My 12yo son and I need to have THE father-son talk. What should I say? (1 Viewer)

[leftcoastguy7]

My dad didn't have to explain to me half the crap I will need to talk about now.

Where do I even start, sheesh

 

[jobarules]

Ive had to talk to my son about porn. It wasnt as uncomfortable as I expected it to be. I heard its good to talk to them while driving in the car so you dont have to make eye contact which could make them uncomfortable and unwilling to open up. Just be honest. Its really not a big deal. The kid probably knows a ton already.

 

[leftcoastguy7]

Ive had to talk to my son about porn. It wasnt as uncomfortable as I expected it to be. I heard its good to talk to them while driving in the car so you dont have to make eye contact which could make them uncomfortable and unwilling to open up. Just be honest. Its really not a big deal. The kid probably knows a ton already.

Great idea about the car.
What did you say to your kid about porn?

 

[Lion to myself]

Ive had to talk to my son about porn. It wasnt as uncomfortable as I expected it to be. I heard its good to talk to them while driving in the car so you dont have to make eye contact which could make them uncomfortable and unwilling to open up. Just be honest. Its really not a big deal. The kid probably knows a ton already.

Great idea about the car.
What did you say to your kid about porn?

The best free sites and how to hide your browsing history…..I’d imagine.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Ive had to talk to my son about porn. It wasnt as uncomfortable as I expected it to be. I heard its good to talk to them while driving in the car so you dont have to make eye contact which could make them uncomfortable and unwilling to open up. Just be honest. Its really not a big deal. The kid probably knows a ton already.

Great idea about the car.
What did you say to your kid about porn?

First, thank you for starting a thread with outstanding schtick potential. This forum needs more of those, and you stepped up to fill the need. Well done!

Second, I think the best answer here is the cliched one. Porn isn't real life, and it's not indicative of how real people treat one another. I'm sure you can come up with a better analogy, but real sex is to porn what real bachelor parties are to The Hangover. Don't get confused between stylized escapism and real life.

 

[Rich Conway]

Second, I think the best answer here is the cliched one. Porn isn't real life, and it's not indicative of how real people treat one another. I'm sure you can come up with a better analogy, but real sex is to porn what real bachelor parties are to The Hangover. Don't get confused between stylized escapism and real life.

At 12 years old, I might go with the kid's favorite video games as the analogy.

 

[jobarules]

Ive had to talk to my son about porn. It wasnt as uncomfortable as I expected it to be. I heard its good to talk to them while driving in the car so you dont have to make eye contact which could make them uncomfortable and unwilling to open up. Just be honest. Its really not a big deal. The kid probably knows a ton already.

Great idea about the car.
What did you say to your kid about porn?

I found it in his search history (even though I thought I blocked those sites on his ipad). He said his friend told him about it and he was curious. I asked him what he thought when he saw it and he said he thought it was weird. Hes 13 but so far has shown no interest in girls. Anyway, I told him the sex you see in porn is not real life and it could show sex in a demeaning light to women so I dont really want him to view it so I am going to restrict it (knowing full well if he wants to view it he will figure out a way eventually). I told him its completely normal to be curious about these things and he did nothing wrong.

 

[moleculo]

Ive had to talk to my son about porn. It wasnt as uncomfortable as I expected it to be. I heard its good to talk to them while driving in the car so you dont have to make eye contact which could make them uncomfortable and unwilling to open up. Just be honest. Its really not a big deal. The kid probably knows a ton already.

Great idea about the car.
What did you say to your kid about porn?

I found it in his search history (even though I thought I blocked those sites on his ipad). He said his friend told him about it and he was curious. I asked him what he thought when he saw it and he said he thought it was weird. Hes 13 but so far has shown no interest in girls. Anyway, I told him the sex you see in porn is not real life and it could show sex in a demeaning light to women so I dont really want him to view it so I am going to restrict it (knowing full well if he wants to view it he will figure out a way eventually). I told him its completely normal to be curious about these things and he did nothing wrong.

I'd suggest cautioning him about porn addition as well - the dopamine dump, especially for an un-developed adolescent brain, can absolutely lead to addiction, which leads to relationship problems down the road.

 

[jobarules]

Ive had to talk to my son about porn. It wasnt as uncomfortable as I expected it to be. I heard its good to talk to them while driving in the car so you dont have to make eye contact which could make them uncomfortable and unwilling to open up. Just be honest. Its really not a big deal. The kid probably knows a ton already.

Great idea about the car.
What did you say to your kid about porn?

