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Intervention for my brother (1 Viewer)

J

JuniorGong

Footballguy
I’m in the peocess of preparing for an intervention for my brother the weekend of August 10th. Anyone here ever participated in one?

This will be the second intervention for him but the first one I’ve particpated in as I wasn’t able to make the last one. My brother is in his mid-50s and is an alcoholic and also diagnosed as being bi-polar. It doesn’t seem as though he accepts the bi-polar diagnosis and I can’t imagine he is taking any medication prescribed to him. A few years back the intervention was successful, he went into a 30-day inpatient facility and initially was doing really well. However, he lives alone and eventually started to slip up. His slip ups have become more frequent lately and definitely occurring a lot more than he admits. He has a 24 year old son that lives 3 hours away and a 20 year old daughter that is home for the summer from college but going back in a few weeks. His lies and drinking are doing a number on his daughter so me and my two sisters are stepping in despite none of us having a meaningful relationship with him.

We have hired an interventionist and have a call with him tonight. My dad is 79 and dealing with health issues so we are leaving him out of it for the time being, hopefully just will tell him if we are successful in getting him to agree to go to a facility. I want my brother to get healthy but since I have almost no relationship with him I don’t have any leverage saying I won’t be in his life if he refuses treatment. That unfortunately is going to fall on his two kids. Not really sure the role I will play in the actual intervention. Frankly, I’m a tad pissed off with the money I’m spending to get him healthy and if things so badly during the intervention I’m going to really have to fight the urge to avoid what happened during Christopher’s intervention on the Sopranos (joking, mostly).

I’d love to hear from anyone who has been through one. Welcome all tips and suggestions. I’d also like to hear from anyone who has experience with sober coaches because I feel like we need to put something in place for 6-12 months after an inpatient stay if we can get him to go.

 
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GL. Have nothing much to add except you may want to edit your title to intervention i/o invention

 
I was excited to read about the cool invention. . . sorry I have nothing to add.  Good luck.

 
All I would say is just support without reservations, expectations, or any kind of pay-off for YOU. 

I don't have any experience with interventions or anything like that. I do have experience with a bi-polar brother and alcoholism. And what has helped me over the years is don't judge. Don't demand. Don't expect any kind of return on your emotional investment. Don't hammer on his faults and mistakes. He knows these things.

Let go of YOUR anger and just be there. 

Be there in love and support.

 
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Mr. Ham said:
I know nothing about this topic, but couldn’t hurt to work on the relationship.  I realize it’s a paradox.  You don’t like him because of the addiction, but the addiction is often a reaction to lack of connection.  Hope it goes well, and thoughts with your family.  
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Appreciate it but we haven’t had a strong relationship for as far back as I can remember. He is 9 years older than me and there has just been a distance between us. That said, I’m certainly open to working on the relationship especially if a better relationship would help him stay sober. He has to agree to get help first though.

 
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Hoping and praying for the best for you there @JuniorGong  That's a tough thing all around. Thanks for caring enough about your brother to do something. 

I don't have any experience with 3rd party intervention help like this. But as someone who's lost a brother that suffered greatly with addiction, I would say time spent trying on this is not something you'll regret. 

 
ChiefD said:
All I would say is just support without reservations, expectations, or any kind of pay-off for YOU. 

I don't have any experience with interventions or anything like that. I do have experience with a bi-polar brother and alcoholism. And what has helped me over the years is don't judge. Don't demand. Don't expect any kind of return on your emotional investment. Don't hammer on his faults and mistakes. He knows these things.

Let go of YOUR anger and just be there. 

Be there in love and support.
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I am quite sure this is the best approach, easier said than done though for me at least. Working to get there which is why I started the thread.

 
I have no experience with an intervention but I will say that trying to get someone with a mental illness to continue to take their medication can be very difficult.   It seems once they take it for a while and are doing well they think  they do not need it anymore.  Eventually things begin to unwind and they are usually oblivious to that fact--  they feel fine it is everyone else that has the problem.   

Very tough on the family.

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.    

