Marriage and Friends of the Opposite Sex (1 Viewer)

[msommer]

I was totally on board with you until you got to the trust part. Seems like there's definitely things you need to work through.

Did somebody say that texting other women is crossing a line? What is wrong with you people?

Trust issues have been non-existent since our previous missteps until now. My wife has a "funny feeling" about her. Should I just defer to her "funny feeling? I'm curios from your woman's perspective.

Not being a woman, take this with a grain of salt.

The 'funny feeling' is so she can say I told you so if you so much as receive a humorous text with a touch of innuendo - not talking pic of shaved balls or anything like that - and so that your jealous wife can shut the relationship down immediately after.

That being said: the moment you get that text -you take it to the wife and say 'you my have been right' and dial the relationship down to coach/assistant coach.

 

[pollardsvision]

The can men/women be friends thing is a case by case basis.

In this case, the answer seems pretty clearly to be "no". You don't get everything in life, and having this woman as a close friend and keeping your wife happy seem mutually exclusive.

Whether or not your really want to bang this lady is irrelevant. Your wife thinks you do. Ballgame. Your dream of Saturday's frolicking in fields with this dear friend only thinking of the children are over.

So much so that it makes her not even want to do the "nice" thing, and spend time with this lady and her kids while her husband is out of town.

 

[ChiefD]

Also keep in mind I have ZERO issues with her still being friends with her friend who she made out with when they were drunk. This same friend who wanted to do a 4-some that night.

Ok, the rest of the homos want to talk about the Oprah touchy freely friend stuff.

Let's talk about this angle. More detail please.

TIA

 

[Judge Smails]

The challenge is, now my friends husband is working out of town (been gone for 4 months),

while my friend is now my assistant coach this year. My wife thinks inviting her and her kids to do anything is weird without her husband bring there.

What sort of activities do you do with her and her kids without your wife present?

Doing stuff with her and your wife is perfectly fine, of course.

Going to McDs, taking kids to a movie, getting ice cream. She has a 10yo daughter and 6 yo son. I have 13, 6, and 4yo children.

You are asking for trouble. OK for wives to do this. OK for husbands to do this. Opposite sex? Makes no sense.

 

[Sabertooth]

The can men/women be friends thing is a case by case basis.

In this case, the answer seems pretty clearly to be "no". You don't get everything in life, and having this woman as a close friend and keeping your wife happy seem mutually exclusive.

Whether or not your really want to bang this lady is irrelevant. Your wife thinks you do. Ballgame. Your dream of Saturday's frolicking in fields with this dear friend only thinking of the children are over.

So much so that it makes her not even want to do the "nice" thing, and spend time with this lady and her kids while her husband is out of town.

 

[Sabertooth]

You skipped over my "who is hotter" question. I guess we know the answer there huh?

 

[flranger]

FWIW, bringing up your wife's indiscretion when it was with another woman instead of a man isn't really buying you any sympathy.

I'd say on this one, your wife is right on point. You are consistently defending your friend and not your wife. If we can pick it up here, your wife certainly can pick it up.

 

[pizzatyme]

For the record, wife is definitely hotter.

 

[jomar]

Edit to add that my friend and her husband aren't doing well as a couple apparently. But that's long after she and I became friends.

You've known this lady a year. How long after could it have been?

 

[jomar]

Also keep in mind I have ZERO issues with her still being friends with her friend who she made out with when they were drunk. This same friend who wanted to do a 4-some that night.

Why wouldn't you want her to be friends with this woman? I must be missing something....

 

[Insein]

Never had a female friend that I didnt imagine having sex with. Never have mind you but the thought is always there. So best to avoid all of the above if possible.

 

[jomar]

You can have lots of sex everywhere. I'm trying to have a friend.

Sorry, but this is just weird.

 

[McGarnicle]

I'm not waitin' awn a laaaaaaydayyyyy....I'm juss waitin' awn a frennnn....I'm...juss...waitin' awn a frennnn...

