Steven Mann
Footballguy
Ever taste something that is so good you'll continue to eat it even after it's rotten? Have you ever stuck by somebody knowing full well that you will be disappointed yet again? Have you ever lied so much to yourself that you actually start to believe your own BS? Well I am here to say... MY Name is Steven Mann and I am the consumer of rotten fruit, I am a self confessed liar and I am also full of S**t!
Exhibit (A) Cadillac Williams. I couldn't have been happier 3 years ago to take a flyer on some kid outta Auburn. Sure he split carries in school, sure he wasn't huge, but hey it's the 5th round what am I clinging too? He's gonna start... time to #### the Hammer! "With the first pick in the 5th round, Fizzy Womack selects RB Cadillac Williams, Tampa Bay Bucs. OK so I took one rookie, I still had Warrick Dunn and awww man I forget whom else. But again I felt I had enough there to take a shot at Caddy.
Week One: 148 yrds 1 TD (Very Impressed, you may even say shocked/stunned)
Week Two: 128 yrds 1 TD (OK pinch me... Maybe I should Scout For The NFL does the scouting Dept in Buffalo have a Toll Free?)
Week Three: 158 0 TDs (OK come on...We are on pace for 8 thousand yards and 48 TD's!!!!) SIDE BAR: My Math is as bad as the dead possum that calls William Shatters Head Home. But regardless it was like finding Gold... GOLD JERRY GOLD!
Here I am 3 years later with a rotten apple... A lump of Coal... The Rue Mcclanahan of RB's. Sexy at first then you come to the blazing conclusion that he's just a washed up Skank! My once Beautiful Bride has now turned into Star Jones. (I'm talk'n bout the heavier Star Jones, not the Carnie Wilson knock off Star Jones) Lets be honest there is no attraction anymore, we don't talk anymore and to be honest I would be more than happy to let any of my friends 'Tap Dat" Boy was I ever fooled by you Caddy. BUT the bigger question that remains is why the hell can't I get out of this relationship? Be a man dammit.. Let her GO. One man's Trash is another man's treasure. Walk out that door and don't look back. You can do better.
So last Monday I started to think of ways to get out. I don't wanna hurt her; I had to find the right angle. Sure I could have played the injury card (yet again). But I decided it was time to make a deal. Trading Caddy to me was like asking a BMW driver to test-drive this beautiful new Hyundai Tiburon. Regardless it was worth a shot. First offer: Caddy and Ronald Curry for Frank Gore. Ya I know crazy! But the Gore owner in my league is Bi -Polar and heavily medicated. I thought just maybe I'd be able to slip one past the goal line. I guess the effects of the Carbamazepine were negated by all the malt liquor as I was told to go F**k myself. After a few more trade offers to more well balanced individuals in my league. I came to the conclusion that this was one washed up broad. Nobody wanted to touch her even with a great schedule.
So back to square one... What can I do? How can I sell the 2005 Caddilac in 2007? I figure I've held her for this long...maybe with the right hair and make-up she can be sexy again. Maybe she just set the bar too high in 2005. Sure she may still have some fantasy appeal in a swim suit, but I've had her. I dont need to tell any other team owners that once that top comes off you are looking at 2 fried eggs hanging off a nail. That I will keep to myself.
If I could get Mike Alsott Back it would be alot easier for me to just let her go. Goal line carries are a strong deterent indeed. But no that SOB has to retire the year I re-draft Caddy. If Alsott was still there, I wouldn't even help her pack... Her ##### would be all over the lawn with a note that says Thanks for 3 great weeks... See you in Hell! But no, this year Mike retires and I am informed thru various sites that Caddy is getting the goal line. GREAT!!! NOT!!!! Now what... Again as a fool I see a glimmer of potential yet again. Maybe I am the one who should be on a strict diet of anticonvulsant medication and malt liquor. enough is enough.. I gotta get outta this relationship already!
