Marital Advice - Friendly camping trip too friendly? (1 Viewer)

[ShaqAttaq]

this thread should at least make it to 3000 posts.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

i can't believe nobody has suggested checking the phone records. they could've easily matched stories...

Does anybody else think it's funny that OP uses the moniker "Man In The Yellow Hat" and he has a friend named George? You know, as in CURIOUS George? (For those too old to recall, there is a series of children's books called "Curious George," wherein George is a monkey who is owned by a Man In The Yellow Hat, who is otherwise nameless. Hence the humor.)

 

[IvanKaramazov]

this thread should at least make it to 3000 posts.

Definitely slowing down, but I think momentum will carry us over the 3k mark.

 

[Irish]

Last one out, turn out the lights....

Who turned out the lights?

 

[pats3in4]

i can't believe nobody has suggested checking the phone records. they could've easily matched stories...

Does anybody else think it's funny that OP uses the moniker "Man In The Yellow Hat" and he has a friend named George? You know, as in CURIOUS George? (For those too old to recall, there is a series of children's books called "Curious George," wherein George is a monkey who is owned by a Man In The Yellow Hat, who is otherwise nameless. Hence the humor.)

Well played.

 

[Klecko HOF]

i can't believe nobody has suggested checking the phone records. they could've easily matched stories...

Does anybody else think it's funny that OP uses the moniker "Man In The Yellow Hat" and he has a friend named George? You know, as in CURIOUS George? (For those too old to recall, there is a series of children's books called "Curious George," wherein George is a monkey who is owned by a Man In The Yellow Hat, who is otherwise nameless. Hence the humor.)

Yes, a poster or two did allude to that earlier...

 

[Captain Quinoa]

I say forget it and go camping with the group again next year.

What could possibly go wrong?

 

[General Malaise]

To be clear, we ARE talking about Steve in Minneapolis, right?

Sonny, for your benefit, I actually replied to a "Steve in Minneapolis" post on like page 68 or so of this thread hoping you'd see it. I said something like "Hi Steve in Minneapolis, this is General in Portland"...

Or some sht.

 

[General Malaise]

i can't believe nobody has suggested checking the phone records. they could've easily matched stories...

no joke. i'm also a little angry at ManHat for not going to check on his wife after George said something twice or thrice. surprised nobody else is bothered by that.

 

[dotman]

LSD is a known truth serum

 

[Koya]

[

Well news for you and most of the other posters - the only difference between you and MITYH is he is MAN ENOUGH to admit that something might have happened, is apparantly putting blame all around as he searches for an answer, and is looking to communicate with his wife before this becomes something that spirals out of control.

The rest of you, judging by your "judgementalness" and harsh opininions all around can walk through life assuming you are above all this - until one day you walk in and actually SEE your wife getting banged on your sofa, or come home to see an empty home because she already left.

Well it DIDN'T happen to the rest of us did it? It happened to him and probably for a reason. He doesn't deserve credit for admitting anything. If he would have addmitted problems and manned up in the first place none of this would have happend.

Hey buddy, hate to break this to you, but oh yeah, its happened to a LOT of the "rest of us." And it is that mode of thought, where MITYH is SO unique in his "lack of manning up" (something apparantly almost NO other FBGs ever experience) that only he could be cheated on.But not you. Nor anyone else who looks down upon MITYH for something which, again I hate to break to you, has happened to well over half the people on this board. And that is only talking about in their current marriage! But you are right, I am sure you, nor anyone else with that thought has ever been cheated on, never will - and if anything ever hinted at it I am positive they would man up indeed, and make "all" the right choices.

Really. MITYH and his wife are facing one of life's many trials. It may be more serious than it seems right now, but chances are people are making everest out of the smoky f'n mountains. Like I said, I fear it is some gutteral human instinct that makes us feel better by knocking others down a notch. So many posters seem compelled to assume the worst, point out horrendously bad possible scenarios all the while proclaiming or inferring this could "never" happen to them, and seem to root for the worst for MITYH. Hence my schaudenfraude comment, before.

