My teenage son has a lot of issues (anxiety, OCD, possible ADHD)- UPDATE (1 Viewer)

[jobarules]

UPDATE- Took him to psychiatrist. Please see page 2.


I'll give you the highlights. My son is 13 years old:

• He is obsessed with his height but the opposite what you would think. He doesn't want to grow. Measures himself multiple times a week. He is 5'2"
• He refuses to eat out of paper plates. Says they smell funny.
• He hates his skin color. Says hes "too white"
• He doesn't like when his shirt rides up and exposes his butt (he wears extra long shirts). He is not fat by any means. As a matter of fact hes probably too skinny.
• He has horrible eating habits. Doesnt like eating around others. Barely eats vegetables (we give him multivitamin).
• He struggles in school. Has an IEP requiring questions be read to him and extra time on tests. Gets mostly mid 80s on all his grades but struggles on tests.
• All his teachers say he is a sweet boy but has problems focusing and often stares into space. Struggles with multistep problems.
• He HATES school in general. HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.
• He plays baseball. Hes very good/athletic (Ive mentioned some of his pitching exploits in the travel baseball thread). However, I notice that the coach will tell the kids to do something and he will constantly do it wrong because he wasn't paying attention.
• He doesnt take constructive criticism well. When he is being coached I often have to remind him to look in the coaches eyes. This only happens when he is being corrected for something.
• He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTANTLY reminding him.
• Hes been seeing a therapist for the past 6 months and we havent seen a lick of improvement. His therapist thinks he may have OCD and while I agree he obsesses over some things I see absolutely no compulsions so I don't necessarily agree with her. Not sure shes the right therapist but he likes talking to her.
• He is very lazy. Never wants to put in extra work for school, sports, friends, etc
• Despite all the above he has TONS of friends. Way more than I ever had.

Not a single person (a teacher, his therapist) has mentioned the possibility that he may have ADHD and/or need medication but the more I think about it the more I think that may be the case. This all came to a head this week as my son took an exam to get into Catholic High School and despite 2-3 hours/week of tutoring from Aug-Nov and an extra hour on the test (due to his IEP) he still failed miserably and didn't get into any of the Catholic HS he applied for. Therefore, he will be attending our zoned public HS (which by all accounts is a good school). My wife is more upset about that than he is but its upsetting as a father as just about every kid we know his age got into all the Catholic HS they applied for. Hes the only one that didnt.

Not sure where to go from here. I told my wife to talk to his Dr and his therapist about ADHD. I also told her to send the therapist his IEP. Obviously if he needs medication we will have to find a psychiatrist. The kid constantly says hes dumb and I worry about what his future might hold. BTW most of this stuff (except the learning part) started happening when he returned to school after covid lockdowns.

 

[belljr]

He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTNANTLY reminding him.

My daughter is finishing HS and still does random things on this list

 

[Ilov80s]

What is his certification on his IEP for? Certainly sounds like a lot of ADHD kids I work with.

 

[Ilov80s]

He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTNANTLY reminding him.

My daughter is finishing HS and still does random things on this list

Yeah, it's hard to really say without observations. Many teens struggle with some of the things mentioned. The messing up in baseball is maybe the most telling sign. If it is something he cares about and enjoys, he should be able to pay attention on par with his peers.

 

[Cjw_55106]

I have nothing to add on the first several items. In regards to ADHD, he may have what used to be referred to as ADD (I guess its all ADHD now, just without the hyperactivity)
Inattentive, forgetful, short attention span, etc are all classic ADHD signs.

 

[jobarules]

What is his certification on his IEP for? Certainly sounds like a lot of ADHD kids I work with.

ADHD not mentioned anywhere on his IEP. His IEP says he has a learning disability.

 

[Ilov80s]

What is his certification on his IEP for? Certainly sounds like a lot of ADHD kids I work with.

ADHD not mentioned anywhere on his IEP. His IEP says he has a learning disability.

I can only speak for Michigan but the school would never diagnose a student with ADHD. That would only ever be mentioned if the student has an outside diagnosis.

Again, I can't offer much having never met your child but you have the most information on your kid. More than any therapist. I would ask a couple teachers who work closely with him, especially any Special Education staff that interact or have interacted with him regularly if they see signs of ADHD. If you are seeing signs and they are seeing signs, it is probably worth finding someone to do a formal evaluation. It's also possible that he really doesn't have a learning disability and that is a symptom of years of having trouble paying attention.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

He sounds exactly like me as a kid. My best suggestion would be to look for and support things he’s interested in. Everything else he prolly can’t be bothered with.

 

[jobarules]

He sounds exactly like me as a kid. My best suggestion would be to look for and support things he’s interested in. Everything else he prolly can’t be bothered with.

Sports, playing video games, fantasy sports are the only things hes interested in. Just like me now lol

 

[Keerock]

He sounds exactly like me as a kid. My best suggestion would be to look for and support things he’s interested in. Everything else he prolly can’t be bothered with.

He sounds similar to me now...

 

[Ilov80s]

He sounds exactly like me as a kid. My best suggestion would be to look for and support things he’s interested in. Everything else he prolly can’t be bothered with.

Sports, playing video games, fantasy sports are the only things hes interested in. Just like me now lol

I assume he's in 8th grade. 7th and 8th can be rough and kids are still getting back to normal after COVID. I get a lot of students who really struggled in middle school and get their act together in high school. Some of it is maturity, some of it is the environment around them is much calmer, they fall back to the bottom of the social hierarchy. Plus they realize that school is more serious now and they actually have to do well. Whatever help you think he needs, I would focus that towards making sure he's set-up to succeed at the start of 9th grade.

 

[zoobird]

He sounds exactly like me as a kid. My best suggestion would be to look for and support things he’s interested in. Everything else he prolly can’t be bothered with.

Sports, playing video games, fantasy sports are the only things hes interested in. Just like me now lol

I'd suggest leaning into those.

Fantasy sports in particular is a great thing to build on in a variety of ways...

• Lots of math that can be applied to strategy
• Expertise with spreadsheets and programming that can be applied to strategy
• Writing posts or articles about fantasy sports
• Creating videos about fantasy sports
• Either writing or videos can be extended to learning about internet marketing in order to get viewers

 

[jobarules]

He sounds exactly like me as a kid. My best suggestion would be to look for and support things he’s interested in. Everything else he prolly can’t be bothered with.

Sports, playing video games, fantasy sports are the only things hes interested in. Just like me now lol

I assume he's in 8th grade. 7th and 8th can be rough and kids are still getting back to normal after COVID. I get a lot of students who really struggled in middle school and get their act together in high school. Some of it is maturity, some of it is the environment around them is much calmer, they fall back to the bottom of the social hierarchy. Plus they realize that school is more serious now and they actually have to do well. Whatever help you think he needs, I would focus that towards making sure he's set-up to succeed at the start of 9th grade.

Yep 8th grade. My wife and feel guilty we didnt do something sooner about possible ADHD but I said we still have 8 months until HS starts which is plenty of time to get started. Yeah it may be too late to get into the Catholic HS but its not too late to do well in HS. Id also like this controlled better for baseball tryouts. He has all the tools to make the JV team but no coach is gonna stand for a kid who doesnt take criticism well and doesnt follow instruction.

