My parents are no longer able to take care of themselves thread (1 Viewer)

[cosjobs]

THis pops up in a lot of threads.

I thought it would be good to corral everyone going through this into an area we can use for reference and support.

Are they living alone now?

Can they afford "a home?"

Would they be better off with you? COuld you handle it?

yada yada

My parents are 87 and 89. They would have had to be in an assisted living home a couple years back, had I not been willing to take them in.

Its a royal pain in the ###, but I try hard not to let them know.

I know they are tons healthier and happier with me and I'm proud to do it. But I am also very tired.

 

[johnnycakes]

Fwiw, when my parents were ailing, I hired a live-in nurse for them. Paid the Household Employee taxes and everything. I know they really wanted to stay in their house... this allowed them to stay in their house as comfortably as possible until death.

 

[Glass Joe]

Do you have a wife and/or kids? How open to this was the wife?

 

[msommer]

My mom has Alzheimer's and she's in a home. My dad visits her every day. I'm concerned that if she passes he'll follow soon after but not really much I can do about it

 

[belljr]

My fil is in a home but no way we could care for him

 

[James Daulton]

THis pops up in a lot of threads.

I thought it would be good to corral everyone going through this into an area we can use for reference and support.

Are they living alone now?

Can they afford "a home?"

Would they be better off with you? COuld you handle it?

yada yada

My parents are 87 and 89. They would have had to be in an assisted living home a couple years back, had I not been willing to take them in.

Its a royal pain in the ###, but I try hard not to let them know.

I know they are tons healthier and happier with me and I'm proud to do it. But I am also very tired.

Good for you. My parents took in both of my grandmothers (grandfathers had dies many years ealier) in the last year of their life when they really couldn't take care of themselves. Both got to live with family and die with dignity. Now my mother is a nurse so that made the transition "easier" but I still respect my parents for what they did. My wife and I will do the same for my parents and her parents until we can't possible take care of them anymore. Much better than a nursing home imho.

 

[cosjobs]

Do you have a wife and/or kids? How open to this was the wife?

Wife. Surprisingly open. She's from several states away and has sibs looking over her folks.

When they first moved in, it was into s completely separate part of the house, then about 10 mos ago they moved over into our house as they we uncomfortable over there alone. It has not been great, but we sold it (Close 1/7) and are moving into a new house much more conducive.

Upstairs is 2 br and a LR and i am going to put in a wetbar and a chair lift for the stairs. I think it will be much better for all of us.

 

[cosjobs]

My mom has Alzheimer's and she's in a home. My dad visits her every day. I'm concerned that if she passes he'll follow soon after but not really much I can do about it

That seems to happen a lot. Its sad, but when their life is based around one person for 60 years, its probably just too hard to go find a new reason to live. Very sad. All I can think of is to try and get him out and around some new people he may befriend and feel its worth getting his ful mileage.

 

[cosjobs]

My fil is in a home but no way we could care for him

sucks. My folks were ina home for a while before I moved them in and that place was so depressing I would hardly visit them. I'd take them out a few times a week for a meal, but really hated spending any time there.

 

[belljr]

My fil is in a home but no way we could care for him

sucks. My folks were ina home for a while before I moved them in and that place was so depressing I would hardly visit them. I'd take them out a few times a week for a meal, but really hated spending any time there.

yeah our place is ok. It's not our preferred place but it's no money on us and he gets his medications and counseling daily.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

My folks are only in their mid-sixties but it's coming fast.

 

[PinkydaPimp]

I see this being a real serious issue in the coming years as the number of people that are senior citizens increases. Add to that the fact that many of them have no retirement plan.

Scary.

 

[belljr]

We had um unique circumstances so we had very little options

 

[ROCKET]

Lost my Dad 3 years ago at 82 to a heart attack. I miss him so much but the silver lining is I didn't have to endure anything like many go through with caring for him at the end. My Mom I may well end up caring for. I pray to God that if it comes to it I have the ability both financially and emotionally to be able to care for her. I hope I'm never a burden on my kids and just go before I get to that point.

 

[PinkydaPimp]

Care.com is a great site for finding assistance. When my mother was ill we were able to find certified care professionals to assist her.

