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How often do you want to see your kids after they become adults? (1 Viewer)

I want to see my kids

  • Total voters
    90
St. Louis Bob

St. Louis Bob

Footballguy
Obvious spin off from other thread. Your kid(s) graduates from HS, moves away to college, grows up, gets a place of their own. So how often do you want to see them?

 
As much as I don't like my parents, I overcompensate with love for my own kids. I hope they live on my Street. They will go to college in New England so they have less of a chance of meeting an out of stater and moving away. Love my kids!

 
By, "become adults" I'm going to assume college is done. I guess it really depends where/what they decided to do and what's going on in their life.

If my daughter is struggling with life in anyway and needs help, I'll be there everyday. If she's happily married to another woman and has a great job in San Francisco, I would be okay with her checking in every month or so and seeing her once a year.

It really depends :shrug:

 
Arizona Ron said:
By, "become adults" I'm going to assume college is done. I guess it really depends where/what they decided to do and what's going on in their life.

If my daughter is struggling with life in anyway and needs help, I'll be there everyday. If she's happily married to another woman and has a great job in San Francisco, I would be okay with her checking in every month or so and seeing her once a year.

It really depends :shrug:
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How old is your daughter now? is this a hope or expectation?

 
FUBAR said:
Arizona Ron said:
By, "become adults" I'm going to assume college is done. I guess it really depends where/what they decided to do and what's going on in their life.

If my daughter is struggling with life in anyway and needs help, I'll be there everyday. If she's happily married to another woman and has a great job in San Francisco, I would be okay with her checking in every month or so and seeing her once a year.

It really depends :shrug:
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How old is your daughter now? is this a hope or expectation?
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She's 8, does good in school and seems to be popular based on the amount of kids that always show up to her parties (like always 30+) but who knows how a kid will turn out until they make it through High School.

 
All depends on my relationship with them. Text regularly, but I'd say once a month or two for seeing them prior to them having kids and weekly once they have kids if not more if they want me around.

 
went with 1x a week at the start for both.. But would probably increase visits once she had a child.. at least for the first year or two..

that is of course if she is within an hour of us at that time .. :)

 
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When I went to school (500 miles from home) I called weekly on Sunday evening. This was before the cellphone era (Late 80s) and we were lucky enough in my school (GWU!) in that we had phones in our rooms, rather than the one at the end of the hall!! Still, when you wanted to make a long distance call, you called on a 'phone card' where you dialed an 800 number, entered a code and then the number you wanted to call. So if my folks wanted me to call on their dime, I had no problem with it.

I figure when my kids start going off to school (5+ years) we may not communicate in this manner, it may be more text/email etc., which to me is fine. They will also have cell phones so a call back and forth won't be as big of a deal.

 
My daughter is 5 and picking out boys to marry, so, I don't expect that. But I would like to see her a few times a week easily, and talk 5-6 times on the phone each week.

 
Arizona Ron said:
FUBAR said:
Arizona Ron said:
By, "become adults" I'm going to assume college is done. I guess it really depends where/what they decided to do and what's going on in their life.

If my daughter is struggling with life in anyway and needs help, I'll be there everyday. If she's happily married to another woman and has a great job in San Francisco, I would be okay with her checking in every month or so and seeing her once a year.

It really depends :shrug:
Click to expand...
How old is your daughter now? is this a hope or expectation?
Click to expand...
She's 8, does good in school and seems to be popular based on the amount of kids that always show up to her parties (like always 30+) but who knows how a kid will turn out until they make it through High School.
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I think he meant the gay marriage thing.

 
As often as possible provided they don't live with me. My 19 year old son moved out earlier this year and we see him once or twice a week. My 23 year old daughter lives in Paris now and we communicate much more with her than we do with our son across town. That's just the way our kids have been since they were small.

Ultimately, children control most of the power on this question. Parents can keep the communications channels open and try to step around the minefields that populate the lives of young adults.

 
Definitely more than I see/talk to my own parents. But I've made a conscious effort to have a better relationship with my own kids. I have one that I wouldn't be surprised if he was the kind to stay at home until he meets a girl and realizes it is time to get his own place. The other I'm sure will be out ASAP, that's not because he doesn't like home, but because he is so motivated I'm sure he's going places in life.

A weekly conversation will be nice, with occasional electronic (text/email). But honestly, as long as it is more than just the periodic chat of meaningless small talk so they can clear their conscience about having given their parents some time, I'd be happy, whether that is weekly, monthly, or whatever. I just want a meaningful relationship with them as adults, but more than that, I just want them to be happy.

 
Eephus said:
As often as possible provided they don't live with me. My 19 year old son moved out earlier this year and we see him once or twice a week. My 23 year old daughter lives in Paris now and we communicate much more with her than we do with our son across town. That's just the way our kids have been since they were small.

Ultimately, children control most of the power on this question. Parents can keep the communications channels open and try to step around the minefields that populate the lives of young adults.
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Yikes, can't imagine what you went through last Friday, man. Scary world. Glad she's safe.

