Need some GMTAN advice on how to handle an extended family situation.
[blows out]
I'm from west Michigan, and my three siblings along with most of my 9 nieces/nephews live around there. I was exceptionally close with #1-7, as there is a ten year gap between number seven and my son. About 25 years ago, my oldest sister (divorced/remarried mother of three) elected to adopt with her husband of five years since they were unable to have children. A year into the process, they adopted a brother/sister aged 4 and 5. Before they met them, they were informed of the full case history. The little girl had been sexually abused, repeatedly and over an extended period, by her father. The little boy was known to have witnessed this on more than one occasion. My mom (R.I.P.) was adamantly opposed to this, but once they made the call, we all accepted them and loved them like they were our own flesh and blood. (ASIDE: yes, the scumbag father is still incarcerated.)
Fast forward a quarter century. Despite years of therapy and a loving home environment, both kids turned out to be individual train wrecks. I have no idea what is going on with the boy, who a decade ago was in prison for robbery when my sister disowned him out of safety concerns. My niece is now 29 years old and lives in Groton, CT. She ended up there because the father of her three children was in the Navy. They divorced several years ago. She got pregnant by this guy at age 15, but stayed in school and they continued to date while living at their respective parents homes. About 4-5 years into it they got married.
Anyway, I don't have the same bond with her that I do with my other extended family. Not because she was adopted, but simply because I didn't babysit or take her on day trip adventures like I did the other kids. She's not a bad person (AKAIK), but from her VagueBook posts I know she's a emotional roller coaster. There's an endless stream of drama up on her timeline, most of which doesn't register, but one day a few months ago she mentioned she was engaged (!) and planning on living where the palm trees grow. I honestly didn't even try to figure it out.
So this summer, as I have done for the last 7 years, I rented a house on Shelter Island (between the north and south fork of the island that is Long). I've done a couple full MD-LD seasons out there, but have only gotten away for a month the last few years, and this year just have it for just two weeks. One of the nice things about having a summer cottage is entertaining guests. This year I invited both my sisters (brother can't get off from work) for a week.
Without discussing it with me, the oldest sibling decided to invite her daughter, who she is seldom able to see. As in just figured with four bedrooms and a small guest house, should be no issue. Yeah, thanks.
I'm mulling this over last night and decide to look over the niece's timeline, just trying to figure out 1) what'd she name those three rugrats, and 2) just what is going on with her life. The alleged fiance has a public timeline with nary an acknowledgement of my niece. He does have lots of selfies of his tats, his homies flashing gang signs, various rap videos. Straight up thug or wannabe, I don't want this guy anywhere near my property/family. I'm not all that much more comfortable having my niece visit either.
Her few last VagueBook postings:
I can't believe I'm watching Maury! So into it, its so sad! Yet somehow, I feel so much better about my life!! I have problems but shooooooot... Not like other people!
Omg another NL clown. Yeaaaa noooooo
I spent my day off alone.. Which in the end was probably really needed deep down inside. Funny how that works! But I'll be damned the benadryl and alcohol isn't putting my mind to sleep.. Not so good lmao. Smh I just want to sleeeeep
Along with the typical spends-too-much-time on FB shares, most of them vulgar bathroom humor related. I know I probably sound like an old fuddy duddy but she just seems low rent.
I'm a little conflicted here. I love my big sister but I wish she wouldn't have imposed on me. I remember what a sweet little girl my niece was. She's had a ton of issues to overcome, and keeping her baby when she was 15 might not have been the wisest choice, but dayum, how can you expect someone who was adopted to turn their back on their own kid. Now she's dirt poor, no car, moves a lot, works as a bartender at a Japanese steak house, raising 3 kids by herself. I'd love to open up and connect with her again. Cut her a break, give her and the kids a nice vacation spot. But she's a sort of white trailer trash, no doubt swears/smokes all day long, possibly not a fit mother...just not sure I want her around my kids. I have about 10-1/2 weeks to figure this out.
Leaning towards having a heart to heart with my sister. I don't think I want to be a ##### and take the direct route ("No, absolutely not"). Might be better if I just lay out my concerns/fears with my sister and see how she reacts. GD I hate these kind of dilemmas.
Anyway, would appreciate any insight or stories about family wackos you want to share. Not in a rush to force the issue, but I need to get these off my chest by mid-June so everyone has the same expectations (or time to deal with the disappointment/change of plans).