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Holidays Can Be Rough - Steve Martin and cut scene from Planes Trains and Automobiles (1 Viewer)

Joe Bryant

Guide
Staff member
The Holidays are especially hard for people who've lost someone.This video got me.

https://youtube.com/shorts/CpHIF-NoF7s?si=gtLsmRO7oZ8B-8CY

You've probably seen Planes Trains and Automobiles but I did not know this story. Martin talks about the scene cut from John Candy's character and it's powerful.

This time of year can be hard. And it can suck. Hit me up with a PM if you want to vent. Rock on. Peace and Grace to you. 🙏 :heart:
 
I have always loved this time of year, it truly was incredibly special for me. My childhood was very difficult, being born to a narcissistic mother, paired with an absentee father. I was either overly fake-loved, or most times, completely and thoroughly abused - emotionally, psychologically and physically. The scars left have and will always be life-long. But the holidays growing up, starting with Thanksgiving, were like a glimmer of light and hope in an otherwise very dark existence.

Almost 15 years ago, in 2010, I decided to divorce my wife. We never had a great marriage, We were together for all the wrong reasons and at far too young of an age (I was married before turning 23). When I decided to leave my wife, my mother, as the matriarch of the family, informed me that if I didn't stay with my wife she would disown me. Well, after a very difficult year of contemplating, I went ahead with the divorce, and my entire family followed my mother's lead. I lost everyone; parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and almost 15 years later, none of those people have attempted to reconnect with me for fear of how my mother would react. My mother told me on Mother's Day of 2010, the last we'd spend together, that I had been the greatest disappointment of her life.

I cannot begin to describe the depth of pain and suffering that I have had to endure. I have been through several different kinds of therapy and the only one that has gotten any results is EMDR, a type of therapy used on people with PTSD (many times war veterans).

Working my way through holidays, which used to be my favorite and brightest time of year, has presented an entirely new challenge in life. The losses of some many critical components through the first 30 years of my life had been devastating enough, but now having to experience the Holidays without them gives a whole new meaning to feeling buried in the emotional depths of hell.

So, yes, I understand how hard this time of year can be for people who have lost loved ones. I myself have lost so many and yet, they're all still alive, choosing to not want me as part of their lives.

Embrace those you love and are close to you and if you are or have suffered in any way, as I have, feel free to reach out.

Happy Holidays all and find the reasons to try to be happy and live your life to the fullest. We all only have 1 shot, make it count.
 
I have always loved this time of year, it truly was incredibly special for me. My childhood was very difficult, being born to a narcissistic mother, paired with an absentee father. I was either overly fake-loved, or most times, completely and thoroughly abused - emotionally, psychologically and physically. The scars left have and will always be life-long. But the holidays growing up, starting with Thanksgiving, were like a glimmer of light and hope in an otherwise very dark existence.

Almost 15 years ago, in 2010, I decided to divorce my wife. We never had a great marriage, We were together for all the wrong reasons and at far too young of an age (I was married before turning 23). When I decided to leave my wife, my mother, as the matriarch of the family, informed me that if I didn't stay with my wife she would disown me. Well, after a very difficult year of contemplating, I went ahead with the divorce, and my entire family followed my mother's lead. I lost everyone; parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and almost 15 years later, none of those people have attempted to reconnect with me for fear of how my mother would react. My mother told me on Mother's Day of 2010, the last we'd spend together, that I had been the greatest disappointment of her life.

I cannot begin to describe the depth of pain and suffering that I have had to endure. I have been through several different kinds of therapy and the only one that has gotten any results is EMDR, a type of therapy used on people with PTSD (many times war veterans).

Working my way through holidays, which used to be my favorite and brightest time of year, has presented an entirely new challenge in life. The losses of some many critical components through the first 30 years of my life had been devastating enough, but now having to experience the Holidays without them gives a whole new meaning to feeling buried in the emotional depths of hell.

So, yes, I understand how hard this time of year can be for people who have lost loved ones. I myself have lost so many and yet, they're all still alive, choosing to not want me as part of their lives.

