Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Gotta redo this one.
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GM's thread about nothing (24 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Buffalo chips?
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Buffalonians, please.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
The video, not your witty banter.
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Random stuff...
I went to do laundry today, and the cold pipes are frozen in the laundry room. WTF?
Woke up yesterday morning about 5:00 with food poisoning. Note to others: don't eat beige pepperoni.
Classic MIL bull#### this morning. She texts my wife, here is the conversation:
MIL: so do you guys have cabin fever yet?
Wife: the kids were able to go next door yesterday to play. Jason is staying home today because I don't feel great. He just had to give me a shot.
MIL: have a nice day
Are you ####ing kidding me? Not, "sorry to hear" or "I hope you feel better". Just have a nice day. She is ####ign oblivious.
Random thought I had the other day. My grandfather had what I guess what a pretty sweet ham radio setup back in the day. He was showing me once when I was maybe a young teenager. I asked, "so, like who do you talk to?". And he said, "oh, just guys around the country, some other guys that are veterans, etc.". I said, "oh so guys you fought with?" And he said no, it was just guys he met on the radio. And I thought to myself, "so he comes in here at night and wastes time talking to total strangers? Seem weird". Later I found out that he had actually gone to visit some of these friends, sometimes a whole group would get together. Again, at the time I found this kind of odd. Not until this week did I realize that grandfather had his own GMTAN and cornholes, just with a different media.
I went to do laundry today, and the cold pipes are frozen in the laundry room. WTF?
Woke up yesterday morning about 5:00 with food poisoning. Note to others: don't eat beige pepperoni.
Classic MIL bull#### this morning. She texts my wife, here is the conversation:
MIL: so do you guys have cabin fever yet?
Wife: the kids were able to go next door yesterday to play. Jason is staying home today because I don't feel great. He just had to give me a shot.
MIL: have a nice day
Are you ####ing kidding me? Not, "sorry to hear" or "I hope you feel better". Just have a nice day. She is ####ign oblivious.
Random thought I had the other day. My grandfather had what I guess what a pretty sweet ham radio setup back in the day. He was showing me once when I was maybe a young teenager. I asked, "so, like who do you talk to?". And he said, "oh, just guys around the country, some other guys that are veterans, etc.". I said, "oh so guys you fought with?" And he said no, it was just guys he met on the radio. And I thought to myself, "so he comes in here at night and wastes time talking to total strangers? Seem weird". Later I found out that he had actually gone to visit some of these friends, sometimes a whole group would get together. Again, at the time I found this kind of odd. Not until this week did I realize that grandfather had his own GMTAN and cornholes, just with a different media.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
They keep text hidden until the reader chooses to reveal it by clicking a button. HTHfor posterity...that thread is doomedhow do spoilers work?Was in the Bay Area for a raider game and my buddies bday. He is not an attractive man. Think Homer Simpson/Marty Feldman. After the tailgate/game/dinner and drinking excessively for over 12 hours he declares it's time for some #####. Huh? How is he going to get this I think to myself?
Whores!!
We go to a "massage" parlor. 100% asianed. They line up the girls for us to choose, we all select one, and they run off somewhere. but here's where it got weird. The madam, a withered ancient crone, yells at us(every communication from her was in the form of yelling) YOU! YOU!! TAKE CHOWAH NOW!! She grabs my arm and pulls me into a locker room style shower set up. She points at the shower and starts pulling on my clothes. I am HAMMERED. I think to myself, the no way I'm ####### miyagis grandma. I strip and get in the shower, bringing my money with me. The shower feels wonderful!! Apparently, I stand there too long, because the madam comes and smacks my back/### and yells at me to GET OUT, THIS NOT YOUR ####### HOUSE, HERWIE UP!!!
