How much time do you spend with your significant other? (1 Viewer)

[Terminalxylem]

I’m somewhere between 50 and 75%, as we do stuff separately all the time.

Yesterday, for instance, I climbed outside all day, while she did some volunteer teaching. That evening, she practiced with her band, while I ate dinner and played games with our friends. She was asleep when I came home.

Today we woke up together, will be eating lunch with FIL, then eat dinner and play tennis with friends.

So one day we were entirely apart during waking hours, but will be together all day today. I’ve noticed some of my friends are much more tethered together, nearly never apart.

Of course, the better question may be, how much is quality time?

 

[JohnnyU]

I voted 95% of the time, but does not looking at them count?

 

[-OZ-]

The comments don’t really match the percentages. We’re under 25%, as that’s still 6 hours a day. We sleep in separate rooms, don’t work in the same office, we do different workouts, with different hobbies. I wouldn’t say we live separately but we’re under 10% / 2.4 hours most days.

ETA - even for “free time” we’re under 25%.

 

[JohnnyU]

The comments don’t really match the percentages. We’re under 25%, as that’s still 6 hours a day. We sleep in separate rooms, don’t work in the same office, we do different workouts, with different hobbies. I wouldn’t say we live separately but we’re under 10% / 2.4 hours most days.

You probably should have considered staying singe.

 

[-OZ-]

The comments don’t really match the percentages. We’re under 25%, as that’s still 6 hours a day. We sleep in separate rooms, don’t work in the same office, we do different workouts, with different hobbies. I wouldn’t say we live separately but we’re under 10% / 2.4 hours most days.

You probably should have considered staying singe.

nah, we’re good. She travels without me about 6-10 times per year, I’ll do about the same.
Almost 30 years together, it works for us.

 

[KarmaPolice]

My answer would be less than 25%, but we aren't separated. We just don't see each other much.

 

[JohnnyU]

The comments don’t really match the percentages. We’re under 25%, as that’s still 6 hours a day. We sleep in separate rooms, don’t work in the same office, we do different workouts, with different hobbies. I wouldn’t say we live separately but we’re under 10% / 2.4 hours most days.

You probably should have considered staying singe.

nah, we’re good. She travels without me about 6-10 times per year, I’ll do about the same.
Almost 30 years together, it works for us.

She removes pictures from the house and replaces them with others when you leave. Then puts them all back the day you arrive home.

 

[JohnnyU]

My answer would be less than 25%, but we aren't separated. We just don't see each other much.

That can’t be good……can it?

 

[-OZ-]

The comments don’t really match the percentages. We’re under 25%, as that’s still 6 hours a day. We sleep in separate rooms, don’t work in the same office, we do different workouts, with different hobbies. I wouldn’t say we live separately but we’re under 10% / 2.4 hours most days.

You probably should have considered staying singe.

nah, we’re good. She travels without me about 6-10 times per year, I’ll do about the same.
Almost 30 years together, it works for us.

She removes pictures from the house and replaces them with others when you leave. Then puts them all back the day you arrive home.

She’s not that motivated.

The pictures are just our kids.

 

[JohnnyU]

The comments don’t really match the percentages. We’re under 25%, as that’s still 6 hours a day. We sleep in separate rooms, don’t work in the same office, we do different workouts, with different hobbies. I wouldn’t say we live separately but we’re under 10% / 2.4 hours most days.

You probably should have considered staying singe.

nah, we’re good. She travels without me about 6-10 times per year, I’ll do about the same.
Almost 30 years together, it works for us.

She removes pictures from the house and replaces them with others when you leave. Then puts them all back the day you arrive home.

She’s not that motivated.

The pictures are just our kids.

Those are the pics you see when at home. There’s a whole new set of pictures you don’t see when you’re away.

 

[Gally]

I am basing it on "free time" meaning not at work. I also am not counting the time actually sleeping even though that is technically "together" as in the same bed. So of the about 6-8 hours a day of "free time" it's in the 75-95% band of time.

 

[KarmaPolice]

My answer would be less than 25%, but we aren't separated. We just don't see each other much.

That can’t be good……can it?

Ideal? No, but we make it work. I am early up, early to pass out. She is a night owl and will stay up late and sleep in. Typical day is I am out the door with the kiddo and she is getting up. She gets home from work around 7/8 and I typically pass out at 10. I work on Sundays, so it doesn't leave a lot of time we cross paths.

 

[NutterButter]

We live separately. I think I'd aspire for 50% if we live together. It might be more if she decides to do the things I do as I have a pretty solid routine but it wouldn't be the other way around. I assume this means awake free time although then I'm not sure why sleeping in separate rooms matters.

