International adoption (1 Viewer)

[FUBAR]

The short version: Mrs FUBAR and I are considering adopting, probably from China.

We're just getting into the research phase, we understand the costs can be similar to a new car (or at least a decent used one) but that's not phasing her and we can afford it.

We sort of understand the basics - home study, application, traveling maybe twice to the country although it seems China lets you go once, and then we'd have to go through a process to get her citizenship here (though that seems fairly easy). But not much beyond that.

With the policy of one child changing I'm not entirely sure how that will affect their adoption process.

It will probably take awhile, we're open to minor defects but nothing like down syndrome or severe health issues. We'll want an infant, if not newborn.

Has anyone done this already? China or other?

 

[VA703]

Why China

just wondering

 

[Jobber]

My wife's friend and her husband adopted a brother and sister from Russia or nearny country a few years ago. The first time they tried, they were bilked out of thousands of dollars. The second try, they got the kids. One turns out to have some developmental issues. Both with personality issues.

I'd stick to local adoption myself.

 

[The Flying Elvis]

My wife's friend and her husband adopted a brother and sister from Russia or nearny country a few years ago. The first time they tried, they were bilked out of thousands of dollars. The second try, they got the kids. One turns out to have some developmental issues. Both with personality issues.

I'd stick to local adoption myself.

I could be pulling this out of nowhere but I remember reading that developmental and personality issues tend to be quite common with adoptions in Russia, something about the conditions not being all that great and the children being neglected at such a young age.

 

[AAABatteries]

No experience but it's awesome that you guys are willing to do this and have the resources to hopefully make a huge difference in your future child's life. Good luck - hoping things go well in your endeavor.

 

[FUBAR]

Why China

just wondering

We've been told from others we know and trust that the main company that coordinates there is reputable and relatively easy to work with and to adopt a girl.

But mostly just a unexplainable draw to that country (we're very much WASPs).

My wife's friend and her husband adopted a brother and sister from Russia or nearny country a few years ago. The first time they tried, they were bilked out of thousands of dollars. The second try, they got the kids. One turns out to have some developmental issues. Both with personality issues.

I'd stick to local adoption myself.

The biggest drawback to local adoptions are the rights the birth mother/parents tend to retain. We have friends whose adoptive daughter's birth mother has come back into the picture after 4 years and that makes for a complicated relationship.

We understand there will be cultural differences (sort of, she'd be an infant so wouldn't understand at first), and we want to include the key Chinese holidays and try to learn the language (some anyway - it's difficult), obviously there will be no pretending she isn't adopted - we wouldn't anyway, but this would be obvious to anyone when we meet.

 

[FUBAR]

My wife's friend and her husband adopted a brother and sister from Russia or nearny country a few years ago. The first time they tried, they were bilked out of thousands of dollars. The second try, they got the kids. One turns out to have some developmental issues. Both with personality issues.

I'd stick to local adoption myself.

I could be pulling this out of nowhere but I remember reading that developmental and personality issues tend to be quite common with adoptions in Russia, something about the conditions not being all that great and the children being neglected at such a young age.

we've heard the same. Seems most kids up for adoption have some medical issues, severity varies. It's just a matter of knowing what you can handle, finding a reputable company, working to make it work, and having faith.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

I've never done it myself but I have two first cousins that were adopted from China and two first cousins adopted from Russia. They're all grown up now -- three are in college and one in high school. The two from Russia both had some health issues, the two from China didn't have any that I know of. They're all good people. Best of luck.

I had heard that China had changed its policies on this but you probably have better info than I do.

 

[pecorino]

Wife and I just finalized our adoption of a baby girl from the US. The process wasn't bad and because it was domestic we could be present for the birth and took the baby from the hospital after 48 hours. We agreed to keep in contact with the birth parents but we see that as a good thing.

For us the two big drawbacks of international adoption were the costs and the time lag. You may not get your baby until she is several months old. I can't imagine giving up our past four months with our baby--it's been incredible and she really knows us already. Not trying to sway you, but the first few months are kind of a big deal, IMO.

