Is having children overrated? (1 Viewer)

[TripItUp]

I see the struggles my friends are going through and it feels like a hard pass to me.  

I’ll hang up and listen.  (I don’t have any)

 

[shadyridr]

I certainly don't judge anybody for not wanting kids. It really is up to the individual. But having my son was the single best thing I ever did in my life. He gives my life meaning. My life pretty much revolves around him and I dread the day when he is out of the house. His hobbies became my hobbies. Watching him play baseball is more entertaining than watching the Yankees. Id rather spend the day hanging out with him indoors doing nothing than travelling, clubbing, or whatever people without kids do these days. Call me lame or whatever, its just the honest truth.

 

[Buckychudd]

Really depends on the individual and what they want out of life.

For me personally, I've never done anything more rewarding and meaningful in my life than raise my children.

 

[Chaka]

Having kids is highly overrated according to my mother.

 

[dgreen]

I see the struggles my friends are going through and it feels like a hard pass to me.  

I believe many parents make it more difficult than it needs to be. I enjoyed this book.

 

[wikkidpissah]

I see the struggles my friends are going through and it feels like a hard pass to me.  

I’ll hang up and listen.  (I don’t have any)

unnecessary but not overrated. it is of the human spirit to be consumed by something and parenthood is the most consumptive experience in creation. when we are not gods, we are bugs and raising children is perfect for those without the talent to be gods. one can be a god and a great parent, one can be a doting parent and a cockaroach

 

[jamny]

We don't have kids but I don't think overrated is a good description. It's just not for everyone. Very glad we never did.

 

[TripItUp]

I’ve heard the “it gave my life meaning” before and that doesn’t  fully register with me as I feel like my life has meaning now.     

 

[Epic Problem]

I'll let you know when I see what kind of nursing home he puts me in. 

 

[TripItUp]

I'll let you know when I see what kind of nursing home he puts me in. 

I’ve also heard the “who is going to take care of you” argument.  

This Also doesn’t register with me, I have plenty of money to pay somebody to take care of myself.  (Obligatory, look at me I can pay to take care of myself!)

 

[shadyridr]

I’ve heard the “it gave my life meaning” before and that doesn’t  fully register with me as I feel like my life has meaning now.     

Sounds like kids are not for you then. That's awesome that your life has meaning! Everyone deserves to be happy!

 

[TripItUp]

Sounds like kids are not for you then. That's awesome that your life has meaning! Everyone deserves to be happy!

It just feels odd to be perfectly content without kids when the vast majority of the rest of the world decides they want/need them.  It feels like I was born without something that everybody else has. 

 

[shadyridr]

It just feels odd to be perfectly content without kids when the vast majority of the rest of the world decides they want/need them.  It feels like I was born without something that everybody else has. 

I don't think its odd at all.

 

[wikkidpissah]

and i don't know who came up with the idea that parenthood was about pleasing children but the concept has done more harm to this world than Osama.

 

[Epic Problem]

It just feels odd to be perfectly content without kids when the vast majority of the rest of the world decides they want/need them.  It feels like I was born without something that everybody else has. 

I'd say that about 25% of my friends and family, ages 30 and up, don't have children. Its not that uncommon 

 

[TobiasFunke]

I certainly don't judge anybody for not wanting kids. It really is up to the individual. But having my son was the single best thing I ever did in my life. He gives my life meaning. My life pretty much revolves around him and I dread the day when he is out of the house. His hobbies became my hobbies. Watching him play baseball is more entertaining than watching the Yankees. Id rather spend the day hanging out with him indoors doing nothing than travelling, clubbing, or whatever people without kids do these days. Call me lame or whatever, its just the honest truth.

Mine are younger (three between the ages of 3 and 6) so the rewards are different, but I agree 100%. 

I married and had kids late, so to some extent I've seen both sides. For a while I lived in a fun city by myself and made enough money to do most anything I wanted without a care or responsibility in the world. Then I quit my job and traveled the world for a year. Then I spent a couple years doing the clubbing and coke thing. Then I spent a couple slightly more sober years "dating" more than I ever dreamed as a horny teenager.  Then I got married and my wife and I enjoyed a couple carefree years childless.  Being a lame goofy middle-aged dad has been way better than all those things.

 

[TheIronSheik]

I never wanted kids, but now that I have one, it's the greatest thing in my life.  Everything I do, I pretty much do for her.

That said, my advice has always been the same:  If you don't want kids, don't have them.  Both your kids and you will be better off.  And not judging at all.

 

[trogg78]

I don’t think it’s over-rated, but I have 7 kids and have always been willing to give up everything for them.

 

[Brony]

If kids were really that bad, most people would stop at 1 kid. 

