My dad died, estate BS ensues....... (1 Viewer)

[IC FBGCav]

About 2 years before my dad died my big brothers childhood friend/dealer(weed only) was scoping out his house for his daughter. I know this because he told one of my sisters, he does not know me or the other sister who is executor knows. Pissed me off, dad was doing fine then. (bro in DC, me NC, sis's where dad was in PA)

Dad died 1/11/2014

He thought he would be executor but my sister who was taking care of my dad is and it pissed him off.

In the last week he called both me and ex-sis to tell us that we should take any low ball offers on the house. WTF, get your drug dealer's(his friend too) daughter a good deal and F your family.

Big bro is well off due to his wife, I do fine, sisters do okay but the money would help.

To add my dad hated bro's friend.(of course he told all of us but bro)

Bro is ten years older and me and older than my sisters. I really think he promised his friend he would get the house cheap and got pissed when he was not executor.

I see his lame manipulation attempts mile away and I just say nothing. Got over 10 email from him tonight stating how bad sis is at executor and pushing to sell house cheap.

We all know his agenda, do you say something or let it play out? Ex-sis wants it to play out, I hate the drama and prefer to just lay everything out there and be done with it. (Edit: he has sent me no less than 10 email since 6pm today about the estate)

 

[IC FBGCav]

FYI I know this is poorly written, I have the long version that was pages that I just could not post.

 

[Rohn Jambo]

My condolences, FatUncle.

 

[IC FBGCav]

long post I did not finish......

Didn't really want to start this but so fed up with the BS.........just need help how to deal with things the best.

Four kids, from oldest to youngest (brother(money wise well off), sister(ok), sister(ok), me(FBG)) My dad had a will, and my youngest sister is executor. My dad came back from cancer once and died 5 years later.

This is not a big estate, under 50K and life insurance is being sent directly to kids at 25% each as my mom died in 2009 and was beneficiary.

My sisters live at "home" where my dad was PA, my brother lives in DC and me NC.

Now big bro always thought he was going to be executor, I told him a year ago he wasn't but he did not seem to process it. My dad told me exactly what he is will was years ago (he wanted to make sure I didn't think he love me less because the girls were getting more, I understood).

Dad dies, I and coming from NC and have to bring the dog, so I say in a pet friendly hotel, my brother is already in Pittsburg cause his MIL just died and stays in at my dad's.

I probably given too much info, sorry it is personal. Cut to the chase or not.

About two years ago, I heard from oldest sister that my brothers friend wanted the house for his daughter when he died(brother does not know anyone else knows this)........Pissed me off. He was doing well then.

Bro is 10 years older than me. He emailed me the day before the funeral that friend's daughter was going to stay at dad's during the funeral to make sure no one broke in and took out the copper pipes. (yes this is all true). I told him that he had good neighbors they would make sure everything was ok, his response was the neighbors might not know he died. Okay? I told him I was not comfortable with someone I did not know being there before that family had a chance to be there. He was not happy with that. He told people that girl was like his daughter, all siblings had never heard her name before then. He ended up through the whole house without anyone else there while he was staying there. He kept bring that point of stealing copper pipes until BIL let him know (well then how would the pipe stealers know if neighbors didn't), anyway the neighbors show at the funeral home and my BIL nailed him in the face when he said "how do we know the neighbor's know he died" BIL, "they came here and paid their respects")

Brother calls me today and asked me if I talked with ex. sister recently, I said no. She talked with my wife last night not me, not big on the phone. He proceeds to tell me that she did not open a trust account yet(she did), that she put the house on sell for too much money (I said I think she put it at what the relator suggested, then he said they make money by just listing properties (WTF)can't make this #### up) and we should take any offer that we get.

 

[IC FBGCav]

My condolences, FatUncle.

Thanks, I appreciate it, he wanted to die in his bed and did. Beat cancer once and did not suffer much when he died . Never wished for someone to died before but he could never get better so I did wish for death and was there with him.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

it gets dicey when this happens, been thru it with both mother and father. Best thing to do is tell him you appreciate all his help and urging in this and let him know your sister has it under control and he needs to chill the eff out. If he continues to be a turd then tell him to go hire a lawyer if he wants to get really nasty about it.

Mean time support your sister and let her know you will be happy to step in and put your older brother in his place. Parental deaths can divide siblings for lifetimes. I wish you the best.

