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Geez, this thread is weird. Afro Samurai has passed away, a bunch of the happily married guys in here are now divorced/separated, and Dentist and Otis are married.
I didn't want to pile on by bumping Dentist's post, but this is definitely the Bizarro Thread.
Think about that bolded sentence. Then think about the fact that when you say "I do," there is no more "I" when it comes to m-a-n-y aspects of your life. Legally, or figuratively. "I" becomes "we." Your residence. Your vehicles. Your bed/bedroom. Your money. Your time. None of them are yours anymore. They become "ours."That's not the hardest transition though. Where that can get really difficult is once you have children. Now instead of 100% yours, it is 33% yours (100% "ours"). And the icing on that cake for you is that once your first child is born, the time/attention your wife will pay to you will be cut probably in half if you're lucky...probably by 90+ percent if you're unlucky (like me). Now you have no time. No money. Little/no stuff of your own. Little/no sleep. Far less time/attention from your wife. And oh yeah...if you try and fill that time with hobbies or your friends, you'll come home to the Ice Queen (her being upset at you for any of 200 different reasons), and you'll pretty much be a guest in your own home after a while.Otis said:
One was me. Just mentioning the fact that I'd kill for a day where I could sleep in now that we have a 16 month old.There's some deleting goin' on up in here. Replies are added yet the post count goes down.
Is he old enough yet to realize that he hates OU ?bentley said:One was me. Just mentioning the fact that I'd kill for a day where I could sleep in now that we have a 16 month old.Raider Nation said:There's some deleting goin' on up in here. Replies are added yet the post count goes down.
That will happen Saturday. A two loss UT kid is an unhappy kid.Is he old enough yet to realize that he hates OU ?bentley said:One was me. Just mentioning the fact that I'd kill for a day where I could sleep in now that we have a 16 month old.Raider Nation said:There's some deleting goin' on up in here. Replies are added yet the post count goes down.
Of course. I've been alternating these pretty much since the day he was born.Baby LonghornIs he old enough yet to realize that he hates OU ?bentley said:One was me. Just mentioning the fact that I'd kill for a day where I could sleep in now that we have a 16 month old.Raider Nation said:There's some deleting goin' on up in here. Replies are added yet the post count goes down.
Exactly. You're going to share your life, including your time. Just find what works for you and your future wife.
It can be, after the kids are gone. Or like me, every couple years I get a week or two away from the family, stuff to do but it's on my time.
I can one up that. I just got a big hug and an "I Love You" from my oldest daughter.
Yes. It's all about making a plan with the wife. I get one of the 2 weekend days, usually. I usually plan for Sundays during NFL season and Saturdays otherwise. The opposite day (her day) I do whatever is necessary.I love my wife (2nd marriage). I love my life (5 children). I get family days and daddy days. It works well.Otis said:
"All tolled"???I wouldn't say never. It's pretty much like that again once you get divorced. So there's that to look forward to.
It is called maturity. I thought that I was happy when I was single running around whoring it up. That life gets old real quick. I love hanging out with my wife all the time. Then again she loves to workout, watch sports and drink beer. That does make it a bit easier.
You are correct. Some guys never grow up regardless of their situation. Otis sounds like he has.
:this is me smashing my head into my keyboard:
sounds like you and your wife need to talk more.. that or your wife really sucks
I can only imagine. It just sounds unpleasant.WhatDoIKnow said:
If you guys had it to do over, what would you do differently?Sweet J said::this is me smashing my head into my keyboard:Senor Schmutzig said:
I think there's truth to what flufhed's saying here. Kids are way more of an adjustment than getting married. If you're in a real serious relationship already you already have an idea of the kinds of things you're in for with regard to thinking of your spouse and everything not always being about you. The before and after isn't gigantic there.I got married early, by today's standards. Right after college. And I gues sI am lucky I was mature enough to snag the right gal. 10+ years later and still going strong.
I get that, for most, the prudent and best thing is probably to enjoy single life for a good 8-10 years after college.
But I would never do it another way. I got to enjoy my wife for like 8 years as a married couple before we had a kid. Not only did we get to live almost a decade as carefree and married, travelling together, partying together, waking up on people's floors after a night of partying together, etc.
But the best part is we were able to build a very strong, secure marriage before we had a child. There is NOTHING about having our kid that has phased us as a couple.