 

[cosjobs]

Care.com is a great site for finding assistance. When my mother was ill we were able to find certified care professionals to assist her.

Thanks for the link. Wife and I both take care a lot, but we have a lady come in about 20 hours a week to take them on errands, beauty shop, fix a few meals, and once a week a maid.

Sounds like a lot of help, but I think we are going to have someone else come in another 20 hours a week, Wife and I are still feeling pretty overloaded all the time.

 

[glock]

My folks are only in their mid-sixties but it's coming fast.

Mid-sixties and WHAT!!??

 

[glumpy]

Without going into details I can say that taking care of the folks can become really stressful. It's not absolute, but if there's a way to establish separate living spaces for everyone to occasionally retreat to that can be a help. As it stands now I'm the next in line to be that burden but fighting it all the way!

 

[El Floppo]

Care.com is a great site for finding assistance. When my mother was ill we were able to find certified care professionals to assist her.

Thanks for the link. Wife and I both take care a lot, but we have a lady come in about 20 hours a week to take them on errands, beauty shop, fix a few meals, and once a week a maid.

Sounds like a lot of help, but I think we are going to have someone else come in another 20 hours a week, Wife and I are still feeling pretty overloaded all the time.

are they independent enough to have their own lives, albeit within your house? or are you having to play cruise director when the hired help isn't there?

we're down to both of our moms remaining, both pushing 80 and still living at home. I can only empathize with how they are when they visit- MIL stays with us and won't leave the apartment (NYC) without us. My mom gets a room nearby and spends most of her time cruising the city and seeing friends without us (it helps that she's from here and in fantastic health). MIL trips are exhausting for us. plus, she's bat-#### crazy.

 

[worrierking]

My Dad is 87 and nearly crippled with back pain and general decrepitude. Mom is 81 and in the early stage of Alzheimer's. They still live at home with senior care three days a week. I don't know how long it will be, but they will need to be institutionalized soon. I handle their finances (including some big disagreements with Dad). Dad would not be able to live with us since we have cats and he is allergic. He is to the point where he is such a bad fall risk that he can't really be left alone. If dad were to die, Mom could stay with us until she can no longer handle daily tasks. They have a good nest egg and long-term care insurance, so we could pay for a nice private facility for a 5-7 years if they need to go in. It's really tough emotionally and it is very time-consuming just handling their everyday needs.

I sympathize with all you guys who are dealing with this.

 

[PinkydaPimp]

Care.com is a great site for finding assistance. When my mother was ill we were able to find certified care professionals to assist her.

Thanks for the link. Wife and I both take care a lot, but we have a lady come in about 20 hours a week to take them on errands, beauty shop, fix a few meals, and once a week a maid.

Sounds like a lot of help, but I think we are going to have someone else come in another 20 hours a week, Wife and I are still feeling pretty overloaded all the time.

Yea its alot of work. Sometimes that extra 20 hours of help can make a big difference on the care giver and the person receiving the care.

 

[NutterButter]

If I don't have my finances in order to provide the level of care that I'd prefer, just take me out back and put a bullet in me. There's no way I'd ever want to be burden for my children.

 

[Uruk-Hai]

If I don't have my finances in order to provide the level of care that I'd prefer, just take me out back and put a bullet in me. There's no way I'd ever want to be burden for my children.

My father said something like this for decades. Problem is many diseases and illnesses sneak up on you - especially that ####### dementia, which is what got my father. He passed this last summer at 72.

My mother kept him at home as long as she could (& longer than everyone else thought she should), but finally had to put him in Assisted Living when he started becoming a real danger to himself (he'd bolt out of the house when she wasn't looking......) and others (.....and go into the neighbors' houses).

Thank goodness they were both forward-looking and were set up for contingencies like this about as well as a middle class couple can be these days. My mother is, so far, in pretty good health and lives by herself. Hell, she's in better health than I am.

 

[NutterButter]

If I don't have my finances in order to provide the level of care that I'd prefer, just take me out back and put a bullet in me. There's no way I'd ever want to be burden for my children.

