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Have you been a participant in an abortion? (1 Viewer)

Have you been a a party to an abortion?

  • yes

    Votes: 27 28.4%

  • no

    Votes: 68 71.6%
  • Total voters
    95
J

Joe Schmo

Footballguy
For purposes of this poll "participant" means you were one of the two involved with creating the pregnancy. This poll is anonymous so no explanations or details are necessary but you can share your story if you wish. Trying to gauge how many of us took advantage of the legal availability and made the choice to end the pregnancy.

My truth: I participated in two abortions and both came about because of consensual sex. We were both 18 the first time and neither of us was prepared to be a parent and frankly we were young and scared. We never shared the abortion news with our families, at least I didn't. I talked with her and let her know I would support any decision she made but was ok for myself when that decision was aborting the fetus. The trip to the clinic and the procedure itself were trying experiences and we cried afterward. 

The second time was with a new girlfriend a few years later and again we made a mutual choice that we just weren't ready to be parents. This experience was more painful and really made me grow up. We ended up getting married and over the next decade we tried multiple times to have a child and were never successful. Finally we adopted and that has been the best thing either of us has been a part of in our lives. 

I do resent the protestors outside the clinics waving those pictures in our face and trying to pressure us to change our minds. It was worse when they did the same as we left after the procedure yelling at us that we were sinners. Takes a tough situation and makes it worse. 

Abortion is a tough choice in many cases and I understand the trauma some feel as they go through it but I would never want to take away the legal availability and close off options to those in the situation. I do not regret my decisions but I do carry the memories of those days. 

 
Joe Schmo said:
For purposes of this poll "participant" means you were one of the two involved with creating the pregnancy. This poll is anonymous so no explanations or details are necessary but you can share your story if you wish. Trying to gauge how many of us took advantage of the legal availability and made the choice to end the pregnancy.

My truth: I participated in two abortions and both came about because of consensual sex. We were both 18 the first time and neither of us was prepared to be a parent and frankly we were young and scared. We never shared the abortion news with our families, at least I didn't. I talked with her and let her know I would support any decision she made but was ok for myself when that decision was aborting the fetus. The trip to the clinic and the procedure itself were trying experiences and we cried afterward. 
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Yes, once.  It's similar to the story above.  As you did I let her make the ultimate decision.  I was clueless about what I was doing at the time.  It didn't even occur to me that I was terminating a life.   Probably 15 years later I started reflecting back on that decision and to this day it makes me very sad.  Not having the kid certainly helped me get my adult life started.  I don't know how it would have been different but if I had to do it over again I would have suggested we keep the baby while still letting her make the final decision.  Her body and all that.  I suspect she would have had the baby if I'd expressed that sentiment.  While I can't say for sure, I suspect that going through this is one of the reasons we broke up.  I was somewhat callous about it after it was done but I know it affected her deeply. 

I am still pro choice within reason but I respect and understand those who are pro life.

 
Yes. First years of the relationship with what was to be my ex-wife. Very difficult, but it was the right choice. 

 
I said no, but due to some miscommunication…. I had to go to Planned Parenthood once for a morning after pill.

I don’t think it was very traumatic for my girlfriend. She just seemed very relieved.

Everything was very professional, and I don’t remember any protesters…

-

Sorry to hear some of the stories…

 
Maybe, voted yes.

Super liberal ex-girlfriend so I wouldn't have had a say anyway, at least 3 months or more after we split.  Timing was questionable, but, I did manly thing and drove her there and paid for it.

 
fatguyinalittlecoat said:
I think it’s worth noting that many individuals with penises* may vote wrong in this poll because they are unaware that they created a pregnancy that was aborted.
 

*This was just for my dear friends@IvanKaramazov and @rockaction.
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There is a lot of truth to this. I know a couple women who have had abortions without telling their “partners”.  I also know someone who went through with the pregnancy and the dad has absolutely zero clue he fathered a child. 

 
Never had an abortion, but I have an odd story about abortions. 

So when I became pregnant it was a total shock. My husband and I never planned on having children. He didn't want any and I have a medical condition that makes pregnancies extreme difficult on a person and the fetus

After we found out we expecting, we talked to our doctor and made a plan. If the pregnancy put my life in danger at anytime we would terminate. If the fetus had any major complications we would terminate and because of this we waited almost 6 months before we told anyone, even our parents and siblings. We didn't want to deal with any fallout or second guessing of our decision. 

So after my doctor assured me I and the baby were doing great (I might have had the easiest pregnancy in the history of the world) we decided to tell everyone. 