 

[matuski]

No need to call him on it at all.

Simply state and agree in the majority that you will sell the house at market value. Just take th high road.

 

[shadyridr]

Sorry for your loss. But i cant figure out whats goin on

 

[IC FBGCav]

it gets dicey when this happens, been thru it with both mother and father. Best thing to do is tell him you appreciate all his help and urging in this and let him know your sister has it under control and he needs to chill the eff out. If he continues to be a turd then tell him to go hire a lawyer if he wants to get really nasty about it.

Mean time support your sister and let her know you will be happy to step in and put your older brother in his place. Parental deaths can divide siblings for lifetimes. I wish you the best.

I have done all this but call out bro.

 

[Doctor Detroit]

Sorry for your loss.

I can't imagine a bigger mess but there are some FBGs who have a good grip on this sort of thing, hopefully they can lend a hand here.

I know people can learn from this though. I have already decided that when my parents pass, my sister and her family can have it all except for a few keepsakes or whatever. I'm not going to deal with drama like this, it just makes the passing of loved ones that much worse.

 

[IC FBGCav]

No need to call him on it at all.

Simply state and agree in the majority that you will sell the house at market value. Just take th high road.

Ex-sis has all power, but he did ask her about the majority thing yesterday and how much power he had on selling the house, which is none, just like me.

 

[IC FBGCav]

My biggest problem is that big bro thinks he can manipulate everyone for his agenda. And his agenda is putting his buddy daughter over family. The house will sell to someone for less at this point then her.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

it gets dicey when this happens, been thru it with both mother and father. Best thing to do is tell him you appreciate all his help and urging in this and let him know your sister has it under control and he needs to chill the eff out. If he continues to be a turd then tell him to go hire a lawyer if he wants to get really nasty about it.

Mean time support your sister and let her know you will be happy to step in and put your older brother in his place. Parental deaths can divide siblings for lifetimes. I wish you the best.

I have done all this but call out bro.

Then let your brother know that you have heard him voice his concerns but that you don't think sister is doing anything wrong and it would be better if we all just stuck together and get thru this.

You might ask him why he wants to sell the house so quick and at such a low ball offer. I am never afraid to call people out. You might even say "Does this have something to do with an event that WE(you and sister) are UNAWARE of?" "Is there additional information you need to tell us to explain why you are so focused on getting rid of the place at bottom dollar?"

Let him hang himself. And tonight's not a bad night to reach for dad's liquor cabinet and grab the bottle of scotch, 1 solid pour should take the edge off.

 

[IC FBGCav]

it gets dicey when this happens, been thru it with both mother and father. Best thing to do is tell him you appreciate all his help and urging in this and let him know your sister has it under control and he needs to chill the eff out. If he continues to be a turd then tell him to go hire a lawyer if he wants to get really nasty about it.

Mean time support your sister and let her know you will be happy to step in and put your older brother in his place. Parental deaths can divide siblings for lifetimes. I wish you the best.

I have done all this but call out bro.

Then let your brother know that you have heard him voice his concerns but that you don't think sister is doing anything wrong and it would be better if we all just stuck together and get thru this. You might ask him why he wants to sell the house so quick and at such a low ball offer. I am never afraid to call people out. You might even say "Does this have something to do with an event that WE(you and sister) are UNAWARE of?" "Is there additional information you need to tell us to explain why you are so focused on getting rid of the place at bottom dollar?"

Let him hang himself. And tonight's not a bad night to reach for dad's liquor cabinet and grab the bottle of scotch, 1 solid pour should take the edge off.

This is where my sister is at, I just want to feed it to him straight. "I love you bro, but this is what I think........"

 

[randall146]

Sorry for your loss and that all sounds frustrating. Fortunately he's not the executor so he can complain all he wants but I don't see a way for his to manipulate the house into the friend's daughter's hands on the cheap. The real estate market will control who gets the house, not him.

Plus, since there's 4 of you and you agree with your executor sister, your brother can't control things anyway.

 

[Mario Kart]

If bro wants to sell the house cheap, ask him how cheap. He will give you a price. When he does, divide that by four and offer to buy his share of the house. If he refuses, then tell him the house will sell when it sells. If he takes your offer, draw up the paper work and be done with it.

Settle all estate affairs and cut contact if necessary. I've had to do this and I don't miss the headache from the other family members at all. Tough but possibly necessary.

