GM's thread about nothing (42 Viewers)

[Mr. Pickles]

http://www.break.com/video/how-to-always-win-in-a-fight-2391809/

Reminds me of Bas Rutten's instructional videos on how to survive a bar fight.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKwdwv7T2yQ

 

[St. Louis Bob]

At least I'm amusing myself. And I've picked up my FFA reading/posting during work again, which is nice.

And drinking on the job. Also, please try to work Catfish Bill or even Kaphish William into an e-mail for me please.

Sometimes my wife is worse than I am. And by "worse" I mean funnier.I have a great-nephew (yeah, I'm old). He's my oldest brother's daughter's kid. We'll call him Jake. Love the kid to death but between my mom, my niece, and all of the rest of this kid's grandparents he's a little nancy-boy. He's my mother's only great grandchild she babys the hell out of him. Unfortunately she watches him about 4 days a week while my niece works/goes to school. The kid is 4 1/2 and my mom still calls him "Baby-Jake". Perfect example: This Summer we were all at a family get-together and hanging out by the pool. Jake was walking towards the shallow end of the pool. My son and I were standing less than 10 feet from him. He's not even 3 feet from the edge of the pool (and wearing a floaty-vest) and my mom says "Jake, stop!" I tell her "Mom, he's fine. We're right here". Not to mention the kid won't go in the water unless he's clinging to someone. Then I said "What's the worst that will happen? He'll fall into the pool and I'll yank him out in 5 seconds."My mom replies with "But I don't want him to get scared!". Anyway, this whole thing really bugs my wife. She can't stand how this kid is being coddled, spoiled, babied, etc.Tonight we were talking about how "odd" he looked in a video someone posted of his pre-school Christmas pageant.My wife was going on about how she's losing hope for the kid. She's talking about how he's going to get picked on a lot when he gets to grade school. Then she drops this."And I hope they don't try to 'butch him up' by putting him in karate or something. That never works. All you end up with is a little f[rhymes with maggot] that knows karate."

A few minutes after that...after I stopped laughing...she added this:"Seriously. That's what they did to my cousin Howie. My uncle tried to toughen him up by putting him in karate. All that meant to Howie was 'Yippee! I get to wear a dress and a sash!'"

I'm so glad Mrs. SLB has quit pushing for the boys to take karate. My POV was when I was a kid, Boyscouts were dorks, boys that took karate were dorks, I never even knew of a kid that attempted to survive taking both.

 

[Guster]

Going to my daughter's choir concert tonight the only way appropriate...slightly buzzed

Can't wait to sit through 45 minutes of 3rd graders playing bells before the K-6 choir belts some lovely holiday appropriate songs out (Chaunnaka, Kwanzza and Christmas )

 

[proninja]

Going to my daughter's choir concert tonight the only way appropriate...slightly buzzedCan't wait to sit through 45 minutes of 3rd graders playing bells before the K-6 choir belts some lovely holiday appropriate songs out (Chaunnaka, Kwanzza and Christmas )

My wife teaches the violin, viola, and cello. She does two recitals annually. I am always the help for said recitals. I feel your pain.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

For Pete. Don't understand the need for the new song, really...http://www.avclub.com/articles/superchunks-crossed-wires-cat-video-goes-viral-san,89487/

Yeah, original song is much better.

 

[Idiot Boxer]

Regarding gnomes...this is in lieu of our being able to have department holiday parties this year.

Coming soon . . . the Holiday Gnomes.

We personally selected each Gnome to help spread cheer during the Holiday Week Celebration. Your Holiday Gnome will make its first appearance on Monday, December 10 to help us kick off the week-long celebration. Make sure you stop by your team captain’s location (we actually refer to them as Gnomers) to take a peek. You might even consider submitting a name for your Gnome to us at by 5 p.m. on December 10. The name for your Gnome is very important since it represents your group. The winning entry per area will receive two tickets to a Memphis Grizzlies game.

Since our Gnomes are helpers, they’ll work side-by-side with the Gnomers during business hours but they tend to hide when everyone leaves the office for the day. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, will be to find your Gnome every morning after receiving the clue via email from Holiday Headquarters. Gift cards will be awarded to each associate that finds the Gnome and returns it to the Gnomer. Keep in mind, there’s only one gift card per-area, per-day. So if you choose to work as a team, plan to share the winnings.

More details Gnoming soon . . .

Well that explains the windfall you expect by staying on until the beginning of the year.

