I have always loved this time of year, it truly was incredibly special for me. My childhood was very difficult, being born to a narcissistic mother, paired with an absentee father. I was either overly fake-loved, or most times, completely and thoroughly abused - emotionally, psychologically and physically. The scars left have and will always be life-long. But the holidays growing up, starting with Thanksgiving, were like a glimmer of light and hope in an otherwise very dark existence.
Almost 15 years ago, in 2010, I decided to divorce my wife. We never had a great marriage, We were together for all the wrong reasons and at far too young of an age (I was married before turning 23). When I decided to leave my wife, my mother, as the matriarch of the family, informed me that if I didn't stay with my wife she would disown me. Well, after a very difficult year of contemplating, I went ahead with the divorce, and my entire family followed my mother's lead. I lost everyone; parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and almost 15 years later, none of those people have attempted to reconnect with me for fear of how my mother would react. My mother told me on Mother's Day of 2010, the last we'd spend together, that I had been the greatest disappointment of her life.
I cannot begin to describe the depth of pain and suffering that I have had to endure. I have been through several different kinds of therapy and the only one that has gotten any results is EMDR, a type of therapy used on people with PTSD (many times war veterans).
Working my way through holidays, which used to be my favorite and brightest time of year, has presented an entirely new challenge in life. The losses of some many critical components through the first 30 years of my life had been devastating enough, but now having to experience the Holidays without them gives a whole new meaning to feeling buried in the emotional depths of hell.
So, yes, I understand how hard this time of year can be for people who have lost loved ones. I myself have lost so many and yet, they're all still alive, choosing to not want me as part of their lives.
Embrace those you love and are close to you and if you are or have suffered in any way, as I have, feel free to reach out.
Happy Holidays all and find the reasons to try to be happy and live your life to the fullest. We all only have 1 shot, make it count.