 

[jobarules]

He sounds exactly like me as a kid. My best suggestion would be to look for and support things he’s interested in. Everything else he prolly can’t be bothered with.

Sports, playing video games, fantasy sports are the only things hes interested in. Just like me now lol

I'd suggest leaning into those.

Fantasy sports in particular is a great thing to build on in a variety of ways...

• Lots of math that can be applied to strategy
• Expertise with spreadsheets and programming that can be applied to strategy
• Writing posts or articles about fantasy sports
• Creating videos about fantasy sports
• Either writing or videos can be extended to learning about internet marketing in order to get viewers

Even there though its frustrating as I bought him a fantasy football book to help prepare for his draft and told him to read it over the summer figuring he would do so since it was something that interested in and he didnt read a single page.

 

[nirad3]

Not only would I suggest a different therapist, but I'd probably go a step further and consult your doctor and even a psychiatrist. At least here in Cali, I would not trust a regular ol' "therapist" to make any kind of these diagnoses.

I'm sure we will be going through something similar with my son. Heck, we already have to get him occupational therapy for food aversion. He has an IEP as well.

 

[Ilov80s]

Not only would I suggest a different therapist, but I'd probably go a step further and consult your doctor and even a psychiatrist. At least here in Cali, I would not trust a regular ol' "therapist" to make any kind of these diagnoses.

I'm sure we will be going through something similar with my son. Heck, we already have to get him occupational therapy for food aversion. He has an IEP as well.

Totally agree

 

[ChiefD]

He sounds exactly like me as a kid. My best suggestion would be to look for and support things he’s interested in. Everything else he prolly can’t be bothered with.

Sports, playing video games, fantasy sports are the only things hes interested in. Just like me now lol

I'd suggest leaning into those.

Fantasy sports in particular is a great thing to build on in a variety of ways...

• Lots of math that can be applied to strategy
• Expertise with spreadsheets and programming that can be applied to strategy
• Writing posts or articles about fantasy sports
• Creating videos about fantasy sports
• Either writing or videos can be extended to learning about internet marketing in order to get viewers

Even there though its frustrating as I bought him a fantasy football book to help prepare for his draft and told him to read it over the summer figuring he would do so since it was something that interested in and he didnt read a single page.

I wouldn't worry too much about the book thing. My daughter, who is now 12, loved reading books when she was little. Now she thinks it's dumb and won't read a thing. Same with my two older boys. We would go to the library every few weeks when they were smaller. Just me now.

I'm not going to add anything regarding ADHD and such: I'm not qualified for that. But one thing I do know about kids, especially as they get older: foster the things they ARE interested in.

 

[Ilov80s]

Yep 8th grade. My wife and feel guilty we didnt do something sooner about possible ADHD but I said we still have 8 months until HS starts which is plenty of time to get started. Yeah it may be too late to get into the Catholic HS but its not too late to do well in HS. Id also like this controlled better for baseball tryouts. He has all the tools to make the JV team but no coach is gonna stand for a kid who doesnt take criticism well and doesnt follow instruction.

No reason to feel guilty, rarely are the right answers for situations like this. Medication may go a long way in helping, it also might make him feel weird. Sometimes it can take a lot of adjustments and getting used to. If you feel strongly about it, I would move forward now.

 

[Sand]

I'll give you the highlights. My son is 13 years old:

• He is obsessed with his height but the opposite what you would think. He doesn't want to grow. Measures himself multiple times a week. He is 5'2"
• He refuses to eat out of paper plates. Says they smell funny.
• He hates his skin color. Says hes "too white"
• He doesn't like when his shirt rides up and exposes his butt (he wears extra long shirts). He is not fat by any means. As a matter of fact hes probably too skinny.
• He has horrible eating habits. Doesnt like eating around others. Barely eats vegetables (we give him multivitamin).
• He struggles in school. Has an IEP requiring questions be read to him and extra time on tests. Gets mostly mid 80s on all his grades but struggles on tests.
• All his teachers say he is a sweet boy but has problems focusing and often stares into space. Struggles with multistep problems.
• He HATES school in general. HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.
• He plays baseball. Hes very good/athletic (Ive mentioned some of his pitching exploits in the travel baseball thread). However, I notice that the coach will tell the kids to do something and he will constantly do it wrong because he wasn't paying attention.
• He doesnt take constructive criticism well. When he is being coached I often have to remind him to look in the coaches eyes. This only happens when he is being corrected for something.
• He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTANTLY reminding him.
• Hes been seeing a therapist for the past 6 months and we havent seen a lick of improvement. His therapist thinks he may have OCD and while I agree he obsesses over some things I see absolutely no compulsions so I don't necessarily agree with her. Not sure shes the right therapist but he likes talking to her.
• He is very lazy. Never wants to put in extra work for school, sports, friends, etc
• Despite all the above he has TONS of friends. Way more than I ever had.

Not a single person (a teacher, his therapist) has mentioned the possibility that he may have ADHD and/or need medication but the more I think about it the more I think that may be the case. This all came to a head this week as my son took an exam to get into Catholic High School and despite 2-3 hours/week of tutoring from Aug-Nov and an extra hour on the test (due to his IEP) he still failed miserably and didn't get into any of the Catholic HS he applied for. Therefore, he will be attending our zoned public HS (which by all accounts is a good school). My wife is more upset about that than he is but its upsetting as a father as just about every kid we know his age got into all the Catholic HS they applied for. Hes the only one that didnt.

Not sure where to go from here. I told my wife to talk to his Dr and his therapist about ADHD. I also told her to send the therapist his IEP. Obviously if he needs medication we will have to find a psychiatrist. The kid constantly says hes dumb and I worry about what his future might hold. BTW most of this stuff (except the learning part) started happening when he returned to school after covid lockdowns.

• He refuses to eat out of paper plates. Says they smell funny.

They do smell funny. I stand in solidarity with your kid here.

• He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTANTLY reminding him.

Isn't this all kids? Both my boys were awful about this stuff.

• He HATES school in general. HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.

School is hard when it's hard to pay attention. Schools are tuned toward females and have been for a while now - boys are getting short shrift big time.

On the reading. Both my boys didn't have the patience to sit and read. Both love audiobooks. Love them. Maybe try that. Studies have shown that a audiobook is as good for a kid as reading (or real close). My younger child has really improved in reading comprehension over the last couple years since he's been listening to books.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

He sounds exactly like me as a kid. My best suggestion would be to look for and support things he’s interested in. Everything else he prolly can’t be bothered with.

Sports, playing video games, fantasy sports are the only things hes interested in. Just like me now lol

I'd suggest leaning into those.

Fantasy sports in particular is a great thing to build on in a variety of ways...

• Lots of math that can be applied to strategy
• Expertise with spreadsheets and programming that can be applied to strategy
• Writing posts or articles about fantasy sports
• Creating videos about fantasy sports
• Either writing or videos can be extended to learning about internet marketing in order to get viewers

Even there though its frustrating as I bought him a fantasy football book to help prepare for his draft and told him to read it over the summer figuring he would do so since it was something that interested in and he didnt read a single page.

I wouldn't worry too much about the book thing. My daughter, who is now 12, loved reading books when she was little. Now she thinks it's dumb and won't read a thing. Same with my two older boys. We would go to the library every few weeks when they were smaller. Just me now.