 

[-OZ-]

The comments don’t really match the percentages. We’re under 25%, as that’s still 6 hours a day. We sleep in separate rooms, don’t work in the same office, we do different workouts, with different hobbies. I wouldn’t say we live separately but we’re under 10% / 2.4 hours most days.

You probably should have considered staying singe.

nah, we’re good. She travels without me about 6-10 times per year, I’ll do about the same.
Almost 30 years together, it works for us.

She removes pictures from the house and replaces them with others when you leave. Then puts them all back the day you arrive home.

She’s not that motivated.

The pictures are just our kids.

Those are the pics you see when at home. There’s a whole new set of pictures you don’t see when you’re away.

Our kids talk too much for that.

 

[JohnnyU]

My answer would be less than 25%, but we aren't separated. We just don't see each other much.

That can’t be good……can it?

Ideal? No, but we make it work. I am early up, early to pass out. She is a night owl and will stay up late and sleep in. Typical day is I am out the door with the kiddo and she is getting up. She gets home from work around 7/8 and I typically pass out at 10. I work on Sundays, so it doesn't leave a lot of time we cross paths.

Being serious now. That would strain most marriages eventually.

 

[JohnnyU]

The comments don’t really match the percentages. We’re under 25%, as that’s still 6 hours a day. We sleep in separate rooms, don’t work in the same office, we do different workouts, with different hobbies. I wouldn’t say we live separately but we’re under 10% / 2.4 hours most days.

You probably should have considered staying singe.

nah, we’re good. She travels without me about 6-10 times per year, I’ll do about the same.
Almost 30 years together, it works for us.

She removes pictures from the house and replaces them with others when you leave. Then puts them all back the day you arrive home.

She’s not that motivated.

The pictures are just our kids.

Those are the pics you see when at home. There’s a whole new set of pictures you don’t see when you’re away.

Our kids talk too much for that.

 

[KarmaPolice]

My answer would be less than 25%, but we aren't separated. We just don't see each other much.

That can’t be good……can it?

Ideal? No, but we make it work. I am early up, early to pass out. She is a night owl and will stay up late and sleep in. Typical day is I am out the door with the kiddo and she is getting up. She gets home from work around 7/8 and I typically pass out at 10. I work on Sundays, so it doesn't leave a lot of time we cross paths.

Being serious now. That would strain most marriages eventually.

I hear you, like I said - not ideal, but we are rounding 20 years and doing fine. We aren't exciting people and stick to ourselves naturally so we work for us. We have tried more and more to carve out more time for us and away from the kids and her newer job will be much better for her going forward having an extra day off and things like that.

 

[-OZ-]

FWIW, you could add a second question - would you want to change this? No / higher / lower.

 

[snogger]

I’m somewhere between 50 and 75%, as we do stuff separately all the time.

Yesterday, for instance, I climbed outside all day, while she did some volunteer teaching. That evening, she practiced with her band, while I ate dinner and played games with our friends. She was asleep when I came home.

Today we woke up together, will be eating lunch with FIL, then eat dinner and play tennis with friends.

So one day we were entirely apart during waking hours, but will be together all day today. I’ve noticed some of my friends are much more tethered together, nearly never apart.

Of course, the better question may be, how much is quality time?

I'd say around 80%.

I don't have any local friends to hang out with so spend most of my time with her. Luckily, we get along great and always find things to do together.

I do go hiking, XC Skiing and go to Canada twice a year without her, but that's about it outside the home.

 

[FreeBaGeL]

I chose 75-95. Other than work we are typically with each other most of the day. I do jog and work out and she doesn't so those things I do by myself. I take trips with the guys a few times a year.

But on a normal day, outside of exercising, we're mostly together. Occasionally I will golf without her when she's not up for it, or take one of the kids out to do something if the other kid doesn't want to (IE my son and I will go for hikes sometimes but our younger daughter doesn't like it so will sometimes stay home with mom). Also of course sometimes errands like one of the kids having a sports practice only one of us will go.

Almost always go to bed together unless one of us has to go into work early the next day or something.

 

[urbanhack]

We live separately. I think I'd aspire for 50% if we live together. It might be more if she decides to do the things I do as I have a pretty solid routine but it wouldn't be the other way around. I assume this means awake free time although then I'm not sure why sleeping in separate rooms matters.

This is about my situation. Been together almost 4 years and live separately. I've been in two serious relationships that spanned 10+ years each so I'm going about this one a bit differently.