 

[SWC]

hey pizzbbreath i do not know if you saw it or not but paul george got hurt pretty bad so if you ask me that is a sign stop hanging out iwht your girlfriend or who knows david west might get abducted by vladmir putin take that to the bank brohan

 

[bierfiend]

For the record, wife is definitely hotter.

not that you can't be friends with a woman, but even if you are having filet or ribeye every night, every once in a while you might want ino or 5 guys. just sayin'

 

[chauncey]

This chick wants to bang. You want to bang her, even if you haven't admitted it to yourself. Your wife knows both of these things. You know all three of these things.

I agree with Bentley in theory, there is nothing wrong with having female friends outside of your marriage, but in reality it just doesn't work. The reason is that no guy is going to waste his time befriending a fat/ugly chick, 10/10 times the "friend" is going to be someone you find attractive. Spending time with and texting someone you find attractive only leads to one place eventually. If your marriage is open and allows for that then more power to you. Speaking of "open marriages", I've met several couples recently who practice this, any FBGs have this arrangement and care to elaborate on how it works?

 

[Henry Ford]

Also keep in mind I have ZERO issues with her still being friends with her friend who she made out with when they were drunk. This same friend who wanted to do a 4-some that night.

You not having a problem with that is more of a red flag for me than seeing a movie with this woman and her kids.

 

[MaxThreshold]

This chick wants to bang. You want to bang her, even if you haven't admitted it to yourself. Your wife knows both of these things. You know all three of these things.

I agree with Bentley in theory, there is nothing wrong with having female friends outside of your marriage, but in reality it just doesn't work. The reason is that no guy is going to waste his time befriending a fat/ugly chick, 10/10 times the "friend" is going to be someone you find attractive. Spending time with and texting someone you find attractive only leads to one place eventually. If your marriage is open and allows for that then more power to you. Speaking of "open marriages", I've met several couples recently who practice this, any FBGs have this arrangement and care to elaborate on how it works?

 

[Ash]

Edit to add that my friend and her husband aren't doing well as a couple apparently. But that's long after she and I became friends.

Fine on the coaching football together. Ixnay on other activities together. Definitely no go listening to her complain about her husband, or you complaining about Mrs Pizza.

Honestly now that you've told the whole story, this seems like a clusterxxxx waiting to happen.

 

[Nero]

This chick wants to bang. You want to bang her, even if you haven't admitted it to yourself. Your wife knows both of these things. You know all three of these things.

I agree with Bentley in theory, there is nothing wrong with having female friends outside of your marriage, but in reality it just doesn't work. The reason is that no guy is going to waste his time befriending a fat/ugly chick, 10/10 times the "friend" is going to be someone you find attractive. Spending time with and texting someone you find attractive only leads to one place eventually. If your marriage is open and allows for that then more power to you. Speaking of "open marriages", I've met several couples recently who practice this, any FBGs have this arrangement and care to elaborate on how it works?

Yep!

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Feel sorry for the guys that have no control over their own biology here.

Thanks!

 

[MaxThreshold]

Feel sorry for the guys that have no control over their own biology here.

I feel doubly sorry for the guys that think they do.

 

[Chemical X]

start hiding money

 

[The Duff Man]

I think your wife has kept up relations with her "friend"

Guilty minds...

 

[Mr. Retukes]

Edit to add that my friend and her husband aren't doing well as a couple apparently.

They're probably arguing about all the time she's been spending with you.

 

[lakerstan]

3-way down?

 

[Hagger]

Welcome to the next two years of your life being hell. Enjoy. But don't say the FBGs didn't warn you. Your marriage is doomed, buddy. Either do the inevitable and bang your "friend" right now and get the game rolling, or face reality, get as far away from her as possible and try to salvage what's left of your plummeting marriage. This all comes down to making choices. You know what the right choices are, you just don't want to make them, which is why you're in here asking for people to validate that what you're doing is ok and that it's no big deal. Well dude, It's not ok and it is a big deal.

 

[FUBAR]

Two of my closest friends are women. I'm married and one of them is married, the other is single. Never had relations with either.

My wife doesn't seem to have any issues with it all, but occasionally she will make comments that I should have married XXXX or XXXX instead.