I'm not going to add anything regarding ADHD and such: I'm not qualified for that. But one thing I do know about kids, especially as they get older: foster the things they ARE interested in.

Both of mine did the same but have since returned to being voracious readers so it might be a phase.

 

[zoobird]

He sounds exactly like me as a kid. My best suggestion would be to look for and support things he’s interested in. Everything else he prolly can’t be bothered with.

Sports, playing video games, fantasy sports are the only things hes interested in. Just like me now lol

I'd suggest leaning into those.

Fantasy sports in particular is a great thing to build on in a variety of ways...

• Lots of math that can be applied to strategy
• Expertise with spreadsheets and programming that can be applied to strategy
• Writing posts or articles about fantasy sports
• Creating videos about fantasy sports
• Either writing or videos can be extended to learning about internet marketing in order to get viewers

Even there though its frustrating as I bought him a fantasy football book to help prepare for his draft and told him to read it over the summer figuring he would do so since it was something that interested in and he didnt read a single page.

Any idea if he's more open to/comfortable with other types of content like Youtube videos, podcasts or looking at player data without a lot of written narrative?

 

[jobarules]

He sounds exactly like me as a kid. My best suggestion would be to look for and support things he’s interested in. Everything else he prolly can’t be bothered with.

Sports, playing video games, fantasy sports are the only things hes interested in. Just like me now lol

I'd suggest leaning into those.

Fantasy sports in particular is a great thing to build on in a variety of ways...

• Lots of math that can be applied to strategy
• Expertise with spreadsheets and programming that can be applied to strategy
• Writing posts or articles about fantasy sports
• Creating videos about fantasy sports
• Either writing or videos can be extended to learning about internet marketing in order to get viewers

Even there though its frustrating as I bought him a fantasy football book to help prepare for his draft and told him to read it over the summer figuring he would do so since it was something that interested in and he didnt read a single page.

Any idea if he's more open to/comfortable with other types of content like Youtube videos, podcasts or looking at player data without a lot of written narrative?

Yes he watches YouTube all the time.

 

[Wooderson]

I'll give you the highlights. My son is 13 years old:

• He is obsessed with his height but the opposite what you would think. He doesn't want to grow. Measures himself multiple times a week. He is 5'2"
• He refuses to eat out of paper plates. Says they smell funny.
• He hates his skin color. Says hes "too white"
• He doesn't like when his shirt rides up and exposes his butt (he wears extra long shirts). He is not fat by any means. As a matter of fact hes probably too skinny.
• He has horrible eating habits. Doesnt like eating around others. Barely eats vegetables (we give him multivitamin).
• He struggles in school. Has an IEP requiring questions be read to him and extra time on tests. Gets mostly mid 80s on all his grades but struggles on tests.
• All his teachers say he is a sweet boy but has problems focusing and often stares into space. Struggles with multistep problems.
• He HATES school in general. HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.
• He plays baseball. Hes very good/athletic (Ive mentioned some of his pitching exploits in the travel baseball thread). However, I notice that the coach will tell the kids to do something and he will constantly do it wrong because he wasn't paying attention.
• He doesnt take constructive criticism well. When he is being coached I often have to remind him to look in the coaches eyes. This only happens when he is being corrected for something.
• He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTANTLY reminding him.
• Hes been seeing a therapist for the past 6 months and we havent seen a lick of improvement. His therapist thinks he may have OCD and while I agree he obsesses over some things I see absolutely no compulsions so I don't necessarily agree with her. Not sure shes the right therapist but he likes talking to her.
• He is very lazy. Never wants to put in extra work for school, sports, friends, etc
• Despite all the above he has TONS of friends. Way more than I ever had.

Not a single person (a teacher, his therapist) has mentioned the possibility that he may have ADHD and/or need medication but the more I think about it the more I think that may be the case. This all came to a head this week as my son took an exam to get into Catholic High School and despite 2-3 hours/week of tutoring from Aug-Nov and an extra hour on the test (due to his IEP) he still failed miserably and didn't get into any of the Catholic HS he applied for. Therefore, he will be attending our zoned public HS (which by all accounts is a good school). My wife is more upset about that than he is but its upsetting as a father as just about every kid we know his age got into all the Catholic HS they applied for. Hes the only one that didnt.

Not sure where to go from here. I told my wife to talk to his Dr and his therapist about ADHD. I also told her to send the therapist his IEP. Obviously if he needs medication we will have to find a psychiatrist. The kid constantly says hes dumb and I worry about what his future might hold. BTW most of this stuff (except the learning part) started happening when he returned to school after covid lockdowns.

• He refuses to eat out of paper plates. Says they smell funny.

They do smell funny. I stand in solidarity with your kid here.

• He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTANTLY reminding him.

Isn't this all kids? Both my boys were awful about this stuff.

• He HATES school in general. HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.

School is hard when it's hard to pay attention. Schools are tuned toward females and have been for a while now - boys are getting short shrift big time.

On the reading. Both my boys didn't have the patience to sit and read. Both love audiobooks. Love them. Maybe try that. Studies have shown that a audiobook is as good for a kid as reading (or real close). My younger child has really improved in reading comprehension over the last couple years since he's been listening to books.

You say schools are turned towards females. Can you expand on this? I've never heard that before am interested on why that might be.

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

Nothing to offer really, that hasn't already been said. I love zoo's recommendation of nudging him towards the things he likes and branching out from there if possible. You might reinforce with that (or any other route you go with it) that it's going to take effort on his part no matter what. You can find what you think will help, but if he's not making effort, I doubt any of it will stick. Maybe the gaming, etc. would be more likely to stick with it being something he likes already.

Also agree with the new therapist. As with all professions, there are good ones and bad ones. Do you have any friends you can ask for recommendations in that regard? Maybe some have good (or bad) experiences they could share.

Either way, I'm sure it's undoubtedly tough for you and the wife. Hope you're able to get to the bottom of it.

 

[Grace Under Pressure]

My daughter has anxiety and ADHD. She's in 7th grade. We always knew it would be likely that she would have this, as it runs in the family. She's always been nervous about things, wouldn't do things most kids would do out of fear, one time she wouldn't let us take out a splinter for almost 2 hours (fun times). It manifests itself in different ways for different people. She is on medication, she sees a psychiatrist, she talks to her guidance counselors at school regularly (because of course there is also middle school drama with other kids). She is a good student, she does struggle sometimes on tests as she gets anxious (duh). But overall, the medication definitely helps. She is a good kid and we love her. I try to make that point to her every day. I'm proud of her grades but I find myself having to hold back on being more strict with her studying. Overall, it's something that requires effort on our (her parents) behalf every day. It's an every day "battle". The medication helps, but it's not like Advil for a headache, it doesn't make anything "go away". I agree with the advice given in here. Just wanted to share that you're not alone, it affects a lot of kids (and adults for that matter), and that it's an every day endeavor to help keep them on track and happy.

 

[jobarules]

His math teacher just called and left a message on my wifes phone. Said his grades are slipping. Honestly not sure what to tell these teachers anymore. The kid is studying and trying. Last night he studied for hours for a Science mid-term.