 

[Doctor Detroit]

What's your other sister saying about it? Maybe I missed this.

 

[Christo]

If your brother wants to do his friend a favor have him agree to let the friend low ball it but split the proceeds 3 ways rather than 4. You'll see how much he really wants to do his friend a favor.

 

[Sand]

It is a sad thing, but money, even small amounts, really has a clarifying effect on people's behavior.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

This is where my sister is at, I just want to feed it to him straight. "I love you bro, but this is what I think........"

Are you afraid of how your brother might react to you telling him this?

Try to figure out 2 or 3 responses, answers, conversations that your brother might try once you tell him you know what he's up to. I always try and do that because it allows you to have those scenarios worked out and then you won't be caught off guard.

Most folks are not quick on their feet despite what a few sharpies in here portray as the entire known world. It's better to be ready with some things written down that you want to express or get across. I would think about writing it out because it sounds like your sister is already ahead of you and not nearly as worried about the older brother here. You 2 need to bond together and stand strong. Show your older brother he isn't gonna break the bond between you all.

 

[seahawk 17]

Sorry for your loss. Wrote a long post and deleted it. It's probably for it's own thread how family members turn into savages when someone dies, anyway....

Support your sister so she doesn't feel alone or bullied. Tell your brother the house will sell for whatever it sells for, if he has additional concerns take it up with the relator or an attorney.

 

[Johnny Rock]

Sorry to hear about your dad.

"The house will sell when we get a fair market offer. If the girl wants it she can put in an offer and negotiate on it accordingly."

You never know how people react to the death. I'm thinking to myself, what's in it for him to sell it cheap to this gal? Is it not so much about who it goes to but that it happens quickly? Makes me think it's about a gambling or drug problem.

 

[chet]

Sorry for your loss, GB.

 

[IC FBGCav]

What's your other sister saying about it? Maybe I missed this.

Her husband just got out of a two month coma after going into cardiac arrest while getting dialysis. They been together 13 years and got married they day we buried my dad. Big story there when he was in the coma his estranged daughter had the rights medically. Another thread another time.

 

[IC FBGCav]

Sorry to hear about your dad.

"The house will sell when we get a fair market offer. If the girl wants it she can put in an offer and negotiate on it accordingly."

You never know how people react to the death. I'm thinking to myself, what's in it for him to sell it cheap to this gal? Is it not so much about who it goes to but that it happens quickly? Makes me think it's about a gambling or drug problem.

He says they make 250k a year and they are DINKs. I know wife makes the a150k he says. She is big in DC. He doesn't gamble and smokes weed. This is about ego and saving face. Ego is he was not executor. Face is because he told his buddy he was and would get him a deal. Nothing to do with money.

 

[Henry Ford]

I've seen a lot of families go through this sort of thing. And it seldom goes well. If you put a dollar on the floor of a funeral home, family members will beat the crap out of each other to pick it up before the burial even starts.

My advice is to decide where you stand now, and with whom, and don't waver. Get legal advice - most law schools have legal clinics where you can talk to someone - and prepare for hard feelings. Decide who, if everything falls apart, you want to be standing next to when the smoke clears. And be unshakeable in your support of that person.

 

[Doctor Detroit]

My mom's sister got put in a home last year, and she has three kids who were fighting over her money already. I mean she's not even sick or dying, just has a lot of compuding issues and my uncle who was 82, couldn't care for her any longer.

So they had to pay for the home and they were going through all the CDs my aunt and uncle had, and apparently they had $500k plus. So there was a bunch of fighting as they wanted my aunt to sign them over to the kids so the home wouldn't get all my aunt and uncles money, and there were police visits and threats and all kinds of #### going on.

Then my uncle, who was in terrific shape for his age, up and dies last month. Now the kids finally came together to work some of the financials out, but they are going to sit on the house which is very nice and in a good area. The reason they are sitting on it IMO, is that they don't want to start fighting over it...yet. But they will fight, because that's what that family does.

 

[flapgreen]

it gets dicey when this happens, been thru it with both mother and father. Best thing to do is tell him you appreciate all his help and urging in this and let him know your sister has it under control and he needs to chill the eff out. If he continues to be a turd then tell him to go hire a lawyer if he wants to get really nasty about it.

Mean time support your sister and let her know you will be happy to step in and put your older brother in his place. Parental deaths can divide siblings for lifetimes. I wish you the best.