Anyhoo /soapbox

 

[Koya]

Ineteresting times are ahead for us. We talked for a couple hours about things last night, and she certainly knows where I stand. We covered a lot of ground.

What was covered, other than her knowing where you stand? Any decisions made? Any changes implemented? Any actions taken?

A few things. She said one of the reasons she really let loose with the drinking that day was that it was the first time in a long that she was able to 'not think about the kids'. She knew they were safe with my parents, and knew we would see them the next day. So, no responsiblity for her. As a stay at home mom, I think she does indeed feel 'trapped' at times with the kids. That has to be a factor here for these actions.

I went over how me and Steve have completely different personalities. I asked her point blank if that's an issue for her. The posters here have pretty much pegged my personality, and have a decent read on Steve. She claims these differences are the reason she's with me. I told her that's great, but there's a big part of me that believes she's flattered and possibilty excited by the idea that she did something with the bad boy, since I don't fit that category. She said any time a mother of two has anyone find her attractive, that it is an ego boost. The idea of something actually happening does not make her excited though.

This was a interesting point that she brought up. She said it became very clear to her as we talked this week that there aren't many boundaries with a certain subset of our friends. Not all of the people camping, but about half of them. She chalks this up to a few things. One is that for a year or two before we met, she was a 'one of the guys' kind of girl. She hung out with these guys a lot, strictly as friends. So, she was a lot more smartass and open with them than most women would be. Second, this led to all of us kind of being that way amongst each other, especially where spouse's were concerned. What's really interesting is that you can see a separation between the group that actually acts this way and group that doesn't. Same camping trip, same envinroment, just different ways of interacting. So, we both decided that will be much more careful about how we interact with certain people in the future.

As for decisions, we didn't get into too much of that. She actually brought up counseling, and is all for going to counseling together. We also figured out that we need to spend more time together than we do. We get awful busy during the week, and she works outside the house every other weekend, so it's tough for us to find time to just be together.

Consider this your warning MIYH. Seriously. This is her way of saying that she requires some affirmations from you that she is not getting.

A Warning how?A warning that yes, she is human and many women feel this same way - and this is something that MITYH (and anyone else) should be aware of for the interests of their spouse, self, kids, family?

or a warning that WifeITYH is somehow looking for something more and is suggesting she is more prone to cheating than someone else?

because the former is perfectly acceptable. The latter is a huge reach and overstatement like many in this thread... errr novel.

A warning that he isn't letting her know that she's attractive enough, and that hearing it from someone else actually seems like it's kind of a surprise to hear. If she hears it enough and in the right ways at home, she will not be swayed in the LEAST by another man's words.

Fair enough. She is human, she had needs, she has ego. MITYH needs to understand this or, indeed, things will head south. This is true of just about all relationships, however imo.

What a load of ####. So she didn't have her ego fed by him and was feeling trapped by the kids so she felt the need to at least grab another guys junk and let him feel her up AT THE LEAST?!?! Horse ####. If it requires MIYH to constantly feed her ego to keep her loyal then her ### needs to hit the curb.This is her fault all the way, to twist it to some of his responsibility for not feeding her ego/etc is a load of crap.

(1) Chill(2) Some context please?

(3) :lmao)

(4) Chill

I never said it was not her fault... but you (and many others here) are acting as if you and all of YOUR relationships are "above" this stuff.

1/2 of marriages end in divorce. Probably considerably more result in some infidelity. The fact is, is in marriage it is easy to slip into the taking each other for granted routine. It is hard to notice as this happens bit by bit, but in the end one or both of the parties feels neglected, or unloved, or unwanted, or unattractive.

To act as if WifeINYH is so unique and bad and different than, I dont know, 80% of YOUR wives (for those who are married) is arrogant and self serving.