My father said something like this for decades. Problem is many diseases and illnesses sneak up on you - especially that ####### dementia, which is what got my father. He passed this last summer at 72.My mother kept him at home as long as she could (& longer than everyone else thought she should), but finally had to put him in Assisted Living when he started becoming a real danger to himself (he'd bolt out of the house when she wasn't looking......) and others (.....and go into the neighbors' houses).

Thank goodness they were both forward-looking and were set up for contingencies like this about as well as a middle class couple can be these days. My mother is, so far, in pretty good health and lives by herself. Hell, she's in better health than I am.

in that case, just throw me in whatever home medicaid will pay for. Outside of some pretty extreme circumstances, there's no reason I shouldn't have enough funds saved up to provide for quality assisted living. If i dont, that's my mistake and I wouldn't expect my kids to have to pay for it.

 

[32 Counter Pass]

My wife's parents had long term health insurance so she was able to place them in a great assisted living facility near us. I highly recommend getting one of these policies for your self ASAP. The younger you are the cheap the monthly premium.

 

[NutterButter]

My wife's parents had long term health insurance so she was able to place them in a great assisted living facility near us. I highly recommend getting one of these policies for your self ASAP. The younger you are the cheap the monthly premium.

yeah, seem like a smart thing to get in general to cover out of pocket for what medicare doesn't cover

 

[Ramsay Hunt Experience]

My mom had multiple sclerosis. My dad, in his infinite wisdom, decided to move them to Bumble####, WV when they retired. So now my dad is 71, diabetic and stuck caring for my mom, who can't go stand or walk on her own. My parents have plenty of money, but my dad keeps resisting finding an assisted living place that will take them both, or letting us help hire a live-in caregiver and is making noises (according to my mom) about dumping my mom in a nursing home while he continues to live in his mountain retreat or whatever.

I don't even know how to raise the issue. "Hey, dad. Try not to be a ####, OK?"

 

[Bob Sacamano]

If I don't have my finances in order to provide the level of care that I'd prefer, just take me out back and put a bullet in me. There's no way I'd ever want to be burden for my children.

My father said something like this for decades. Problem is many diseases and illnesses sneak up on you - especially that ####### dementia, which is what got my father. He passed this last summer at 72.

My mother kept him at home as long as she could (& longer than everyone else thought she should), but finally had to put him in Assisted Living when he started becoming a real danger to himself (he'd bolt out of the house when she wasn't looking......) and others (.....and go into the neighbors' houses).

Thank goodness they were both forward-looking and were set up for contingencies like this about as well as a middle class couple can be these days. My mother is, so far, in pretty good health and lives by herself. Hell, she's in better health than I am.

Your dad was only 72? I had the impression he was much older.

This scares the #### out of me. Thanks, gb.

 

[PinkydaPimp]

My mom had multiple sclerosis. My dad, in his infinite wisdom, decided to move them to Bumble####, WV when they retired. So now my dad is 71, diabetic and stuck caring for my mom, who can't go stand or walk on her own. My parents have plenty of money, but my dad keeps resisting finding an assisted living place that will take them both, or letting us help hire a live-in caregiver and is making noises (according to my mom) about dumping my mom in a nursing home while he continues to live in his mountain retreat or whatever.

I don't even know how to raise the issue. "Hey, dad. Try not to be a ####, OK?"

Sorry to hear that. My dad had MS as well. Hopefully it all works out for you. Good luck. And keep trying to get through to him.

 

[Marauder]

My wife's parents had long term health insurance so she was able to place them in a great assisted living facility near us. I highly recommend getting one of these policies for your self ASAP. The younger you are the cheap the monthly premium.

This made all the difference for us. Assisted Living facilities vary greatly in the quality of living and the good ones are very expensive. My mother's LTC insurance, along with her pension and SS made it affordable for us to choose a very nice one.

Unfortunately, now that I am looking at LTC insurance for us, I'm seeing that the insurance companies are no longer offering open-ended coverage, most limit the number of years they will pay. The one my mother has lasts as long as she lives.

 

[Uruk-Hai]

If I don't have my finances in order to provide the level of care that I'd prefer, just take me out back and put a bullet in me. There's no way I'd ever want to be burden for my children.