This is good advice, except for telling him to go hire a lawyer. That will just add fuel to the fire. Your sister is the executer and your brother has no power over anything, at least that's what it sounds like. Let him say whatever he wants and don't acknowledge it. Why waste time getting into a discussion or argument with someone who obviously has his priorities out of order and has an agenda, even if it's your brother. It doesn't sound like trying to talk it out will be worth your time and it will only get you more frustrated. Gl, gb. You're a good dude. You will make the right decision.Eta: Nothing wrong with putting it out there to him once. If he doesn't accept it, that's not your problem. You're only responsible for how you handle, not him.

 

[flapgreen]

My mom's sister got put in a home last year, and she has three kids who were fighting over her money already. I mean she's not even sick or dying, just has a lot of compuding issues and my uncle who was 82, couldn't care for her any longer.

So they had to pay for the home and they were going through all the CDs my aunt and uncle had, and apparently they had $500k plus. So there was a bunch of fighting as they wanted my aunt to sign them over to the kids so the home wouldn't get all my aunt and uncles money, and there were police visits and threats and all kinds of #### going on.

Then my uncle, who was in terrific shape for his age, up and dies last month. Now the kids finally came together to work some of the financials out, but they are going to sit on the house which is very nice and in a good area. The reason they are sitting on it IMO, is that they don't want to start fighting over it...yet. But they will fight, because that's what that family does.

That's so sad. When my grandparents died, similar things happened with my mom and the other siblings, but to a much lesser extent than yours. Even so, my mom barely speaks with my aunt and uncle now. So dumb. I love my aunt and uncle too, but they have all let something like money come between them. It's like a control thing because they are all well off financially, and it's not even very much money. Really upsetting to me because I've always been close to all of the, except my mom. Sadly, it took my cousin getting murdered for them to all get back together. Still, all of them think the others are at fault.

 

[Godsbrother]

Went through similar situation with my wife's family. Started very friendly going through the possessions in the main house but deteriorated somewhat when they got to the big stuff like the house and lake house. One brother wanted to buy the house and bought it from the siblings for well below market value. He lived in it for two years and then sold it for a very nice profit which of course he kept.

He also ended up buying the lake house from his siblings because he was the only one who went there regularly. The problem was he couldn't afford what it would have went for on the open market so they again sold it to him at far below what it was worth because they wanted to keep it in the family. I bet the property has increased in value by 25-30% since then but at least he hasn't sold it. He did get all of the possessions in the the cottage as well as the boats, jet skis, and snowmobiles up there which I think should have be divided or sold and proceeds given to the siblings.

All told he probably netted a good $150-$200K more than his two sisters and brother. The funny thing is that he was the one was pissed because he didn't feel like it was right that his siblings wanted to sell the cottage and that he had to pay for something that he inherited. My wife offered to stay in with him in the lake house and help buy out her other sister and brother so they could get a fair deal with the understanding that he would buy us out in 5 years. He hung up on her which really pissed me off.

They finally agreed to meet out of town to work things out. I stayed at home and out of the "negotiations" cause it was their business. When she came back and told me what they decided I told her that her and her other siblings were not getting a good deal. My wife said she agreed to it because we didn't need the money and she wanted to keep peace in the family. I told her that was fine but she should have stood up for her sister and other brother who were struggling and could use the money and were agreeing only because they wanted fast cash.

That was years ago and fortunately the hard feelings have gone away though I do sometimes hear my SiL and other BiL complain about what a sweetheart deal the brother got and when I do I bite my tongue.

 

[fantasycurse42]

Market value... Unless it is a family member or a person close with your father.

 

[culdeus]

Buy his end out and be done with it. Who is to say this girl even qualifies for a loan to buy your place?

 

[GroveDiesel]

Tell your brother that you agree and that you have a friend that has a cash offer and you guys can unload it quickly to him. See what his reaction is to that.

 

[matuski]

No need to call him on it at all.

Simply state and agree in the majority that you will sell the house at market value. Just take th high road.

Ex-sis has all power, but he did ask her about the majority thing yesterday and how much power he had on selling the house, which is none, just like me.

There it is.

Simple enough. Just tell him the buddy daughter comes after family. Market value and she is welcome to bid.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

it gets dicey when this happens, been thru it with both mother and father. Best thing to do is tell him you appreciate all his help and urging in this and let him know your sister has it under control and he needs to chill the eff out. If he continues to be a turd then tell him to go hire a lawyer if he wants to get really nasty about it.