 

[Westerberg]

Sounds like he'd benefit from a formal assessment for ADHD. I agree with the poster above in getting a specialist and not having his "normal" therapist assess him. I'm a "normal" therapist and I refer these things out. He still might benefit from seeing that therapist, but leave the ADHD stuff to the specialist. A good assessment for ADHD should involve a parent consult, a clinical interview/observation of the child, Vanderbilt assessment forms filled out by parents and teachers, and a computer based assessment for ADHD like an IVA or a TOVA. Be on the lookout for those steps if you decide to go that route. These assessments can be expensive and are often not covered by insurance but they are worth it imo. HTH.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

I’ll also add that middle school was by far the hardest for both my kids and us as parents. Kids are brutal to each other at that age.

For me personally I remember Middle school being the worst few years. A lot of fights.

 

[Judge Smails]

It sure sounds like ADD (not hearing the H part yet) but wouldn’t want to jump to that conclusion. It’s a very tough age. Easy to be self conscious. Lots of picky eaters out there. Lots of kids don’t like to read. Face it - it’s not fun if you have trouble paying attention. Probably gets to the end of the page and has to re-read it because of a lack of focus. Agree with others to try other therapists and tests. I’d hate to put my kids on meds if they wasn’t the real issue. Best of luck. Props to you for digging deep for him

 

[jobarules]

It sure sounds like ADD (not hearing the H part yet) but wouldn’t want to jump to that conclusion. It’s a very tough age. Easy to be self conscious. Lots of picky eaters out there. Lots of kids don’t like to read. Face it - it’s not fun if you have trouble paying attention. Probably gets to the end of the page and has to re-read it because of a lack of focus. Agree with others to try other therapists and tests. I’d hate to put my kids on meds if they wasn’t the real issue. Best of luck. Props to you for digging deep for him

Yeah, not sure if they are different diagnosis nowadays but he never had an issue sitting in his seat. Perhaps thats why it took us so long to realize he had these issues.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

most of this is normal imho. I have a 16 year old girl. She’s exactly the same or very similar to a lot of your bullet points. She’s fine and doesn’t have adhd. There’s a meme out there with 2 pics of a kid. One pic is at school. Kid is spaced out, nearly in a coma. 2nd pic, same kid is in a lab coat, super serious, focused. Captions: me in math, me researching Star Wars lore.

 

[jobarules]

most of this is normal imho. I have a 16 year old girl. She’s exactly the same or very similar to a lot of your bullet points. She’s fine and doesn’t have adhd. There’s a meme out there with 2 pics of a kid. One pic is at school. Kid is spaced out, nearly in a coma. 2nd pic, same kid is in a lab coat, super serious, focused. Captions: me in math, me researching Star Wars lore.

The problem is he exhbits these symptoms at baseball too. He takes pitching lessons and his instructor is constantly asking him how he keep forgetting to do some mundane things he has been doing for months ("tuck your glove", etc)

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

His math teacher just called and left a message on my wifes phone. Said his grades are slipping. Honestly not sure what to tell these teachers anymore. The kid is studying and trying. Last night he studied for hours for a Science mid-term.

I'm fighting this one with my son right now too. Math with us too. I've had to sit down with him daily and go over his math lesson. Not so much to teach him (but in some cases definitely teaching him), but more so to learn HOW he was studying/practicing. IDK how your homework is for your son, but ours is through some cloud based website where it's basically like taking an electronic test. For homework you can keep taking them over and over until you get it right, a la get 100 on every homework. Problem is with that, if you are not learning the concepts, you get to the test and you can't redo problems over and over so you make bad grades on the tests. So once i figured out how he was studying I had to hammer home the importance of practicing the homework to learn it, not just to make 100. I basically made him take each section and teach it to me, in his own words, however it's easiest for him to learn it. And if he has any problems/concepts he can't get on his own, then (sometimes after I google/Youtube it) we work on that together. It has improved his grades greatly. Went from a 45 on a previous test to 85 on the last one. So even for other subjects, maybe try to figure out how he is studying and see if you can help with some other ways to memorize/learn things.

 

[jobarules]

His math teacher just called and left a message on my wifes phone. Said his grades are slipping. Honestly not sure what to tell these teachers anymore. The kid is studying and trying. Last night he studied for hours for a Science mid-term.

I'm fighting this one with my son right now too. Math with us too. I've had to sit down with him daily and go over his math lesson. Not so much to teach him (but in some cases definitely teaching him), but more so to learn HOW he was studying/practicing. IDK how your homework is for your son, but ours is through some cloud based website where it's basically like taking an electronic test. For homework you can keep taking them over and over until you get it right, a la get 100 on every homework. Problem is with that, if you are not learning the concepts, you get to the test and you can't redo problems over and over so you make bad grades on the tests. So once i figured out how he was studying I had to hammer home the importance of practicing the homework to learn it, not just to make 100. I basically made him take each section and teach it to me, in his own words, however it's easiest for him to learn it. And if he has any problems/concepts he can't get on his own, then (sometimes after I google/Youtube it) we work on that together. It has improved his grades greatly. Went from a 45 on a previous test to 85 on the last one. So even for other subjects, maybe try to figure out how he is studying and see if you can help with some other ways to memorize/learn things.

Math and science are actually my son's best subjects. He had 90s in both but recently just bombed a science exam (56) and got a 74 on his math mid term. I guess the teachers were concerned.

 

[ChiefD]

One thing I will add here:

Your son is 13. There is also the hormone thing going on as well where sometimes they just don't know what's going on. So as parents, we have to recognize that this is an ADDITIONAL factor that dictates a lot of what they are going through on a day to day basis.

That means we have to adjust how WE respond to him. I had a hard time with this for my oldest child. They are going through a huge transition right now on a lot of fronts. It's hard as parents - until they reach this point our normal thought process is:

Why don't they understand this?

Why can't they do better?

Why can't they see what I see?

Sometimes they just can't right now. So as parents we have to step back and change our approaches just on the communication part of it. And because of the hormones, kids are also ultra sensitive about EVERYTHING. So we have to tread lightly sometimes. And that can do a world of good for them sometimes. They need space to breathe.

 

[Alex P Keaton]

I'll give you the highlights. My son is 13 years old:

• He is obsessed with his height but the opposite what you would think. He doesn't want to grow. Measures himself multiple times a week. He is 5'2"
• He refuses to eat out of paper plates. Says they smell funny.
• He hates his skin color. Says hes "too white"
• He doesn't like when his shirt rides up and exposes his butt (he wears extra long shirts). He is not fat by any means. As a matter of fact hes probably too skinny.
• He has horrible eating habits. Doesnt like eating around others. Barely eats vegetables (we give him multivitamin).
• He struggles in school. Has an IEP requiring questions be read to him and extra time on tests. Gets mostly mid 80s on all his grades but struggles on tests.
• All his teachers say he is a sweet boy but has problems focusing and often stares into space. Struggles with multistep problems.
• He HATES school in general. HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.
• He plays baseball. Hes very good/athletic (Ive mentioned some of his pitching exploits in the travel baseball thread). However, I notice that the coach will tell the kids to do something and he will constantly do it wrong because he wasn't paying attention.
• He doesnt take constructive criticism well. When he is being coached I often have to remind him to look in the coaches eyes. This only happens when he is being corrected for something.
• He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTANTLY reminding him.
• Hes been seeing a therapist for the past 6 months and we havent seen a lick of improvement. His therapist thinks he may have OCD and while I agree he obsesses over some things I see absolutely no compulsions so I don't necessarily agree with her. Not sure shes the right therapist but he likes talking to her.
• He is very lazy. Never wants to put in extra work for school, sports, friends, etc
• Despite all the above he has TONS of friends. Way more than I ever had.

