What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

my mother is dying (1 Viewer)

SpurrierisisGod

SpurrierisisGod

Footballguy
I wasn't really sure if I was going to post this here, but I know we've had a few threads recently about cancer.

I had a long post planned but now it just doesn't feel right. There is no manual to tell you what you are supposed to do or feel. Talking about final arrangements and stuff seems so weird and I don't even know what to think. Watching my dad try to be strong when my mom did everything for him (they've been married 45 years) is heart wrenching. I'm not usually an emotional person but this is hitting me in a way I'm not sure how to deal with

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this other than to say cancer sucks.

 
My Mom almost died last month, but she made it through a ton of really awful stuff and a 1.5 month stay in the hospital.

Never a good time to think about our mortality, spend as much time with her as you can at the end here. T&P.

 
Be there with her. Say everything you want to say. And when the time comes, let her know that it's okay to let go. That you'll be okay, and that you'll look after your dad.

Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
So sorry to hear. I would say what bigbottom said. I watched my grandmother go from great health all her life to not being diagnosed properly in March of 2005 at the age of 82 to the end of her life Dec 5, 2005. Just went to her grave yesterday for the 9 year anniversary with some family. The last 3 months of her life she wanted to spend in her own home. I remember her saying to please don't be so sad and to be ok once she's gone. She was much more consumed with our sadness than her own suffering, which made things worse on her. She didn't want any of us to drag on our sadness and just wanted us to have happy memories of her. So around her we didn't cry. If we had to we left the room. Of course she knew but I know it was easier on her to not see us fall apart and to at least think we may be ok.

Thoughts and prayers to you all during this difficult time. Make every moment count.

 
SpurrierisisGod said:
I wasn't really sure if I was going to post this here, but I know we've had a few threads recently about cancer.

I had a long post planned but now it just doesn't feel right. There is no manual to tell you what you are supposed to do or feel. Talking about final arrangements and stuff seems so weird and I don't even know what to think. Watching my dad try to be strong when my mom did everything for him (they've been married 45 years) is heart wrenching. I'm not usually an emotional person but this is hitting me in a way I'm not sure how to deal with

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this other than to say cancer sucks.
Click to expand...
Just spend as much time as you can with her. Worry about other things later.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I cannot take Dr. D's very good advice -- I am very scared about my both my parents' and my own mortality and what death means. I can see if you are dealing with stuff like this yourself. I don't say that to do anything but in hopes that if you do go there mentally, you'll know somebody else would and that it's normal.

More importantly, thoughts and well-wishes or prayers for you and your mother. I hope you and her make it through this with minimal pain and suffering all around.

 
Ive started the very same thread once. I feel you brother. Its ok to cry. There is no right or wrong way to feel about it. Just spend as much time with her as you can while she is still coherent.

Oh and #### cancer.

 
Life doth blows sometimes. Dealing with death of loved ones and family members is one of the hardest things we have to deal with. Talk with her as much as you can. Ask questions about her history and life. In the end, make sure she knows how much she is cherished by you. Thoughts and prayers sent your way. I lost my father to alzhiemers 7 years ago.

 
My dad passed away when I was 19 and it hurt but I was more resilient at the time. Lost my mom to a freak illness 9 years ago and it was the most hurtful pain I had ever experienced. I saw or talked to my mom almost every day because she drove my girls to school. When you lose you second parent it is a double hurt that still troubles me to this day.

All I can say is spend every second that you can with her and make her feel loved and as secure as possible during this trying time. Thoughts are with you.

 
After my mother died I wished I had taken more photos and video. Cancer is the suck. Sending thoughts & good wishes your way.

 
SpurrierisisGod said:
I wasn't really sure if I was going to post this here, but I know we've had a few threads recently about cancer.