As I walk out holding my clothes awkwardly, she stops me. YOU QWUEEN?? She them proceeds to inspect my junk to the envy of any urologist. She grunts her approval and points me to a door, YOU mASSAGE NOW, HERRWIE UP!!is in the air. I lay down on my stomach, girl proceeds to half heartily rub my shoulders for about 14 seconds, she then puts her cooter an inch or 2 from my face, and only semi yells, YOU WANT!? It smells like a Goodyear factory or maybe where they make cheap pool rafts.
The scent encourages me to ask for head first. Whiskey **** is in full effect she does her damnedest to get him up and at attention, and bless her, she does it! At this point, she slaps a rubber on it, defeating most of her hard work. And I can hear my friend giggling like a school girl in the next room, that's not helping either. She earns her money furiously trying to prop up my beleaguered member, I swear she tried to gnaw on it to get a reaction. Sweating slightly she gives up and screams at me, YOU TOO DWUNK, YOU STUPID, YOU DWINK TOO MUCH!!
I lay back, dreaming of the wonderful hot shower, I proceed to pass out, naked, on her table. I awaken when I sense the lights being blocked out, I panic, thinking I'm being smothered by a plastic dragon, turns out the little trooper was giving it one more try thinking that a 69 position would help the situation. It did not, my ####### friend is still giggling like he's watching dumb and dumber. I crawl out from under the plastic dragon and thank her and ask if I can have an actual massage, she laughs and runs out of the room.
Miyagis grandma appears. She is NOT happy. WHY YOU COME HEHRHE?? STUPID BOY!! YOU **** NO WORLLK!! Followed by maniacal laughter. She points to the lobby, I ask if I can shower again. More maniacal laughter, CHOWER PHO GERRWWLS, NOT. YOU. Walks away laughing....
Good times
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
Uuhhh.....I know that. I want to know how to put my post in a spoiler tag.They keep text hidden until the reader chooses to reveal it by clicking a button. HTHfor posterity...that thread is doomedhow do spoilers work?Was in the Bay Area for a raider game and my buddies bday. He is not an attractive man. Think Homer Simpson/Marty Feldman. After the tailgate/game/dinner and drinking excessively for over 12 hours he declares it's time for some #####. Huh? How is he going to get this I think to myself?
Whores!!
We go to a "massage" parlor. 100% asianed. They line up the girls for us to choose, we all select one, and they run off somewhere. but here's where it got weird. The madam, a withered ancient crone, yells at us(every communication from her was in the form of yelling) YOU! YOU!! TAKE CHOWAH NOW!! She grabs my arm and pulls me into a locker room style shower set up. She points at the shower and starts pulling on my clothes. I am HAMMERED. I think to myself, the no way I'm ####### miyagis grandma. I strip and get in the shower, bringing my money with me. The shower feels wonderful!! Apparently, I stand there too long, because the madam comes and smacks my back/### and yells at me to GET OUT, THIS NOT YOUR ####### HOUSE, HERWIE UP!!!
As I walk out holding my clothes awkwardly, she stops me. YOU QWUEEN?? She them proceeds to inspect my junk to the envy of any urologist. She grunts her approval and points me to a door, YOU mASSAGE NOW, HERRWIE UP!!
The scent encourages me to ask for head first. Whiskey **** is in full effect she does her damnedest to get him up and at attention, and bless her, she does it! At this point, she slaps a rubber on it, defeating most of her hard work. And I can hear my friend giggling like a school girl in the next room, that's not helping either. She earns her money furiously trying to prop up my beleaguered member, I swear she tried to gnaw on it to get a reaction. Sweating slightly she gives up and screams at me, YOU TOO DWUNK, YOU STUPID, YOU DWINK TOO MUCH!!
I lay back, dreaming of the wonderful hot shower, I proceed to pass out, naked, on her table. I awaken when I sense the lights being blocked out, I panic, thinking I'm being smothered by a plastic dragon, turns out the little trooper was giving it one more try thinking that a 69 position would help the situation. It did not, my ####### friend is still giggling like he's watching dumb and dumber. I crawl out from under the plastic dragon and thank her and ask if I can have an actual massage, she laughs and runs out of the room.