It is not his responsibility if she cheated. It IS his responsibility to ensure that he gives her attention, loves her, works to make their marriage work. If he doesnt do these things, then HUMAN NECESSITY AND NATURE will take over and if no cheating occured here, I GUARANTEE it will in the future. And YES, MITYH would have SOME bearing of that responsibility. Don't act like because you are the man in the relationship that you dont need to make your wife feel fulfilled and can expect fidelity just because.

Oh, and the same can be said in reverse... WifeITYH, or any wife, damn better take care of her man as well, or HIS human nature and necessity will take over.

The fact is, it seems like we have a somewhat lonely wife, wondering what has happened to all the excitement in life... just like SO many people experience everyday. To think that MITYH has NOTHING to do with this is insane. It does not mean that the Wife is not ultimately responsible for her actions, but a husband and wife owe it to each other not to make one another feel so unloved, unattracted, unwanted that they do seek outside gratification / ego boost / sexual interaction.

I mean really, the people on this board talk as if something like this would NEVER happen to THEIR perfect relationships. That they will NEVER be the 50% that divorce. NEVER be to 60, 70 or 80% that cheat, get cheated on, or both.

Well news for you and most of the other posters - the only difference between you and MITYH is he is MAN ENOUGH to admit that something might have happened, is apparantly putting blame all around as he searches for an answer, and is looking to communicate with his wife before this becomes something that spirals out of control.

The rest of you, judging by your "judgementalness" and harsh opininions all around can walk through life assuming you are above all this - until one day you walk in and actually SEE your wife getting banged on your sofa, or come home to see an empty home because she already left.

MITYH at least recognized the issue and is willing to face it... perhaps he is lucky it only amounted to this before he found out there are some serious underlying issues in his marriage (which btw, is VERY normal for most humans... FBGs obviously not included since we are above this stuff apparantly)

First, where did I state my marriage was above this?Second, how do you know he hasn't been giving her attention? Those statements alone doesn't signify that he hasn't. For all he knew he was but she failed to communicate that he wasn't.

Third, your generalizations are amusing at best. "I mean really, the people on this board talk as if something like this would NEVER happen to THEIR perfect relationships." Care to provide some examples for the majority, or does a couple of idiotic statements define the entire board.

Third, if she wasn't getting the attention she wanted, she should have stated so before she hugged another guys junk. Sorry but this crap about spreading the blame is a load of BS. She didn't communicate her feelings, and finally did so by holding Steve's junk and who knows what else. To put any blame any where else because she didn't communicate that she wasn't getting what she needed is crap.

You and the other "apologists" and weak opinions want to spread the blame around, when it's a simple fact that it wasn't MITYH being unfaithful, it was his wife. If you want to assume it was because he wasn't giving her enough credit, fine...but it doesn't make any difference at all. If she felt that way she should have voiced it and not go and do what she did. The blame is squarely on her. If they talk and she confides that she wasn't getting what she wanted, then fine, that needs to be addressed. But in no way does it excuse or justify her actions.

MITYH recognizing the issue? It's pretty easy to recognize the issue when your wife decides to hug another guys junk instead of communicating her feelings before hand. This is all on the wife for a) doing it, and b) not communicating her needs leading to it in the first place.

Don't make this apologist get back on ye ol' soapbox.Seriously, just see my last post Id pretty much repeat the same rant.

 

[Koya]

Koya

Everyone talks about how great GordonGekko's postings are (and sometimes they're good), but Koya's is likely the best non-hilarity-inducing posting I've ever read in the FFA.

Oh, p-shaw. So you are saying that Im not funny?

 

[General Malaise]

this thread should at least make it to 3000 posts.

Definitely slowing down, but I think momentum will carry us over the 3k mark.

I'm doing my part. What is this, post 178 for me? I don't really have anywhere else to go, honestly. I might just start telling GM stories here.

 

[General Malaise]

27 User(s) are reading this topic (15 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)

27:15 HAS to be some sort of ratio record, no?

 

[prosopis]

update

 

[krista4]

Koya

Everyone talks about how great GordonGekko's postings are (and sometimes they're good), but Koya's is likely the best non-hilarity-inducing posting I've ever read in the FFA.