Not a single person (a teacher, his therapist) has mentioned the possibility that he may have ADHD and/or need medication but the more I think about it the more I think that may be the case. This all came to a head this week as my son took an exam to get into Catholic High School and despite 2-3 hours/week of tutoring from Aug-Nov and an extra hour on the test (due to his IEP) he still failed miserably and didn't get into any of the Catholic HS he applied for. Therefore, he will be attending our zoned public HS (which by all accounts is a good school). My wife is more upset about that than he is but its upsetting as a father as just about every kid we know his age got into all the Catholic HS they applied for. Hes the only one that didnt.

Not sure where to go from here. I told my wife to talk to his Dr and his therapist about ADHD. I also told her to send the therapist his IEP. Obviously if he needs medication we will have to find a psychiatrist. The kid constantly says hes dumb and I worry about what his future might hold. BTW most of this stuff (except the learning part) started happening when he returned to school after covid lockdowns.

Almost everything you’ve written describes my 14 yo son. Much of it can be maddening as a parent. As others have noted, back when they diagnosed simple ADD (without the “H” for hyperactivity) this might have fit my son. But my son is not hyperactive in the least — quite the opposite.

(his twin sister is classic ADHD, she’s on meds for it, it has helped)

My son IS on meds for anxiety, and that has helped him a great deal. I’ll write more later, but his anxiety has definitely gotten in the way of homework, project work, etc in the past at school.

Just to throw one other thought out there, which you might not want to hear: A number of the behaviors you mention actually fit the autism spectrum. My son isn’t labeled autistic by doctors — he’s not far along the spectrum to get that label — but he is without a doubt on the spectrum. (So am I)

Glad to share more either in here or via PM.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

most of this is normal imho. I have a 16 year old girl. She’s exactly the same or very similar to a lot of your bullet points. She’s fine and doesn’t have adhd. There’s a meme out there with 2 pics of a kid. One pic is at school. Kid is spaced out, nearly in a coma. 2nd pic, same kid is in a lab coat, super serious, focused. Captions: me in math, me researching Star Wars lore.

The problem is he exhbits these symptoms at baseball too. He takes pitching lessons and his instructor is constantly asking him how he keep forgetting to do some mundane things he has been doing for months ("tuck your glove", etc)

that still sounds normal. the adult reaction of "how on earth don't you remember XYZ!!" my kid is a 2nd degreee black belt in TKD, when testing for the 2nd degree belt, she made some really "dumb" errors. forgot things that she knew PERFECTLY. they're kids. don't over think it.

 

[jobarules]

I'll give you the highlights. My son is 13 years old:

• He is obsessed with his height but the opposite what you would think. He doesn't want to grow. Measures himself multiple times a week. He is 5'2"
• He refuses to eat out of paper plates. Says they smell funny.
• He hates his skin color. Says hes "too white"
• He doesn't like when his shirt rides up and exposes his butt (he wears extra long shirts). He is not fat by any means. As a matter of fact hes probably too skinny.
• He has horrible eating habits. Doesnt like eating around others. Barely eats vegetables (we give him multivitamin).
• He struggles in school. Has an IEP requiring questions be read to him and extra time on tests. Gets mostly mid 80s on all his grades but struggles on tests.
• All his teachers say he is a sweet boy but has problems focusing and often stares into space. Struggles with multistep problems.
• He HATES school in general. HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.
• He plays baseball. Hes very good/athletic (Ive mentioned some of his pitching exploits in the travel baseball thread). However, I notice that the coach will tell the kids to do something and he will constantly do it wrong because he wasn't paying attention.
• He doesnt take constructive criticism well. When he is being coached I often have to remind him to look in the coaches eyes. This only happens when he is being corrected for something.
• He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTANTLY reminding him.
• Hes been seeing a therapist for the past 6 months and we havent seen a lick of improvement. His therapist thinks he may have OCD and while I agree he obsesses over some things I see absolutely no compulsions so I don't necessarily agree with her. Not sure shes the right therapist but he likes talking to her.
• He is very lazy. Never wants to put in extra work for school, sports, friends, etc
• Despite all the above he has TONS of friends. Way more than I ever had.

Not a single person (a teacher, his therapist) has mentioned the possibility that he may have ADHD and/or need medication but the more I think about it the more I think that may be the case. This all came to a head this week as my son took an exam to get into Catholic High School and despite 2-3 hours/week of tutoring from Aug-Nov and an extra hour on the test (due to his IEP) he still failed miserably and didn't get into any of the Catholic HS he applied for. Therefore, he will be attending our zoned public HS (which by all accounts is a good school). My wife is more upset about that than he is but its upsetting as a father as just about every kid we know his age got into all the Catholic HS they applied for. Hes the only one that didnt.

Not sure where to go from here. I told my wife to talk to his Dr and his therapist about ADHD. I also told her to send the therapist his IEP. Obviously if he needs medication we will have to find a psychiatrist. The kid constantly says hes dumb and I worry about what his future might hold. BTW most of this stuff (except the learning part) started happening when he returned to school after covid lockdowns.

Almost everything you’ve written describes my 14 yo son. Much of it can be maddening as a parent. As others have noted, back when they diagnosed simple ADD (without the “H” for hyperactivity) this might have fit my son. But my son is not hyperactive in the least — quite the opposite.

(his twin sister is classic ADHD, she’s on meds for it, it has helped)

My son IS on meds for anxiety, and that has helped him a great deal. I’ll write more later, but his anxiety has definitely gotten in the way of homework, project work, etc in the past at school.

Just to throw one other thought out there, which you might not want to hear: A number of the behaviors you mention actually fit the autism spectrum. My son isn’t labeled autistic by doctors — he’s not far along the spectrum to get that label — but he is without a doubt on the spectrum. (So am I)

Glad to share more either in here or via PM.

My son actually told me last week "I think Im autistic"

Honestly I dont think he is. Some of his baheviors I mentioned are "weird" no doubt but he just started exhibiting them in the last year or so. He never had an issue with his looks or eating food or weird smells in the past. I think its more some strange anxiety/hormonal imbalance.

 

[Sand]

I'll give you the highlights. My son is 13 years old:

• He is obsessed with his height but the opposite what you would think. He doesn't want to grow. Measures himself multiple times a week. He is 5'2"
• He refuses to eat out of paper plates. Says they smell funny.
• He hates his skin color. Says hes "too white"
• He doesn't like when his shirt rides up and exposes his butt (he wears extra long shirts). He is not fat by any means. As a matter of fact hes probably too skinny.
• He has horrible eating habits. Doesnt like eating around others. Barely eats vegetables (we give him multivitamin).
• He struggles in school. Has an IEP requiring questions be read to him and extra time on tests. Gets mostly mid 80s on all his grades but struggles on tests.
• All his teachers say he is a sweet boy but has problems focusing and often stares into space. Struggles with multistep problems.
• He HATES school in general. HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.
• He plays baseball. Hes very good/athletic (Ive mentioned some of his pitching exploits in the travel baseball thread). However, I notice that the coach will tell the kids to do something and he will constantly do it wrong because he wasn't paying attention.
• He doesnt take constructive criticism well. When he is being coached I often have to remind him to look in the coaches eyes. This only happens when he is being corrected for something.
• He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTANTLY reminding him.
• Hes been seeing a therapist for the past 6 months and we havent seen a lick of improvement. His therapist thinks he may have OCD and while I agree he obsesses over some things I see absolutely no compulsions so I don't necessarily agree with her. Not sure shes the right therapist but he likes talking to her.
• He is very lazy. Never wants to put in extra work for school, sports, friends, etc
• Despite all the above he has TONS of friends. Way more than I ever had.

