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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

10yo floppinho discussing similes with his baby sitter..

Sitter- oh cool, can you give me an example?

Floppinho- (without missing a beat and with a mixture of earnestness and bashfulness) You're as beautiful as a goat.

 
4YO: Daddy I love you but you're not the bestest, mommy's the bestest.

Me:  That makes me feel kinda bad, why would you say that?

4YO: I only said it because you toot so much.

 
msudaisy26 said:
I love this thread, my daughter has a new word .Disastarophy, every time something goes wrong it is a disastarophy
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My 7 yo (probably 5 or so at the time) came up with this exact word.

She brought home one of those color by number school projects. My wife's going through the take home folder and daughter get real angry when this picture comes up. 

Wife (unknowingly) said it was a nice picture.

Daughter: No it isn't! It's terrible, it's... it's... It's a disastrophy!!

We both had tears running down our face, which set her off even more.

Disastrophy and my wife's favorite combo word of "F###tastic" are used frequently in our house.

 
So we are going to dinner tonight for my wife's birthday. We got onto the topic of trust and how you learn to trust people not by what they say to your face but how they act when you aren't around. Here's the convo:

Me: Lots of people will say nice things to your face, but if they talk bad about you, or tell lies about you, or laugh at you when you aren't around then you can't really trust them.

10 y.o. son: Well, we all know Mommy laughs at you when you aren't around.

Me: <_<

 
So my wife decides she wants to go to The Cheesecake Factory for her birthday. We are wrapping up dinner and looking at the cheesecake menu. My 12 year old son glances up and says:

Son: I think I am gonna get the doosh de letch cheesecake.

Wife and I look at each other: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Me: You mean the Dulce de Leche?

Son: Yeah, that one.

:doh:

 
My son tells me he needs a new lock for his locker at school. I ask why and he says it keeps getting stuck and he can't get it open in time.

Me:  I'm still trying to figure out how it even got like this. You've only had it a few months. How did you break the lock?

Him: It's not broken. It just doesn't work.

Me:  :wall:

 
gianmarco said:
My son tells me he needs a new lock for his locker at school. I ask why and he says it keeps getting stuck and he can't get it open in time.

Me:  I'm still trying to figure out how it even got like this. You've only had it a few months. How did you break the lock?

Him: It's not broken. It just doesn't work.

Me:  :wall:
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I totally get what he’s saying. 

 
Yesterday in the van:

Wife: "I'm going to Target tomorrow to get some sports bras and the kids some shoes. Need anything?"

Me: "Yeah, some white t-shirts."

Pre-pubescent 9 year old daughter: "Maybe I can get some sports bras too!"

7-year old son to my daughter: "LOL - what are YOU going to put in THOSE?!"

 
Was taking a different way home the other night and turned on my navigation in my car.  Just the map to take a look to confirm I knew where I was going.  I hear from my daughter in the back seat "Continue to the highlighted route"

Get closer to home and there is a cop car to our left, lights on, pulled someone over into the parking lot, daughter says "Look, the police got someone.  I wonder what they pulled him over for? Oh, i don't care we're almost home"

 
We both had a busy week and didn't see each other a lot or our daughter. So I thought it would be nice to pick her up from my mom's and run up to the bowling alley and say hi and see him for 15 minutes or so. So we text another person on the team and tell them we are surprising him and that we are going to sneak in to keep him occupied. She texted back that he is about to bowl so come in now. We head in and sneak through the bar area and watch him bowl and he leaves a 7 - 10 split, right as he goes to throw we sneak out to where the bowlers are and he picks up the split. :shock:

He comes walking back all pumped up and giving his teammates and other high fives and he yells "F yeah, give me that spit!" right then he realizes we are there and my daughter looks at him like he is going to hell for using bad words and he says "I am so sorry I didn't know you guys were going to be here" My daughter looks at him and says "It is okay Daddy, Jesus still loves you"

 
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Not funny, but heartwarming story.

my MIL is retired, and goes on kicks of what her new hobby is going to be. The current favorite is raising/breeding dogs. So, every conversation with her now is about dogs and dog shows and breeding dogs responsibly, etc. My family was just up there for dinner, so my 9 y/o had dogs on the brain.