I found it in his search history (even though I thought I blocked those sites on his ipad). He said his friend told him about it and he was curious. I asked him what he thought when he saw it and he said he thought it was weird. Hes 13 but so far has shown no interest in girls. Anyway, I told him the sex you see in porn is not real life and it could show sex in a demeaning light to women so I dont really want him to view it so I am going to restrict it (knowing full well if he wants to view it he will figure out a way eventually). I told him its completely normal to be curious about these things and he did nothing wrong.

I'd suggest cautioning him about porn addition as well - the dopamine dump, especially for an un-developed adolescent brain, can absolutely lead to addiction, which leads to relationship problems down the road.

From what I can tell it was a one time thing and hes not "doing stuff" with it yet so I havent broached that subject yet. In due time.

 

[Zow]

Ive had to talk to my son about porn. It wasnt as uncomfortable as I expected it to be. I heard its good to talk to them while driving in the car so you dont have to make eye contact which could make them uncomfortable and unwilling to open up. Just be honest. Its really not a big deal. The kid probably knows a ton already.

Great idea about the car.
What did you say to your kid about porn?

The best free sites and how to hide your browsing history…..I’d imagine.

"Listen, son, if you ever actually pay for it you're a total moron..."

 

[the moops]

I'd suggest cautioning him about porn addition as well

Is this that new woke math I am hearing about?

 

[beer 30]

I will share with you the wisdom I was imparted by my father on numerous occasions as he drove me & my friends to school: put the squirting end sticking out.

Do with it as you will.

 

[Dezbelief]

Let your kid ask questions and lead the discussion. I've had several sex/puberty/hormone talks with my daughter and my son (13&11). Don't try to cram everything into one talk. Give your son as much info as he wants and let him know you are willing to talk more anytime he has more questions. Keeping an open dialog is important.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

Ive had to talk to my son about porn. It wasnt as uncomfortable as I expected it to be. I heard its good to talk to them while driving in the car so you dont have to make eye contact which could make them uncomfortable and unwilling to open up. Just be honest. Its really not a big deal. The kid probably knows a ton already.

Great idea about the car.
What did you say to your kid about porn?

I found it in his search history (even though I thought I blocked those sites on his ipad). He said his friend told him about it and he was curious. I asked him what he thought when he saw it and he said he thought it was weird. Hes 13 but so far has shown no interest in girls. Anyway, I told him the sex you see in porn is not real life and it could show sex in a demeaning light to women so I dont really want him to view it so I am going to restrict it (knowing full well if he wants to view it he will figure out a way eventually). I told him its completely normal to be curious about these things and he did nothing wrong.

I'd suggest cautioning him about porn addition as well - the dopamine dump, especially for an un-developed adolescent brain, can absolutely lead to addiction, which leads to relationship problems down the road.

Confirmed

 

[glvsav37]

had this convo unexpectedly the other day on the way home from hockey practice. My son is 12 going on 13. I forgot what prompted it but we talked about pregnancy and being safe, and how hew was at the age where having a baby is possible and how it can make life very challenging for both him and his GF if it was to happen. I made sure to mention how my wife and I waited until we were very well into our marriage and careers to start having a family.
But I think I may need more talks as I showed him a joke with the word "bon-er" in it and he didn't know what that was. lol

 

[IvanKaramazov]

But I think I may need more talks as I showed him a joke with the word "bon-er" in it and he didn't know what that was. lol

Well, in fairness, its but a fleeting memory for many of us at our age.

 

[tri-man 47]

My son and DIL are expecting their third boy in August. The other day, their 6 YO asked, "if mama has her mouth open while <4 YO brother> is being loud, can the baby hear it?" The more difficult questions will come in future years.

 

[Leeroy Jenkins]

Man, my boys are 8 and 6 but I am terrified of the adolescent years ahead - - they are already crazy and challenge me on everything.

 

[dino259]

Sleep with his mom?.......

I need to start having these conversations. Neither of my boys have shown us and interest in girlfriends yet.

 

[CletiusMaximus]

Ive had to talk to my son about porn. It wasnt as uncomfortable as I expected it to be. I heard its good to talk to them while driving in the car so you dont have to make eye contact which could make them uncomfortable and unwilling to open up. Just be honest. Its really not a big deal. The kid probably knows a ton already.

Great idea about the car.
What did you say to your kid about porn?

The best free sites and how to hide your browsing history…..I’d imagine.

Also make sure he knows to delete your browser history if/when you die unexpectedly.

