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If your wife cheated? (1 Viewer)

Your wife cheated one time, you have kids

  • Total voters
    215
fantasycurse42

fantasycurse42

Footballguy Jr.
I feel like I've got to be in the majority on this, but maybe not based on the cheating teacher thread... I'm highly surprised by some of the responses TBH.

Two similar questions, one with kids and one without.

 
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Sad part about this, for me it is more of a trust issue than someone else stuck it in my wife issue.   Once the trust is broken, I could not get past it even if I wanted to.  Can't have someone making life decision for me if I don't trust them.

 
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Not sure this is the same.  The dude married a hot slutty woman who whored around, and he apparently is OK with it.  Good for him.  

 
If I was with my wife for a long period of time I would hope I could forgive her. 

But if my wife was banging some student around the time we got married, we would have divorced immediately. 

 
This poll brought up a lot of bad memories.

In my case, I'd say that the circumstances and duration of the infidelity make a pretty big difference in how I would (and did) react.

The term "an affair" suggests repeated acts over a sustained period of time and imply lying and subterfuge and perhaps premeditation. That is a lot different than somebody having a one-time slip up, to me anyway.

 
RedmondLonghorn said:
This poll brought up a lot of bad memories.

In my case, I'd say that the circumstances and duration of the infidelity make a pretty big difference in how I would (and did) react.

The term "an affair" suggests repeated acts over a sustained period of time and imply lying and subterfuge and perhaps premeditation. That is a lot different than somebody having a one-time slip up, to me anyway.
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I left it as affair to imply this. 

I think a one time thing would prob make this a more even poll... Meh, I'll throw it in there.

 
"Is having an affair"....does this mean an ongoing thing with another guy or just a one time #### up on her part?

That would make a difference. 

 
cheated no kids?  divorce. scorched earth policy enacted. 

cheated and kids? undecided. leaning divorce.

 
A one time mistake I'd give a pass but the trust would have to be earned back . If it wasn't it would be over

an affair with an emotional connection would be a game over for me

 
Honest question - she cheated and you split, are marital assets still split down the middle?

My buddy cheated, they split, and he got taken to the cleaners (went from 5 bedroom house to apartment).  Just curious if the financial aspect of the divorce would have been different in the law's eyes if it was her who strayed.

 
matttyl said:
Honest question - she cheated and you split, are marital assets still split down the middle?

My buddy cheated, they split, and he got taken to the cleaners (went from 5 bedroom house to apartment).  Just curious if the financial aspect of the divorce would have been different in the law's eyes if it was her who strayed.
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Not in North Carolina, you can sue the person who cheats with your spouse too.   The cheater usually loses big.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/wife-wins-million-husbands-alleged-mistress/story?id=10177637

 
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FatUncleJerryBuss said:
Not in North Carolina, you can sue the person who cheats with your spouse.   The cheater usually loses big.
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Huh?  You can sue the guy your wife cheats on your with - but what about the marital assets that you and your wife share?  If I'm understanding you correctly, you can use the guy and win big - but that doesn't mean your now ex-wife lost big. 

 
matttyl said:
Huh?  You can sue the guy your wife cheats on your with - but what about the marital assets that you and your wife share?  If I'm understanding you correctly, you can use the guy and win big - but that doesn't mean your now ex-wife lost big. 
Click to expand...

Does Adultery Effect Alimony?


Although adultery is not a ground for divorce, the court will consider this type of marital misconduct when awarding alimony. If the court finds that the paying spouse committed adultery, the court must award the supported spouse alimony.

However, if the court finds that the supported spouse or both spouses committed adultery, the court will use its discretion to award or deny alimony. It is also important to note that the court will not consider any marital misconduct if the acts by one spouse are condoned by the other. This means if one spouse knows about the adultery, and forgives the cheating spouse, the adultery will not be considered in an alimony case.

Marital misconduct may also be a factor in a postseparation support award. If either spouse introduces evidence of marital misconduct by the other spouse, the court is required to take that into account. However, the court is not required to award these types of support payments even if there is evidence of marital misconduct.

 
I think alimony/child support/etc. are different by state... Some states have no fault where it doesn't matter. 