I had a long post planned but now it just doesn't feel right. There is no manual to tell you what you are supposed to do or feel. Talking about final arrangements and stuff seems so weird and I don't even know what to think. Watching my dad try to be strong when my mom did everything for him (they've been married 45 years) is heart wrenching. I'm not usually an emotional person but this is hitting me in a way I'm not sure how to deal with

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this other than to say cancer sucks.
Click to expand...
My mom passed away 2 years ago from cancer (at the age of 63). She literally never drank or smoked in her life and was very active. Watching her essentially spend the last 2 years of her life in bed rest was gut wrenching. I will say that her demise has made the rest of our family stronger. I am closer with my siblings and we are all taking care of our dad (my mom's last wish). My Mom's birthday is this Thursday and she would have finally been able to retire.

All I can say is just hang in there and try to be supportive to both your parents. I wish I could tell you it will get easier but that would be a lie. Take time for yourself and let your emotions out. Don't be afraid to cry (just try to be strong in front of your parents). There are some innovative treatments coming out for cancer so do some research. Send me a pm if you want to chat further. I'm happy to share my experience and be a shoulder for you to lean on. Thoughts and prayers.

 
So Sorry to hear. Cancer is really a worthless piece of S***.

Lost both of my parents 30 years ago to Cancer. I miss them both

Be with her as much as you can, it will be cathartic for the both of you

 
Sorry to hear it bro. Cancer does suck...stay strong.

We're in the early stages of a big issue with my FiL. Not sure what to expect over the next month.

 
everyone has their owns thoughts and I don't have much to add other than some of my own observations. I don't think anyone wants to have the 'death' conversation (final wishes, planning, etc.) and people tend to get caught not only overwhelmed emotionally, but financially as well. their is no good time, but you need to reconcile in your own mind, along with any other decision makers, what are your final arrangements. heck, a simple cremation ran me $3100-. what would your mom realistically want and what's the best way to celebrate her life. the worst part in my mind is that friends and family tend to forgot the good memories and focus only on the final stages of life. the last 6-12 mos. of anyone's life can be a hectic and chaotic time. many times the person you remember isn't that person anymore. I would urge you to sit, breath and understand the circle of life in your mind. then work hard to have everyone focus on the great memories and times. emotional devastation tends to spiral. I am not saying not to mourn, but focus on good things to help you thru what are awful times.

ciao

 
That's tough. My mother died in 2010... my parents were married in 1947 and, as was the case for your dad, my mother was the backbone of the house. Dad went straight downhill after she passed and died in 2012.

No words of wisdom.

 
My mom is still alive, but last month when I went to Michigan to visit her, she wanted to get things in order for when she's gone (she's 72) - adding me to her bank accounts, amending her will, organizing accounts with cable, electric, etc so they are easily closed when she's gone, going over her wishes as far as services, cremation, etc.

I suppose im lucky that she is thinking about these things now to make things easier on me since I live 1200 miles away, but man it was hard talking about the inevitible and actually singing the papers, etc with her. I had to take a long drive afterwards to clear my head.

Life really is short and it goes by in a flash. Spend as much time as you can with loved ones, its really the most important thing in life.

 
Very sorry to hear. My mom died of brain cancer 2 years ago. It still hurts every day. Now my brother has cancer and his prognosis isn't good. I wish the best for you and your family.

 
Wingnut said:
My mom is still alive, but last month when I went to Michigan to visit her, she wanted to get things in order for when she's gone (she's 72) - adding me to her bank accounts, amending her will, organizing accounts with cable, electric, etc so they are easily closed when she's gone, going over her wishes as far as services, cremation, etc.

I suppose im lucky that she is thinking about these things now to make things easier on me since I live 1200 miles away, but man it was hard talking about the inevitible and actually singing the papers, etc with her. I had to take a long drive afterwards to clear my head.