 

[Frostillicus]

CBB: Minnesota -15 just trust me there's a significant injury here Vegas weirdly isn't accounting for.

 

[guru_007]

Drinking this right now

First couple of sips tasted really good, but starting to turn on me here. May need to switch to something less sweet.

 

[Bogart]

I wish Krispy Kreme delivered right now.

 

[heckmanm]

Drinking this right now

First couple of sips tasted really good, but starting to turn on me here. May need to switch to something less sweet.

Or make pancakes.

 

[heckmanm]

Rudolph and SN Celebration Ale.

Slap it?

 

[Bogart]

Drinking this right now

First couple of sips tasted really good, but starting to turn on me here. May need to switch to something less sweet.

I can only imagine how sweet that is.

 

[eoMMan]

Drinking this right now

First couple of sips tasted really good, but starting to turn on me here. May need to switch to something less sweet.

I've been meaning to try that.Are you drinking on the rocks or mixed with something?

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I wish Krispy Kreme delivered right now.

You ask, I deliver.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Drinking this right now

First couple of sips tasted really good, but starting to turn on me here. May need to switch to something less sweet.

My link

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I wish Krispy Kreme delivered right now.

You ask, I deliver.

Am I the only one that hoped one of those guns would go off on accident?

 

[mr. furley]

RG3, great scrambling ability, leaves the defense wondering will he run or pass, they have a very good running attack but i just don't see him as anything better than an adequate passer right now. he has missed several wide open receivers .. including that last one that he threw wide by several yards even though the guy was running loose in the secondary.will the media hype train realize this next year? or is it full steam ahead for a while?

He's not a pure pocket passer, but he has a laser of an arm and he's accurate67% completion %age, only 4 picks, 4-1 TD-INT ratioObviously also has the off the charts speed and athleticism (just broke Cam Newton's rookie rushing record)As a rookie starting from Day 1Not really sure what more you could ask from him

just not ready to anoint any rookies. sophomore slump forthcoming. not saying i think he sucks.. i enjoyed watching him play but i'd like to wait a little before making any declarations. michael vick was the next greatest player of all time for a while there, too. until teams figured out how to contain him and make him a pocket passer.

 

[Tremendous Upside]

Crown's pretty sweet on its own...

A maple finish? Jeez...

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

no need for words

 

[Tremendous Upside]

no need for words

Is that Seth Rogen in the center?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

more manly

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

no need for words

Is that Seth Rogen in the center?

No

 

[Bogart]

I wish Krispy Kreme delivered right now.

You ask, I deliver.

I love you.

 

[krista4]

We invite you to also join us next Wednesday, December 12 in Learning Center B, [address] for “A World of Holidays.” This program and children’s choir performance will highlight how various cultures celebrate the holiday season all over the world. From traditional Christmas celebrations to the Muslim celebration of Eid-Al-Adha, we will explore the tenets of six cultural celebrations, including Hanukkah, Chinese New Year, Christmas in Puerto Rico and Kwanzaa. After the program, plan to stay to sample treats from these cultures represented for you to enjoy. Want more sweet treats? What’s your favorite? Is it a part of a family tradition? We encourage you to bring in your family’s favorite treats from home next Wednesday – label them in case your co-workers have any allergies – and put them out for everyone in your department to share.

Kwanzaa? Hanukkah? Gotcha. But nothing says "multi-cultural" to me like "Puerto Rico Christmas".Also, please bring things to share at your own expense, but please don't kill anyone in the process.

 

[kevzilla]

no need for words

SLBob on bass, Shuke on lead guitar, cosjobs on vocals and denim.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I wish Krispy Kreme delivered right now.

You ask, I deliver.

Am I the only one that hoped one of those guns would go off on accident?

It's all shtick, surprised it didn't.

I wish Krispy Kreme delivered right now.

You ask, I deliver.

I love you.

no need for words

SLBob on bass, Shuke on lead guitar, cosjobs on vocals and denim.

Whoa

 

[krista4]

I approve of new Krista work shtick

I've discovered a beautiful tool on Outlook in the last few weeks--you can delay the sending of a message. So with the three-hour clock, I actually typed the approval and then set it to send exactly three hours later. Tomorrow I intend to employ one instance of wrong-movie-quote shtick, one instance of convincing my boss a made-up word is not a word, and one LOL cat. I can't do more than that per day without people becoming suspicious.

 

[krista4]

Krista, make sure you have a good exit strategy.

Awesome.

K4 actually sent me a Bills gnome as part of my secret santa gift last year. Gnome it up!

