Ministry of Pain
Footballguy
Wife and I were at a bar/light food spot waiting for a table to open at another spot a few doors down. We were the 1st to take up real estate outside around the make shift fire pit. About 8 folks could sit in a circle. A few more folks come along and I decide to grab a stick at the cigar bar next door and return. When I return there is an older woman who I would find out was Irish and I thought she was with the couple sitting opposite us around the fire.
She was drunk and could barely stand, I was sitting now and smoking my stogie, wife to my left, 55 year old Irish woman to my right and she starts talking to us. At first she seemed OK but then she started slurring and then she almost fell down into my chair. I grabbed another chair and tried to get her to sit but she wouldn’t and now she was grabbing my leg to balance.
The Senior perked up and announces to everyone in ear shot distance how large and lovely my wife’s boobs are. Without missing a beat and almost on cue I said “Yes they’re real and they’re spectacular.” I tried once again to get her to sit down. She was pushing 60, I didn’t want to shove her or knock her down. She said her husband was inside and I said I wonder why he left you out here.
She stumbled again but this time she made sure her crotch landed squarely on my knee as I had my leg semi-crossed and sticking out :X She grabbed my leg even harder and started to gyrate/grind back and forth. She acted like she was tipsy but I knew better and finally I put my knee down, thought she was going to fall. I implored her to please leave since she wasn’t with anyone out there and go find her husband. Finally I was able to motion for security to pull her off me. I felt like Dicaprio in The Revenant.
I haven’t been able to sleep and when I am awake things look bizarre and almost a whiteout like this place. I haven’t been able to eat my German chocolates I like, I’m suffering. I had a Senior sneak up on me coming off the elevator today in my building almost gave me a heart attack, I was afraid I might get felt up. I have been avoiding bingo halls, poker rooms, early bird specials, it’s the worst. I’m starting a neighborhood watch program of Citizens United against Seniors, so far I’m the only member but I’m hoping town hall meetings will get the word out.
She was drunk and could barely stand, I was sitting now and smoking my stogie, wife to my left, 55 year old Irish woman to my right and she starts talking to us. At first she seemed OK but then she started slurring and then she almost fell down into my chair. I grabbed another chair and tried to get her to sit but she wouldn’t and now she was grabbing my leg to balance.
The Senior perked up and announces to everyone in ear shot distance how large and lovely my wife’s boobs are. Without missing a beat and almost on cue I said “Yes they’re real and they’re spectacular.” I tried once again to get her to sit down. She was pushing 60, I didn’t want to shove her or knock her down. She said her husband was inside and I said I wonder why he left you out here.
She stumbled again but this time she made sure her crotch landed squarely on my knee as I had my leg semi-crossed and sticking out :X She grabbed my leg even harder and started to gyrate/grind back and forth. She acted like she was tipsy but I knew better and finally I put my knee down, thought she was going to fall. I implored her to please leave since she wasn’t with anyone out there and go find her husband. Finally I was able to motion for security to pull her off me. I felt like Dicaprio in The Revenant.
I haven’t been able to sleep and when I am awake things look bizarre and almost a whiteout like this place. I haven’t been able to eat my German chocolates I like, I’m suffering. I had a Senior sneak up on me coming off the elevator today in my building almost gave me a heart attack, I was afraid I might get felt up. I have been avoiding bingo halls, poker rooms, early bird specials, it’s the worst. I’m starting a neighborhood watch program of Citizens United against Seniors, so far I’m the only member but I’m hoping town hall meetings will get the word out.
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Nice dig.