Life really is short and it goes by in a flash. Spend as much time as you can with loved ones, its really the most important thing in life.
Click to expand...
I hear you on this. My Dad added me and my brother to the title of his house and made his will at age 60. He's 75 now. My mom too. I couldn't have a copy in my house even if it was hidden so bro has it and dealt with it all. While I don't have all the assets that my parents do, I do have a living will/power of attorney/ health care directive made out for you never know when your day comes. It is so hard not only emotionally on your loved ones of course, but to try and sort things out--- good idea to make it easy on them.

 
SpurrierisisGod said:
I wasn't really sure if I was going to post this here, but I know we've had a few threads recently about cancer.

I had a long post planned but now it just doesn't feel right. There is no manual to tell you what you are supposed to do or feel. Talking about final arrangements and stuff seems so weird and I don't even know what to think. Watching my dad try to be strong when my mom did everything for him (they've been married 45 years) is heart wrenching. I'm not usually an emotional person but this is hitting me in a way I'm not sure how to deal with

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this other than to say cancer sucks.
Click to expand...
My mom died November 11th after a 21 year battle with MS. She was in a home the last dozen years and the last 3-4 were brutal - but nothing compared to the last month. Stay strong and don't be afraid or guilty about feelings of wanting her to pass. No one wants to see a loved one suffer, and it is better for all (especially her) when it ends.I know the end took a big toll on me emotionally in ways I didn't consciously acknowledge, and it still is to an extent a month later.

Hang in, and so sorry. Sucks, but you'll get through - as will your dad.

 
Last edited:
Some others have said this and it sounds ghoulish, but financial planning is something to try and get done now. If your mom was the bill payer, your dad needs to get keyed into things that are happening and how things are happening.

Other than that, it sucks, we all know it does and just show your love and support for as long as you can. It will hurt and that is OK, just sometimes have to put things on auto pilot and just soldier thru.

 
Mr. Ham said:
SpurrierisisGod said:
I wasn't really sure if I was going to post this here, but I know we've had a few threads recently about cancer.

I had a long post planned but now it just doesn't feel right. There is no manual to tell you what you are supposed to do or feel. Talking about final arrangements and stuff seems so weird and I don't even know what to think. Watching my dad try to be strong when my mom did everything for him (they've been married 45 years) is heart wrenching. I'm not usually an emotional person but this is hitting me in a way I'm not sure how to deal with

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this other than to say cancer sucks.
Click to expand...
My mom died November 11th after a 21 year battle with MS. She was in a home the last dozen years and the last 3-4 were brutal - but nothing compared to the last month. Stay strong and don't be afraid or guilty about feelings of wanting her to pass. No one wants to see a loved one suffer, and it is better for all (especially her) when it ends.I know the end took a big toll on me emotionally in ways I didn't consciously acknowledge, and it still is to an extent a month later.

Hang in, and so sorry. Sucks, but you'll get through - as will your dad.
Click to expand...
So sorry to hear about your loss as well... :(

 
bigbottom said:
Be there with her. Say everything you want to say. And when the time comes, let her know that it's okay to let go. That you'll be okay, and that you'll look after your dad.

Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Click to expand...
This. My mother died some years ago after fighting the cancer forever it seemed. I was so glad we had the chance to connect. Don't wait. GB

 
My mother passed away earlier this year. We all have to go at some point. I'll echo Dr. D, Bigbottom, and others, and say spend as much time with her as possible. It's worth it.

 
Sorry to hear this. I can relate somewhat. My mother has stage 4 lung cancer. However we weren't close the last few years.

 
SpurrierisisGod said:
I wasn't really sure if I was going to post this here, but I know we've had a few threads recently about cancer.

