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I'm an alcoholic AMA (2 Viewers)

It's 7:30 am and I'm drinking a beer.  I have a dentist appointment at 9, but it was the last beer and I figured I might as well clear some space in the fridge.  I used to have a drinking problem, and it caused lasting destruction to my life, but I think I have things under control now.

 
Judge Smails said:
It is possible.  Like I said, I have a really high threshold.  From 2-7 vodka soda I can be in a buzzed state.  Not stupid, never close to passing out, never blacked out in my life.  I've seen other have 2 drinks and be wasted.  It's not necessarily a good thing. I'm glad I can maintain but not happy when I think of the intake.
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A former colleague of mine, 105lbs Chinese girl, would go to happy hour after work and drink throughout the night then be the designated driver. The rest of us would be sloppy and useless. 

Some people just aren't affected by alcohol the same way.

 
Caveman33 said:
It's 7:30 am and I'm drinking a beer.  I have a dentist appointment at 9, but it was the last beer and I figured I might as well clear some space in the fridge.  I used to have a drinking problem, and it caused lasting destruction to my life, but I think I have things under control now.
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Timing is everything with comedy. 

 
Chris B. said:
A former colleague of mine, 105lbs Chinese girl, would go to happy hour after work and drink throughout the night then be the designated driver. The rest of us would be sloppy and useless. 

Some people just aren't affected by alcohol the same way.
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She was probably pacing herself.  Even her small body can clear 3 drinks every 4 hours or so.  I purchased a reliable breathalyzer many years ago and became fairly accurate at predicting my BAC with basic math

 
Caveman33 said:
She was probably pacing herself.  Even her small body can clear 3 drinks every 4 hours or so.  I purchased a reliable breathalyzer many years ago and became fairly accurate at predicting my BAC with basic math
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Somehow you think you know my colleague of 3 years better than me. OK innerweb expert.

 
Caveman33 said:
She was probably pacing herself.  Even her small body can clear 3 drinks every 4 hours or so.  I purchased a reliable breathalyzer many years ago and became fairly accurate at predicting my BAC with basic math
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So what are your numbers, approx?  I've always wondered how accurate those two drinks an hour DMV type estimates were and for how long.

I remember a professor talking about how some people having more ADH/ALDH enzymes in their liver to break down congeners.  Like that was where you get your "lightweights" and "heavyweights" from.  Genetics mostly.

I believe I had an army of those enzymes, and coupled it with Olympics level training.

 
Dumbo Octopus said:
So what are your numbers, approx?  I've always wondered how accurate those two drinks an hour DMV type estimates were and for how long.

I remember a professor talking about how some people having more ADH/ALDH enzymes in their liver to break down congeners.  Like that was where you get your "lightweights" and "heavyweights" from.  Genetics mostly.

I believe I had an army of those enzymes, and coupled it with Olympics level training.
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Myself and other normal sized males clear 12oz of 5% beer or 1.5oz 40% liqour every hour.  If you consume 3 beers or 3 shots in 1 hr, you clear 1 and add .025 -.03 for the 2 other drinks waiting to be cleared.  You're at .05-.06.  If you drink 2 more beers over the next hour and then decide to drive, you would be right around the legal limit and at risk of DUI.

 
Dumbo Octopus said:
So what are your numbers, approx?  I've always wondered how accurate those two drinks an hour DMV type estimates were and for how long.

I remember a professor talking about how some people having more ADH/ALDH enzymes in their liver to break down congeners.  Like that was where you get your "lightweights" and "heavyweights" from.  Genetics mostly.

I believe I had an army of those enzymes, and coupled it with Olympics level training.
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In germany it is free in a lot of bars.  I couldn't ever top my high score of .20 which seems light.

 
Good luck Stryker,  my dad is a recovering AA and NA.  I sat through three interventions before he finally gave in and joined a rehab clinic.  Now he is sober and living a great life.  
 

They say, 1 Day At a Time. 

It’s so simple, but incredibly powerful. 
 

 
Thanks for the replies. It really does help. Sorry I haven't checked in but I've really been focusing on my treatment and making things right at home. 

As for being from Wisconsin, well yeah. It's "what we do". I'm sure there's also some genetics at play, environment, lack of willpower, mental issues including anxiety and depression, the list goes on and on. Ultimately it truly is a disease and with the cognitive approach my treatment is taking, I'm seeing that more and more. That's not to avoid any responsibility on my part but I hadn't been dealing with anything in my life in a healthy way.