Almost everyone was happy for us, except we had one acquaintance that asked us why we waited so long to tell everyone and we told her everything I mentioned above. This women had the nerve to scold us about how wrong abortion is and how every life is sacred.

I wasn't really close friends with her, but I was close friends with her sister and I knew that roughly 10 years earlier she had 2 abortions in a 3 year period because she was too young and they were unplanned. 

 
Desert_Power said:
Any particular reason you had to go there? Maybe them being in any drug store is more of a recent thing?
Click to expand...
Well, I’m not sure.

When we realized we had a miscommunication….

She just said we’re going to PP.

This would have been… early 90’s… Denver.

 
The closest I have been to the situation was several years ago my wife took her best friend to get an abortion (the woman had had a very casual relationship with a guy, etc, etc). 

I remember my wife coming home distraught, telling me in great detailmabout how her friend had curled up in a ball in the floor of the car and sobbed uncontrollably all the way home.  

Although I didn't see it, that "image" remained very present in my mind because I always thought about how the person who made the choice was even so shaken by it, even after having all the information and decision-making ability, was unsettled and unsure about it being the right choice. 

 
Not me but my closest friend and his gf at the time when we were all very young. They stayed together and have been happily married and have 3 boys almost all out of hs now. We’re no longer in touch but at the time it was very traumatic for them. I’ll always wonder how they feel now. 
 

My sister got pregnant right around the same time. She had just turned 18. Somehow they’re also still married (dude had a LOT of growing up to do). 
 

I’ve wrestled with my feelings about it since forever. I definitely believe that it should be legally available, given the alternative but absolutely understand pro life view.

 
the moops said:
I would say that is a pretty good assumption. I imagine there are plenty of one night stands that result in pregnancy and times there would be no way for a woman to even get in touch with the dude. 
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I’m not convinced many guys here were capable of pulling off one night stands to be a significant number. Well, unless we are counting multiples for @offdee

 
Technically no. But, I did give a short-term girlfriend money and my emotional support to get one (frankly, I was too in shock and scared to think it through and my initial instinct was to support her choice). She wound up miscarrying before the appointment. Additionally, when I was with her in the ER as she had gone in with the miscarriage and had some complications or some such, the approximate conception date came out and I realized (she then realized that I realized and I realized that she realized that I realized - awkward) that I could not be the father. So… yeah. Dodged a bullet there. She would have been a challenging co-parent. 
 

I state the above because the sentiment of the thread seems to be whether one would be complicit in an abortion, and still to my surprise (as I’m generally pro life from a moral standpoint), I was apparently willing. 

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Shula-holic said:
I’m not convinced many guys here were capable of pulling off one night stands to be a significant number. Well, unless we are counting multiples for @offdee
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My mostly disastrous dating record was documented on this site and, frankly, I still managed a few. So, it’s doable. 

 
Zow said:
My mostly disastrous dating record was documented on this site and, frankly, I still managed a few. So, it’s doable. 
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Yeah, I kid. I got married when I was almost 36. I am as opposite from smooth as can be. Even so, when you get married later most guys have a past. I had a couple girls I told my wife about because I was just sure I’d run into one of the crazy ones when I was out with her and we had been dating awhile. 

 
Yep.    Once and a close call

First college girlfriend.   Late on her monthly.  We were both quite nervous and started having the conversation.  90% sure she would have had one but she was just late.

Last college girlfriend.  Yep.  And we decided to do it.  Not an easy call of course but we did feel it was the right thing to do at the time.

 
College girlfriend. 2nd year. I didn't handle it well, even though I supported the decision. Was definitely a big reason why we broke up soon after.

 
I answered yes based on the definition in the OP. But truthfully I wasn’t a participant. The participants in an abortion are the woman who has one and the doctor who performs it. The rest of us are bystanders. 

 
timschochet said:
I answered yes based on the definition in the OP. But truthfully I wasn’t a participant. The participants in an abortion are the woman who has one and the doctor who performs it. The rest of us are bystanders. 
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Oh good god.   Seriously.   Why do you do this?  You know exactly what was meant yet you still had to come in and add a completely irrelevant opinion.  This wasn't a place for your opinion.  Just answer the question.   Stop it

 
supermike80 said:
Oh good god.   Seriously.   Why do you do this?  You know exactly what was meant yet you still had to come in and add a completely irrelevant opinion.  This wasn't a place for your opinion.  Just answer the question.   Stop it
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There was a place for my opinion. It’s called a post. 