 
My son's NFL career is my meal ticket. As his agent our contact will be close to daily.

My daughter will not age past 10, so she'll always live with us as a sweet innocent child.

At least that's how it goes in my mind.

 
Ned Ryerson said:
Arizona Ron said:
FUBAR said:
Arizona Ron said:
By, "become adults" I'm going to assume college is done. I guess it really depends where/what they decided to do and what's going on in their life.

If my daughter is struggling with life in anyway and needs help, I'll be there everyday. If she's happily married to another woman and has a great job in San Francisco, I would be okay with her checking in every month or so and seeing her once a year.

It really depends :shrug:
Click to expand...
How old is your daughter now? is this a hope or expectation?
Click to expand...
She's 8, does good in school and seems to be popular based on the amount of kids that always show up to her parties (like always 30+) but who knows how a kid will turn out until they make it through High School.
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I think he meant the gay marriage thing.
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Well for one, she hangs around lesbians all day.

 
The whole texting thing has helped wreak havoc with the act of actually talking to one's kids. My two eldest are busy college graduates- one working/living in The Big Apple, and the other having just finished up in Philly. Because texts are swapped a few times a week, it seems to take the edge off of the need for a phone call. Before I realize it- it's been over a month since I've spoken to either.

I miss them. A lot.

 
glock said:
The whole texting thing has helped wreak havoc with the act of actually talking to one's kids. My two eldest are busy college graduates- one working/living in The Big Apple, and the other having just finished up in Philly. Because texts are swapped a few times a week, it seems to take the edge off of the need for a phone call. Before I realize it- it's been over a month since I've spoken to either.

I miss them. A lot.
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That's the case for nearly all relationships I think.

I have a few longer distance friends that I've shared texts or e-mails or facebook posts with that I haven't spoken with in 10+ years.

Calling literally feels like an intrusion at some point

 
Dentist said:
glock said:
The whole texting thing has helped wreak havoc with the act of actually talking to one's kids. My two eldest are busy college graduates- one working/living in The Big Apple, and the other having just finished up in Philly. Because texts are swapped a few times a week, it seems to take the edge off of the need for a phone call. Before I realize it- it's been over a month since I've spoken to either.

I miss them. A lot.
Click to expand...
That's the case for nearly all relationships I think.

I have a few longer distance friends that I've shared texts or e-mails or facebook posts with that I haven't spoken with in 10+ years.

Calling literally feels like an intrusion at some point
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This will get more interesting as time goes, as some of ups have less tech-savvy parents. Mine ~75 are just moving up to smart phones since they couldn't justify replacing their old flip ones. We have emailed for years, but I haven't really moved much into texting.

 
glock said:
The whole texting thing has helped wreak havoc with the act of actually talking to one's kids. My two eldest are busy college graduates- one working/living in The Big Apple, and the other having just finished up in Philly. Because texts are swapped a few times a week, it seems to take the edge off of the need for a phone call. Before I realize it- it's been over a month since I've spoken to either.

I miss them. A lot.
Click to expand...
I think it depends on the relationship. My step daughter is a freshman at college, 4 hours away. She texts her brothers and my wife weekly. She'll text me occasionally if she has a question. But she also calls my wife weekly on the weekend and they talk for 45 minutes or an hour. She never calls me or her brothers, but that's mainly because neither I nor her brothers are conversationalists, so what needs to be said can be done over text.

 
Here's the thing. I talk to my Mom on the phone once a week. She generally calls me. I normally don't speak to my Dad unless I see him when I visit them. And I visit them maybe 4 or 5 times a year.

But I like and respect my folks. I'm sure my Mom wishes I called more often (my brother calls every day, I gather). But I don't have much to say to her. I'm going to talk about work? I hate work. I've been that way since college. It never occurred to me call more often. I'm a crappy friend and brother that way too. I don't go out of my way to stay in touch. So if my son inherits my anti-social gene, I'm sure I won't talk to him as much as I'd like (and I'll be old and decrepit by the time he's out of the house anyway). If he ends up being the social type or unusual attached to his mother, I'm sure he'll call us more often.

 
Ramsay Hunt Experience said:
Here's the thing. I talk to my Mom on the phone once a week. She generally calls me. I normally don't speak to my Dad unless I see him when I visit them. And I visit them maybe 4 or 5 times a year.

But I like and respect my folks. I'm sure my Mom wishes I called more often (my brother calls every day, I gather). But I don't have much to say to her. I'm going to talk about work? I hate work. I've been that way since college. It never occurred to me call more often. I'm a crappy friend and brother that way too. I don't go out of my way to stay in touch. So if my son inherits my anti-social gene, I'm sure I won't talk to him as much as I'd like (and I'll be old and decrepit by the time he's out of the house anyway). If he ends up being the social type or unusual attached to his mother, I'm sure he'll call us more often.
Click to expand...
Maybe your mom should watch more soccer :shrug:

 
Ramsay Hunt Experience said:
Here's the thing. I talk to my Mom on the phone once a week. She generally calls me. I normally don't speak to my Dad unless I see him when I visit them. And I visit them maybe 4 or 5 times a year.