Oh, p-shaw. So you are saying that Im not funny?

Better?

Also, just trying to help get this to 3,000.

 

[mr. furley]

LSD is a known truth serum

i've heard worse suggestions.

 

[rascal]

Don't make this apologist get back on ye ol' soapbox.Seriously, just see my last post Id pretty much repeat the same rant.

Ditto (except I'm a judgementalists apparently).Your rant doesn't apply to what I said.

 

[Koya]

Better?Also, just trying to help get this to 3,000.

A little. We will get to 3000. We have not seen the end of this sordid tale. Nor the hyperbole that will accompany it. Here's to 3k!

 

[3C's]

Better?Also, just trying to help get this to 3,000.

A little. We will get to 3000. We have not seen the end of this sordid tale. Nor the hyperbole that will accompany it. Here's to 3k!

80k views is a more impressive, and attainable, goal. Heading to the top 10!

 

[PsychoMan]

is this the point in the thread where there's nothing relevant left to discuss, but we're all so attached to it that we'll say anything, no matter how dumb, just to keep it alive?

 

[3C's]

is this the point in the thread where there's nothing relevant left to discuss, but we're all so attached to it that we'll say anything, no matter how dumb, just to keep it alive?

Yes. Unless mityh drops a bomb on us. Hopefully that won't be the case.

 

[AnonymousBob]

is this the point in the thread where there's nothing relevant left to discuss, but we're all so attached to it that we'll say anything, no matter how dumb, just to keep it alive?

So it would seem. I doubt we've seen the last of MITYH. Just give him a few days to discover some more.

 

[nysfl2]

is this the point in the thread where there's nothing relevant left to discuss, but we're all so attached to it that we'll say anything, no matter how dumb, just to keep it alive?

I think at this point, we can eliminate any talk of this being a Any self-respecting fishing trip would have come up with a much better ending than that. For example:Steve and wife attend wedding. MITYH confronts Steve during reception. After much badgering, Steve admits to kissing, groping, etc. MITYH loses it and starts beating the crap out of Steve. Fight spills into the broom closet, where the bride is getting close and personal with . . . GeorgeLights out, everyone can go home.

 

[deep vacuum]

This seemed more appropriate around 50 pages ago. To bad I just stumbled upon it.

 

[Burning Sensation]

Disclaimer - I only read the first and "updated" post.

What both "admitted" to could have been done in the same amount of time it would take a man to pee(roughly 30 seconds) Now assuming the fact that the camp site is not a 10 minute walk, something more than what was explained by either person happened.

I would guess they did not have secks, because from what i read, you had secks with your wife later that night. No woman would do that, not even one who would cheat on their husband in a bathroom stall. However, they did something more than they both stated, they are just "pleading down", one more than the other. Usually when this happens, the wife is willing to share more info because her security in your relationship is more than that of yours and the friends, not to mention in your case she is clearly more guilty because she was the instigator.

I am guessing in 50+ pages that most/all of this has already been said, but i couldnt help but to give my 2 cents.

P.S. Could someone briefly update me on any of the good stuff i might have missed?

P.S.S. I dont blame you for not going to check on them. That is basically admitting to yourself your wife would cheat on you, which is almost as bad as her doing it.

 

[General Malaise]

is this the point in the thread where there's nothing relevant left to discuss, but we're all so attached to it that we'll say anything, no matter how dumb, just to keep it alive?

Yup. We're the people who refuse to leave the bar after last call.

 

[hamster_13]

i can't believe nobody has suggested checking the phone records. they could've easily matched stories...

Does anybody else think it's funny that OP uses the moniker "Man In The Yellow Hat" and he has a friend named George? You know, as in CURIOUS George? (For those too old to recall, there is a series of children's books called "Curious George," wherein George is a monkey who is owned by a Man In The Yellow Hat, who is otherwise nameless. Hence the humor.)

