Embarrassing story alert:My parents got new carpeting and redid the upstairs bathroom. The carpet was pretty thick so the bathroom door wouldn't close completely. My dad took the door off to sand the bottom of it down a bit so it would close. I tell you that to tell you this...I was in 8th grade. My mom would leave for work right around the time I got up to get in the shower. Usually she would knock on the door and say she was leaving and to remind me to lock the front door when I left. That day, I had brought my radio in so I didn't hear her knocking. She opened the door a crack to tell me she was heading out to work. Ok, bye mom, now GTFO.I got done getting ready and went to get dressed. Only the bathroom door was locked...from the outside. Apparently somehow my dad put the door on backwards/upside-down with the lock facing out. Unbeknownst to my mom, she had locked the door when she opened it. It was a tiny "push-button" lock that had a small opening on the other side to unlock it. I tried every bobby pin, Qtip and similarly shaped item I could find to try to get that door unlocked, but nothing worked. I tried kicking it down. I tried "tackling" it down. I tried breaking the door knob off. Old doors were made very very well, I can tell you that much.This was late May so it was rather warm out. We lived next to a park and right across the street to school. There were a few younger kids in my neighborhood that I walked with through the park to make sure they got there ok. They were walking through the park and I was screaming out the bathroom window "HELP! HELP! I'M LOCKED IN THE FREAKING BATHROOM" Those little SOBs kept skipping obliviously along on their way to multiplication tables and spelling bees.So I cleaned the bathroom. I may have made some crock pot chicken. I piled up some towels and took a nap. I flossed for the first time in a while. I read the first chapter of "Lake Wobegon Days". I took another nap. All in my underwear.My sister went to community college so she eventually came home from lunch. I heard her come in the front door and I started yelling and pounding on the bathroom door. "HELP! I'M UP HERE! GET ME OUTTA HERE!" She tells me that she hit the deck and army crawled her way through our living room behind a couch."Sara, its me Matt! Mom locked me in the bathroom""WTF?!""Just come unlock it please. NOW!"Long story even longer, we called my mom at work and explained everything. She went apedung and called the school from work. I guess there were some vulgarities that my nun principal had never heard before. I walked to school in time for afternoon classes. The principal greeted me at the door, took me to the cafeteria for my own personal free lunch (gee thanks). Since that day, the school has a policy to call both parents if a child does not show up without a parent calling in.I think this is why I drink.
This sister that went to Community College, is she the one that had some kind of issue with your wife or she was complaining about something to do with your wedding or something that made you want to un-invite her to your wedding? I could be totally wrong, I don't keep a notebook, I just kinda write stuff down on yellow sticky notes.Also, it would've helped me if you at least hyphenated apedung. I read that about a dozen times and could not figure what you meant.
So my "See you next Tuesday" of a sister just ruined our family Christmas and maybe our entire family dynamic. We watched a backup break a Packer record, opened presents for the kids (brothers kids flew in from Atlanta 2 days ago) and had a nice ham dinner that my mom made Everything was going well.While we were opening presents I made a decision to make an announcement at the end. My brother got me a bottle of cognac, my sister got us a bottle of wine and my mom got us a bottle of wine. Once all the presents were opened, I held up the booze and said:"I'd like to thank everyone for the booze. I appreciate it because my wife can no longer drink it"
Hugs and congrats all around. Long story short my sister made a comment later in the night that I took exception to. I should have walked out but I had a beer or six and stood up to her (she is the princess of the family). Turns out she hates my wife and announced it to the entire family. She hates that we go to my wife's family's house (is that the correct punctuation?) on random weekends, she hates that we have a dog and spend time with it (
), she hates........etc etc etc. My mom starts crying and everyone is yelling, trying to make peace.During the barrage of insults I said "If you want to ever talk to us and see your niece or nephew ever, please apologize" and we walked out. As my father and I are loading our truck she's screaming out the door "I ####### hate your wife! I hope she knows it!"I may never see my family again. I'm kinda sad about it.
PS NO FACEBOOK TALK AT ALL PLEASE!!! This is not public yet. I guess FBG is public but we don't want it out there too much
We (my wife and I) are doing well. We're talking about the situation and she feels bad that she's the "devil" but we know we have each other. That sounds really gay but oh well, it's true. Her family is awesome. They call me on a random Wednesday just to ask how I am. I have no problem with that. My mom might call me once every 2 months. If I call them, they are out and can't talk. Pretty sure this is why I drink.
I was really hoping to increase the insanity in my life.
"Claudia Schiffer had her 3rd baby last year. You should be looking like her about 3 months after the baby is born."
Thoprawishes that things turn around quickly and your 2012 ends up being one of the best ones yet