They can be exhausting, but most adults don't want to vent this frustration in front of the kid or wife, so they wait to hang with friends/other dads/coworkers and complain. 

 

[Yankee23Fan]

There isnt a day that goes by that I dont think to myself two things...

Why in the hell did I do this?

And

God I cant imagine a happy world without these kids.

 

[Buddy Ball 2K3]

I see the struggles my friends are going through and it feels like a hard pass to me.  

I’ll hang up and listen.  (I don’t have any)

I am the only one of my friends that doesn't have them. They all say the same thing "They LOVE their kids, but if they could go back in time...."

 

[bigmarc27]

I don’t think I could handle the stress. Like the idea of ball games and taking them to movies and all that stuff seems like it could be amazing, but then I know people whose kids are flunking out, on drugs, living at home in their 20s with no real prospects or motivation, etc...  that doesn’t even include more normal issues like depression, learning to drive, dealing with peer pressure and the like. 

Im sure there are moments of extreme joy, but I can already tell my life would be a constant worry 24/7. 

 

[eoMMan]

We don't have kids but I don't think overrated is a good description. It's just not for everyone. Very glad we never did.

Yeah, pretty much this.  

For you parents saying that everything you do revolves around your kid....although in some sense, this is simply a sign of being a great parent (it is to some extent)....I think it can go too far.  Make sure you get some alone time and also some alone time with your partner.  I don't think it's healthy to be 24/7 about your kid and not have any of your own hobbies, interests, etc.

 

[Ilov80s]

I see the struggles my friends are going through and it feels like a hard pass to me.  

I’ll hang up and listen.  (I don’t have any)

No kids here but I know most of my friends with kids seem to be in perpetual hell.

 

[SWC]

nope it is not overrated it is the greatest thing ever it just is they rule take that to the bank bromigos 

 

[Don Quixote]

I was not sure when I was younger either, but it is a bit different when it is your own.  I'm enjoying starting to be able to introduce my son to some of my enjoyments (such as taking him to his first college hoops game last month -- which he enjoyed a lot more than I thought he would).  My biggest regret is not having #1 sooner.  My wife and I are trying for #2, but not as easy now that we are both approaching 40.

 

[Bull Dozier]

It just feels odd to be perfectly content without kids when the vast majority of the rest of the world decides they want/need them.  It feels like I was born without something that everybody else has. 

Freedom.

I fall into the camp of having kids, and loving it.  Like Shady, I'm not looking forward to the day they are out of the house.  My two boys are in high school, and I rarely see them.  I miss them.  I love that they are old enough and mature enough to have real conversations in those rare moments they are in the mood.  My favorite days of the weeks are when we actually have time to sit down for a family dinner, and instead of the scarfing down they food and rushing off to whatever they want to go do, they sit at the table after we are all done eating and we have an actual conversation about something in the news, or what happened at school, or whatever.  Gone are the days where I am constantly caring for them, or driving them to and from their activities, but the relationship with them is irreplaceable.

 

[Ilov80s]

I’ve also heard the “who is going to take care of you” argument.  

This Also doesn’t register with me, I have plenty of money to pay somebody to take care of myself.  (Obligatory, look at me I can pay to take care of myself!)

Right, the cost to raise a kid is estimated at about $250k. There is the money to pay for my late life care. Also, since I don't have kids and party more, I likely won't live as long. 

and i don't know who came up with the idea that parenthood was about pleasing children but the concept has done more harm to this world than Osama.

Amen. Only way I would have a kid is if I could afford a nanny. I would not want some little person expecting me to wait on them 24/7. 

 

[MAC_32]

Nope - I think having kids caused me to change from an obtuse ### hole with good intentions to a caring ### hole with good actions.

 

[Charlie Steiner]

I think that, in the moment, having kids can easily feel like a mistake or just too overwhelming, but once you've gone through it, you wish you had it to go through all over again.

 

[wikkidpissah]

Amen. Only way I would have a kid is if I could afford a nanny. I would not want some little person expecting me to wait on them 24/7. 

Kinda missing the point here. Children who live to please - as they are designed to want to do - and not be pleased have the best chance to be productive adults

 

[bigbottom]

Cliché perhaps, but I always thought this scene captured the issue well:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VW2ebN3PWT0

 

[Ilov80s]

Kinda missing the point here. Children who live to please - as they are designed to want to do - and not be pleased have the best chance to be productive adults

Maybe I did.  If I wait on my kids 24/7 then they will expect all of life to be at their service. I don't want spoiled kids. 

 

[bigbottom]

Maybe I did.  If I wait on my kids 24/7 then they will expect all of life to be at their service. I don't want spoiled kids. 