So again, I know conventional wisdom is NOT to do what I did, i.e. get married young. Adn for most that is prob great advice. But if you meet the one, you know it, and you definitely are not planning on having kids for a while, then I think the way I did it works out pretty awesome.
Sure I missed those roarin' singles years, but honestly I wasn't much of a ladies man to begin with, so this is probably a big factor.
If you have a time machine, I can be on a plane to your city pretty much now.If you guys had it to do over, what would you do differently?Sweet J said::this is me smashing my head into my keyboard:Senor Schmutzig said:
That's the $1 million question...and the more I've thought about it, the more I don't know what I really could have done differently that would have improved the situation. Honestly, it feels like I'm a passenger on the Titanic sometimes. Once my ship sailed out of harbor over in Europe, I was going down in the North Atlantic...and the chances of a seat in a life boat for me were slim.I suppose the best thing I could have done earlier in our role as parents was try to give my wife more of a break. With her breastfeeding at 11pm, 2am and 5am (wanting to breastfeed, not me ducking and dodging bottle feedings), and with me having to do the bulk of the "bread-winning" and home improvement work (bought a fixer-upper when our oldest was one), I just don't see how that was realistic. Either that, or I'd probably be in an asylum right now...which wouldn't solve the problem either.It's tough, Thorn. That's the worst part of it. I feel like I've been good, put in a Herculean effort as a husband, homeowner, professional, etc. But it's not good enough. And doing your best (or at least as close as you can come without feeling like you'll lose your marbles or go on a homicidal rampage) and having it still not be good enough is the daily punch in the stomach that hurts so much. I don't blame my wife for that either...as she's put in 130% since our kids were born too! We just have zero time for being a couple...or when we do, we're both so tired, frustrated or burned-out that we barely want to sit in the same room with each other. It sucks...but with our choice in residence and our choice in professions, it seemed almost unavoidable. And neither of us knew going into parenthood just what a cluster-#### being self-employed and living/working out of a fixer-upper would become.
It is important to have some couple only and personal time every so often. I think it's not too late for you to ask your wife out on a date. Good luck.
I look at things from the other direction. Dated my wife all through college, married at 24, 1st kid at 27, 2nd at 31. We're both 42 now with a 15 and 11 yr old. We had the energy of our late 20s and early 30s to chase/play with the kids to give them a great/fun environment growing up. Now, while we're still relatively young at 42, we can go out whenever we want since the kids can stay home and watch themselves. Our youngest is in 6th grade and will be in college before we turn 50. I look at it like rather than using our youthful energy partying and traveling the world (which would have been a financial struggle), we still have that time to look forward to. We're both in good shape and having the kids hasn't stunted any of our "adult" behavior save getting hammered whenever we want. I have plenty of friends who put off having kids to their late 30s and early 40s who will be in their 60's before the kids are out of the house. If I had to do it again I'd have had kids even earlier. There's absolutely no substitute for youthful energy and enthusiasm. Really a big help when you're raising really young kids.I love my kids and would not trade them for anything. My answer is "waited". Waited to get married, and waited to have kids.If you guys had it to do over, what would you do differently?Sweet J said::this is me smashing my head into my keyboard:Senor Schmutzig said:
We tried this, WDIK. Got married at 26, had my oldest at 31, had my youngest at 34. It was awesome having 4-5 years on my own, then having five years on OUR own. We had problems before we had kids, like everyone does, but we had ten-times more fun together. In some ways though, I often wonder if that made things a bit worse too. Knowing how good it can be, and then knowing what you're missing. Until you're in your mid/late 50s and you aren't 1/3 as spry as you used to be.I think from a parenting perspective, waiting is absolutely the way to go! More mature, more money, etc. From a relationship standpoint with your spouse though? I'm not so sure. My wife will be 55 when our youngest is out of the house...and I pretty much assume that I'm living in a monastery until the day I die (or until the day we are no longer married...whichever comes first).WhatDoIKnow said:
Good thread bump! I should say...."again". I happened to scroll down and reencountered this gem.
naw, the greatest bump was when Otis got up early one morning and bumped every poker thread he could find back in like 2006 or 7 and i woke up and did my daily FFA check and the entire page 1 was poker and all with Otis replies.
I disagree. I think everyone else is wrong. Makes way more sense your way.Always seemed more logical to me. But it turns out I was wrong.
My cats love Hot Dog Day
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Wifey poo wants #3 already. 