Embrace those you love and are close to you and if you are or have suffered in any way, as I have, feel free to reach out.

Happy Holidays all and find the reasons to try to be happy and live your life to the fullest. We all only have 1 shot, make it count.

This post is heartbreaking. It is so infuriating to see the impact that a truly toxic person can have on so many people in their orbit. I can only hope and pray that you have been able to form new, healthier relationships with friends and colleagues. If you ever find yourself in Houston, drop me a line - would love to get together for a drink or coffee.
 
I have always loved this time of year, it truly was incredibly special for me. My childhood was very difficult, being born to a narcissistic mother, paired with an absentee father. I was either overly fake-loved, or most times, completely and thoroughly abused - emotionally, psychologically and physically. The scars left have and will always be life-long. But the holidays growing up, starting with Thanksgiving, were like a glimmer of light and hope in an otherwise very dark existence.

Almost 15 years ago, in 2010, I decided to divorce my wife. We never had a great marriage, We were together for all the wrong reasons and at far too young of an age (I was married before turning 23). When I decided to leave my wife, my mother, as the matriarch of the family, informed me that if I didn't stay with my wife she would disown me. Well, after a very difficult year of contemplating, I went ahead with the divorce, and my entire family followed my mother's lead. I lost everyone; parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and almost 15 years later, none of those people have attempted to reconnect with me for fear of how my mother would react. My mother told me on Mother's Day of 2010, the last we'd spend together, that I had been the greatest disappointment of her life.

I cannot begin to describe the depth of pain and suffering that I have had to endure. I have been through several different kinds of therapy and the only one that has gotten any results is EMDR, a type of therapy used on people with PTSD (many times war veterans).

Working my way through holidays, which used to be my favorite and brightest time of year, has presented an entirely new challenge in life. The losses of some many critical components through the first 30 years of my life had been devastating enough, but now having to experience the Holidays without them gives a whole new meaning to feeling buried in the emotional depths of hell.

So, yes, I understand how hard this time of year can be for people who have lost loved ones. I myself have lost so many and yet, they're all still alive, choosing to not want me as part of their lives.

Embrace those you love and are close to you and if you are or have suffered in any way, as I have, feel free to reach out.

Happy Holidays all and find the reasons to try to be happy and live your life to the fullest. We all only have 1 shot, make it count.

This post is heartbreaking. It is so infuriating to see the impact that a truly toxic person can have on so many people in their orbit. I can only hope and pray that you have been able to form new, healthier relationships with friends and colleagues. If you ever find yourself in Houston, drop me a line - would love to get together for a drink or coffee.

Hey BB, that I have. Along the way, I met an amazing woman, truly a soul mate type, and she has not only been a tremendous match for me but an amazingly patient person as I've learned to work through my issues and recreate new understandings of trust in people, while learning what love and unconditional love really are. If I'm ever in Houston, I'll take you up on that offer.
 
Last year was the first time in my life I realized how the holidays can impact people in a negative way.

Since we got married my wife and I always hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day for all of our family. Had 12-16 every Thanksgiving, over the two days of Christmas over 30-35 people would come through our doors, sometimes more. My family, our friends, my daughters and their friends, nieces and nephews, parents.

Both sets of our parents have passed, my daughters are now married and have their own homes they want to host at, my wife's sister passed in an accident, I lost my sister suddenly, nieces and nephews all have their own lives now being married and pulled in different directions. My daughters are split up for thanksgiving because of their in-laws so that is chaos for them trying to please everyone driving all over. My wife and I went through the same thing when we were dating and first got married. I now understand why my mom used to get so sad when I was not there for one of the holidays due to my wife's family.

We woke up last Christmas morning and nothing was planned at our house. My older daughter was hosting us, my younger daughter did Christmas Eve, instead of seeing all these people at our home it was just my wife and I. If you are by yourself I see how this could be terribly depressing watching all the commercials of people laughing and hugging each other.

We still are invited everywhere but it is different, I guess it is just passing the torch. I really miss having everyone at our home.
 