Not a single person (a teacher, his therapist) has mentioned the possibility that he may have ADHD and/or need medication but the more I think about it the more I think that may be the case. This all came to a head this week as my son took an exam to get into Catholic High School and despite 2-3 hours/week of tutoring from Aug-Nov and an extra hour on the test (due to his IEP) he still failed miserably and didn't get into any of the Catholic HS he applied for. Therefore, he will be attending our zoned public HS (which by all accounts is a good school). My wife is more upset about that than he is but its upsetting as a father as just about every kid we know his age got into all the Catholic HS they applied for. Hes the only one that didnt.

Not sure where to go from here. I told my wife to talk to his Dr and his therapist about ADHD. I also told her to send the therapist his IEP. Obviously if he needs medication we will have to find a psychiatrist. The kid constantly says hes dumb and I worry about what his future might hold. BTW most of this stuff (except the learning part) started happening when he returned to school after covid lockdowns.

• He refuses to eat out of paper plates. Says they smell funny.

They do smell funny. I stand in solidarity with your kid here.

• He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTANTLY reminding him.

Isn't this all kids? Both my boys were awful about this stuff.

• He HATES school in general. HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.

School is hard when it's hard to pay attention. Schools are tuned toward females and have been for a while now - boys are getting short shrift big time.

On the reading. Both my boys didn't have the patience to sit and read. Both love audiobooks. Love them. Maybe try that. Studies have shown that a audiobook is as good for a kid as reading (or real close). My younger child has really improved in reading comprehension over the last couple years since he's been listening to books.

You say schools are turned towards females. Can you expand on this? I've never heard that before am interested on why that might be.

Overwhelmingly. Girl children are the recipients of a lot more resources on the false assumption that they're still behind. That switched long ago and boys have fallen more and more behind. I'll leave out the political parts of why that is darn near impossible to change, but as the parent of two boys it's incredibly frustrating.

The numbers are staggering.

• Compared to young women, young men were less likely to graduate from high school, more likely to drop out of high school, less likely to enroll in college after high school, and more likely to be unemployed. For example, for every 100 young women who graduated from high school in 2021 and did not enroll in college in the fall, there were 166 young men. For every 100 young women who were recently dropped out of high school, there were 133 young men. For every 100 young women who were recent high school dropouts and unemployed, there were 238 young men.

Carpe Diem

A blog by Mark J. Perry, est. 2006 Subscribe to Carpe Diem here

www.aei.org

 

[Grace Under Pressure]

Reading the recent posts, I would just add this. Anxiety and ADHD are diagnoses of medical conditions. It's not just feeling anxious sometimes, or not sitting still, or not focusing when reading, nor is it akin to typical teen or pre-teen behavior that affects "most kids". These are medical disorders that are diagnosed by doctors (in this case psychiatrists who are MDs) after significant testing and examinations. My daughter has a medical condition, it's pretty apparent. If your son is exhibiting behaviors like being lazy or not paying attention, but it's within the sort of behavior you'd expect at his age, then he may very well may not have any of these conditions. As others have mentioned, getting tested is the way to find out. I personally wouldn't chalk it up to "he's just a kid", but that's more of an opinion. Do what works for you guys.

Here's some more background on anxiety disorders. My daughter, for example, unfortunately has several of these.

 

[Alex P Keaton]

I'll give you the highlights. My son is 13 years old:

• He is obsessed with his height but the opposite what you would think. He doesn't want to grow. Measures himself multiple times a week. He is 5'2"
• He refuses to eat out of paper plates. Says they smell funny.
• He hates his skin color. Says hes "too white"
• He doesn't like when his shirt rides up and exposes his butt (he wears extra long shirts). He is not fat by any means. As a matter of fact hes probably too skinny.
• He has horrible eating habits. Doesnt like eating around others. Barely eats vegetables (we give him multivitamin).
• He struggles in school. Has an IEP requiring questions be read to him and extra time on tests. Gets mostly mid 80s on all his grades but struggles on tests.
• All his teachers say he is a sweet boy but has problems focusing and often stares into space. Struggles with multistep problems.
• He HATES school in general. HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.
• He plays baseball. Hes very good/athletic (Ive mentioned some of his pitching exploits in the travel baseball thread). However, I notice that the coach will tell the kids to do something and he will constantly do it wrong because he wasn't paying attention.
• He doesnt take constructive criticism well. When he is being coached I often have to remind him to look in the coaches eyes. This only happens when he is being corrected for something.
• He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTANTLY reminding him.
• Hes been seeing a therapist for the past 6 months and we havent seen a lick of improvement. His therapist thinks he may have OCD and while I agree he obsesses over some things I see absolutely no compulsions so I don't necessarily agree with her. Not sure shes the right therapist but he likes talking to her.
• He is very lazy. Never wants to put in extra work for school, sports, friends, etc
• Despite all the above he has TONS of friends. Way more than I ever had.

Not a single person (a teacher, his therapist) has mentioned the possibility that he may have ADHD and/or need medication but the more I think about it the more I think that may be the case. This all came to a head this week as my son took an exam to get into Catholic High School and despite 2-3 hours/week of tutoring from Aug-Nov and an extra hour on the test (due to his IEP) he still failed miserably and didn't get into any of the Catholic HS he applied for. Therefore, he will be attending our zoned public HS (which by all accounts is a good school). My wife is more upset about that than he is but its upsetting as a father as just about every kid we know his age got into all the Catholic HS they applied for. Hes the only one that didnt.

Not sure where to go from here. I told my wife to talk to his Dr and his therapist about ADHD. I also told her to send the therapist his IEP. Obviously if he needs medication we will have to find a psychiatrist. The kid constantly says hes dumb and I worry about what his future might hold. BTW most of this stuff (except the learning part) started happening when he returned to school after covid lockdowns.

Almost everything you’ve written describes my 14 yo son. Much of it can be maddening as a parent. As others have noted, back when they diagnosed simple ADD (without the “H” for hyperactivity) this might have fit my son. But my son is not hyperactive in the least — quite the opposite.

(his twin sister is classic ADHD, she’s on meds for it, it has helped)

My son IS on meds for anxiety, and that has helped him a great deal. I’ll write more later, but his anxiety has definitely gotten in the way of homework, project work, etc in the past at school.

Just to throw one other thought out there, which you might not want to hear: A number of the behaviors you mention actually fit the autism spectrum. My son isn’t labeled autistic by doctors — he’s not far along the spectrum to get that label — but he is without a doubt on the spectrum. (So am I)

Glad to share more either in here or via PM.