 

[Gandalf the Grey]

My wife and I adopted a boy (12 weeks old) from Colombia in 2000. Total cost to us was around 17k, some of which we got back (can't remember why-tax credit maybe).

We received the picture of the child we would be adopting before we had to go there. Process was as you describe-home study, home visits from agency, had to attend some day long orientation thing, lots of various fees.

We had to go to Colombia and stay with child for a while-I stayed 2 weeks, wife ended up having to stay for a month. She had to stay later because of the process of finalizing in the Colombia courts. May have been longer but we paid another "fee" to expedite it through the courts (if I recall, it was about 100 bucks and was basically a payoff according to our local contact). The adoption agency we went with arranged housing for us and had a local employee that basically held our hand down there while we were there (transportation, money exchanges, sight seeing, dealing with courts, etc).

We stayed in New Bogota. As you can see, I don't remember a lot of the details. We had to finalize the adoption in the US when we returned. We also have yet to complete his name change, Colombia did things differently with the birth certificate than we do here.

Great boy, love him to death, can't imagine not having him in our life. No real health problems, colicky for the first month in Colombia.

Oh yeah, when I came back early I returned with a couple milk mixes (forget what you call it) the dried powder infant formula, in my bags because it was felt it would help him transition more easily once back in the US. I expected it might cause issues going through customs when leaving and I did get pulled aside and questioned, but didn't become an issue.

 

[FUBAR]

We're completing the application now, it's rather intensive. Which I guess shouldn't be surprising, I mean they are helping you add a live human being.

My wife commented that "they'll let anyone become a parent naturally but to help an actual living being who needs the help, they sure make you jump through hoops!"

The only thing I don't like is the organization is Christian based and their questions include things like "do you affirm that the Bible is the infallible and complete revelation of Christ to which nothing may be added (Rev. 22:18-19)." I'm toeing the line between calling BS on this and ensuring our application doesn't get rejected based on my disbelief of the accuracy of the Old Testament.

 

[Spanky24]

I can't help you on the international adoption, but my wife and I just brought our little guy home 5 weeks ago. Even domestic it was a nice long process but I can tell you it was worth every second.
Just wanted to wish you and your wife the best of luck!

 

[FUBAR]

We were notified yesterday that we were approved. Then we were emailed roughly 300 pages of information, sample contracts, disclaimers, and other stuff. We'll go through it over the next few days.

The price is a bit more than I had been told, mostly because when I was told the price "not including travel" I underestimated travel. It will end up being about the same price as a nice car. Aside from some sticker shock, we can afford it by pretty much clearing out our house fund. Worth it in the long run but damn, she'll be our most expensive kid before we even meet her.

We do get to visit China which will be an interesting experience.

 

[GroveDiesel]

There are quite a few of us in the FFA that have adopted. It's an awesome end result but a really crappy process. And you're not kidding about the cost. The adoption tax credit was a life saver for us.

We adopted from Taiwan. My daughter turns 7 this April and I wouldn't trade her for the world.

Here's a pretty long thread with a bunch of info that I started 6 years ago about adoption. It's mostly just people's stories through their process, but you may find it informative/encouraging/discouraging.

https://forums.footballguys.com/forum/index.php?/topic/349186-official-adoption-thread/?fromsearch=1

 

[FUBAR]

There are quite a few of us in the FFA that have adopted. It's an awesome end result but a really crappy process. And you're not kidding about the cost. The adoption tax credit was a life saver for us.

We adopted from Taiwan. My daughter turns 7 this April and I wouldn't trade her for the world.

Here's a pretty long thread with a bunch of info that I started 6 years ago about adoption. It's mostly just people's stories through their process, but you may find it informative/encouraging/discouraging.

https://forums.footballguys.com/forum/index.php?/topic/349186-official-adoption-thread/?fromsearch=1

Thanks GD. I don't think I ever opened that thread, we weren't considering adoption a few years ago. But I'll read it now!

 

[PIK95]

Good luck. My buddy adopted a girl from China a few years back and everything has gone well for them.

Not to hijack, but whenever I think of adoption, I immediately think of Lily from Modern Family. That girl cracks me up. Good luck!