My father said something like this for decades. Problem is many diseases and illnesses sneak up on you - especially that ####### dementia, which is what got my father. He passed this last summer at 72.

My mother kept him at home as long as she could (& longer than everyone else thought she should), but finally had to put him in Assisted Living when he started becoming a real danger to himself (he'd bolt out of the house when she wasn't looking......) and others (.....and go into the neighbors' houses).

Thank goodness they were both forward-looking and were set up for contingencies like this about as well as a middle class couple can be these days. My mother is, so far, in pretty good health and lives by herself. Hell, she's in better health than I am.

Your dad was only 72? I had the impression he was much older.

This scares the #### out of me. Thanks, gb.

This goes a little off-topic, but yeah - my parents were very young when they had me. Dad was 20 and mom was 18. It was also a shotgun wedding, unless my math has deteriorated worse than I think it has. They got married in October and I was born in April - fat and plump at 8 lbs/9 oz so if I was premature I guess I would've weighed 13 lbs at term. No pics exist of their wedding. Never got the nerve to ask mom about it (& dad & I didn't have that kind of relationship), but we're a lot more open with each other these days about past things without ramifications so I will.

That had to be one of those small-town scandals that everyone would've shut down back then. My mom was from an aristocratic family and my dad came from sharecroppers.

 

[Uruk-Hai]

My wife's parents had long term health insurance so she was able to place them in a great assisted living facility near us. I highly recommend getting one of these policies for your self ASAP. The younger you are the cheap the monthly premium.

This made all the difference for us. Assisted Living facilities vary greatly in the quality of living and the good ones are very expensive. My mother's LTC insurance, along with her pension and SS made it affordable for us to choose a very nice one.

Unfortunately, now that I am looking at LTC insurance for us, I'm seeing that the insurance companies are no longer offering open-ended coverage, most limit the number of years they will pay. The one my mother has lasts as long as she lives.

Or it's so ### ####ed expensive if you're over 40 you can't afford it.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

If I don't have my finances in order to provide the level of care that I'd prefer, just take me out back and put a bullet in me. There's no way I'd ever want to be burden for my children.

My father said something like this for decades. Problem is many diseases and illnesses sneak up on you - especially that ####### dementia, which is what got my father. He passed this last summer at 72.

My mother kept him at home as long as she could (& longer than everyone else thought she should), but finally had to put him in Assisted Living when he started becoming a real danger to himself (he'd bolt out of the house when she wasn't looking......) and others (.....and go into the neighbors' houses).

Thank goodness they were both forward-looking and were set up for contingencies like this about as well as a middle class couple can be these days. My mother is, so far, in pretty good health and lives by herself. Hell, she's in better health than I am.

Your dad was only 72? I had the impression he was much older.

This scares the #### out of me. Thanks, gb.

This goes a little off-topic, but yeah - my parents were very young when they had me. Dad was 20 and mom was 18. It was also a shotgun wedding, unless my math has deteriorated worse than I think it has. They got married in October and I was born in April - fat and plump at 8 lbs/9 oz so if I was premature I guess I would've weighed 13 lbs at birth. No pics exist of their wedding. Never got the nerve to ask mom about it (& dad & I didn't have that kind of relationship), but we're a lot more open with each other these days about past things without ramifications so I will.

That had to be one of those small-town scandals that everyone would've shut down back then. My mom was from an aristocratic family and my dad came from sharecroppers.

lol. My dad's 72. My parents were married in late April, and my sister was born in early November. I've never mentioned it in front of them, but I'm pretty sure my referencing it... occasionally... to her in our youth is one of many reasons my sister hates me.

 

[Sabertooth]

My mom is at the point where she can't live alone anymore. She has stage 4 lung cancer. She has been severely dehydrated twice in the past month and needed IV bags. She is currently undergoing Chemo. She doesn't have any money other than government assistance. She tried to ruin my marriage by attacking my wife 4 years ago and I haven't spoken to her much since then. Now she's dying. She can't live here as I don't want her venom in my home. My brothers aren't keen on taking her in either as one has 5 kids including 2 under the age of 2. My other brother I'm not sure about but he isn't stepping up at all.