I had a 1-1 with my therapist today and she was impressed with my progress so far. The group session this morning was about the power of vulnerability, shame, stigma and self confidence. We watched some Dr. Brene Brown TED talks. Wow, she's great. I got a little emotional from those and the following discussion. She caught that and pulled me aside and we talked for almost 2 hours. It was very helpful.

I believe someone asked about the cost. If I had to ball park it, I would say ~$500/month, give or take.

We also have a breathalyzer at home. After 25+ years I had built up such a tolerance I could "feel fine" and still blow well over a 0.10

I'm sure there's other things I'm missing so I apologize. Almost time to put the kids to bed. 

 
super happy to hear your news and impressed keep it up and stay strong welcome to the new you and congrats 

 
strykerpks said:
TLDR See title. I'm vulnerable right now and really trying to get #### right. You'll see below but maybe I just need some strangers help?

I'll try to answer any questions but please forgive me if I miss one, or two, or six.

My first sip of anything was probably in 1983 at 5 years old. I asked my old man why Pabst was what he drank during the Packer game (had I known Packers 80s I may have been a drinker back then). I hated it. 15 years later I'm hammering beers with my boys in the woods. Otherwise my first "beer" was at 13

Long story short, myself and my alias have the most posts in the drunk thread. That was simple weekend drinking, maybe a softball night after 30 pitchers. Then I started drinking at work. A local establishment has great burgers so I would go and have a few drinks for lunch. I know the owner and then he was buying them for me. Then the liquor store down the road had some good deals so I would bring it back to my office. A few cocktails at lunch. Then a few cocktails at my desk. Then straight booze all over. This was not good. But hey, I can hide it, right?

A month ago the VP came to my office and said "Open your door. There's no Covid. It's safe". I disagreed with him, likely slurring. But I told him that he was wrong. We had a fight. I told him he was full of #### and that the corporate response to Covid was incorrect. They have since changed the policy based on my recommendations but that will never see the light of day.

The following day I had already had my 2nd drink of the day in my office at 9:30am I was called into his office.

President, VP, HR and my boss essentially told me to GTFO. I was told it was a fireable offense but after 21 years I got the benefit of the doubt. Get into rehab, FLMA, etc or be fired.

So here I am. 10 days into rehab. I'm on a number of different drugs (lexapro, gabapentin, metropolol, naltrexone).  I don't know what to end with. We'll see
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Most know my rep here and we are more similar than different.  I never brought the drinking to work or drank at work before it was offered in the afternoon.

But I have been late many times or missed a day.  I have sent drunk emails and left drunk voicemails.  

I can't be support for you on sobriety because I have my own balancing act but I can tell you, you are not alone and I wish the best for you.  If you ever need to talk I will be happy to PM you my number.  Take care brother!

 
Last edited by a moderator:
strykerpks said:
Thanks for the replies. It really does help. Sorry I haven't checked in but I've really been focusing on my treatment and making things right at home. 

As for being from Wisconsin, well yeah. It's "what we do". I'm sure there's also some genetics at play, environment, lack of willpower, mental issues including anxiety and depression, the list goes on and on. Ultimately it truly is a disease and with the cognitive approach my treatment is taking, I'm seeing that more and more. That's not to avoid any responsibility on my part but I hadn't been dealing with anything in my life in a healthy way.

I had a 1-1 with my therapist today and she was impressed with my progress so far. The group session this morning was about the power of vulnerability, shame, stigma and self confidence. We watched some Dr. Brene Brown TED talks. Wow, she's great. I got a little emotional from those and the following discussion. She caught that and pulled me aside and we talked for almost 2 hours. It was very helpful.

I believe someone asked about the cost. If I had to ball park it, I would say ~$500/month, give or take.

We also have a breathalyzer at home. After 25+ years I had built up such a tolerance I could "feel fine" and still blow well over a 0.10

I'm sure there's other things I'm missing so I apologize. Almost time to put the kids to bed. 
Click to expand...
You’ve taken some huge steps :thumbup:

Give yourself some credit and take it slow. This is a long process. Keep it up, I’m proud of you bud. 

 
strykerpks said:
We also have a breathalyzer at home. After 25+ years I had built up such a tolerance I could "feel fine" and still blow well over a 0.10
Click to expand...
You have your own breathalyzer? I can safely say that most social drinkers don't keep their own breathalyzer at home.  in case you had any doubt.  Good luck getting sobah.  

 
johnnycakes said:
You have your own breathalyzer? I can safely say that most social drinkers don't keep their own breathalyzer at home.  in case you had any doubt.  Good luck getting sobah.  
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For whatever it's worth, I don't have the breathalyzer for fun. It was something my wife could check me on if she felt I was doing something I shouldn't. This wasn't a fun and games type thing.