Your wife seems to have issues with it.

 

[FUBAR]

This chick wants to bang. You want to bang her, even if you haven't admitted it to yourself. Your wife knows both of these things. You know all three of these things.

I agree with Bentley in theory, there is nothing wrong with having female friends outside of your marriage, but in reality it just doesn't work. The reason is that no guy is going to waste his time befriending a fat/ugly chick, 10/10 times the "friend" is going to be someone you find attractive. Spending time with and texting someone you find attractive only leads to one place eventually. If your marriage is open and allows for that then more power to you. Speaking of "open marriages", I've met several couples recently who practice this, any FBGs have this arrangement and care to elaborate on how it works?

Not really, but people assume it does.

One problem with hanging out with another woman and their kids is it could confuse the kids. Next thing you know, your son is telling your other friends that "Daddy went out with Xxxxx" and they'll assume you're screwing around. If that doesn't bother you, go for it.

I won't be alone with another woman other than while in the office. Not because of any trust issues between my wife and I, but where I work, false allegations have ruined careers.

 

[FUBAR]

Welcome to the next two years of your life being hell. Enjoy. But don't say the FBGs didn't warn you. You're marriage is doomed, buddy. Either do the inevitable and bang your "friend" right now and get the game rolling, or face reality, get as far away from her as possible and try to salvage what's left of your plummeting marriage. This all comes down to making choices. You know what the right choices are, you just don't want to make them, which is why you're in here asking for people to validate that what you're doing is ok and that it's no big deal. Well dude, It's not ok and it is a big deal.

Even assuming nothing ever happens, you're opening yourself up to attacks by your wife when she's angry about something else. Even if she says she's cool with everything now, in a less calm state she will make personal attacks including of your banging your friend.

 

[FUBAR]

Also keep in mind I have ZERO issues with her still being friends with her friend who she made out with when they were drunk. This same friend who wanted to do a 4-some that night.

Why do you keep bringing this up - not relevant.... If I were you I would have this in my spank bank -

Sure it is. It shows his mindset when it comes to his marriage.

 

[Sabertooth]

This chick wants to bang. You want to bang her, even if you haven't admitted it to yourself. Your wife knows both of these things. You know all three of these things.

I agree with Bentley in theory, there is nothing wrong with having female friends outside of your marriage, but in reality it just doesn't work. The reason is that no guy is going to waste his time befriending a fat/ugly chick, 10/10 times the "friend" is going to be someone you find attractive. Spending time with and texting someone you find attractive only leads to one place eventually. If your marriage is open and allows for that then more power to you. Speaking of "open marriages", I've met several couples recently who practice this, any FBGs have this arrangement and care to elaborate on how it works?

Not really, but people assume it does.

One problem with hanging out with another woman and their kids is it could confuse the kids. Next thing you know, your son is telling your other friends that "Daddy went out with Xxxxx" and they'll assume you're screwing around. If that doesn't bother you, go for it.

I won't be alone with another woman other than while in the office. Not because of any trust issues between my wife and I, but where I work, false allegations have ruined careers.

The only time it doesn't turn into banging if the chick is hot is if she isn't into the dude that way.

 

[FUBAR]

This chick wants to bang. You want to bang her, even if you haven't admitted it to yourself. Your wife knows both of these things. You know all three of these things.

I agree with Bentley in theory, there is nothing wrong with having female friends outside of your marriage, but in reality it just doesn't work. The reason is that no guy is going to waste his time befriending a fat/ugly chick, 10/10 times the "friend" is going to be someone you find attractive. Spending time with and texting someone you find attractive only leads to one place eventually. If your marriage is open and allows for that then more power to you. Speaking of "open marriages", I've met several couples recently who practice this, any FBGs have this arrangement and care to elaborate on how it works?

Not really, but people assume it does.

One problem with hanging out with another woman and their kids is it could confuse the kids. Next thing you know, your son is telling your other friends that "Daddy went out with Xxxxx" and they'll assume you're screwing around. If that doesn't bother you, go for it.