My younger sister lives with her dad (mom's ex) and she's just finished chemo herself and has an array of ailments stemming from a liver transplant when she was young.

So it sucks but mom is going to be in a nursing home soon. She's 62.

 

[belljr]

If I don't have my finances in order to provide the level of care that I'd prefer, just take me out back and put a bullet in me. There's no way I'd ever want to be burden for my children.

My father said something like this for decades. Problem is many diseases and illnesses sneak up on you - especially that ####### dementia, which is what got my father. He passed this last summer at 72.My mother kept him at home as long as she could (& longer than everyone else thought she should), but finally had to put him in Assisted Living when he started becoming a real danger to himself (he'd bolt out of the house when she wasn't looking......) and others (.....and go into the neighbors' houses).

Thank goodness they were both forward-looking and were set up for contingencies like this about as well as a middle class couple can be these days. My mother is, so far, in pretty good health and lives by herself. Hell, she's in better health than I am.

Your dad was only 72? I had the impression he was much older.

This scares the #### out of me. Thanks, gb.

This goes a little off-topic, but yeah - my parents were very young when they had me. Dad was 20 and mom was 18. It was also a shotgun wedding, unless my math has deteriorated worse than I think it has. They got married in October and I was born in April - fat and plump at 8 lbs/9 oz so if I was premature I guess I would've weighed 13 lbs at birth. No pics exist of their wedding. Never got the nerve to ask mom about it (& dad & I didn't have that kind of relationship), but we're a lot more open with each other these days about past things without ramifications so I will.That had to be one of those small-town scandals that everyone would've shut down back then. My mom was from an aristocratic family and my dad came from sharecroppers.

lol. My dad's 72. My parents were married in late April, and my sister was born in early November. I've never mentioned it in front of them, but I'm pretty sure my referencing it... occasionally... to her in our youth is one of many reasons my sister hates me.

My mil was 73 and was trimming the hedges

 

[cosjobs]

We are closing ona new house tomorrow.

Will put my parents upstairs.

Trying really hard to find out everything I can about stairlifts and have one installed Thursday.

Any pro tips or advice?

Seems like I should be able to find a cheap used one since most purchasers probably die fairly soon after acquisition, but unsure about safety and stuff on used/install.

 

[El Floppo]

We are closing ona new house tomorrow.

Will put my parents upstairs.

Trying really hard to find out everything I can about stairlifts and have one installed Thursday.

Any pro tips or advice?

Seems like I should be able to find a cheap used one since most purchasers probably die fairly soon after acquisition, but unsure about safety and stuff on used/install.

dumb, late question- but seems like most people with trouble getting around tend to live on the ground floor to avoid the whole stair thing. is there a reason you're looking to put them upstairs?

also: on the stairlift... my MIL will need one really soon.

 

[32 Counter Pass]

My wife's parents had long term health insurance so she was able to place them in a great assisted living facility near us. I highly recommend getting one of these policies for your self ASAP. The younger you are the cheap the monthly premium.

This made all the difference for us. Assisted Living facilities vary greatly in the quality of living and the good ones are very expensive. My mother's LTC insurance, along with her pension and SS made it affordable for us to choose a very nice one.

Unfortunately, now that I am looking at LTC insurance for us, I'm seeing that the insurance companies are no longer offering open-ended coverage, most limit the number of years they will pay. The one my mother has lasts as long as she lives.

Or it's so ### ####ed expensive if you're over 40 you can't afford it.

Not true. I am over 50 and recently took out a policy. About $150 per month. You just need to shop it around and research the deal. But, as I said previously, getting a policy when your younger is much cheaper. And the shark move IMO.

 

[EYLive]

How did I miss this thread?

I'm an only child trying to help my mom care for my ailing dad. His health declined sharply in 2014. Diagnosed with early Parkinsons and Alzheimer's. Needs a cane and walker to shuffle around slowly. The physical stuff isn't too bad, it's the angry outbursts and dementia that wears my mom out. We've looked at AL facilities that cost $3,500-$4,000 in our city. We even considered moving out to the suburbs where hiring help is a lot cheaper. No permanent solutions yet.