Miyagis grandma appears. She is NOT happy. WHY YOU COME HEHRHE?? STUPID BOY!! YOU **** NO WORLLK!! Followed by maniacal laughter. She points to the lobby, I ask if I can shower again. More maniacal laughter, CHOWER PHO GERRWWLS, NOT. YOU. Walks away laughing....
Good times
Last edited by a moderator:
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Gadzooks
Footballguy
How cool would it be if you found a picture of your grandfather with a fair skinned war vet stuffing their faces with burgers
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
2200? That's about average here.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Uuhhh.....I know that. I want to know how to put my post in a spoiler tag.They keep text hidden until the reader chooses to reveal it by clicking a button. HTHfor posterity...that thread is doomedhow do spoilers work?Was in the Bay Area for a raider game and my buddies bday. He is not an attractive man. Think Homer Simpson/Marty Feldman. After the tailgate/game/dinner and drinking excessively for over 12 hours he declares it's time for some #####. Huh? How is he going to get this I think to myself?
Whores!!
We go to a "massage" parlor. 100% asianed. They line up the girls for us to choose, we all select one, and they run off somewhere. but here's where it got weird. The madam, a withered ancient crone, yells at us(every communication from her was in the form of yelling) YOU! YOU!! TAKE CHOWAH NOW!! She grabs my arm and pulls me into a locker room style shower set up. She points at the shower and starts pulling on my clothes. I am HAMMERED. I think to myself, the no way I'm ####### miyagis grandma. I strip and get in the shower, bringing my money with me. The shower feels wonderful!! Apparently, I stand there too long, because the madam comes and smacks my back/### and yells at me to GET OUT, THIS NOT YOUR ####### HOUSE, HERWIE UP!!!
As I walk out holding my clothes awkwardly, she stops me. YOU QWUEEN?? She them proceeds to inspect my junk to the envy of any urologist. She grunts her approval and points me to a door, YOU mASSAGE NOW, HERRWIE UP!!
The scent encourages me to ask for head first. Whiskey **** is in full effect she does her damnedest to get him up and at attention, and bless her, she does it! At this point, she slaps a rubber on it, defeating most of her hard work. And I can hear my friend giggling like a school girl in the next room, that's not helping either. She earns her money furiously trying to prop up my beleaguered member, I swear she tried to gnaw on it to get a reaction. Sweating slightly she gives up and screams at me, YOU TOO DWUNK, YOU STUPID, YOU DWINK TOO MUCH!!
I lay back, dreaming of the wonderful hot shower, I proceed to pass out, naked, on her table. I awaken when I sense the lights being blocked out, I panic, thinking I'm being smothered by a plastic dragon, turns out the little trooper was giving it one more try thinking that a 69 position would help the situation. It did not, my ####### friend is still giggling like he's watching dumb and dumber. I crawl out from under the plastic dragon and thank her and ask if I can have an actual massage, she laughs and runs out of the room.
Miyagis grandma appears. She is NOT happy. WHY YOU COME HEHRHE?? STUPID BOY!! YOU **** NO WORLLK!! Followed by maniacal laughter. She points to the lobby, I ask if I can shower again. More maniacal laughter, CHOWER PHO GERRWWLS, NOT. YOU. Walks away laughing....
Good times
[/spoile]
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Nah. My dad's family came here before the Dust Bowl from exotic Iowa. Mom's family from Virginia via Washington State.
Wife's family are ditch-bank Okies to the core though.