 

[eoMMan]

Look kid, it’s sad to say but American cars stink now. You’re much better off buying a Japanese brand, like Toyota or Honda. Glad we had this talk.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

My son and DIL are expecting their third boy in August. The other day, their 6 YO asked, "if mama has her mouth open while <4 YO brother> is being loud, can the baby hear it?" The more difficult questions will come in future years.

Not as bad as me as a 4 year old. Some kid at the playground had me convinced the baby came out of it's mother's butt.

 

[Zow]

My son and DIL are expecting their third boy in August. The other day, their 6 YO asked, "if mama has her mouth open while <4 YO brother> is being loud, can the baby hear it?" The more difficult questions will come in future years.

Not as bad as me as a 4 year old. Some kid at the playground had me convinced the baby came out of it's mother's butt.

In 4th grade (IIRC, may have been third or whatever), I went up to my teacher to ask her to tell my friend that he was wrong about where babies came from. She asked me to tell her what he said. I told her what he said. She gave a little smile and told me she was calling my mom.

Turns out my friend was correct in his argument and I was way off. I got "the talk" that night.

 

[dkp993]

I have an 8 yr old daughter. I feel bad for my wife on the day she’ll has to have that conversation.

 

[ChiefD]

I would ask him how to find the good, modern day porn.

Report back, if you don’t mind.

 

[ren hoek]

In 9th grade typing class, one of my friends told me to save a file with the name "bigcock". Like bigcock.doc. Naturally, I just went ahead and did it. We had this absolutely banging teacher named Ms Barr, like 30-something blonde with a great body, very sultry etc. Wore nice blouses tucked into dress pants that really showed off her form.

Next day she calls me to her desk. My friend starts laughing hysterically at the ground from his chair. She looks at the file on her screen then looks up at me and says 'you can't name files stuff like that'. Swear I saw the slightest little wry smile the way she looked at & talked to me. It was a little embarrassing but it was also pretty cool in a way. Not sure what we were going for with that but I'll never forget that look.

No advice here- just wanna say that's a wild time for boys and I don't envy you at all

 

[bigbottom]

Ive had to talk to my son about porn. It wasnt as uncomfortable as I expected it to be. I heard its good to talk to them while driving in the car so you dont have to make eye contact which could make them uncomfortable and unwilling to open up. Just be honest. Its really not a big deal. The kid probably knows a ton already.

Great idea about the car.
What did you say to your kid about porn?

First, thank you for starting a thread with outstanding schtick potential. This forum needs more of those, and you stepped up to fill the need. Well done!

Second, I think the best answer here is the cliched one. Porn isn't real life, and it's not indicative of how real people treat one another. I'm sure you can come up with a better analogy, but real sex is to porn what real bachelor parties are to The Hangover. Don't get confused between stylized escapism and real life.

I think this is the plot of Zack and Miri Make a Porno.

 

[Long Ball Larry]

In 9th grade typing class, one of my friends told me to save a file with the name "bigcock". Like bigcock.doc. Naturally, I just went ahead and did it. We had this absolutely banging teacher named Ms Barr, like 30-something blonde with a great body, very sultry etc. Wore nice blouses tucked into dress pants that really showed off her form.

Next day she calls me to her desk. My friend starts laughing hysterically at the ground from his chair. She looks at the file on her screen then looks up at me and says 'you can't name files stuff like that'. Swear I saw the slightest little wry smile the way she looked at & talked to me. It was a little embarrassing but it was also pretty cool in a way. Not sure what we were going for with that but I'll never forget that look.

No advice here- just wanna say that's a wild time for boys and I don't envy you at all

You need to work on your storytelling to get to a better climax, I mean…in the writing

Also, in 9th grade you didn’t realize what big **** meant?

 

[johnnycakes]

Reminds me of the time, I think it was in 8th grade, in our mandatory health class. All the girls were sitting in the front row of seats and my friend, Dwight F, were sitting behind them. Neither Dwight nor I were particularly paying attention at the time, but then the teacher, using an overhead projector, put up a drawing that illustrated an erection. None of the girls seemed to be impacted, but Dwight and I looked at each other, kind of slowly, and then Dwight says to me, "a boner"... Neither one of us could keep from cracking up after that. The teacher never said a word about our laughter, but I vividly remember the incident.

 

[facook]

Ive had to talk to my son about porn. It wasnt as uncomfortable as I expected it to be. I heard its good to talk to them while driving in the car so you dont have to make eye contact which could make them uncomfortable and unwilling to open up. Just be honest. Its really not a big deal. The kid probably knows a ton already.

Great idea about the car.
What did you say to your kid about porn?

