There is only one proper response to your thread:I am so sorry,.honey. I know you will bounce and find love that wont hurt you so much. I hope whoever he is finds you as amazing as I do, but I somehow doubt anyone can appreciate and cherish every tiny little quality like I do. I know you are an unstoppable force of nature, and I am fiercely proud of you. I'm even prouder for having been so close to you. Maybe it is pretty pathetic that all the best moments of my life came in a short period of time with you, but I would never never never give up one simple memory or one gentle kiss. I'd give 10 years of my life for just one more of our kisses. I cant tell you how often I replay the simplest little moments between us - they were all magical, at least they were to me. I told you I thought of you almost as a dream and I still do. It kills me to think that you think I'm nothing but a liar, or that I used you, or worse yet that I never loved you. That is completely untrue, baby. Tear me to ribbons if you want, but I bared my soul because you deserve an explanation. You deserve to know that I will never love anyone like I love you and that I never meant to hurt you. No matter where I go, you will always be with me in some way. I worry I will be saying "God, I love that girl" off and on for the next 40 years, even though I may never see you again. You are right. We were perfect. You were perfect. Its just me that is far far from perfect. You didnt deserve this, ***** and I am so so sorry to have hurt you. I never intended you to ever feel pain again and really did want to be the knight in shining armor to protect you from it all. Wanted to always be there to keep the bad things away, but my own bad things were a little too big for me to handle. When I knew that, I surrendered to it now rather than dragging out for all of us what I thought was the inevitable. That wouldnt have been fair, and we both know it. What happens if we went on happily for a year and then I decided to do this? It would have affected far more than you and I, and the recovery would have been a lot more painful. I cant say that would have happened, or that I wouldnt have been ok in the long run, but I was to frightened to find out.