This isn't factual, just something I kinda recall reading a decade ago, a lawyer would prob be better suited to answer.

 
A college girlfriend of my wife (not like that you sickos) recently confessed to her husband that she cheated on him.  I'm not sure how far down the reconciliation road they went or didn't go, but he wanted my wife to testify against her college friend about the cheating.  We didn't want to get involved, and I hope aren't subpoenaed to do so - but I'm wondering (in Maryland) how much that will be taken into account when they have to divide the assets.  They have one hell of a house that I'm sure is close to 3/4ers of a mill, which I'm sure has appreciated greatly since they got it. 

 
matttyl said:
A college girlfriend of my wife (not like that you sickos) recently confessed to her husband that she cheated on him.  I'm not sure how far down the reconciliation road they went or didn't go, but he wanted my wife to testify against her college friend about the cheating.  We didn't want to get involved, and I hope aren't subpoenaed to do so - but I'm wondering (in Maryland) how much that will be taken into account when they have to divide the assets.  They have one hell of a house that I'm sure is close to 3/4ers of a mill, which I'm sure has appreciated greatly since they got it. 
Click to expand...

How Does Adultery Affect Alimony Awards in Maryland?


The question then becomes, if you’re granted a divorce on the fault ground that your spouse committed adultery, does that mean you can prevent your spouse from obtaining alimony from you?

The answer is no. In Maryland, even though the divorce court may already have found that your spouse committed adultery and granted you a divorce for that reason, you won’t be able to hold that fact against your spouse when it comes to alimony. The judge may or may not choose to consider the adultery, but the judge can’t say that your spouse is barred or prohibited from seeking alimony because of adulterous behavior.

Family law judges who are deciding alimony can consider fault, such as adultery, that resulted in divorce and destroyed the marital home. However, the fault can only be considered when it affects the economic needs of the spouse who’s asking for alimony. This means that adultery is only relevant to alimony if it somehow affected the finances of the supported spouse. If, for example, the cheating spouse used the couples' life savings on a lover during the marriage, to pay for gifts, hotel rooms, or vacations, a judge would most likely find that this affected the supported spouses's finances.

Therefore, Maryland courts are required to apply the normal statutory requirements to all alimony cases, even when there’s been adultery, to determine the amount and duration of alimony to be paid (if any). To decide whether to award alimony, judges have to “consider all the factors necessary for a fair and equitable award,” including:

  • the ability of the spouse seeking alimony to be wholly or partly self-supporting
  • the time necessary for the suported spouse to gain sufficient education or training to enable that spouse to find suitable employment
  • the standard of living that the spouses established during their marriage
  • the duration of the marriage
  • the contributions, monetary and nonmonetary, of each spouse to the well-being of the family
  • the circumstances that contributed to the estrangement of the spouses
  • the age of each spouse
  • the physical and mental condition of each spouse
  • the ability of the paying spouse to meet his or her own needs while also meeting the needs of the supported spouse
  • any agreement (for instance, a prenuptial agreement) between the spouses, and
  • the financial needs and financial resources of each spouse.


http://www.divorcenet.com/resources/divorce/spousal-support/cheating-spouse-alimony-maryland.htm

 
eoMMan said:
"Is having an affair"....does this mean an ongoing thing with another guy or just a one time #### up on her part?

That would make a difference. 
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I assume "IS having" means it's still going on and hasn't stopped.  That, IMO is a no-brainer :bye:  

HAD an affair, undecided with kids (but probably :bye: ).   :bye:  without

One time?  undecided with kids, undecided without (but probably :bye: )

 
jamny said:
No idea how I'd react.
Click to expand...
Have to agree with this.

That said, logically, I think it would depend on some other factors.  Was the marriage having trouble?  If I honestly looked at myself, did I share some of the blame?  If the relationship wasn't in a good place, and I could shoulder some of the blame, I'd ask myself if I still wanted to be with her and if it was worth the effort to fix things.  Looking at my own marriage, I would say there is definitely a percentage chance above zero this could happen.  Hard to predict without experiencing it though.

On the other hand if I thought things were great, and it turned out to be completely her fault for selfish actions, I'd agree with the others who said it would cause too many trust issues to get past, and I would not reconcile.