But I like and respect my folks. I'm sure my Mom wishes I called more often (my brother calls every day, I gather). But I don't have much to say to her. I'm going to talk about work? I hate work. I've been that way since college. It never occurred to me call more often. I'm a crappy friend and brother that way too. I don't go out of my way to stay in touch. So if my son inherits my anti-social gene, I'm sure I won't talk to him as much as I'd like (and I'll be old and decrepit by the time he's out of the house anyway). If he ends up being the social type or unusual attached to his mother, I'm sure he'll call us more often.
Click to expand...
I'm in a very similar situation. In fact, I've probably talked to my parents less now that we text and swap FB updates.

 
glock said:
The whole texting thing has helped wreak havoc with the act of actually talking to one's kids. My two eldest are busy college graduates- one working/living in The Big Apple, and the other having just finished up in Philly. Because texts are swapped a few times a week, it seems to take the edge off of the need for a phone call. Before I realize it- it's been over a month since I've spoken to either.

I miss them. A lot.
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Mine are young (6,3,1) but this choked me up a bit

 
Daughter now lives in Nashville and we text almost daily, talk live once or twice a week.

Miss her like crazy

 
Righetti said:
glock said:
The whole texting thing has helped wreak havoc with the act of actually talking to one's kids. My two eldest are busy college graduates- one working/living in The Big Apple, and the other having just finished up in Philly. Because texts are swapped a few times a week, it seems to take the edge off of the need for a phone call. Before I realize it- it's been over a month since I've spoken to either.

I miss them. A lot.
Click to expand...
Mine are young (6,3,1) but this choked me up a bit
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I was just thinking the same thing. I am the busy son that tries hard but just doesn't have time like used to. Thankfully my brother live near my folks and talks to them all the time :(

 
Want them to buy houses in my neighborhood and raise their families there. Hope to see them as often as possible. :thumbup:

 
My oldest is 7, youngest 2, so it's a ways off. Id like to talk/text frequently but I imagine it will just be my wife telling me things she saw on social media

I've always envisioned having the 3 boys over for Sunday dinner and football or something like that,assuming they live close

 
Righetti said:
glock said:
The whole texting thing has helped wreak havoc with the act of actually talking to one's kids. My two eldest are busy college graduates- one working/living in The Big Apple, and the other having just finished up in Philly. Because texts are swapped a few times a week, it seems to take the edge off of the need for a phone call. Before I realize it- it's been over a month since I've spoken to either.

I miss them. A lot.
Click to expand...
Mine are young (6,3,1) but this choked me up a bit
Click to expand...
Cats in the cradle.

 
Mine are 17, 19, and 21 right now. The two in college I see quite a bit because they go here in town. But once they get out on their own for real, I'm fine seeing them once a month or so, calling every so often, and texting in between. I want them to go off and find their own way and not rely on us so much. Part of that may be letting them do that by not talking to them every other day.

 
From the viewpoint of being an adult son, talking once a week and seeing every couple months is quite sufficient. You people talking about seeing a few times a week likely aren't being realistic. Need to let go a little and let your kids have their own lives.

 
Eephus said:
Ramsay Hunt Experience said:
Here's the thing. I talk to my Mom on the phone once a week. She generally calls me. I normally don't speak to my Dad unless I see him when I visit them. And I visit them maybe 4 or 5 times a year.

But I like and respect my folks. I'm sure my Mom wishes I called more often (my brother calls every day, I gather). But I don't have much to say to her. I'm going to talk about work? I hate work. I've been that way since college. It never occurred to me call more often. I'm a crappy friend and brother that way too. I don't go out of my way to stay in touch. So if my son inherits my anti-social gene, I'm sure I won't talk to him as much as I'd like (and I'll be old and decrepit by the time he's out of the house anyway). If he ends up being the social type or unusual attached to his mother, I'm sure he'll call us more often.
Click to expand...
Maybe your mom should watch more soccer :shrug:
Click to expand...
My folks watch 2-3 games a week. But my Dad develops weird favorites. For years, he'd talk about Benoit Assou-Ekoto as if he was Messi.

 
Righetti said:
glock said:
The whole texting thing has helped wreak havoc with the act of actually talking to one's kids. My two eldest are busy college graduates- one working/living in The Big Apple, and the other having just finished up in Philly. Because texts are swapped a few times a week, it seems to take the edge off of the need for a phone call. Before I realize it- it's been over a month since I've spoken to either.

I miss them. A lot.
Click to expand...
Mine are young (6,3,1) but this choked me up a bit
Click to expand...
Mine are 4 & 2 and I don't want to think about a day when I talk to and see them infrequently. I'm sure they will call and visit less than I would like, but they have lives to lead.

Got to be honest, this thread is making me appreciate the silly conversations my son and I have about Paw Patrol or whatever other thing he has on his mind!

 
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