I have always loved this time of year, it truly was incredibly special for me. My childhood was very difficult, being born to a narcissistic mother, paired with an absentee father. I was either overly fake-loved, or most times, completely and thoroughly abused - emotionally, psychologically and physically. The scars left have and will always be life-long. But the holidays growing up, starting with Thanksgiving, were like a glimmer of light and hope in an otherwise very dark existence.

Almost 15 years ago, in 2010, I decided to divorce my wife. We never had a great marriage, We were together for all the wrong reasons and at far too young of an age (I was married before turning 23). When I decided to leave my wife, my mother, as the matriarch of the family, informed me that if I didn't stay with my wife she would disown me. Well, after a very difficult year of contemplating, I went ahead with the divorce, and my entire family followed my mother's lead. I lost everyone; parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and almost 15 years later, none of those people have attempted to reconnect with me for fear of how my mother would react. My mother told me on Mother's Day of 2010, the last we'd spend together, that I had been the greatest disappointment of her life.

I cannot begin to describe the depth of pain and suffering that I have had to endure. I have been through several different kinds of therapy and the only one that has gotten any results is EMDR, a type of therapy used on people with PTSD (many times war veterans).

Working my way through holidays, which used to be my favorite and brightest time of year, has presented an entirely new challenge in life. The losses of some many critical components through the first 30 years of my life had been devastating enough, but now having to experience the Holidays without them gives a whole new meaning to feeling buried in the emotional depths of hell.

So, yes, I understand how hard this time of year can be for people who have lost loved ones. I myself have lost so many and yet, they're all still alive, choosing to not want me as part of their lives.

Embrace those you love and are close to you and if you are or have suffered in any way, as I have, feel free to reach out.

Happy Holidays all and find the reasons to try to be happy and live your life to the fullest. We all only have 1 shot, make it count.

Thank you for sharing GB. A good reminder that lots of people have way more going on than may seem evident on the surface. I'm sorry for the past there and happy for you now and the growth you've seen. Rock on. 🙏 :heart:
 
Last year was the first time in my life I realized how the holidays can impact people in a negative way.

Since we got married my wife and I always hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day for all of our family. Had 12-16 every Thanksgiving, over the two days of Christmas over 30-35 people would come through our doors, sometimes more. My family, our friends, my daughters and their friends, nieces and nephews, parents.

Both sets of our parents have passed, my daughters are now married and have their own homes they want to host at, my wife's sister passed in an accident, I lost my sister suddenly, nieces and nephews all have their own lives now being married and pulled in different directions. My daughters are split up for thanksgiving because of their in-laws so that is chaos for them trying to please everyone driving all over. My wife and I went through the same thing when we were dating and first got married. I now understand why my mom used to get so sad when I was not there for one of the holidays due to my wife's family.

We woke up last Christmas morning and nothing was planned at our house. My older daughter was hosting us, my younger daughter did Christmas Eve, instead of seeing all these people at our home it was just my wife and I. If you are by yourself I see how this could be terribly depressing watching all the commercials of people laughing and hugging each other.

We still are invited everywhere but it is different, I guess it is just passing the torch. I really miss having everyone at our home.
Thanks for sharing this, Da Guru, the change isn't easy. My folks are going through this now and it's a tough transition for them. Both are in their early 80's and hosted Thanksgiving and X-Mas for 50 years until a few years ago when the back to back became too tiring. We ended taking X-Mas off their plate and my sister now hosts the family get together week or so before x-mas eve every year and my parents like that. They still insist on hosting Thanksgiving even though we've taken over the planning and turkey cooking. They still make the stuffing, homemade cranberry sauce and mashed taters but when we suggested moving the shindig to my brothers my father put his foot down and made it clear the gathering would be at their place, full stop. It makes mom happy so it's all good.
 
My mom died exactly 50 year ago. Thanksgiving was always a holiday I didn't look forward to but I've come to be more thankful for all that I have, especially a loving wife and kids. Told my wife last night what today was and she asked if my mom would have liked her. That was just a bit bittersweet.
 

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