I won't be alone with another woman other than while in the office. Not because of any trust issues between my wife and I, but where I work, false allegations have ruined careers.

The only time it doesn't turn into banging if the chick is hot is if she isn't into the dude that way.

No. But if she is into the dude, he has to break it off

 

[Steve Tasker]

In theory, no problem.

Given the situation you've described, you're ####ed.

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

.

 

[SWC]

brohans i do not know much but i do know this you have to dance with the girl that brung ya and if you spend your time with another gal well you are not doing that so hey here is my suggestion insted of making time to go out for lunch dates with this other married gal why not go thru the oh so awful hassle of making a date with your own wife you know the one you married and all that and then maybe at the end of the night your papershaker is wanting to kissy face with you instead of another girl on the squad just saying if you know what i mean brocachos take that to the bank

 

[Bull Dozier]

I was totally on board with you until you got to the trust part. Seems like there's definitely things you need to work through.

Did somebody say that texting other women is crossing a line? What is wrong with you people?

Trust issues have been non-existent since our previous missteps until now. My wife has a "funny feeling" about her. Should I just defer to her "funny feeling? I'm curios from your woman's perspective.

The situation in my marriage is reversed. My wife is the one who feels it is ok to have friends of the opposite sex without issue. I am the insecure jealous one. We have some minor trust issues from the past that don't help my insecurity, but no unfaithfulness.

Bottom line for me, whether your spouse is being unreasonable or not, you have a choice to make. It is more important to you that you hvae this friendship that makes your wife uncomfortable, or is it more important to you to put your marriage first and respect your wife's feelings above your own need for this friendship?

That may sound like I am asking the question in a loaded manner, but I don't mean to. From my own personal experience, your wife's feelings aren't going to change, and she certainly isn't going to get over any trust issues she may be harboring if you continue to flaunt female friendships in front of her without regard to her feelings.

 

[proninja]

Sehorn for the 5 year update.

If your wife has a problem with the relationship, you have a problem with the relationship.

 

[EYLive]

I have female friends that I trust. They are older mentor type people in my life that are a great help to me.

 

[Sabertooth]

I once made the mistake of Friending an old girlfriend on facebook. My wife knew about it and it took her a couple weeks to tell me it made her uncomfortable. So I unfriended as soon as I sat down at the computer. After thinking about it an empathizing a bit, I saw her point totally clearly. Won't ever do that again.

 

[Sabertooth]

I have female friends that I trust. They are older mentor type people in my life that are a great help to me.

Yeah, I can see something like that. I had some older female ladies that used to paint for me once in a while. Clear delineation of ages difference though as they had kids my age. And I was 35.

 

[Keerock]

Depends on each individual relationship.

As long as both sides are okay with the landscape, then you are fine.

What does how she trims her pubes have to do with anything?

 

[Sabertooth]

He's already nailing this chick right?

 

[Guest]

It's not a good idea for me.

 

[EYLive]

there is nothing wrong with having female friends outside of your marriage, but in reality it just doesn't work. The reason is that no guy is going to waste his time befriending a fat/ugly chick, 10/10 times the "friend" is going to be someone you find attractive.

I 100% disagree. I feel bad for you if you choose who you associate with based on gender and looks. You're missing out on knowing quality people when you do that. But hey it's your life.

 

[arrow1]

I believe you can have friends of the opposite sex, as long as there are boundaries.

 

[Ditka Butkus]

If you are a healthy male, avoid trying to have female friends, unless you are prepared for the trouble that will follow once you go hands on.

 

[sublimeone]

Best of luck with wife number 3!!!!

 

[Dondante]

If you're content with staying with insecure significant others, by all means stay away from opposite sex friends. It sounds like neither of you can handle it. But if you decide to be grown ups there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

 

[Ditka Butkus]

If you're content with staying with insecure significant others, by all means stay away from opposite sex friends. It sounds like neither of you can handle it. But if you decide to be grown ups there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Why do you need an opposite sex friend...What can they provide you that your male friends can't....Oh yeah one thing...and that is where the trouble ensues...Frankly I can't trust a dude who can be friends only with women.