Go-to Dust Bowl/Bakersfield joke: How do you find your way to Oklahoma? Start in Bakersfield and follow the trail of bologna wrappers.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Leeroy Jenkins
Footballguy
That's basically what's happening. One or both of them will realize quickly that it's not going to work. Probably the first time she had to wipe his ###.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
-fish-
Footballguy
Mr.Pack
Footballguy
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
FAKE.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Guster
Footballguy
Frostillicus
Footballguy
My wife is yelling at me because Dean McDermott cheated on Tori Spelling. I don't know.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Frostillicus
Footballguy
You'll like this Homer. Yesterday, because of the cold here, the kids were home from school and I was working from home, so most of the day is spent with me working on the basement couch alternating between shows I like and kids shows on the netflix (sorry gm), with Sarah upstairs crocheting. At some point I go upstairs and she asks me if it's noon yet. I ask why. She says because I want a glass of wine but not before noon. I say it's 12:30. She says, fill er up.FrostyWife is spectacular.
So she spent the entire day from 12:30 until about 7:30 drinking Sauvignon Blanc until she passed out on the couch. Then, about 9:30 while I'm watching the game, she woke up, filled up a glass with wine, drank it down, and fell asleep again.
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
IMPRESSIVE2200? That's about average here.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
She's not crazy....she's just interesting.
There's some shot videos with her around her somewhere.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
You'll like this Homer. Yesterday, because of the cold here, the kids were home from school and I was working from home, so most of the day is spent with me working on the basement couch alternating between shows I like and kids shows on the netflix (sorry gm), with Sarah upstairs crocheting. At some point I go upstairs and she asks me if it's noon yet. I ask why. She says because I want a glass of wine but not before noon. I say it's 12:30. She says, fill er up.
So she spent the entire day from 12:30 until about 7:30 drinking Sauvignon Blanc until she passed out on the couch. Then, about 9:30 while I'm watching the game, she woke up, filled up a glass with wine, drank it down, and fell asleep again.
If you die and leave her a lot of money, make sure calls me. After an appropriate grieving period, of course.
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Frostillicus
Footballguy
I am actually insured for an obscene amount, so this could work.You'll like this Homer. Yesterday, because of the cold here, the kids were home from school and I was working from home, so most of the day is spent with me working on the basement couch alternating between shows I like and kids shows on the netflix (sorry gm), with Sarah upstairs crocheting. At some point I go upstairs and she asks me if it's noon yet. I ask why. She says because I want a glass of wine but not before noon. I say it's 12:30. She says, fill er up.
So she spent the entire day from 12:30 until about 7:30 drinking Sauvignon Blanc until she passed out on the couch. Then, about 9:30 while I'm watching the game, she woke up, filled up a glass with wine, drank it down, and fell asleep again.
If you die and leave her a lot of money, make sure calls me. After an appropriate grieving period, of course.
krista4
Footballguy
You'll like this Homer. Yesterday, because of the cold here, the kids were home from school and I was working from home, so most of the day is spent with me working on the basement couch alternating between shows I like and kids shows on the netflix (sorry gm), with Sarah upstairs crocheting. At some point I go upstairs and she asks me if it's noon yet. I ask why. She says because I want a glass of wine but not before noon. I say it's 12:30. She says, fill er up.
So she spent the entire day from 12:30 until about 7:30 drinking Sauvignon Blanc until she passed out on the couch. Then, about 9:30 while I'm watching the game, she woke up, filled up a glass with wine, drank it down, and fell asleep again.
Now we know how K4's hat got "lost"
bentley
Footballguy
I thought the whole reason that mommies had playdates was so they could gossip with other mommies about how awful the mommies that weren't there are and then spare the daddies from having to listen to it. Apparently I was wrong. After I got home from the YLS meeting today, I had to listen to AngryWife tell me every detailed piece of gossip that came up at today's playdate.
I also really didn't need the committee chair to say "The thing about us all being young leaders, or almost young like bentley..."
I also really didn't need the committee chair to say "The thing about us all being young leaders, or almost young like bentley..."
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Tecumseh
Footballguy
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
Drunk d-bag a couple streets away from us took out a fire hydrant with his mustang. The water plume was about 30 ft. high and rather spectacular.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Big sauce debate going on.
krista4
Footballguy
krista4
Footballguy
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