My son actually told me last week "I think Im autistic"

Honestly I dont think he is. Some of his baheviors I mentioned are "weird" no doubt but he just started exhibiting them in the last year or so. He never had an issue with his looks or eating food or weird smells in the past. I think its more some strange anxiety/hormonal imbalance.

1) I hear you
2) it might be worth digging deeper and asking “why do you think you are autistic?”
3) the autism spectrum is extremely wide. I have a cousin who is low functioning. Really low. In contrast, nobody except my wife thinks I’m on the spectrum — but looking at the symptoms, it’s just a clinical assessment that I am.
4) it’s really not a negative to be on the spectrum. Nor is it a crisis.
5) my daughter self-diagnosed as ADHD at age 9, and she was spot on.

Good luck to you. Chief had some amazing comments — I’ve struggled a ton with embracing the things about my kid that drive me nuts. As I’ve embraced loving both kids unconditionally, this stuff drives me nuts less and less.

Kudos to you for caring enough about your kid to post in here and explore this stuff. Not everyone does that.

 

[fruity pebbles]

I'll give you the highlights. My son is 13 years old:

• He is obsessed with his height but the opposite what you would think. He doesn't want to grow. Measures himself multiple times a week. He is 5'2"
• He refuses to eat out of paper plates. Says they smell funny.
• He hates his skin color. Says hes "too white"
• He doesn't like when his shirt rides up and exposes his butt (he wears extra long shirts). He is not fat by any means. As a matter of fact hes probably too skinny.
• He has horrible eating habits. Doesnt like eating around others. Barely eats vegetables (we give him multivitamin).
• He struggles in school. Has an IEP requiring questions be read to him and extra time on tests. Gets mostly mid 80s on all his grades but struggles on tests.
• All his teachers say he is a sweet boy but has problems focusing and often stares into space. Struggles with multistep problems.
• He HATES school in general. HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.
• He plays baseball. Hes very good/athletic (Ive mentioned some of his pitching exploits in the travel baseball thread). However, I notice that the coach will tell the kids to do something and he will constantly do it wrong because he wasn't paying attention.
• He doesnt take constructive criticism well. When he is being coached I often have to remind him to look in the coaches eyes. This only happens when he is being corrected for something.
• He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTANTLY reminding him.
• Hes been seeing a therapist for the past 6 months and we havent seen a lick of improvement. His therapist thinks he may have OCD and while I agree he obsesses over some things I see absolutely no compulsions so I don't necessarily agree with her. Not sure shes the right therapist but he likes talking to her.
• He is very lazy. Never wants to put in extra work for school, sports, friends, etc
• Despite all the above he has TONS of friends. Way more than I ever had.

Not a single person (a teacher, his therapist) has mentioned the possibility that he may have ADHD and/or need medication but the more I think about it the more I think that may be the case. This all came to a head this week as my son took an exam to get into Catholic High School and despite 2-3 hours/week of tutoring from Aug-Nov and an extra hour on the test (due to his IEP) he still failed miserably and didn't get into any of the Catholic HS he applied for. Therefore, he will be attending our zoned public HS (which by all accounts is a good school). My wife is more upset about that than he is but its upsetting as a father as just about every kid we know his age got into all the Catholic HS they applied for. Hes the only one that didnt.

Not sure where to go from here. I told my wife to talk to his Dr and his therapist about ADHD. I also told her to send the therapist his IEP. Obviously if he needs medication we will have to find a psychiatrist. The kid constantly says hes dumb and I worry about what his future might hold. BTW most of this stuff (except the learning part) started happening when he returned to school after covid lockdowns.

Almost everything you’ve written describes my 14 yo son. Much of it can be maddening as a parent. As others have noted, back when they diagnosed simple ADD (without the “H” for hyperactivity) this might have fit my son. But my son is not hyperactive in the least — quite the opposite.

(his twin sister is classic ADHD, she’s on meds for it, it has helped)

My son IS on meds for anxiety, and that has helped him a great deal. I’ll write more later, but his anxiety has definitely gotten in the way of homework, project work, etc in the past at school.

Just to throw one other thought out there, which you might not want to hear: A number of the behaviors you mention actually fit the autism spectrum. My son isn’t labeled autistic by doctors — he’s not far along the spectrum to get that label — but he is without a doubt on the spectrum. (So am I)

Glad to share more either in here or via PM.

My son actually told me last week "I think Im autistic"

Honestly I dont think he is. Some of his baheviors I mentioned are "weird" no doubt but he just started exhibiting them in the last year or so. He never had an issue with his looks or eating food or weird smells in the past. I think its more some strange anxiety/hormonal imbalance.

1) I hear you
2) it might be worth digging deeper and asking “why do you think you are autistic?”
3) the autism spectrum is extremely wide. I have a cousin who is low functioning. Really low. In contrast, nobody except my wife thinks I’m on the spectrum — but looking at the symptoms, it’s just a clinical assessment that I am.
4) it’s really not a negative to be on the spectrum. Nor is it a crisis.
5) my daughter self-diagnosed as ADHD at age 9, and she was spot on.

Good luck to you. Chief had some amazing comments — I’ve struggled a ton with embracing the things about my kid that drive me nuts. As I’ve embraced loving both kids unconditionally, this stuff drives me nuts less and less.

Kudos to you for caring enough about your kid to post in here and explore this stuff. Not everyone does that.

To add to this, I’d also ask him why he thinks he’s autistic. We know ourselves better than anyone. What’s really going on in our brains. I’ve been diagnosed as highly functioning autistic. What they used to call Aspergers. I’ve always known but only those who have gotten close to me would suspect. Even at a young age I developed coping mechanisms that would allow me to fake interpersonal interactions. I’d explore this more with him. Good luck.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Sounds like he'd benefit from a formal assessment for ADHD. I agree with the poster above in getting a specialist and not having his "normal" therapist assess him. I'm a "normal" therapist and I refer these things out. He still might benefit from seeing that therapist, but leave the ADHD stuff to the specialist. A good assessment for ADHD should involve a parent consult, a clinical interview/observation of the child, Vanderbilt assessment forms filled out by parents and teachers, and a computer based assessment for ADHD like an IVA or a TOVA. Be on the lookout for those steps if you decide to go that route. These assessments can be expensive and are often not covered by insurance but they are worth it imo. HTH.

Agree with this. Also, you can review the diagnostic criteria here.

 

[jobarules]

Sounds like he'd benefit from a formal assessment for ADHD. I agree with the poster above in getting a specialist and not having his "normal" therapist assess him. I'm a "normal" therapist and I refer these things out. He still might benefit from seeing that therapist, but leave the ADHD stuff to the specialist. A good assessment for ADHD should involve a parent consult, a clinical interview/observation of the child, Vanderbilt assessment forms filled out by parents and teachers, and a computer based assessment for ADHD like an IVA or a TOVA. Be on the lookout for those steps if you decide to go that route. These assessments can be expensive and are often not covered by insurance but they are worth it imo. HTH.

Agree with this. Also, you can review the diagnostic criteria here.

He does every single thing in #1 pretty much all the time. Reading that describes him to a t.