Mean time support your sister and let her know you will be happy to step in and put your older brother in his place. Parental deaths can divide siblings for lifetimes. I wish you the best.

This is good advice, except for telling him to go hire a lawyer. That will just add fuel to the fire. Your sister is the executer and your brother has no power over anything, at least that's what it sounds like. Let him say whatever he wants and don't acknowledge it. Why waste time getting into a discussion or argument with someone who obviously has his priorities out of order and has an agenda, even if it's your brother. It doesn't sound like trying to talk it out will be worth your time and it will only get you more frustrated. Gl, gb. You're a good dude. You will make the right decision.Eta: Nothing wrong with putting it out there to him once. If he doesn't accept it, that's not your problem. You're only responsible for how you handle, not him.

My thinking there is the attorneys will tell the brother he doesn't have a leg to stand on and put him in his place. But you make a good point.

 

[Jayrod]

This makes me nervous for when my grandma dies. I have a crazy, greedy aunt who is the oldest. My mom is the youngest but will be executor of the estate. My mom and aunt already aren't talking. They have a brother in the middle, but he is about worthless.

I'm expecting WW3 over what little estate my Grandma has.

 

[AcerFC]

Sorry for your loss cav

 

[fourd]

Sorry for your loss. Maybe remind your brother that as executor your sister has a fiduciary responsibility to both your dad and ALL the beneficiaries. So she is required to get the best price possible for any asset sale, like the house. Anything less and she wouldn't be doing her duty. And your dad named her as executor for a reason, knowing she would carry out HIS wishes.

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

Best bet is to be open and direct. I think that, too often, people let things fester until it gets to be unmanageable.

My MIL just passed and now my wife's family is dealing with dividing things up. The big one is the house that is all paid for. My wife took care of everything related to her mother's finances and healthcare. Her brother lived in the house rent free, but he helped take care of his mom and really doesn't have a pot to piss in. My wife's sister was completely hands off and rarely could be bothered to visit her mom. Now she is the executor because she is the oldest and she is looking for every penny she can get her hands on.

My brother in law wants to buy the house and my suggestion to my wife is that we sell it to him a little below market value. Get an independent appraisal and knock off say 10% via a private sale. Her brother is about to have twins and they don't need to have to worry about where they are going to live. We don't need the money that much, but it should be fair. My wife's sister wants to hire a real estate agent to sell it on the open market to the highest bidder. I have been suggesting to my wife that she needs just coordinate with her brother with what is fair and outvote the greedy sister.

 

[BassNBrew]

it gets dicey when this happens, been thru it with both mother and father. Best thing to do is tell him you appreciate all his help and urging in this and let him know your sister has it under control and he needs to chill the eff out. If he continues to be a turd then tell him to go hire a lawyer if he wants to get really nasty about it.

Mean time support your sister and let her know you will be happy to step in and put your older brother in his place. Parental deaths can divide siblings for lifetimes. I wish you the best.

This is good advice, except for telling him to go hire a lawyer. That will just add fuel to the fire. Your sister is the executer and your brother has no power over anything, at least that's what it sounds like. Let him say whatever he wants and don't acknowledge it. Why waste time getting into a discussion or argument with someone who obviously has his priorities out of order and has an agenda, even if it's your brother. It doesn't sound like trying to talk it out will be worth your time and it will only get you more frustrated. Gl, gb. You're a good dude. You will make the right decision.Eta: Nothing wrong with putting it out there to him once. If he doesn't accept it, that's not your problem. You're only responsible for how you handle, not him.

My thinking there is the attorneys will tell the brother he doesn't have a leg to stand on and put him in his place. But you make a good point.

You don't know much about attorneys. They'll tell him he has a great case as long as he has retainer funds.

 

[[icon]]

No need to call him on it at all.

Simply state and agree in the majority that you will sell the house at market value. Just take th high road.

If he presses the issue "I'm not sure why we should take less than market value for the house. Why would we want to leave money on the table like that?" Make him spell out his logic.

 

[Angry Beavers]

Sorry for your loss

I like the idea of buying out is 1/4 share right now for the "cheap" price he wants and therefore he doesn't have to be involved.