His name is Ted.

 

[Sonny Lubick Blowup Doll]

To be clear, we ARE talking about Steve in Minneapolis, right?

Sonny, for your benefit, I actually replied to a "Steve in Minneapolis" post on like page 68 or so of this thread hoping you'd see it. I said something like "Hi Steve in Minneapolis, this is General in Portland"...

Or some sht.

"Let's go out to Steve in Minneapolis, who has a question about camping...Go ahead caller..."

 

[Strumey]

I refuse to read any response that starts with

"I didnt read the whole thread...."

or

"I just read the first post and the update..."

 

[Irish]

update

Wife is now pregnant with camper Steve's love child. Wife still has no memory of how this happened. Camper Steve still stands by his story that nothing happened. Man w/Yellow Hat agrees to raise said love child as his own.

 

[Sweet J]

P.S.S. I dont blame you for not going to check on them. That is basically admitting to yourself your wife would cheat on you, which is almost as bad as her doing it.

I can't believe that in a 50-page thread, someone actually had a concept that no one has presented yet. You are the first person to take this point of view, I believe. I'm not sure I agree with it, but it is a compelling thought.

 

[Peak]

I thought this was over.

 

[3C's]

I thought this was over.

It's not over until we say it's over!

 

[code]

What post number are we up to now?

 

[3C's]

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[Statorama]

27 User(s) are reading this topic (15 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)

27:15 HAS to be some sort of ratio record, no?

The article in the NY Times brought a lot of new people over. They've skipped right from "Fred Thompsons Trophy Wife" into here.

 

[PsychoMan]

is this the point in the thread where there's nothing relevant left to discuss, but we're all so attached to it that we'll say anything, no matter how dumb, just to keep it alive?

Yup. We're the people who refuse to leave the bar after last call.

 

[PsychoMan]

I refuse to read any response that starts with "I didnt read the whole thread...."or"I just read the first post and the update..."

Apparently you have already read them and just came to this conclusion.

 

[Dragons]

is this the point in the thread where there's nothing relevant left to discuss, but we're all so attached to it that we'll say anything, no matter how dumb, just to keep it alive?

Yes. Unless mityh drops a bomb the bombs on us.

Someone did ask for pics.

 

[Dragons]

To be clear, we ARE talking about Steve in Minneapolis, right?

Sonny, for your benefit, I actually replied to a "Steve in Minneapolis" post on like page 68 or so of this thread hoping you'd see it. I said something like "Hi Steve in Minneapolis, this is General in Portland"...

Or some sht.

"Let's go out to Steve in Minneapolis, who has a question about camping...Go ahead caller..."

By the way, if I recall correctly, from the descriptions of where everyone in this tale lives, I think the Steve from the story does in fact live in Minneapolis. I think our fellow FBG has some explainin' to do.

 

[SmoovySmoov]

I thought this was over.

Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough... the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!

 

[Angry Beavers]

 

[Sammy B]

I thought this was over.

Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...

the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!

Germans?

 

[strykerpks]

I thought this was over.

Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...

the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!

Germans?

Forget it, he's rolling

 

[Alias]

did anyone mention you should check her email or phone records?

how about that george is he curious?

 

[Franknbeans]

Seriously, can we get some mother ####ing pics in here or what?

 

[Warhogs]

MITYH I believe that if you can do this it is time to let it go. Take the positive pieces you can from this and move on.

You have made it clear to your wife that you were upset and disappointed about her actions. It should be quite obvious you will not accept this and I would think it would never happen again. You both realize that your relationship has some things to work on so take this new realization and improve things.

I feel you might never find out what really happened so I would not continue to agonize yourself. Take what positive you can from the episode and move on. Best of luck.

 

[FootballWidow]

this thread should at least make it to 3000 posts.

Definitely slowing down, but I think momentum will carry us over the 3k mark.

I'm doing my part. What is this, post 178 for me? I don't really have anywhere else to go, honestly. I might just start telling GM stories here.

please do tell!