I'm now 3 weeks sober. That may not mean much to certain people but here I am. Thank you to the people who have reached out to me. It truly means a lot.

I'm trying. 

 
It takes balls to recognize problems and address them in a positive manner. 

You sir have some massive balls!

Keep it going in a positive direction  

 
Thank you all. I'm going to use this space as a sounding board if that makes sense. I'm not going to be perfect but I'm going to try. I have an AA meeting this evening. I'm not a fan of the God stuff but I'm willing to check it out. I'm also checking in on Smart recovery and Refuge recovery which are different animals. We'll see what happens

 
strykerpks said:
For whatever it's worth, I don't have the breathalyzer for fun. It was something my wife could check me on if she felt I was doing something I shouldn't. This wasn't a fun and games type thing.

I'm now 3 weeks sober. That may not mean much to certain people but here I am. Thank you to the people who have reached out to me. It truly means a lot.

I'm trying. 
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I mostly lurk through the boards (except for the running thread), but kudos to you for changing the direction of your life.  You have a lot of people here who support you and are cheering for you. 

 
BassNBrew said:
Congrats on having a great day and one far superior to mine.

How did I spend my day?  Watching my partner cry on and off throughout the day because her 48 yo brother is dying because his liver is barely functioning and me crying for both of them.  When that wasn't happening, we were talking to him numerous times on the phone (covid only allows two visitors a day at the hospital).  Due to the ammonia in his blood that they can't get rid of, he can have great memories one moment and then be delirious describing the movie he is going to be in with us and the liver surgery his other brother is going to perform on a live feed for us.  This is actually an improvement over his first there days in the hospital when the medicine they were giving him to get his kidneys working was causing him to crap himself 6 times a day in bed.  Due to an under-staffed hospital his family would have to clean him the best they could until a nurse was free.  We're looking at another day or two of a steroid treatment and if the liver doesn't respond it's a death sentence.  Tomorrow or Monday they run the mortality numbers and tell us what to plan for.

He had a wake up call two years ago and was told that if he continued to drink, he would die from liver failure.  I hope you take your opportunity for a second chance seriously and it's results in a better outcome.  He did for about a year, but didn't treat the root cause and now he is going to die.  Your "problem" isn't your fault, it's a medical issue.  Please take it seriously and see out whatever avenue you can to treat it.

Wishing you the best of success and congrats on 10 days sober.  You should be proud of yourself for what you've accomplished thus far.
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I won't go into detail, but the end was sad.  Took his last breath this morning.

 
BassNBrew said:
I won't go into detail, but the end was sad.  Took his last breath this morning.
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I'm sorry to hear that gb. Losing a parent is rough but a sibling is a really difficult loss because they've always been there and they were always supposed to be.  It is hard not to think about your own mortality. When my brother passed i was shook and didn't realize how badly.  Hopefully she's able to talk about it with you and her support group.  Wishing you and her the best

 
johnnycakes said:
You have your own breathalyzer? I can safely say that most social drinkers don't keep their own breathalyzer at home.  in case you had any doubt.  Good luck getting sobah.  
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There is a very good chance there will be an apple watch version coming out with BAC content as a sensed item soon.  I'm not sure how I feel about this.

 
strykerpks said:
For whatever it's worth, I don't have the breathalyzer for fun. It was something my wife could check me on if she felt I was doing something I shouldn't. This wasn't a fun and games type thing.

I'm now 3 weeks sober. That may not mean much to certain people but here I am. Thank you to the people who have reached out to me. It truly means a lot.

I'm trying. 
Click to expand...
keep it up you can do this and you will and you are better for it and no matter how hard it is just keep on fighting 

 
"Imagine recovery like a cross country trip from NY to LA. If you blow out a tire in Cleveland, you don't drive back to NY. You fix it in Cleveland and keep moving" - Advice from group therapy

I suffered a relapse last week. I can't make any excuses other than I ####ed up. The addiction took over. The following day I divulged to therapists and the group what happened and we had an amazing talk. Through my mistake, and the ensuing discussion it generated, 2 people in the group spoke to me on the DL that they were inspired by the courage it took to be completely vulnerable in that moment. They had been contemplating leaving the program and have since stuck with it. I've hesitated sharing here because of the shame, embarrassment, guilt, etc. 