We see each other one night during the week and then all weekend together unless she's hanging with her daughters or I'm throwing discs in a tournament. We're just now talking about getting a house together.

 

[Dezbelief]

Not enough

 

[Tick]

We have different interests, so day to day at home, she's doing cat foster and gardening stuff, I'm doing mountain biking and fantasy football stuff, and there isn't much overlap unless she asks me for some help. Our youngest is a senior and has a pretty full schedule, so I'd say we're shifting our spouse/parent ratio higher and finding out that while we have different interests, we enjoy each other's company and are both looking for things we both like. Hiking, camping, traveling, museums, aquariums/zoos, going to yokel spots like the local cider farm. I spent an evening this weekend putting together 2-day itineraries for nearby cities after we had a great train trip to Chicago (Milwaukee, Detroit, Grand Rapids, more Chicago).

I didn't answer the poll because it didn't really make sense to me, but I think we're both happy with where we are and excited about the next ~20 years until our bodies fall apart.

 

[Terminalxylem]

FWIW, you could add a second question - would you want to change this? No / higher / lower.

I’m content as-is.

That said, early in our relationship I’d take a month each winter to ski by myself. She’s learned to ski, so now “me” time has become “we” time.

That’s not terrible, except:

1. She isn’t nearly as stupid, or enthusiastic skiing as me.

2. She doesn’t like leaving our cat for more than two weeks at a time.

3. She likes eating more frequently, at nicer places than I.

The end result is, I end up skiing less, on easier terrain, and spending much more on food/lodging.

Given my druthers, I’d rather just ski, but she enjoys it enough I can no longer justify solo trips.

 

[MAC_32]

FWIW, you could add a second question - would you want to change this? No / higher / lower.

I'd want to create more free time, decrease the %, and spend more total time with her. Don't know when our reality will allow for that though.

We usually eat dinner as a family, but these day's that can be 9 pm like tonight then she goes right to bed. That's the only time we spend together Mon-Thu most weeks, but most of our weekends are spent together. Only things that are me-only are golf and one-off concerts/poker games. She'll probably take up golf when the kids get older though.

 

[-OZ-]

'd want to create more free time, decrease the %, and spend more total time with her. Don't know when our reality will allow for that though

That’s our plan. 8 years away when the youngest goes to college and I might retire. More likely we’ll move to a lake house, I’ll work until she graduates college (and possibly pay the house off) But there will still be more time.

 

[MAC_32]

'd want to create more free time, decrease the %, and spend more total time with her. Don't know when our reality will allow for that though

That’s our plan. 8 years away when the youngest goes to college and I might retire. More likely we’ll move to a lake house, I’ll work until she graduates college (and possibly pay the house off) But there will still be more time.

I think we'll get some relief in 2 1/2 years. I'm coaching 2 teams per season 10 months per year, but once our middle son gets to high school that'll tail to 1 max.

 

[offdee]

with the kiddo

Stop it

 

[DA RAIDERS]

50 to 75%. But we enjoy being together. That being said, she just left for Maui for 6 weeks..

 

[ChiefD]

FWIW, you could add a second question - would you want to change this? No / higher / lower.

I'd want to create more free time, decrease the %, and spend more total time with her. Don't know when our reality will allow for that though.

We usually eat dinner as a family, but these day's that can be 9 pm like tonight then she goes right to bed. That's the only time we spend together Mon-Thu most weeks, but most of our weekends are spent together. Only things that are me-only are golf and one-off concerts/poker games. She'll probably take up golf when the kids get older though.

It will happen. Our kids are 19, 16, and 14 and our time together has increased and free time has increased as they age. The key is to give each other proper time during those “busy” years like you are in now. In addition:

I’m a big fan that each spouse needs to be able to have their own time without the other spouse making them feel guilty about it.

To me that’s the healthiest of relationships.

 

[Terminalxylem]

50 to 75%. But we enjoy being together. That being said, she just left for Maui for 6 weeks..

This is your chance for early season skiing!

 

[MAC_32]

FWIW, you could add a second question - would you want to change this? No / higher / lower.

I'd want to create more free time, decrease the %, and spend more total time with her. Don't know when our reality will allow for that though.

We usually eat dinner as a family, but these day's that can be 9 pm like tonight then she goes right to bed. That's the only time we spend together Mon-Thu most weeks, but most of our weekends are spent together. Only things that are me-only are golf and one-off concerts/poker games. She'll probably take up golf when the kids get older though.

It will happen. Our kids are 19, 16, and 14 and our time together has increased and free time has increased as they age. The key is to give each other proper time during those “busy” years like you are in now. In addition:

I’m a big fan that each spouse needs to be able to have their own time without the other spouse making them feel guilty about it.