Son: Dad, what kind of dog do you see yourself getting.

me: i always wanted a German Shepherd.

Son: oh, those are working dogs. You need to take them out a lot and keep them really active, or they get anxious. It wouldn’t be fair to them to keep them cooped up in the house and not take them out al the time for exercise. It’s a big commitment. (Pretty much verbatim from a conversation we had a while ago.)

me: (chuckling) That’s a very well-reasoned point, bud. But, are you implying I’m too lazy to own a German Shepherd?

Son: No! I’d never say you’re lazy. Why would I ever say you’re lazy? You work all the time... you save people’s lives!

Now, aside from the obvious point that he has an idealized version of what I do for a living, I expected him to tease me a little or flip me some crap about being lazy. So, hearing that come out of his mouth in such an earnest and heartfelt way, well, it warmed me in the cockles of my heart. I know, someday soon, he is going to think I’m the biggest ####### in the world. As is natural and fitting. But, I’m savoring this one. Look at me, my kid thinks I’m a hero.

 
#9 (6yo) eats a lot of apples. She eats them so close to the core and nothing goes to waste so I don’t care how many she eats. She’s pretty good about asking though. So just now she came to me and said “can I have an apple?” I said “sure”. 

She says “pshwew because I already bit out of it!”

 
I just had to explain stadium capacity to my 5yo. He replied with "Well if they can't get in they can just watch it on their phone or computer or tablet or ipad or at home but TVs are the best because they're bigger and watching something on the phone isn't fun because it's so small"

He ain't wrong

 
My 16 year old hasn't gotten into the habit of shaving as often as he probably should, and his sideburns grow in really fast and full.  The in-laws were in town this week, and my FIL looked at him and said, "You're a big fan of Elvis Presley movies, aren't you?"

It took a couple moments for my son to realize how he was being made fun of, but then he came right back with, "Not really, but you must really like The Muppet Show."

I started cracking up before I even heard the rest, since I thought there were so many ways he could be going with that.  When his grandpa looked confused, he explained, "You know... the two old guys up in the balcony that complain all the time?"

:lmao:

 
Potty training my youngest and he wants to see how Daddy pees, while I'm going he points(and is like an inch away) "Daddy you have a huge penis!" I told him he needs to tell Mommy that

 
After we got back from Yellowstone, we were looking at pictures from the trip. We asked the kids what their favorite memories were. My son thinks a bit and then says: "Old Trusty."  When it dawns on me what he means I say "You mean Old Faithful?" He says "Yeah, that's the one."

 
Was over at a friend's house playing cards in the basement, the night after the NBA finals started.  His youngest son, about 3-4YO, came down complaining that his older sister wouldn't let him in her room.  Dad told him to forget about it, and a tantrum ensued.  Sounds like a police siren as he goes wailing up the stairs.

Dad:  "That's OK, he cries a lot".

OK. 

About 11 pm, he appears again.  "Dad, I want to watch American Ninja".

Dad (realizing it was way past his bedtime):  "No, but you can get ready for bed".

Tantrum 2.  "WAAAaaaaaa..."

We let him have it this time, though:

"Boy, Amarillo, you really misplayed that hand!"

"Jeez, JR, what were you thinking?"

etc., etc.

 
Mrs. Funke: Bedtime!  Want me to take you?

3YO: NO!

Mrs. Funke: You want daddy to take you?

3YO: NO!

Mrs. Funke: Well then, who do you want to put you to bed?

3YO: BRYCE HAPPA!

 
my 9 yo has been using "OH SHOOT"  when a crazy thing happens on a show.... shes ready for the wrong word to come out....

and I keep meaning to come in and post when she has me laughing but then i forget all the gold that comes out of her mouth. 

 
3 y.o. started a new original song as she's riding in the car:

"Smack your butt,

Smack your butt,

Buy your own 

And smack your butt!"

It's a catchy little ditty that the wife and I have caught ourselves singing the past few days.

 
We live by a church.  Oftentimes hear the bells, but on Saturday we were driving right by, and stopped at the light adjacent to it, when they started going off.  Kid #1 (7 year old girl) in the back seat, on the way back from me getting my hair cut and beard trimmed up....

Me (rolling down window):  hey listen!

nirad3ette:  i wonder if someone is getting married

Me:  yeah maybe

nirad3ette:  good thing you just got your hair done!