But I'm using it as a major learning experience. I was supposed to graduate/be discharged my PHP program last Wednesday but both my therapists and I agreed to another week+ in the program. I dove in to the material, put everything else aside and focused on my sobriety first and foremost. They noted a significant change in not only my recovery, but my motivation, energy, growth, and overall contributions to the group...which I guess are all intertwined.

Today I graduated that PHP program. I received a bronze coin (inscribed with "One Day at a Time") that I'm going to find some sort of bezel for and wear it as a necklace as a constant reminder. <insert Mr T meme here>. Tomorrow I begin the next chapter, IOP. 

Thanks again for following along. Aside from treatment, I'm attending 2-3 weekly meetings (AA and SMART) but the more I am able to get thoughts, feelings, etc out into the ether, the more it helps me be a better me. 

 
No shame in trying and not always succeeding...only in not trying.

Awesome and inspiring that youre there, doing your best and honest and brave enough to face up to and accept responsibility when there are struggles.

 
strykerpks said:
"Imagine recovery like a cross country trip from NY to LA. If you blow out a tire in Cleveland, you don't drive back to NY. You fix it in Cleveland and keep moving" - Advice from group therapy

I suffered a relapse last week. I can't make any excuses other than I ####ed up. The addiction took over. The following day I divulged to therapists and the group what happened and we had an amazing talk. Through my mistake, and the ensuing discussion it generated, 2 people in the group spoke to me on the DL that they were inspired by the courage it took to be completely vulnerable in that moment. They had been contemplating leaving the program and have since stuck with it. I've hesitated sharing here because of the shame, embarrassment, guilt, etc. 

But I'm using it as a major learning experience. I was supposed to graduate/be discharged my PHP program last Wednesday but both my therapists and I agreed to another week+ in the program. I dove in to the material, put everything else aside and focused on my sobriety first and foremost. They noted a significant change in not only my recovery, but my motivation, energy, growth, and overall contributions to the group...which I guess are all intertwined.

Today I graduated that PHP program. I received a bronze coin (inscribed with "One Day at a Time") that I'm going to find some sort of bezel for and wear it as a necklace as a constant reminder. <insert Mr T meme here>. Tomorrow I begin the next chapter, IOP. 

Thanks again for following along. Aside from treatment, I'm attending 2-3 weekly meetings (AA and SMART) but the more I am able to get thoughts, feelings, etc out into the ether, the more it helps me be a better me. 
Click to expand...
growth includes setbacks. it's the pushing forward and not giving up that counts.

 
Bob Sacamano said:
Gtfo

The things people have shared here over the years, and you're worried about that?
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Like steve and the camping trip?

@strykerpks - proud of you for being honest and getting back at it.  It takes courage to admit to being less than perfect.  I tell people openly that I relapsed basically every day for about 2 years.   Every day I woke up saying “I’m not going to drink today” and every single day I picked up again, until it got bad enough......that i was willing to make a change.   You can do this.  PM me anytime.

 
strykerpks said:
"Imagine recovery like a cross country trip from NY to LA. If you blow out a tire in Cleveland, you don't drive back to NY. You fix it in Cleveland and keep moving" - Advice from group therapy

I suffered a relapse last week. I can't make any excuses other than I ####ed up. The addiction took over. The following day I divulged to therapists and the group what happened and we had an amazing talk. Through my mistake, and the ensuing discussion it generated, 2 people in the group spoke to me on the DL that they were inspired by the courage it took to be completely vulnerable in that moment. They had been contemplating leaving the program and have since stuck with it. I've hesitated sharing here because of the shame, embarrassment, guilt, etc. 

But I'm using it as a major learning experience. I was supposed to graduate/be discharged my PHP program last Wednesday but both my therapists and I agreed to another week+ in the program. I dove in to the material, put everything else aside and focused on my sobriety first and foremost. They noted a significant change in not only my recovery, but my motivation, energy, growth, and overall contributions to the group...which I guess are all intertwined.

Today I graduated that PHP program. I received a bronze coin (inscribed with "One Day at a Time") that I'm going to find some sort of bezel for and wear it as a necklace as a constant reminder. <insert Mr T meme here>. Tomorrow I begin the next chapter, IOP. 

Thanks again for following along. Aside from treatment, I'm attending 2-3 weekly meetings (AA and SMART) but the more I am able to get thoughts, feelings, etc out into the ether, the more it helps me be a better me. 
Click to expand...
Pulling for you man. 

 
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