 
I have no experience with this, but if he is bi-polar and not getting treatment for that, would it really be possible to tackle the alcoholism in a meaningful way?  Or will the intervention focus on both aspects?

 
Long Ball Larry said:
I have no experience with this, but if he is bi-polar and not getting treatment for that, would it really be possible to tackle the alcoholism in a meaningful way?  Or will the intervention focus on both aspects?
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The plan is to put him in a facility that handles dual diagnosis so that they treat both. 

 
I apologize if this comes off the wrong way, but your post seems to be missing compassion in what I think would be my first thought. Are you and your family doing anything for the kids? You mentioned that his daughter is suffering and then said that the work would fall on them. I know this is about getting your brother right, but I’d honestly be more worried about his kids and making sure they come out of this OK. It may be heartless but if your brother is too far gone, I’d spend most of my time focused on making sure he didn’t drag down the kids. Do they have a mom in the picture? Do they have any of the same traits showing that you can squash before they start?

 
I can't help, but alcohol addiction is powerful. It often takes more than 1 go round to get sober. Part of it has to be that he wants to stay sober.  If he doesn't have the desire, no intervention is going to help. Good Luck to you and your family. 

 
stbugs said:
I apologize if this comes off the wrong way, but your post seems to be missing compassion in what I think would be my first thought. Are you and your family doing anything for the kids? You mentioned that his daughter is suffering and then said that the work would fall on them. I know this is about getting your brother right, but I’d honestly be more worried about his kids and making sure they come out of this OK. It may be heartless but if your brother is too far gone, I’d spend most of my time focused on making sure he didn’t drag down the kids. Do they have a mom in the picture? Do they have any of the same traits showing that you can squash before they start?
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When I stated it would fall on them I’m talking specifically about laying out consequences for my brother if he doesn’t agree to go to rehab. It really won’t impact my brother if me or my siblings tell him we will cut off all contact with him. It will hopefully have a huge impact on my brother if they say so.

We have arranged for my niece to go to family therapy and it is helping her. We have been providing emotional support as well.

 
Good. They’d be my primary objective on this even though the intervention is for the brother. It’s hard to say, but keeping their lives on track is higher on the priority scale. You don’t want to cut him off knowing what that means, but you can’t let him drag his kids down with him. 

 
Have had a number of friends in similar positions as your brother.   As others above had said -- be there, show him love.   Worst case scenario will be that you tried, and if you don't do this, you'd probably regret not trying later on.   

Good luck. 

 
What is the actual problem with his drinking?  Does he drink and get violent, avoid working, drives drunk, etc.?  What is the "problem"?

 
Arizona Ron said:
What is the actual problem with his drinking?  Does he drink and get violent, avoid working, drives drunk, etc.?  What is the "problem"?
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Drinks alone, blackouts, hurts himself, drives drunk, neglects work.

He couldn’t control his bodily functions tjhe last intervention.

 
Good luck. I hope the rehab facility provides thorough treatments for the mental illness because it seems like that is the root cause of the drinking.

If he quits drinking but never addresses the mental illness, then he'll be right back to drinking in a few months.

 
Joe Summer said:
Good luck. I hope the rehab facility provides thorough treatments for the mental illness because it seems like that is the root cause of the drinking.

If he quits drinking but never addresses the mental illness, then he'll be right back to drinking in a few months.
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Totally agree

 
JuniorGong said:
I’m in the peocess of preparing for an intervention for my brother the weekend of August 10th. Anyone here ever participated in one?

This will be the second intervention for him but the first one I’ve particpated in as I wasn’t able to make the last one. My brother is in his mid-50s and is an alcoholic and also diagnosed as being bi-polar. It doesn’t seem as though he accepts the bi-polar diagnosis and I can’t imagine he is taking any medication prescribed to him. A few years back the intervention was successful, he went into a 30-day inpatient facility and initially was doing really well. However, he lives alone and eventually started to slip up. His slip ups have become more frequent lately and definitely occurring a lot more than he admits. He has a 24 year old son that lives 3 hours away and a 20 year old daughter that is home for the summer from college but going back in a few weeks. His lies and drinking are doing a number on his daughter so me and my two sisters are stepping in despite none of us having a meaningful relationship with him.

