From a purely financial standpoint, it actually probably won't pay off. How many hours will she spend on this when it's all said and done, and what does that work out to be per hour? Seems very likely that you'd be much better off with her actually earning income vs. hypothetical savings (which can still be realized with far fewer hours).
Like everyone else I feel for you, but a red flag for me is how you said the topic of her working hasn't even been discussed yet. I'm not quite sure how that's even possible tbh. She can still kick *** while working, and IMO she would be kicking even more *** if she were. Even if it's part time, or consulting (like you said she's done), that should be enough to bridge the gap.
There may be some cultural nuances here at play as well, but that kind of stuff can actually become very complex.
In general, I've always come to believe that you should expect from people from what they've always given you. I'm not saying people should live with those expectations absolutely, but that what's predictive isn't exactly a type of pure rocket science. If she hasn't worked in 15 years or more, odds are she won't moving forward.
Her option tree as an individual are much larger than his option tree as a head of the household. Someone who marries you for you, will do what it takes to bring in the tides to raise all boats altogether. Someone who marries the lifestyle, will do what it takes to maintain that lifestyle. That's everyone. All relationships. Not just Floppo's situation.
Actions are the truth. Nothing else is it's equal in that regard.
If she consults a family law attorney, as of today, her best outcome as an individual would be to file for divorce right now. That's what she will be told. She will also be told not to work nor seek employment.
If he consults a family law attorney, as of today, his best outcome as the head of household would be to move to a much lower cost of living area and set roots before a potential divorce. That's what he will be told.
If I was in this situation, if I was Floppo, I'd ask her once to enter the workforce for the sake of the kids. If she hesitates or refuses, I'd file for divorce. You are on the team and a team player, or you are not. The financial devastation for Floppo is pretty much assured either way. However one of the worst things that parents can do in front of kids is have long term conflict / acrimony / resentment / fights over money. Kids typically end up blaming themselves as the reason for the financial hardship. I consider divorce better than putting kids through that, but that's my take, no one has to agree with it.
If someone says to me - "We are not moving"
Then I take it exactly the same as - "I am not moving. But you might"
There is no point in negotiating over something that can't be negotiated or shouldn't be negotiated. Just better to move forward with the remainder of the team that wants to be part of that team.
The consideration Floppo will make is divorce will split his household in half. That's true. But if there are endless fights and blood shed over money, then the household is split in half already. At least a divorce, in that context, would be more in line with the truth of the matter. Which is a better example for the kids overall, for their long term benefit.
