at night?" one. I'm sure they do, and enjoy the car. Which confuses me the most.

 
My MIL passed recently...while my wife and her sisters were making the arrangements my BIL grabs my arm whispers into my ear. "We talked on the way over here and would like moms car because our son is just starting drivers training" I look at him and just say "We can discuss that later..this is not the time or place"

My MIL just passed away that morning was not even embalmed yet and the first thing they are thinking about is what they can take.
So did they get the car or what?
Yes, my SIL asks my wife on the way out and my wife says "sure I don`t care" They took it home the next day. 2013 Malibu worth probably 13-14K.
"oh we thought we would share the car.. of course if you need it more than us, we'd gladly sell it to you at 10% half the blue book value"
Of course after the emotions have gone away now my wife is regretting saying yes. There were 3 siblings. If the car was worth say 15K they should have been able to buy it for 10K or 2/3 of the value. So we got boned out of 4-5K right off the top. Other than her small condo the car was the most valuable thing in the estate and it was paid off.
:(

Sorry for your loss, and for your relatives preying on your wife during a tough time. Some people just suck. I'm no saint, but it would never cross my mind to consciously try and screw someone like that, let alone a relative. That's a "how do you sleep at night?" one. I'm sure they do, and enjoy the car. Which confuses me the most.
It was the timing that bothered me. At least wait until the funeral and burial is complete. This all happened within hours of her death.

 
My pastor, whom I'm pretty good friends with, recently had to preside over two funerals for church members in the same week. He's only been at our church for about 3-4 years, so he knows these folks relatively well but doesn't have a long history with them. As part of his funeral "routine," he likes to meet with the family and collect personal stories that the family would like to have shared during the funeral.

Somehow, he got his notes on the personal stories mixed up at the first funeral. The family caught on to the mixup about halfway through and several other members of the congregation also realized what was happening. He never realized it and made it all the way through the service basically eulogizing the wrong person. Everyone just chuckled to themselves until after the funeral, at which point they very graciously let him in on his gaffe. The family just laughed it off, but he told me he literally almost threw up and could hardly sleep for days.

Two weeks ago, he presided over my grandfather's funeral. As the we were walking into the sanctuary, I leaned over and said, "sure you got the right eulogy?" He will never live it down, and in fact, said some of the local funeral home directors hit him with the, "oh, you're the guy...." when he introduces himself. :lmao:

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I went to three funerals of family members in the last year; my grandfather's, my wife's grandfather's and my wife's great uncle.

All three were well done and drama free. The one with the great uncle was really cool. He was a great man and I actually spent a couple of evenings just he and I talking over the years.

My grandfather was great too. A quiet, less accomplished man, but he left a good legacy of family behind. All three siblings and their kids are close and I can't think of a single instance of real drama between any of us in my lifetime.

Now my mom's family on the other hand.......once my grandma passes, I'll be shocked if the claws don't come out at some point.

 
As for funeral homes, my dad passed recently and the funeral director was awesome. We did not feel like we were being upsold at all, she was honest and helpful and i cannot say enough good things about her.

While i have some ridiculous stories about his wife, that #### sucks. I want to share good things.

So here is a good story. My dad loved and respected firefighters. his office was across the street from the fire station and he always listened to a scanner at work and when they went on a run he'd go out and wave at them. They would sometimes stop in his office and say hi, they called him scanner man. 3 separate firefighters including the chief stopped by during his visitation and they asked for a picture and his scanner, which they put on display in the station.

Even better to me - these 3 young girls, college age at best, stopped by. they were waitresses from the waffle house where my dad used to eat all the time. They brought by a card and made a small donation. He always joked around with servers and talked their ears off. They said they how much all enjoyed it when he came in and how much they would miss him.

So who cares about drama, what I have learned is sometimes at a funeral or a showing complete strangers can do something small like say a few nice words or just give you a nice card and somehow manage to capture much of what was good about a person's life in a simple gesture.

 
In April 2011, my father went into the hospital while my mother was in the hospital. Earlier that year, I was declared his medical proxy. He had many medical problems and per his wishes and my mother's wishes, I signed the necessary DNR paperwork. I informed my older sister on numerous occassions that he did not have long and that she should come visit him since she had not seen him in over a year, but she always had a reason not to visit him. After two weeks, we had to transfer him into a rehab/nursing home. We finally find an acceptable facility and the DNR paperwork is lost in the shuffle on Friday afternoon before Memorial Day. I scramble over to the facility with my medical proxy and fill out the necessary paperwork to reinstate his DNR order. He passed away two days later without my older sister coming to see him.

Three months later, my my mother calls me crying that my sister had called my mother to inform her that I had taken my father off of all his medication and that was the reason he died. I call my sister after calming down my mother and she flat out accuses me of killing my father and that I was responsible for his death. After a screaming match, I pretty much tell her never to contact me ever again. To this day I still feel guilt about being the person who had to sign that paperwork, even though he had COPD and was diagnosed with lung cancer and had less than 3 months left.