He does none of the things in #2.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Sounds like he'd benefit from a formal assessment for ADHD. I agree with the poster above in getting a specialist and not having his "normal" therapist assess him. I'm a "normal" therapist and I refer these things out. He still might benefit from seeing that therapist, but leave the ADHD stuff to the specialist. A good assessment for ADHD should involve a parent consult, a clinical interview/observation of the child, Vanderbilt assessment forms filled out by parents and teachers, and a computer based assessment for ADHD like an IVA or a TOVA. Be on the lookout for those steps if you decide to go that route. These assessments can be expensive and are often not covered by insurance but they are worth it imo. HTH.

Agree with this. Also, you can review the diagnostic criteria here.

He does every single thing in #1 pretty much all the time. Reading that describes him to a t.

He does none of the things in #2.

OK, so does he also fit the conditions below? If so, he may have predominantly inattentive ADHD. This applies only if symptoms have been present for at least the last 6 months, and other diagnoses are excluded (things like substance use, thyroid disease, other mood/anxiety disorders, PTSD, sleep/wake disorders).

In addition, the following conditions must be met:​

• Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms were present before age 12 years.
• Several symptoms are present in two or more settings, (such as at home, school or work; with friends or relatives; in other activities).
• There is clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, school, or work functioning.
• The symptoms are not better explained by another mental disorder (such as a mood disorder, anxiety disorder, dissociative disorder, or a personality disorder). The symptoms do not happen only during the course of schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder.

I‘m not suggesting you make the diagnosis yourself. The mental health professional should be able to sort all this out for you.

 

[MTskibum]

I would highly recommend against add drugs, they have no long term effect only a short term effect. In addition they are made from amphetamine salts which will have a long term negative effect on heart health.

I can post more studies as well. No way will my kids ever go on it.

Medication: The smart-pill oversell - Nature

Evidence is mounting that medication for ADHD doesn't make a lasting difference to schoolwork or achievement.

www.nature.com

 

[jobarules]

Sounds like he'd benefit from a formal assessment for ADHD. I agree with the poster above in getting a specialist and not having his "normal" therapist assess him. I'm a "normal" therapist and I refer these things out. He still might benefit from seeing that therapist, but leave the ADHD stuff to the specialist. A good assessment for ADHD should involve a parent consult, a clinical interview/observation of the child, Vanderbilt assessment forms filled out by parents and teachers, and a computer based assessment for ADHD like an IVA or a TOVA. Be on the lookout for those steps if you decide to go that route. These assessments can be expensive and are often not covered by insurance but they are worth it imo. HTH.

Agree with this. Also, you can review the diagnostic criteria here.

He does every single thing in #1 pretty much all the time. Reading that describes him to a t.

He does none of the things in #2.

OK, so does he also fit the conditions below? If so, he may have predominantly inattentive ADHD. This applies only if symptoms have been present for at least the last 6 months, and other diagnoses are excluded (things like substance use, thyroid disease, other mood/anxiety disorders, PTSD, sleep/wake disorders).

In addition, the following conditions must be met:​

• Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms were present before age 12 years.
• Several symptoms are present in two or more settings, (such as at home, school or work; with friends or relatives; in other activities).
• There is clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, school, or work functioning.
• The symptoms are not better explained by another mental disorder (such as a mood disorder, anxiety disorder, dissociative disorder, or a personality disorder). The symptoms do not happen only during the course of schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder.

I‘m not suggesting you make the diagnosis yourself. The mental health professional should be able to sort all this out for you.

I know

Yes he has exhibited these symptoms pretty much since he started school so for 8 years now.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

I'll give you the highlights. My son is 13 years old:

• He is obsessed with his height but the opposite what you would think. He doesn't want to grow. Measures himself multiple times a week. He is 5'2"
• He refuses to eat out of paper plates. Says they smell funny.
• He hates his skin color. Says hes "too white"
• He doesn't like when his shirt rides up and exposes his butt (he wears extra long shirts). He is not fat by any means. As a matter of fact hes probably too skinny.
• He has horrible eating habits. Doesnt like eating around others. Barely eats vegetables (we give him multivitamin).
• He struggles in school. Has an IEP requiring questions be read to him and extra time on tests. Gets mostly mid 80s on all his grades but struggles on tests.
• All his teachers say he is a sweet boy but has problems focusing and often stares into space. Struggles with multistep problems.
• He HATES school in general. HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.
• He plays baseball. Hes very good/athletic (Ive mentioned some of his pitching exploits in the travel baseball thread). However, I notice that the coach will tell the kids to do something and he will constantly do it wrong because he wasn't paying attention.
• He doesnt take constructive criticism well. When he is being coached I often have to remind him to look in the coaches eyes. This only happens when he is being corrected for something.
• He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTANTLY reminding him.
• Hes been seeing a therapist for the past 6 months and we havent seen a lick of improvement. His therapist thinks he may have OCD and while I agree he obsesses over some things I see absolutely no compulsions so I don't necessarily agree with her. Not sure shes the right therapist but he likes talking to her.
• He is very lazy. Never wants to put in extra work for school, sports, friends, etc
• Despite all the above he has TONS of friends. Way more than I ever had.

Not a single person (a teacher, his therapist) has mentioned the possibility that he may have ADHD and/or need medication but the more I think about it the more I think that may be the case. This all came to a head this week as my son took an exam to get into Catholic High School and despite 2-3 hours/week of tutoring from Aug-Nov and an extra hour on the test (due to his IEP) he still failed miserably and didn't get into any of the Catholic HS he applied for. Therefore, he will be attending our zoned public HS (which by all accounts is a good school). My wife is more upset about that than he is but its upsetting as a father as just about every kid we know his age got into all the Catholic HS they applied for. Hes the only one that didnt.

Not sure where to go from here. I told my wife to talk to his Dr and his therapist about ADHD. I also told her to send the therapist his IEP. Obviously if he needs medication we will have to find a psychiatrist. The kid constantly says hes dumb and I worry about what his future might hold. BTW most of this stuff (except the learning part) started happening when he returned to school after covid lockdowns.

You might want to back off a bit on the constantly reminding him thing. Of course he thinks he's dumb. All of this reinforces that idea. And I can't see why he'd want to "put in extra work" when it doesn't really pay off for him. I doubt he's really "lazy". If he can't focus, how is he supposed to do all this extra stuff when he couldn't do it the first time?

• HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.

Have you tried comic books or graphic novels? Those often work a lot better and might have content he cares more about.

 

[MTskibum]

Your body over time normalizes the effect of amphetamines and returns back to "normal" when you take them for an extended period of time, they only have a short term effect and not a long term effect.

We did not find sufficient data for the 26-week and 52-week timepoints.

...

It is also notable that the long-term placebo response rates are much higher than short-term placebo response rates.

Comparative efficacy and tolerability of medications for attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder in children, adolescents, and adults: a systematic review and network meta-analysis - PMC

The benefits and safety of medications for attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) remain controversial, and guidelines are inconsistent on which medications are preferred across different age groups. We aimed to estimate the comparative ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

[MTskibum]

Another study.

The MTA could not address the question of the efficacy of stimulant medication use beyond 1 year, so there is a need to reliably establish the long-term benefits of stimulant use in ADHD treatment.

Is There Long-Term Benefit From Stimulant Treatment for ADHD?

ajp.psychiatryonline.org