You think hiring an employee whose job is to wait on them would make things better in that regard?

 

[Payne]

I don't think people with kids can put into words what it feels like to have kids. You'll never understand it until you have them.

 

[That one guy]

You’ll see and hear about the struggles of parenthood because caring for kids is an all-encompassing venture and venting about those moments of stress is needed because you can’t aim it at your children.  What you probably won’t see very often is the small moments that inexplicably erase those moments of frustration, doubt, and anger.  The worst day of parenting will have you empty and weak, then one unprovoked hug, kiss, and an “I love you” and you’re full again.

 

[Payne]

I think that, in the moment, having kids can easily feel like a mistake or just too overwhelming, but once you've gone through it, you wish you had it to go through all over again.

Excellent statement

 

[TheIronSheik]

Maybe I did.  If I wait on my kids 24/7 then they will expect all of life to be at their service. I don't want spoiled kids. 

So to keep them from becoming spoiled, you'd hire a nanny to raise them? 

 

[eoMMan]

I don't think people with kids can put into words what it feels like to have kids. You'll never understand it until you have them.

Couldn't you say that about most major medical issues?  

 

[Ilov80s]

You think hiring an employee whose job is to wait on them would make things better in that regard?

The nanny's job isn't to wait on them. The nanny's job is to carry out my instructions and put someone other than the parents on the frontline for all the stupid BS kids try to pull. 

 

[Payne]

I'll add, I've accomplished a lot in my life. Academics, athletics, etc.

NONE of that compares to how you feel when your kids accomplish a goal.

 

[AcerFC]

Maybe I did.  If I wait on my kids 24/7 then they will expect all of life to be at their service. I don't want spoiled kids. 

I didnt want spoiled kids either. But it happens

 

[Ilov80s]

So to keep them from becoming spoiled, you'd hire a nanny to raise them? 

Yeah, a trained professional who isn't impacted by the biological connection to the child and prone to giving in to their worst demands. So when a kid throws an insane tantrum because they want some insane kid thing, the nanny can handle it. If they want to spend time with their parents, they can get their act together and act in a civilized manner. I don't want them rewarded for throwing tantrums. 

 

[Ilov80s]

I didnt want spoiled kids either. But it happens

LOL, I know. I see from family how hard it is. The first thing I would have to do is move far away from my MIL. She has spoiled my nephew/nieces so bad it is digusting. I love them but they are total #######s and they are only 10/9.

 

[MAC_32]

You think hiring an employee whose job is to wait on them would make things better in that regard?

Good nanny's are third parent's; not servants.  

 

[bigbottom]

The nanny's job isn't to wait on them. The nanny's job is to carry out my instructions and put someone other than the parents on the frontline for all the stupid BS kids try to pull. 

Well, you could do that as well.  So I don't see how the nanny/no nanny decision is a determiner of whether your children are spoiled.

 

[Dr. Octopus]

I’ve heard the “it gave my life meaning” before and that doesn’t  fully register with me as I feel like my life has meaning now.     

I'm not sure what you're looking for people to tell you. No one that has kids is going to say it's over-rated and nothing they tell you will make you want to have kids (it seems).

This is one of those things where there is no right or wrong answer. It's a decision for each individual/couple to make. Some have the desire to love and nuture and the feel of "family", some love their freedom and don't want the added responsibility. Act accordingly and be the best at what you are either way.

 

[MAC_32]

LOL, I know. I see from family how hard it is. The first thing I would have to do is move far away from my MIL. She has spoiled my nephew/nieces so bad it is digusting. I love them but they are total #######s and they are only 10/9.

There's a very gray line, but I think grandparent coddling is a good thing.

 

[bigbottom]

Yeah, a trained professional who isn't impacted by the biological connection to the child and prone to giving in to their worst demands. So when a kid throws an insane tantrum because they want some insane kid thing, the nanny can handle it. If they want to spend time with their parents, they can get their act together and act in a civilized manner. I don't want them rewarded for throwing tantrums. 

Yeah, I think you may have this backwards.  You have far more incentive not to give in to tantrums than a nanny does.  Your nanny won't have to experience the long term consequences of spoiled children.

 

[dkp993]

I was 40 when my daughter (first and only child) was born.  At 40 I felt like I was a fully baked person who knew myself pretty well and understood my own strengths and weaknesses.  In other words I didn’t expect any more big changes in who I was as a person. That absolutely changed the moment we had my daughter.  The feelings of love I experienced (and continue too) I can not describe to anyone who hasn’t been through it.  While it’s not easy at times, what love is?  I have some very good friends whom have chosen not to be parents and I appreciate and respect the decision that’s right for them. But having now experienced it for myself, I couldn’t imagine it any other way.