Eleven months later, I received a phone call from the emergency room that my mother had sufferred a heart attack and her heart had stopped twice on the way to the hospital. Once again, I had to be the person to tell them not to revive her. Later that evening, we are sitting outside on my mother's deck with my two brothers and my other sister when my sister who I have not spoken to in 11 months shows up. Within 10 minutes, she asks for my mother's wedding ring. We mentioned that it might be nice to give the ring to her granddaughter who had always admired the ring. My sister complained that she deserved it because it was her mother. As she is leaving, she attempts to hug me while I am sitting in my chair. I hold up my hands and say "Please don't". She attempted again and I told her no. She goes inside the house to leave. 10 minutes later, my other sister comes outside and let's me know that she is in the house telling my niece and nephews that I shoved her to the ground and was berating her. I was told by my siblings that I needed to be the bigger person and let it go. I am seething.

The day of the wake comes and my sister and my aunt are on one side of the room receiving people, and the rest of my family is on the other receiving people. My aunt had been estranged from my mother for at least 10 years. About half way through the wake, I realize that an entire side of the family who is at the wake has not come over to me to offer their condolences. I find out through a cousin, that my sister has been telling everyone at the wake that I was responsible for my father's death, I swindled my grandmother out of her house, I told my aunt not to bother coming to the wake and that I did not have my mother revived because I wanted her money. I am absolutely livid, my mother's cousin sees this and expertly removed my from the wake until I calmed down. I am once again told by my family to ignore her and be the bigger person.

I have spoken to her twice in the past 3 years. Both times were short conversations regarding paperwork to settle my mother's estate. I still hear from that one cousin that she is still accusing me of killing my parents. Still to this day, she complains to my siblings that she got screwed when the estate was settled, even though we gave her my mother's wedding and engagement rings and did not count them as part of the estate. I heard through the grapevine that she sold the rings.

Thank you for reading.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Funerals are like any other intense emotional situation, when people are more intense and less concealed versions of themselves. If you're a big jerk everyday, than chances are you'll be a giant jerk at a funeral. Some of the most moving, memorable experiences of my life have been when others have shown me great kindness while I was grieving, or when I've felt like I've made a difference for someone I care about who was in a lot of pain.

 
A few years back, my FIL was diagnosed with lung cancer. My wife was given power of attorney and basically put in charge of everything for his final months. Her sister had a falling out two years before the diagnosis and hadn't spoken to him. She never went to the hospital or hospice to see him. My wife tried to tell her sister that soon there won't be a last chance. As the end grew near, her Dad became verbally abusive, which was hard for my wife to deal with. Her Dad had abused all of the kids growing up and was one of the reasons for his divorce. Still my wife took off work to be there whenever her Dad needed. Her brother helped some, but choose to use his vacation time for personal trips instead of helping. Her sister never helped.

On the morning of her Dad passing, the sister called and wanted my wife to meet her at their Dad's house. She wanted to start going through things. She also said she wanted to have her son buy the truck for $10k. My wife tried to be the bigger person, but after a few days she shut them down. She worked a deal with her brother for the contents of the house, sold the truck to a friend (for $17k) and sold everything else for fair market value. She was going to waive the Executor fees up until she saw how they acted. So she tacked those on as well.

Today, non of them speak to each other. I've had discussions with my parents about their estate and told them to spell everything out and put it in the hands of a third party. At least then we can all be angry at someone that's not part of the family. I'd rather they donate everything to charity to avoid tearing the family apart.

 
Wow...sorry to all...I cannot imagine fight over my parents things with my brothers. I am the executor so I can't imagine this...

 
They're the worst people to begin with. It's only when you gather them together at an event like a funeral that you get to see it.
:goodposting: At least at weddings those jerks are in a good mood and there is liquor.
Irish wake down?
When it comes to drinking the Irish do own everybody.
OMG, that is racist!!!!
I would characterize it more as stereotyping. And being Irish I can say it is not far from the truth.
I was not being serious.

 
Wow...sorry to all...I cannot imagine fight over my parents things with my brothers. I am the executor so I can't imagine this...
It doesn't have to be that bad. As I mentioned, talk things over with your parents while they are still alive (I know is seems creepy), but let them know that you want to avoid any hurt feelings as the executor. My mom has told me there are a few things she wants to make sure my sister gets after she dies. (she was the only girl). Keep a notebook of things for future reference. Things that are said during the holidays and such.

When your parents are gone, all you'll be left with is each other.

 
My FiL has (according to him) nearly a million dollars worth of gold in a safe in his garage (no, I'm not giving out the address). My BiL, the only other child, is the only one with the combination. FiL's plan is for the two children to split that up once he's gone. How well do you think that's going to work out?

 
On the morning of her Dad passing, the sister called and wanted my wife to meet her at their Dad's house. She wanted to start going through things. She also said she wanted to have her son buy the truck for $10k. My wife tried to be the bigger person, but after a few days she shut them down. She worked a deal with her brother for the contents of the house, sold the truck to a friend (for $17k) and sold everything else for fair market value. She was going to waive the Executor fees up until she saw how they acted. So she tacked those on as well.

Today, non of them speak to each other. I've had discussions with my parents about their estate and told them to spell everything out and put it in the hands of a third party. At least then we can all be angry at someone that's not part of the family. I'd rather they donate everything to charity to avoid tearing the family apart.
So the difference in the price of the truck was $7000? Sounds like there are 3 kids, so that would have been 2,333 each before taxes. Sounds like the whole family split apart over about $2000 apiece - might have been worth taking the hit. Your wife's sister probably sees this story from another point of view, particularly once the executor fees were tacked on.

 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top