Forgot about that!I've just realized that I'm subconsciously instituting a subtle program to get fired so that I don't have to leave with nothing. In addition to comparing my boss to a squirrel, I've begun working made-up words into e-mails and conversation and insisting to him that they're real in hopes that he'll start using them (he's British and isn't good at American jargon, so he's easily persuaded on this front). I also just ended an e-mail to him with "Kthxbai".

Received an e-mail request from someone to approve a contract at 8 this morning, and then a follow up three hours later reminding me because it has to be signed today. My response: "Oh noes! You have incurred a three-hour penalty for the unnecessary reminder!"

At least I'm amusing myself. And I've picked up my FFA reading/posting during work again, which is nice.

Do you get any responses to these things?

Complete silence so far, which is really awesome. If I could get people just to stop talking to me, this would be even better.

At least I'm amusing myself. And I've picked up my FFA reading/posting during work again, which is nice.

And drinking on the job. Also, please try to work Catfish Bill or even Kaphish William into an e-mail for me please.\

Damn. Might need to substitute Catfish Bill as one of my goals for tomorrow.It's good to have goals.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Krista, start replying all for no reason at all.

To: Every employee everywhere

From: Mitch Slocum

Just to let everybody know that floors 4,5 and 6 will be closed from noon on Saturday until Monday AM for carpet cleaning.

To: Every employee everywhere, mislocum@business.com

From: krista4

Thanks for the heads-up, Mitch!

(sadly this happens at least once a week where I work)

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Drinking this right now

First couple of sips tasted really good, but starting to turn on me here. May need to switch to something less sweet.

I've been meaning to try that.Are you drinking on the rocks or mixed with something?

I think you pour it on pancakes.

 

[cosjobs]

If anyone needs a good set of kitchen knives, WMF has their Spitzenklasse Knife Block Set, 6 pc Set for $80 free ship no tax.My link

I poosted it in the ffa, but I know some of you have become agoraphorumbic

 

[cosjobs]

thanks frosty

 

[Bogart]

Frosty rocks!!

 

[krista4]

Krista, start replying all for no reason at all.To: Every employee everywhereFrom: Mitch SlocumJust to let everybody know that floors 4,5 and 6 will be closed from noon on Saturday until Monday AM for carpet cleaning.To: Every employee everywhere, mislocum@business.comFrom: krista4Thanks for the heads-up, Mitch!(sadly this happens at least once a week where I work)

Then we can get ourselves to a "stop replying to all!" spot. This could waste an entire afternoon. Excellent!

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

I approve of new Krista work shtick

I've discovered a beautiful tool on Outlook in the last few weeks--you can delay the sending of a message. So with the three-hour clock, I actually typed the approval and then set it to send exactly three hours later.

Tomorrow I intend to employ one instance of wrong-movie-quote shtick, one instance of convincing my boss a made-up word is not a word, and one LOL cat. I can't do more than that per day without people becoming suspicious.

How about the ol' secret message in white font at the bottom of the email?Penis

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Spitzenklasse

Bless you.

 

[Frostillicus]

You're welcome.

 

[[icon]]

We invite you to also join us next Wednesday, December 12 in Learning Center B, [address] for “A World of Holidays.” This program and children’s choir performance will highlight how various cultures celebrate the holiday season all over the world. From traditional Christmas celebrations to the Muslim celebration of Eid-Al-Adha, we will explore the tenets of six cultural celebrations, including Hanukkah, Chinese New Year, Christmas in Puerto Rico and Kwanzaa. After the program, plan to stay to sample treats from these cultures represented for you to enjoy. Want more sweet treats? What’s your favorite? Is it a part of a family tradition? We encourage you to bring in your family’s favorite treats from home next Wednesday – label them in case your co-workers have any allergies – and put them out for everyone in your department to share.

Kwanzaa? Hanukkah? Gotcha. But nothing says "multi-cultural" to me like "Puerto Rico Christmas".Also, please bring things to share at your own expense, but please don't kill anyone in the process.

#### I was going to ask you about any openings at your place since ive been canned, but that sounds terrible.

 

[krista4]

I approve of new Krista work shtick

I've discovered a beautiful tool on Outlook in the last few weeks--you can delay the sending of a message. So with the three-hour clock, I actually typed the approval and then set it to send exactly three hours later.

Tomorrow I intend to employ one instance of wrong-movie-quote shtick, one instance of convincing my boss a made-up word is not a word, and one LOL cat. I can't do more than that per day without people becoming suspicious.