 
My SIL had an abortion 25 years ago, still cries about it with my wife and has suffered from guilt and depression over it ever since, even though she had 2 children later.

 
No. I did have a daughter after just turning 18. Her mom was still 17 when she was born. Tried to make it work but the break up was inevitable. My ex came from a pretty horrible family. Alcohol and abuse ran rampant. When my daughter was 4 she came to live with me full time after her mom decided to move with her husband to Las Vegas. Spent the next 14 years trying to fix my daughter while my now wife filled the roll of "Mom" and also worked VERY hard to try and have the biological mother involved. 

Wasn't easy. Absolutely sent my life in a different direction. No college for me. Had to find a job with benefits. Ended up going to college in my 30s. My daughter is now 29. She actually works with me in the same company now. See her every day. She will be walking through the office door any minute for lunch. She's married to a good guy. They took care of my father in his later years before he died last year of cancer. Worked out in the end.

Her biological mother and I discussed what we would do when we found out she was pregnant. In our case neither one of us gave abortion a thought. I totally understand why people make that choice though. No judgement from me here. 

 
I've been in 3 pregnancies that I know of - I was responsible and was the man I was supposed to be in all 3

my daughter had her unborn killed and pregnancy ended 2 years back ... she was in college, not married, was told she'd be better for doing it. Not long after the boyfriend was murdered, she feels like the only thing she could have had of him she terminated. The emotional trauma has contributed greatly to her being in a terrible place even to this day. Quit college, deeper into drugs, counseling that doesn't seem to help. 

its not all roses and champagne for women

 
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BTW ... if this thread could be about SHARING ONLY without judgements or snide comments .... man that'd be great, just reading about each person's experiences etc

 
I'm a yes. After my 2nd kid with my wife, my wife got an IUD. Somehow, I still got her preggers. The zygote implanted in her fallopian tube though. So the choice was to abort and lose the baby or to not abort and lose the baby and my wife. As much as I liked the second option, my wife had a strong preference for the first.

 
Girlfriend (now wife) had an iud. Was on contaception. I wore a condom. Junior and sophomore in college.

Went to Austin for procedure. She was assaulted on the way in (three protesters hit her with signs and physically shoved her off sidewalk). I put said assaulters on their asses in the bushes, shoved one further down the hill for good measure, and walked on. Police showed up much later and were inclined to pursue charges on protesters.... we just left.

25 years later... the thought of "what if" still occurs to me occasionally. Our lives would be much different. Much worse on a financial scale. Our two kids (11 and 13 years later) would not have the amazing life we have given them.
 
:deadbevo: said:
Girlfriend (now wife) had an iud. Was on contaception. I wore a condom. Junior and sophomore in college.

Went to Austin for procedure. She was assaulted on the way in (three protesters hit her with signs and physically shoved her off sidewalk). I put said assaulters on their asses in the bushes, shoved one further down the hill for good measure, and walked on. Police showed up much later and were inclined to pursue charges on protesters.... we just left.

25 years later... the thought of "what if" still occurs to me occasionally. Our lives would be much different. Much worse on a financial scale. Our two kids (11 and 13 years later) would not have the amazing life we have given them.
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Jesus man that’s horrible. So sorry you had to go through that. Appreciate you sharing your story.
 
All three of our children were c-sections. With the third, we decided we were done so we asked the doc to tie my wife's tubes since they'd already have her cut open for the c-section. A few years later, she became pregnant. Obviously with tied tubes, it's not a viable pregnancy so she received an injection that ended the pregnancy. Then, wouldn't you know it, she became pregnant again a while later. Pretty clear that tube-tie didn't work. This time the doctors suggested removing her tubes, so she had that procedure done and ended that pregnancy.
 
Stealthycat said:
I've been in 3 pregnancies that I know of - I was responsible and was the man I was supposed to be in all 3

my daughter had her unborn killed and pregnancy ended 2 years back ... she was in college, not married, was told she'd be better for doing it. Not long after the boyfriend was murdered, she feels like the only thing she could have had of him she terminated. The emotional trauma has contributed greatly to her being in a terrible place even to this day. Quit college, deeper into drugs, counseling that doesn't seem to help.

its not all roses and champagne for women
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Damn, that's really tough. My heart goes out to your daughter and I hope she gets her life back in track after that trauma.
 
Only one (that I know of) for me. Morning after pill for college gf. She probably wasn't pregnant but we didn't want to chance it. She went on the pill shortly thereafter.
 
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