--

i dunno, just made me smile (and laugh)

 
lumpy19 said:
Potty training my youngest and he wants to see how Daddy pees, while I'm going he points(and is like an inch away) "Daddy you have a huge penis!" I told him he needs to tell Mommy that
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Reminds me of the time the same thing happened to me, but it was at an amusement park and I had taken my young son into a sattelite.  I assumed no one was able to hear his comment of how big my junk was, but when we came out, my wife who was sitting a ways away was cracking up.  Several people sitting around the area must have heard as well.  I remember being embarassed, but should have been walking around with my chest puffed out I guess.

 
At the local fair, and they had a dinosaurs exhibit/tent we went into, the people in there were talking about god and dinosaurs.  One lady asks "besides the dinosaurs what else did god make"?  8 year old son says "the plants", 5 year old girl says "yeah, like your ######."  Uranus

Got a good chuckle out of it.

 
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9 year old hits me with "I'm exaggerating, but you get the point"

:eek:

She made her grandma write "I will not eat salad it makes me fart" 100 times.

 
My 7yo son was tired from swimming and running all day. He says “I’m going to bed and I’m going to sleep my head off!”

 
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3 year old walks in on my wife naked and the following conversation occurs

3 year old: Mommy!! where is your penis??!!

Mom: I don't have one honey

3 year old(thoroughly confused): Do you go pee pee out of your bum bum?

 
My wife was taking our five year old for a walk the other evening when they walked past a group of older boys probably aged 10-12 playing basketball in front of a house down the street. She stopped to watch them for a minute before yelling "Pretty nice dribbling boys, but I can do better!" ??

 
He's no longer a kid(16).  So we were visiting my wifes girlfriend and she has a lot of dogs, of which I'm allergic to.

I say to my wife i need to get out of the house it was way to hot and having trouble breathing, my wife says to my friend that I'm just going through menopause.  In which my son says is that just because he stopped drinking Mt. Dew.  Wife and her friend laughed there butt off.

 
bucksoh said:
He's no longer a kid(16).  So we were visiting my wifes girlfriend and she has a lot of dogs, of which I'm allergic to.

I say to my wife i need to get out of the house it was way to hot and having trouble breathing, my wife says to my friend that I'm just going through menopause.  In which my son says is that just because he stopped drinking Mt. Dew.  Wife and her friend laughed there butt off.
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English?

 
When my son was around 4-5, daycare/kindergarten was doing a pretty good job teaching the kids about the evils of smoking. We were at a small family gathering at my mom's (smoked all her adult life).

He says to my mom in a serious voice, "If you smoke, you're going to die." Pauses briefly, then in a much more cheerful voice, "But that's OK, cause you're pretty old anyway."

 
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bucksoh said:
He's no longer a kid(16).  So we were visiting my wifes girlfriend and she has a lot of dogs, of which I'm allergic to.

I say to my wife i need to get out of the house it was way to hot and having trouble breathing, my wife says to my friend that I'm just going through menopause.  In which my son says is that just because he stopped drinking Mt. Dew.  Wife and her friend laughed there butt off.
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Keerock said:
English?
Click to expand...
Buck: I'm going outside, can't breathe (allergies)

MrsBuck to hot friend: That's because he's going through menopause

BuckJr: Is he going through menopause because he stopped drinking mt dew?

MrsBuck and hot friend: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: .... *makeout with each other*

I may or may not have taken some liberties with my reconstruction.

 
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Kanil said:
bucksoh said:
He's no longer a kid(16).  So we were visiting my wifes girlfriend and she has a lot of dogs, of which I'm allergic to.

I say to my wife i need to get out of the house it was way to hot and having trouble breathing, my wife says to my friend that I'm just going through menopause.  In which my son says is that just because he stopped drinking Mt. Dew.  Wife and her friend laughed there butt off.
Click to expand...


Keerock said:
English?
Click to expand...
Buck: I'm going outside, can't breathe (allergies)

MrsBuck to friend: That's because he's going through menopause

BuckJr: Is that because he stopped drinking mt dew?

