TheIronSheik
SUPER ELITE UPPER TIER
Friday I had to get injections into both hips. Now, I've had countless back injections and they are pretty routine. Get on your back, lower your drawers a little and they shove something into your spine. No biggie.
But this hip one had me a little more worried. I mean, to get from my butt cheeks down to my hip seemed like a long way to go through my body. I imagined the pain would be pretty intense. So when I arrived at the doctor, the old lady who always preps me asked if I was nervous. I said not so much nervous, just anxious about how they get to the hip. That's when she dropped the bombshell I was not prepared for.
Turns out they go in through the front. She said I'd be lying on my back this time and they would go in through the front of my leg, near my groin. This sounded painful. As I thought about the possible pain, my brain clicked with the next anxious moment. And it was like the little old lady could see the click happen because she said, "Yup. That means you'll have to have your pants down." She then walked away as if this wasn't frightening information she just shared.
I'm freaking out now. I'm not big on being naked in front of people I don't know. Especially if I'm up on a table and everyone in the room's main focus is my groin. Although, to be fair, I just learned that last part on Friday.
A couple of seconds later, she comes back in the room and says they're ready for me. As I sit up on the table, like something out of a sitcom the old doctor comes in and says, "I have a new doctor who's going to be shadowing me today. I hope you don't mind if he sits in on this?" Sure. The more the merrier. Any receptionists out there that need to take a lunch break in here while my junk is on display?
There are two old men (doctors) and two older ladies (nurses) in the room with me at this point. So I lie down, take a deep breath, and pull my sweatpants and boxers down to my knees. The one nurse says, "Usually we put a sheet over you so you can have some privacy." Knocked that one out of the park. As my face turns what I'm sure is the darkest red it's ever been, she puts the sheet over my groin. The two nurses then start position the sheet so it's literally only covering my junk. I looked down and I have to say, I was sad that they were able to use a very small portion of the sheet to cover up the little guy.
At this point, both nurses start rubbing that sanitizing fluid on my hips and crotchal region. The doctor comes over and starts pushing into the front of my hips looking for the artery. Only problem is, this is like the most ticklish part of my body. So every time he pushes down there, I move a little. At one point, the little guy fell out and the doctor said something like, "Oops. Let's get this little guy covered back up" as he cupped him with the sheet and man handled him back to his linen den. If not for the horrible sensory overload going on at that moment, I probably would have been a little more offended that someone besides me or any woman I've been with called him "little guy."
At this point, it's the most people I've ever had touching my area at once. Way different than how I had dreamt it would be. I thought I might have to worry about the little guy getting excited, but no worries there. I've never been abducted by aliens and then sexually assaulted by them on an operating table, but that's the best way to describe what the whole procedure felt like.
Hips feel great, as of today. But I think I need to go see a rape counselor. So. There's that.
But this hip one had me a little more worried. I mean, to get from my butt cheeks down to my hip seemed like a long way to go through my body. I imagined the pain would be pretty intense. So when I arrived at the doctor, the old lady who always preps me asked if I was nervous. I said not so much nervous, just anxious about how they get to the hip. That's when she dropped the bombshell I was not prepared for.
Turns out they go in through the front. She said I'd be lying on my back this time and they would go in through the front of my leg, near my groin. This sounded painful. As I thought about the possible pain, my brain clicked with the next anxious moment. And it was like the little old lady could see the click happen because she said, "Yup. That means you'll have to have your pants down." She then walked away as if this wasn't frightening information she just shared.
I'm freaking out now. I'm not big on being naked in front of people I don't know. Especially if I'm up on a table and everyone in the room's main focus is my groin. Although, to be fair, I just learned that last part on Friday.
A couple of seconds later, she comes back in the room and says they're ready for me. As I sit up on the table, like something out of a sitcom the old doctor comes in and says, "I have a new doctor who's going to be shadowing me today. I hope you don't mind if he sits in on this?" Sure. The more the merrier. Any receptionists out there that need to take a lunch break in here while my junk is on display?
There are two old men (doctors) and two older ladies (nurses) in the room with me at this point. So I lie down, take a deep breath, and pull my sweatpants and boxers down to my knees. The one nurse says, "Usually we put a sheet over you so you can have some privacy." Knocked that one out of the park. As my face turns what I'm sure is the darkest red it's ever been, she puts the sheet over my groin. The two nurses then start position the sheet so it's literally only covering my junk. I looked down and I have to say, I was sad that they were able to use a very small portion of the sheet to cover up the little guy.
At this point, both nurses start rubbing that sanitizing fluid on my hips and crotchal region. The doctor comes over and starts pushing into the front of my hips looking for the artery. Only problem is, this is like the most ticklish part of my body. So every time he pushes down there, I move a little. At one point, the little guy fell out and the doctor said something like, "Oops. Let's get this little guy covered back up" as he cupped him with the sheet and man handled him back to his linen den. If not for the horrible sensory overload going on at that moment, I probably would have been a little more offended that someone besides me or any woman I've been with called him "little guy."
At this point, it's the most people I've ever had touching my area at once. Way different than how I had dreamt it would be. I thought I might have to worry about the little guy getting excited, but no worries there. I've never been abducted by aliens and then sexually assaulted by them on an operating table, but that's the best way to describe what the whole procedure felt like.
Hips feel great, as of today. But I think I need to go see a rape counselor. So. There's that.