I found it in his search history (even though I thought I blocked those sites on his ipad). He said his friend told him about it and he was curious. I asked him what he thought when he saw it and he said he thought it was weird. Hes 13 but so far has shown no interest in girls. Anyway, I told him the sex you see in porn is not real life and it could show sex in a demeaning light to women so I dont really want him to view it so I am going to restrict it (knowing full well if he wants to view it he will figure out a way eventually). I told him its completely normal to be curious about these things and he did nothing wrong.

I'd suggest cautioning him about porn addition as well - the dopamine dump, especially for an un-developed adolescent brain, can absolutely lead to addiction, which leads to relationship problems down the road.

The car is a great idea, as is the conversation about addiction. My son and I discussed if there is such a thing as a good addiction. He determined there is not. Booze, smoking, working, exercising, no addiction is healthy. We then discussed how curiosity, and even attraction, to porn is a very normal thing for most guys in our culture. But going beyond curiosity often leads to shame which leads to seeking porn again, and the addiction cycle. As he got older he was very open to having his phone on lockdown to avoid that addiction. He's also openly shared with me when he sought out stuff (on friend's phones, or figuring out our laptop passwords) that he felt bad about. He graduated high school this week, and I am sure he's indulged, but he's WAY healthier than I was, most of my friends were, and most of his friends are in this area. Removing the shame and tying it into mental health have been key for us I think.

 

[WDIK2]

My son and DIL are expecting their third boy in August. The other day, their 6 YO asked, "if mama has her mouth open while <4 YO brother> is being loud, can the baby hear it?" The more difficult questions will come in future years.

Well?

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

In 9th grade typing class, one of my friends told me to save a file with the name "bigcock". Like bigcock.doc. Naturally, I just went ahead and did it. We had this absolutely banging teacher named Ms Barr, like 30-something blonde with a great body, very sultry etc. Wore nice blouses tucked into dress pants that really showed off her form.

Next day she calls me to her desk. My friend starts laughing hysterically at the ground from his chair. She looks at the file on her screen then looks up at me and says 'you can't name files stuff like that'. Swear I saw the slightest little wry smile the way she looked at & talked to me. It was a little embarrassing but it was also pretty cool in a way. Not sure what we were going for with that but I'll never forget that look.

No advice here- just wanna say that's a wild time for boys and I don't envy you at all

You need to work on your storytelling to get to a better climax, I mean…in the writing

Also, in 9th grade you didn’t realize what big **** meant?

Not everyone has seen Porky's.

Also, it doesn't just happen in high school.

Phil McKraken is a classic.

 

[tri-man 47]

My son and DIL are expecting their third boy in August. The other day, their 6 YO asked, "if mama has her mouth open while <4 YO brother> is being loud, can the baby hear it?" The more difficult questions will come in future years.

Well?

Well, what? I will add that the other day my wife scolded the 4 year old ..so he pulled down his pants and waggled his wiener. How do they learn these things? Creepy as he is, Blippi doesn’t do that.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

In 9th grade typing class, one of my friends told me to save a file with the name "bigcock". Like bigcock.doc. Naturally, I just went ahead and did it. We had this absolutely banging teacher named Ms Barr, like 30-something blonde with a great body, very sultry etc. Wore nice blouses tucked into dress pants that really showed off her form.

Next day she calls me to her desk. My friend starts laughing hysterically at the ground from his chair. She looks at the file on her screen then looks up at me and says 'you can't name files stuff like that'. Swear I saw the slightest little wry smile the way she looked at & talked to me. It was a little embarrassing but it was also pretty cool in a way. Not sure what we were going for with that but I'll never forget that look.

No advice here- just wanna say that's a wild time for boys and I don't envy you at all

I don't feel tardy.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

My son and DIL are expecting their third boy in August. The other day, their 6 YO asked, "if mama has her mouth open while <4 YO brother> is being loud, can the baby hear it?" The more difficult questions will come in future years.

Well?

Well, what? I will add that the other day my wife scolded the 4 year old ..so he pulled down his pants and waggled his wiener. How do they learn these things? Creepy as he is, Blippi doesn’t do that.

@Clown Car - this ever happen to you?

 

[Clown Car]

My son and DIL are expecting their third boy in August. The other day, their 6 YO asked, "if mama has her mouth open while <4 YO brother> is being loud, can the baby hear it?" The more difficult questions will come in future years.

Well?

Well, what? I will add that the other day my wife scolded the 4 year old ..so he pulled down his pants and waggled his wiener. How do they learn these things? Creepy as he is, Blippi doesn’t do that.

@Clown Car - this ever happen to you?

Not intentionally.