MrsBuck and friend: :lmao: .... *makeout with each other*
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Thank you.  Spelling and punctuation significantly better as well.  I also took the liberty of embellishing the laughter/makeout/groping scene.  Thanks for confirming. :)  

 
Wife is working at a friends restaurant to make some extra cash.  Took the kid in for dinner and she wanted to ask her mom for something.  I told her go ahead,  she says "I don't want to be a pain in her butt"

 
So the seven year old (my wild child), mom and I are doing a puzzle after dinner.

giggling and laughing talking general nonsense.

7 yo “Mom your so silly”

Mom ”well so are you”

7yo “yeah but 10yo sister is so serious, especially when she has to [spelled] P. O. P. “

Wife and I start dying. “ do you mean P. O. O. P. ?  

7yo  :wall:

 
I took #6,7,8,9,10,&11 to the zoo. We were looking at a red ruffeted lemur enclosure but didn’t see it right away. My son (#8, 7yo) says “it looks like a squirrel!”  I turned real quick and saw a squirrel climbing by on the fence. 

 
Many years ago...family at IHOP.  Son goes to the bathroom, he’s about 6 at the time.  He comes back to the table, and my wife asks him if he washed his hands.

Matter of factly, he responds ‘No’.  ‘Why not!!??’ My wife responds to which my son answers...

’I’m not an employee’

 
My wife and I play on a co-ed softball league.  KanilJr (7yo) was sitting in the stands, not paying attention to the game, and got hit by a foul ball on his shoulder (MrsKanil was the batter).  I went over to make sure he was OK and he was trying really hard not to cry.  The conversation was great and made me laugh a few times:

Me: That looked like it hurt, are you ok?

KanilJr: *with tears in eyes* Softballs are supposed to be SOFT!!!

Me: *Trying not to laugh... not doing a great job* :lmao:  I know bud.  Do you want some ice to put on it?

KanilJr: No, I'm fine.

Me: You'll have to tell mommy not to hit you with the ball next time!

KanilJr: MOMMY HIT ME??   :cry: :cry: :cry:

Me: :lmao:  Yeah, you'll have to tell her she owes you ice cream now.

KanilJr: *stops crying* ICE CREAM? :eek: :D

Later on at the ice cream shop:

KanilJr: You'll have to hit me every week so we can get ice cream!

Me: :lmao:

MrsKanil: :doh:

 
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My daughter is coming up on being 18 months old. A couple weeks ago, she said something after dropping one of her toys that caught my ear. I figured I heard it wrong.

Sure enough, a few minutes later she knocked something else over:

"Oh sh**!"

It hasn't stopped since, and the fact that she's using it in its appropriate context is what's most impressive.

 
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RUSF18 said:
My daughter is coming up on being 18 months old. A couple weeks ago, she said something after dropping one of her toys that caught my ear. I figured I heard it wrong.

Sure enough, a few minutes later she knocked something else over:

"Oh sh**!"

It hasn't stopped since, and the fact that she's using it in its appropriate context is what's most impressive.
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Hah... leaving the softball game last night...

KanilJr: Did you guys win?

Me: Nope, lost 14-12

KanilJr: Damn

MrsKanil: What was that?

KanilJr: :eek:  Sorry!

 
5 YO daughter this weekend when picking up a new TV from Sams Club...  

Me: what do you say we get that one??  (points to the 65in TV)

5 Yo: JESUS CHRIST!  :jawdrop:

I think we would have gotten less glares if she had just blurted out Holy S--t!  

 
jb1020 said:
5 YO daughter this weekend when picking up a new TV from Sams Club...  

Me: what do you say we get that one??  (points to the 65in TV)

5 Yo: JESUS CHRIST!  :jawdrop:

I think we would have gotten less glares if she had just blurted out Holy S--t!  
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Haha... that reminds me...

MrsKanil's family is Jewish.  We celebrate Hanukkah and last year we were just finishing up breakfast at a restaurant:

Waitress: Thank you for coming in.  Merry Christmas

Myself and MrsKanil: You too!

at the same time KanilJr:  :rant:  WE'RE JEWISH.  WE CELEBRATE HANUKKAH.

Waitress: :o

Myself and MrsKanil: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

We ended up explaining to him that whether someone is saying Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah they're just intending to say they want you to enjoy your holiday but KanilJr was having none of that at the time.

 
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