 
We may or may not be talking about two different things - but thank you for the info.  Is there a difference between "alimony" (I think of a monthly income from one spouse to the other, like child support) and the splitting of marital assets (like a house, retirement accounts, savings accounts, HSAs...).  The later has to be split, or negotiated, at the divorce and I think of more as a "one time thing", but the alimony is more of an ongoing commitment, right?

 
matttyl said:
We may or may not be talking about two different things - but thank you for the info.  Is there a difference between "alimony" (I think of a monthly income from one spouse to the other, like child support) and the splitting of marital assets (like a house, retirement accounts, savings accounts, HSAs...).  The later has to be split, or negotiated, at the divorce and I think of more as a "one time thing", but the alimony is more of an ongoing commitment, right?
Click to expand...

Maryland Divorce: Dividing Property


Find out how marital property (and debt) is divided in a Maryland divorce case.








 





















 



 












by Susan Bishop


 





Laws governing division of marital property in divorce vary from state to state. Maryland law requires a division that is equitable, meaning that it's fair but not necessarily equal. Some couples are able to agree on how to divide everything on their own, and submit an agreement for court approval, while others seek the help of attorneys or a mediator to negotiate a settlement.



 



Marital Property and Separate Property 


The first step in the division process is deciding whether property is marital or separate. Spouses who entered into a prenuptial agreement before marriage may have specified that certain property is marital or separate.  If there is no agreement, then marital property includes all of the assets and debts the couple acquires during marriage. Property is separate if a spouse owned it before marriage or acquired it during marriage by gift or inheritance. Separate property also includes any property that one spouse can directly trace back to property that began as separate property. Real property held by the couple as "tenants by the entireties" is always marital property unless the couple has a valid agreement stating otherwise. 

Marital and separate property can be mixed together—sometimes called "commingling." For example, both spouses may pay the mortgage on a house that one spouse owned separately before the marriage, or one spouse may deposit separate funds into a joint bank account.  Separate funds commingled in joint accounts will remain separate property only if the owner is able to trace the separate funds through financial records. If marital funds are used to pay the mortgage or expenses on a separately owned home, or another separately owned asset that has appreciated in value, a court will apply the "source of funds" rule, which requires determining the value of the separate and marital property in proportion to the contributions. These situations can be very complicated and you're likely to need an attorney to help you figure out the separate/joint allocation. If spouses aren’t able to decide what belongs to whom, a judge will have to decide how to apportion the separate and marital interests. 


Assessing Value 


After determining which property is marital property, the couple, or the court, will generally assign a monetary value to each item. Couples who need help determining values can hire professional appraisers.  Some financial assets, such as retirement accounts, can be very difficult to evaluate and may require the assistance of a financial professional, such as a C.P.A. or an actuary. 


Dividing the Property 


Spouses can divide assets by assigning certain items to each spouse, possibly with an equalizing payment if one spouse gets substantially more than the other so that the division isn't equitable, or by selling property and dividing the proceeds. They can also agree to continue to own property together. While this isn’t a very attractive option for most people, as it requires an ongoing financial relationship, some couples agree to keep the family home until children are out of school. Couples who end up in court could find themselves in a similar situation. Maryland law provides that a court may award one spouse the temporary exclusive use not only of a family home, but also certain items of "family use personal property," such as a vehicle or home furnishings, for up to three years, or until the spouse with exclusive possession remarries. 

The couple must also assign all debt accrued during the marriage, including mortgages, car loans, and credit card debts, to one of the spouses. 

Couples who don’t manage to resolve property issues on their own will end up going to court to ask for a decision from an arbitrator or a judge. A Maryland court will consider all relevant factors in deciding what kind of property division is fair, including the following:

  • the length of the marriage,
  • each spouse's age, health, and physical and mental condition,
  • whether a spouse is receiving maintenance (alimony), or has been awarded the use of a family home or other family use property,
  • each spouse's contributions, monetary or nonmonetary, to the well-being of the family,
  • each spouse's economic circumstances,
  • either spouse's contribution of separate property to real property held by the couple as tenants by the entirety,
  • how and when one or both spouse acquired specific property, and
  • marital misconduct that contributed to the divorce.


http://www.divorcenet.com/resources/divorce/marital-property-division/maryland-divorce-dividing-prop





 
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It could never happen.  If it did I would forgive her because she is awesome and nobody compares to her.