I had a long post planned but now it just doesn't feel right. There is no manual to tell you what you are supposed to do or feel. Talking about final arrangements and stuff seems so weird and I don't even know what to think. Watching my dad try to be strong when my mom did everything for him (they've been married 45 years) is heart wrenching. I'm not usually an emotional person but this is hitting me in a way I'm not sure how to deal with

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this other than to say cancer sucks.
Click to expand...
I'm so sorry to hear that. This was me in August. My mom passed away from cancer, and like your parents, were married 40+ years. She had just taken her last chemo treatment, and we thought she was recovering well, but her body went through septic shock and she couldn't recover. Hands down the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with, and there is still a hole today. The Monday before Thanksgiving was her 70th birthday, and then Thanksgiving. All these family events remind us she is gone, and are very difficult. Today was my brother's birthday, and we always gather at a house, and it just didn't feel the same. I don't think you ever "get over it", but I hope to someday get past it. I've thought about her every single day.

I'll pray for your family.

 
Thanks for the words guys. She slipped away in her sleep this afternoon. I keep telling myself that she's ok now, no more chemo or radiation and honestly I think she was ready to stop fighting. My dad is still just worried about bills. I know he's hurting but I guess that's his defense mechanism. My sister is on her way from out of town. Tomorrow we begin the process of funeral arrangements and whatnot. Luckily it's not a process I know much about but also not something I really feel like learning. My kids have taken it well. They are 10 and 8 and already knew Nana wasn't going to get better. This week will be rough but I'll be ok knowing my mother will finally have some peace.

 
SpurrierisisGod said:
Thanks for the words guys. She slipped away in her sleep this afternoon. I keep telling myself that she's ok now, no more chemo or radiation and honestly I think she was ready to stop fighting. My dad is still just worried about bills. I know he's hurting but I guess that's his defense mechanism. My sister is on her way from out of town. Tomorrow we begin the process of funeral arrangements and whatnot. Luckily it's not a process I know much about but also not something I really feel like learning. My kids have taken it well. They are 10 and 8 and already knew Nana wasn't going to get better. This week will be rough but I'll be ok knowing my mother will finally have some peace.
Click to expand...
So sorry. Best to you and your family.

 
sorry to hear that. She's gone to a better place, it's all part of the process of life.

Take care of your dad and be there for him, he's been more than stressed by all of this too.

 
SpurrierisisGod said:
Thanks for the words guys. She slipped away in her sleep this afternoon. I keep telling myself that she's ok now, no more chemo or radiation and honestly I think she was ready to stop fighting. My dad is still just worried about bills. I know he's hurting but I guess that's his defense mechanism. My sister is on her way from out of town. Tomorrow we begin the process of funeral arrangements and whatnot. Luckily it's not a process I know much about but also not something I really feel like learning. My kids have taken it well. They are 10 and 8 and already knew Nana wasn't going to get better. This week will be rough but I'll be ok knowing my mother will finally have some peace.
Click to expand...
All my best as you process and try to heal. It's so heartbreaking to lose a parent. As much as I hate that you have had to go through this, thank you for sharing because it reminds me to spend more time with my parents.

 
SpurrierisisGod said:
Thanks for the words guys. She slipped away in her sleep this afternoon. I keep telling myself that she's ok now, no more chemo or radiation and honestly I think she was ready to stop fighting. My dad is still just worried about bills. I know he's hurting but I guess that's his defense mechanism. My sister is on her way from out of town. Tomorrow we begin the process of funeral arrangements and whatnot. Luckily it's not a process I know much about but also not something I really feel like learning. My kids have taken it well. They are 10 and 8 and already knew Nana wasn't going to get better. This week will be rough but I'll be ok knowing my mother will finally have some peace.
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear. The healing process can begin now and she absolutely is in a better place.

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Capella
My dad is dying and I don’t know how to handle it
2 3
Replies
138
Views
4K
Judge Smails
Judge Smails
Harry Frogfish
I broke my back and it's awful. L1 (worst), T3, T9. It's been exceedingly painful and I'm in the dark on how to deal. Life-changing.
Replies
20
Views
506
Sullie
Sullie
Joe Bryant
Parenting Tips
Replies
30
Views
751
Gally
G

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 2 (members: 0, guests: 2)
Back
Top