We have hired an interventionist and have a call with him tonight. My dad is 79 and dealing with health issues so we are leaving him out of it for the time being, hopefully just will tell him if we are successful in getting him to agree to go to a facility. I want my brother to get healthy but since I have almost no relationship with him I don’t have any leverage saying I won’t be in his life if he refuses treatment. That unfortunately is going to fall on his two kids. Not really sure the role I will play in the actual intervention. Frankly, I’m a tad pissed off with the money I’m spending to get him healthy and if things so badly during the intervention I’m going to really have to fight the urge to avoid what happened during Christopher’s intervention on the Sopranos (joking, mostly).

I’d love to hear from anyone who has been through one. Welcome all tips and suggestions. I’d also like to hear from anyone who has experience with sober coaches because I feel like we need to put something in place for 6-12 months after an inpatient stay if we can get him to go.
Click to expand...
Been through about 3-4 of these. Helps to get them into treatment but in the long run if they don't deep down agree then they will relapse within a year.

A person has to want to change and then go through the actual process of change for months and years in order to really quit drugs and alcohol

 
tommyboy said:
Been through about 3-4 of these. Helps to get them into treatment but in the long run if they don't deep down agree then they will relapse within a year.

A person has to want to change and then go through the actual process of change for months and years in order to really quit drugs and alcohol
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yeah, certainly makes sense. the hope is that my brother does want to lead a healthy life but him not accepting the bi-polar diagnosis and taking his medicine every day is preventing him from making long-lasting, meaninful change. Beyond on intervention and hopefully inpatient care, I'm also looking at sober coaches for the following 6-12 months to keep him on the right path. we will see how it goes but i'm suddenly feeling optimistic about the world after having a late lunch at Twin Peaks in Wheeling, IL and seeing one of the hottest pieces of ### I've seen in a very long time behind the bar. holy smokes, seriously considered rubbing one out at my bar stool.

 
Had a call with the Interventionist, my siblings and my niece and nephew tonight. Seemed to go well, we are planning on all getting together next Saturday to prep and doing the intervention on Sunday morning. Lots of logistics to be planned out. I volunteered to drive my brother to the rehab facility if he agrees to get treatment provided the treatment place we land on is in driving distance. Not looking forward to any of it but hoping it all works out.

My wife doesn’t seemed thrilled with the money I’m spending or the time I’m dedicating to this which I get but she will hopefully get over it.

 
JuniorGong said:
Had a call with the Interventionist, my siblings and my niece and nephew tonight. Seemed to go well, we are planning on all getting together next Saturday to prep and doing the intervention on Sunday morning. Lots of logistics to be planned out. I volunteered to drive my brother to the rehab facility if he agrees to get treatment provided the treatment place we land on is in driving distance. Not looking forward to any of it but hoping it all works out.

My wife doesn’t seemed thrilled with the money I’m spending or the time I’m dedicating to this which I get but she will hopefully get over it.
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Are you the only family member chipping in $$$?

 
[scooter] said:
Are you the only family member chipping in $$$?
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No, sounds like my sisters will chip in but the whole process is expensive. Plus still not sure what my brother’s insurance will cover which could jack the cost up a lot. Additionally, we most likely will be looking to employ a sober coach or similar support services for up to a year.

 
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JuniorGong said:
yeah, certainly makes sense. the hope is that my brother does want to lead a healthy life but him not accepting the bi-polar diagnosis and taking his medicine every day is preventing him from making long-lasting, meaninful change. Beyond on intervention and hopefully inpatient care, I'm also looking at sober coaches for the following 6-12 months to keep him on the right path. we will see how it goes but i'm suddenly feeling optimistic about the world after having a late lunch at Twin Peaks in Wheeling, IL and seeing one of the hottest pieces of ### I've seen in a very long time behind the bar. holy smokes, seriously considered rubbing one out at my bar stool.
Click to expand...
Well, that took a turn.

 
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