 

[Brony]

I'm in the middle of good book on the topic of caring for the elderly (national, societal view; not how to bathe them for example) (Being Mortal: Medicine... ).

Any way, one of the more interesting ideas in the book is that the decision makers on the facility (usually the child) is focused moreso on the safety of the elder and usually picks a place that emphasizes safety & medical care over a place that emphasizes freedom & autonomy. I'm not good at summarizing the idea, so I'll lift a quote from the book:

"We want autonomy for ourselves and safety for those we love. Many of the things that we want for those we care about are things that we would adamantly oppose for ourselves because they would infringe upon our sense of self. "

 

[cosjobs]

How did I miss this thread?

I'm an only child trying to help my mom care for my ailing dad. His health declined sharply in 2014. Diagnosed with early Parkinsons and Alzheimer's. Needs a cane and walker to shuffle around slowly. The physical stuff isn't too bad, it's the angry outbursts and dementia that wears my mom out. We've looked at AL facilities that cost $3,500-$4,000 in our city. We even considered moving out to the suburbs where hiring help is a lot cheaper. No permanent solutions yet.

Good luck. Those angry outbursts are the hardest thing to deal with. I wish death were quicker and easier when the mind goes. I guess that sounds bad, but I was thinking more of myself and how I would not want to continue if my existence was mostly a pain in the ### for everyone else. wow this is getting depressing in a hurry.

 

[cosjobs]

My wife's parents had long term health insurance so she was able to place them in a great assisted living facility near us. I highly recommend getting one of these policies for your self ASAP. The younger you are the cheap the monthly premium.

This made all the difference for us. Assisted Living facilities vary greatly in the quality of living and the good ones are very expensive. My mother's LTC insurance, along with her pension and SS made it affordable for us to choose a very nice one.

Unfortunately, now that I am looking at LTC insurance for us, I'm seeing that the insurance companies are no longer offering open-ended coverage, most limit the number of years they will pay. The one my mother has lasts as long as she lives.

Or it's so ### ####ed expensive if you're over 40 you can't afford it.

Not true. I am over 50 and recently took out a policy. About $150 per month. You just need to shop it around and research the deal. But, as I said previously, getting a policy when your younger is much cheaper. And the shark move IMO.

My folks have this. It will cover either or both of them for up to two years in a nursing facility. THey pay 400/mo so probably started it pretty late in life. It give me some peace of mind knowing that if the deteriorate beyond my level of caretaking ability, they have a two year scholarship.

 

[cosjobs]

So the chairlift I'd like to get them is the Bruno Elite rollseyes

THey want $5k installed but I need it by Friday and its a two week wait.

I found one a few months old in Houston for 1000. This company will uninstall it there and reinstall it here for another 1000 or so, plus letting them do it will keep the 3 year warranty in place. Seems like a lot of contortions but it would be installed by Friday, which is key.

I don't know

Btw, no insurance or medicade or anything helps with this cost. Best you can do is get a dr's note and then you don't have to pay sales tax.

 

[EYLive]

How did I miss this thread?

I'm an only child trying to help my mom care for my ailing dad. His health declined sharply in 2014. Diagnosed with early Parkinsons and Alzheimer's. Needs a cane and walker to shuffle around slowly. The physical stuff isn't too bad, it's the angry outbursts and dementia that wears my mom out. We've looked at AL facilities that cost $3,500-$4,000 in our city. We even considered moving out to the suburbs where hiring help is a lot cheaper. No permanent solutions yet.

Good luck. Those angry outbursts are the hardest thing to deal with. I wish death were quicker and easier when the mind goes. I guess that sounds bad, but I was thinking more of myself and how I would not want to continue if my existence was mostly a pain in the ### for everyone else. wow this is getting depressing in a hurry.

I agree. The stubbornness and denial that they need help is almost worse than the actual diseases. The guilt and feeling like we're abandoning a parent is very tough as well.

 

[El Floppo]

So the chairlift I'd like to get them is the Bruno Elite rollseyes

THey want $5k installed but I need it by Friday and its a two week wait.