To me that’s the healthiest of relationships.

Agreed, Cleveland has the 2nd largest theater district in the US outside of Broadway. She has season tickets and goes to at least one show per month with her friends. I just compress most of my 'me time' into a 4 month window to golf.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

50 to 75%. But we enjoy being together. That being said, she just left for Maui for 6 weeks..

This is your chance for early season skiing!

Loosely planning on running up to mammoth the first week of december

 

[JohnnyU]

'd want to create more free time, decrease the %, and spend more total time with her. Don't know when our reality will allow for that though

That’s our plan. 8 years away when the youngest goes to college and I might retire. More likely we’ll move to a lake house, I’ll work until she graduates college (and possibly pay the house off) But there will still be more time.

Time is not guaranteed

 

[Judge Smails]

Used to be about 50% because of work travel. Now that I work from home with little travel it’s over 75%. We like most of the same hobbies except she doesn’t golf. I’m thankful for that. That’s my time with the boys. We are best friends and have been together 4 decades so it’s all good

 

[-OZ-]

'd want to create more free time, decrease the %, and spend more total time with her. Don't know when our reality will allow for that though

That’s our plan. 8 years away when the youngest goes to college and I might retire. More likely we’ll move to a lake house, I’ll work until she graduates college (and possibly pay the house off) But there will still be more time.

Time is not guaranteed

Darn, I thought every plan was guaranteed.

 

[The Gator]

50 to 75%. But we enjoy being together. That being said, she just left for Maui for 6 weeks..

 

[dkp993]

Not sure how to vote on this. Total time in the day or free time. Free time it’s probably 50/60 percent. We cook and eat dinner together nightly. Do family movie night once a week. Weekends we often do projects together but also work separately often. Usually after dinner we go to separate TV rooms and watch our own things. So 50/50 free time. Less the 25% overall?

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Assuming we're talking non-work and non-sleep time, I guess 50%-75%. We eat supper together every night. Weeknights are probably 50% watching TV together vs. 50% doing other stuff in adjacent rooms. Saturdays are hit-and-miss, but we're together all morning on Sundays.

 

[Sand]

Roughly 50%, but a lot of that is sleeping. Just the nature of a job that isn't a WFH and such. If non-work and non-sleep time it's a bit higher (our main hobbies are very different, though, so that takes a bit away).

 

[nirad3]

Can't answer, 'cuz I'm less than 25% but still - technically - live under the same roof. Separate bedrooms and I spend very little time in the "common areas". If I'm home, I'm probably on my bed watching TV in my office... or at my desk working. Otherwise, I'm either at work or out and about with the kid(s). Very little time is spent with the entire family all at once, and like 0% of the time just 1-on-1, unless she's dropping me off somewhere (to get an oil change, etc.).

Just the way it is...

 

[-OZ-]

Can't answer, 'cuz I'm less than 25% but still - technically - live under the same roof. Separate bedrooms and I spend very little time in the "common areas". If I'm home, I'm probably on my bed watching TV in my office... or at my desk working. Otherwise, I'm either at work or out and about with the kid(s). Very little time is spent with the entire family all at once, and like 0% of the time just 1-on-1, unless she's dropping me off somewhere (to get an oil change, etc.).

Just the way it is...

Are you me?

 

[jamny]

Practically inseparable. 95%
Married 30 years and never been happier.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Practically inseparable. 95%
Married 30 years and never been happier.

How much time do you spend with friends?

 

[jamny]

Practically inseparable. 95%
Married 30 years and never been happier.

How much time do you spend with friends?

We moved to Boise from NY and don't have friends here, at least not really close ones. Even back in NY we had all the same friends so rarely spent time with them without each other.

 

[3C's]

About an hour a day, from ~8-9pm. Works for us.

 

[Brunell4MVP]

Probably 80%. We work together, so that's 8 hours in the sack, 9 hours of work, and 3 hours in the evening. So 20 hours per day??? We got our own hobbies that are fairly time consuming, so that's the other 4 hrs. She's great to be around until she get anally retentive about details that don't matter.

 

[Judge Smails]

Practically inseparable. 95%
Married 30 years and never been happier.

How much time do you spend with friends?

We moved to Boise from NY and don't have friends here, at least not really close ones. Even back in NY we had all the same friends so rarely spent time with them without each other.

I just went to Boise to celebrate a friends big birthday. Loved it there. He’s a hardcore New York transplant. Lives in Star. Great guy. PM if you want an introduction.