How about the ol' secret message in white font at the bottom of the email?Penis

 

[krista4]

We invite you to also join us next Wednesday, December 12 in Learning Center B, [address] for “A World of Holidays.” This program and children’s choir performance will highlight how various cultures celebrate the holiday season all over the world. From traditional Christmas celebrations to the Muslim celebration of Eid-Al-Adha, we will explore the tenets of six cultural celebrations, including Hanukkah, Chinese New Year, Christmas in Puerto Rico and Kwanzaa. After the program, plan to stay to sample treats from these cultures represented for you to enjoy. Want more sweet treats? What’s your favorite? Is it a part of a family tradition? We encourage you to bring in your family’s favorite treats from home next Wednesday – label them in case your co-workers have any allergies – and put them out for everyone in your department to share.

Kwanzaa? Hanukkah? Gotcha. But nothing says "multi-cultural" to me like "Puerto Rico Christmas".Also, please bring things to share at your own expense, but please don't kill anyone in the process.

#### I was going to ask you about any openings at your place since ive been canned, but that sounds terrible.

Hey, I sent you a PM. I wouldn't recommend the place, but there are probably some spots that aren't as bad as others. If you see anything there and are wondering about it, let me know as I can put you in touch with the right people and let you know if it's worth considering at all.

 

[krista4]

Bill, since I don't know if your e-mail works...I didn't FedEx today but will do so tomorrow for Thursday delivery.

Also, it isn't posted yet, but we now have had three guests at Paloma and three five-star reviews. We also got another five-star Camila review today. 14 of them there. Have never had one less than five stars (whew), but the 100% posting rate on Paloma is awesome. I have never even sent an invite for anyone to review.

Seriously if I quit my job my calling is to do B&B-type stuff. cos, you hiring?

 

[shuke]

Woz is still the only person that I have ever put on ignore, so I'm just going to start replying based on what I assume he has posted.

This could be my new favorite segment.

 

[shuke]

Just to be clear, Trykeitha is a real person, which is why I wondered if Tanner--he of the odd student names--had seen it before. The "Gnomer" on each floor is the individual in charge of the area's gnome. Honest to god. The gnome (there are actually many gnomes throughout the company's offices) don't have given names, but we are encouraged to name them.Really if I posted the company-wide (25,000+ employees) e-mail we received today, this would all make a lot more sense. Or, more likely, not.ETA: We have gnomes instead of elves because someone heard that elves had religious connotations that were offensive.

Holy crap that's horrible.

 

[shuke]

OMG Tanner

 

[Tiger Fan]

Krista> please service Mr. Krista...he seems a bit pent up

A whole ton of Pearl Jam ones:Sonic Reducer

I don't care if this post is months old, but it is too horrific to fail to mention. Rocket from the Tombs kicked more ### in the first wave of their brief, under-documented existence than two decades worth of Vedder's affected, sheep-like bleating. Almost no band on earth has come up with anything as singularly awesome as "Sonic Reducer" and it sure as scrotum hasn't been improved upon by Pearl Jam. Your opinion on this matter is incorrect. You are a poor judge of aesthetic execution and artistic intention and you are therefore, by extension, a bad person. Shame on you. Be better.

 

[shuke]

http://www.break.com/video/how-to-always-win-in-a-fight-2391809/

Man I could watch this for hours.

 

[Tiger Fan]

http://www.break.com/video/how-to-always-win-in-a-fight-2391809/

Man I could watch this for hours.

There was a serial killer going around LSU when we were there (we knew one of the victims and were very loosely connected to 2 others ) so Mrs. TF took a self defense course. I was really impressed with what she learned over a few one hour classes. Obviously not as over the top as that vid, but not too far off.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

OMG Tanner

Face-swaps? What is this? 2009?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Krista, start replying all for no reason at all.To: Every employee everywhereFrom: Mitch SlocumJust to let everybody know that floors 4,5 and 6 will be closed from noon on Saturday until Monday AM for carpet cleaning.To: Every employee everywhere, mislocum@business.comFrom: krista4Thanks for the heads-up, Mitch!(sadly this happens at least once a week where I work)

Then we can get ourselves to a "stop replying to all!" spot. This could waste an entire afternoon. Excellent!

Then be sure to send out a company-wide email apologizing for the reply-all. See if you can get a friend to reply-all with "No worries, Krista!"(sadly that has happened twice in the last 6 months where I work)