I found one a few months old in Houston for 1000. This company will uninstall it there and reinstall it here for another 1000 or so, plus letting them do it will keep the 3 year warranty in place. Seems like a lot of contortions but it would be installed by Friday, which is key.

I don't know

Btw, no insurance or medicade or anything helps with this cost. Best you can do is get a dr's note and then you don't have to pay sales tax.

so kinda-sorta factory refurbished? but still under warranty? seems like a great deal.

 

[El Floppo]

oh- and any thoughts about the upstairs vs downstairs thing, cos? definitely not trying to bust your chops here- just curious.

 

[Peak]

How did I miss this thread?

I'm an only child trying to help my mom care for my ailing dad. His health declined sharply in 2014. Diagnosed with early Parkinsons and Alzheimer's. Needs a cane and walker to shuffle around slowly. The physical stuff isn't too bad, it's the angry outbursts and dementia that wears my mom out. We've looked at AL facilities that cost $3,500-$4,000 in our city. We even considered moving out to the suburbs where hiring help is a lot cheaper. No permanent solutions yet.

Ooof. I'm just walking into this area and it's making my head spin. My dad is 65 and diagnosed with Parkinson's as well. It's just starting, but he's shuffling around on his own in short distances. His hand shakes when he's "not focusing on it". What I don't understand is how he can get up every morning at 4am to go to work for 8-10hrs a day, 6 days a week while my 66 year old mom with no ailments decided to "retire" after she left her last part-time receptionist job because she felt she was being treated "unfairly" by her boss. I mean, he only asked her to answer the phone and file papers - how dare he?

With dad now having been diagnosed, she's "looking into" getting a part-time job - something 4-5 hrs a day, 2 days a week to help bring in some money while my dad continues to shuffle away working at a clinic struggling to make it through a day. I am completely dumbfounded about this and how she can look him in the eye and continue to say she's "retired".

Venting aside - they started saving money very late in life and neither really have life insurance. So now it's up to me and my wife to look after their best interests. We sat down and had a talk with them over the holidays (he hasn't informed his employer of the parkinson's yet because he doesn't want to get fired ) about getting there things in order. It's stressful when you have to be the parent of older adults because they can't see past themselves to the bigger picture.

 

[Dickies]

My wife's parents had long term health insurance so she was able to place them in a great assisted living facility near us. I highly recommend getting one of these policies for your self ASAP. The younger you are the cheap the monthly premium.

This made all the difference for us. Assisted Living facilities vary greatly in the quality of living and the good ones are very expensive. My mother's LTC insurance, along with her pension and SS made it affordable for us to choose a very nice one.

Unfortunately, now that I am looking at LTC insurance for us, I'm seeing that the insurance companies are no longer offering open-ended coverage, most limit the number of years they will pay. The one my mother has lasts as long as she lives.

Some carriers still offer lifetime benefit periods, but they are indeed becoming less common. They are also more expensive.

 

[NutterButter]

My wife's parents had long term health insurance so she was able to place them in a great assisted living facility near us. I highly recommend getting one of these policies for your self ASAP. The younger you are the cheap the monthly premium.

This made all the difference for us. Assisted Living facilities vary greatly in the quality of living and the good ones are very expensive. My mother's LTC insurance, along with her pension and SS made it affordable for us to choose a very nice one.

Unfortunately, now that I am looking at LTC insurance for us, I'm seeing that the insurance companies are no longer offering open-ended coverage, most limit the number of years they will pay. The one my mother has lasts as long as she lives.

Or it's so ### ####ed expensive if you're over 40 you can't afford it.

Not true. I am over 50 and recently took out a policy. About $150 per month. You just need to shop it around and research the deal. But, as I said previously, getting a policy when your younger is much cheaper. And the shark move IMO.

So that's 150/month starting at 50 for the rest of your life? What does the coverage provide? Salary if you're out of work? Medical beyond medicare covers? Retirement home?

 

[Godsbrother]

My Dad is 90 and Mom is 86 and they still live in their apartment. They're doing pretty well but it is only a matter of time before I am dealing with this.