 

[[icon]]

If bro wants to sell the house cheap, ask him how cheap. He will give you a price. When he does, divide that by four and offer to buy his share of the house. If he refuses, then tell him the house will sell when it sells. If he takes your offer, draw up the paper work and be done with it.

That is a actually a pretty damn good idea.

Y: How much do you think we should sell for?

B: $100k (made up number)

Y: So you think that's a fair price for this house?

B: Yeah... let's just get it over with.

Y: Tell ya what, since you don't seem to want to deal with this, I'll give you 25k for your share. That way you can get what you want and not have the headache.

B:

Y: What's wrong? You said that's a fair price and you didn't want to deal with it. Is this not exactly what you want?

Won't be able but to hang himself.

 

[fourd]

If bro wants to sell the house cheap, ask him how cheap. He will give you a price. When he does, divide that by four and offer to buy his share of the house. If he refuses, then tell him the house will sell when it sells. If he takes your offer, draw up the paper work and be done with it.

That is a actually a pretty damn good idea.

Y: How much do you think we should sell for?

B: $100k (made up number)

Y: So you think that's a fair price for this house?

B: Yeah... let's just get it over with.

Y: Tell ya what, since you don't seem to want to deal with this, I'll give you 25k for your share. That way you can get what you want and not have the headache.

B:

Y: What's wrong? You said that's a fair price and you didn't want to deal with it. Is this not exactly what you want?

Won't be able but to hang himself.

Just make sure you have the 25k in case he agrees.

 

[[icon]]

I dread this for the record...

My brother and I are as tight as the day is long. My brother's wife is a spoiled "daddy's little girl" (daddy was a bigshot Atty and all the kids were issued Mercedes on 16th birthday type of deal). She and I have butted heads and she DEFINITELY wears the pants in the family. She would DEFINITELY go to war over my folks money (considerable sum) if the opportunity arises.

Thankfully my pop is very savvy and has a living will, a detailed will, etc etc etc that is detailed down to the dollar on a 50/50 split and I'm the executor of the whole deal. I've even talked to my brother about how that kinda crap can NOT happen if the folks pass. He swears that he wouldn't let her twist him up but I have my doubts.

:fingerscrossed:

 

[optionmaven]

Sorry for your loss, losing Pops is never easy. It can be sickening/despicable how people react under these situations sometimes. Hopefully big bro willl come to the realization that family harmony is WAY more important than helping a friend get a house on the cheap.

 

[yellowdog]

Sorry for your loss.

Let the market truly set the value of the home, sell it at auction.

 

[NCCommish]

My condolences on your loss.

 

[tommyGunZ]

Sorry about your Dad UncleBuss.

 

[GoBirds]

About 2 years before my dad died my big brothers childhood friend/dealer(weed only) was scoping out his house for his daughter. I know this because he told one of my sisters, he does not know me or the other sister who is executor knows. Pissed me off, dad was doing fine then. (bro in DC, me NC, sis's where dad was in PA)

Dad died 1/11/2014

He thought he would be executor but my sister who was taking care of my dad is and it pissed him off.

In the last week he called both me and ex-sis to tell us that we should take any low ball offers on the house. WTF, get your drug dealer's(his friend too) daughter a good deal and F your family.

Big bro is well off due to his wife, I do fine, sisters do okay but the money would help.

To add my dad hated bro's friend.(of course he told all of us but bro)

Bro is ten years older and me and older than my sisters. I really think he promised his friend he would get the house cheap and got pissed when he was not executor.

I see his lame manipulation attempts mile away and I just say nothing. Got over 10 email from him tonight stating how bad sis is at executor and pushing to sell house cheap.

We all know his agenda, do you say something or let it play out? Ex-sis wants it to play out, I hate the drama and prefer to just lay everything out there and be done with it. (Edit: he has sent me no less than 10 email since 6pm today about the estate)

Man I feel for you. In 2008 lost my dad, only knew he was sick 2 weeks before. He was divorced and I was oldest and he had no will. I had to take over at his company and most of my headaches came from piece of sh1% employees that tried to screw us but fortunately the situation made my bro and I closer. While not the same, I feel ya and am sorry for your loss.

Only advice I could say, and dont know your relationship with him but would be straight with him in a non confrontational way that you see what he's doing and you dont feel its best for your family. Hopefully then he will check himself and it will stop eating at you as you have enough to handle. Just think of how your father would want it handled and if you at least try to do that you will be able to sleep well at night.