 
I don't hold grudges over much, but when I do I have a very hard time getting past it.  I don't think I could reconcile this in any of the scenarios.  Because of her actions, and my inability to let it go.. divorce seems the only likely outcome for me.

Once somebody proves untrustworthy, especially those closest to you... that sucks.

 
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matuski said:
I don't hold grudges over much, but when I do I have a very hard time getting past it.  I don't think I could reconcile this in any of the scenarios.  Because of her actions, and my inability to let it go.. divorce seems the only likely outcome for me.

Once somebody proves untrustworthy, especially those closest to you... that sucks.
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Yeah, I think this is where I'd be at, too. Even just the one-time thing is such a huge betrayal of trust - not only the one action itself, but all that would have lead up to it allowing herself to be in the position to slip up.  

 
:eek:

So, you can effectively be cheated on and taken to the cleaners if you're the breadwinner in some states?

I'm out.

 
FatUncleJerryBuss said:
Sad part about this it for me it is more of a trust issue than someone else stuck it in my wife issue.   Once the trust is broken, I could not get past it even if I wanted to.  Can't have someone making life decision for me if I don't trust them.
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And every time you looked at her you'd imagine her making those faces with someone else.  I cant handle thinking about it let alone had it actually happened.  Divorce and possible murder should have been a voting option

 
RedmondLonghorn said:
Definitely true in no-fault divorce states. Like mine. :kicksrock:
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear man, I honestly can't imagine anything worse and I'm being serious. I have a hard time meeting people because I have a decent job and want the same, so that if things went off the rails I don't get pounded emotionally and financially, within a certain reasonable range and without a pre-nup which I'm not for. Might just not be for me, I guess, and I'll learn to live with that. 

 
Given our pact, I guess I'd have to be cool with it if it was one of these guys:

Rick Springfield

Brett Michaels

John Stamos

Herve Villechaize

 
Brony said:
Given our pact, I guess I'd have to be cool with it if it was one of these guys:

Rick Springfield

Brett Michaels

John Stamos

Herve Villechaize
Click to expand...
:lmao: , or should I say, "Smiles, everyone!  Smiles!"

 
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my wife cheats at pool one time like a billion years ago i went for a wizzer and i came back and she was putting her stripes into the pocket total bs i told her that in the old west they would have shot her under the table for that but she was buzzed and cute so i let is slide cause thats how the old swcer rolls take that to the bank bromigos 

 
Bigboy10182000 said:
And every time you looked at her you'd imagine her making those faces with someone else.  I cant handle thinking about it let alone had it actually happened.  Divorce and possible murder should have been a voting option
Click to expand...
Are you married?  If so, did you marry a virgin (prior to you)?  If not, do you plan to limit yourself to a virgin (prior to you)?

 
Caught my first wife cheating.  Tried to stay together but once the trust was gone it couldn't be fixed. Divorced her within the year.  I'm a firm believer in the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater".  Now approaching 20 years of marriage with my second wife and it just gets better every year.  Truly blessed this time around.

 
My sister and brother in law had a situation like this (long and initially sad story, including past drug abuse by the brother in law coming into play) where he apparently cheated first, then she did in retaliation, but he got clean, they reconciled and now are living happily together and trying to become parents (real and foster/ adoptive)

 
Bull Dozier said:
Are you married?  If so, did you marry a virgin (prior to you)?  If not, do you plan to limit yourself to a virgin (prior to you)?
Click to expand...
You're looking to far into it. Yes, every woman has a past. In the scanerio were discussing that past was like a day ago. Pretty big difference now right? 

 
If my old lady cheated. Id be done immediately regardless of financial or impact on our kids. I highly doubt she would, nor would i. But its a deal breaker

 
Speaking from experience,  you can't know the answer until you're  in the situation for real.  I took her back,  but things are different now and I'm still not convinced I made the right decision. 

2 kids.  If there were no kids,  it would have been over, no doubt about it. 

 
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