Fast forward to week 2. Monday: Doubtful Tuesday: Doubtful (keep an eye on Pittman) Wednesday: May Dress, will not see enough action to be worth a starting spot. Thursday: Fitted with a special jacket went through practice, Friday: Probable, Saturday: Will Play, Sunday: 2 FREAKING TDS!!!! I HATE YOU CADDY I HATE YOU AS MUCH A MAN LIKE MYSELF CAN HATE AN ATHLETE WHO MAKES MORE MONEY PER GAME THEN I DO PER YEAR! I obviously had him on my bench. No sense in having him start, knowing that I would take a high five and a juice box for him. Asking Caddy too score 2 TD's to me was like asking Bea Aurthur not to be a large man!
It's Sunday morning... I am now ready to sever this relationship once and for all. Just one small hurdle... By 4 pm Sunday I have fallen in love all over again. Why did you have to score 2 tds? What am I gonna do now? Who am I kidding I am a weak pathetic man! I love you Caddy and I will never let you go! You are my soul mate! You complete me! Yet you suck! See ya in next week!
Yours Truly
Steven Mann
Exhibit (A) Cadillac Williams. I couldn't have been happier 3 years ago to take a flyer on some kid outta Auburn. Sure he split carries in school, sure he wasn't huge, but hey it's the 5th round what am I clinging too? He's gonna start... time to #### the Hammer! "With the first pick in the 5th round, Fizzy Womack selects RB Cadillac Williams, Tampa Bay Bucs. OK so I took one rookie, I still had Warrick Dunn and awww man I forget whom else. But again I felt I had enough there to take a shot at Caddy.
Week One: 148 yrds 1 TD (Very Impressed, you may even say shocked/stunned)
Week Two: 128 yrds 1 TD (OK pinch me... Maybe I should Scout For The NFL does the scouting Dept in Buffalo have a Toll Free?)
Week Three: 158 0 TDs (OK come on...We are on pace for 8 thousand yards and 48 TD's!!!!) SIDE BAR: My Math is as bad as the dead possum that calls William Shatters Head Home. But regardless it was like finding Gold... GOLD JERRY GOLD!
Here I am 3 years later with a rotten apple... A lump of Coal... The Rue Mcclanahan of RB's. Sexy at first then you come to the blazing conclusion that he's just a washed up Skank! My once Beautiful Bride has now turned into Star Jones. (I'm talk'n bout the heavier Star Jones, not the Carnie Wilson knock off Star Jones) Lets be honest there is no attraction anymore, we don't talk anymore and to be honest I would be more than happy to let any of my friends 'Tap Dat" Boy was I ever fooled by you Caddy. BUT the bigger question that remains is why the hell can't I get out of this relationship? Be a man dammit.. Let her GO. One man's Trash is another man's treasure. Walk out that door and don't look back. You can do better.
So last Monday I started to think of ways to get out. I don't wanna hurt her; I had to find the right angle. Sure I could have played the injury card (yet again). But I decided it was time to make a deal. Trading Caddy to me was like asking a BMW driver to test-drive this beautiful new Hyundai Tiburon. Regardless it was worth a shot. First offer: Caddy and Ronald Curry for Frank Gore. Ya I know crazy! But the Gore owner in my league is Bi -Polar and heavily medicated. I thought just maybe I'd be able to slip one past the goal line. I guess the effects of the Carbamazepine were negated by all the malt liquor as I was told to go F**k myself. After a few more trade offers to more well balanced individuals in my league. I came to the conclusion that this was one washed up broad. Nobody wanted to touch her even with a great schedule.
So back to square one... What can I do? How can I sell the 2005 Caddilac in 2007? I figure I've held her for this long...maybe with the right hair and make-up she can be sexy again. Maybe she just set the bar too high in 2005. Sure she may still have some fantasy appeal in a swim suit, but I've had her. I dont need to tell any other team owners that once that top comes off you are looking at 2 fried eggs hanging off a nail. That I will keep to myself.
If I could get Mike Alsott Back it would be alot easier for me to just let her go. Goal line carries are a strong deterent indeed. But no that SOB has to retire the year I re-draft Caddy. If Alsott was still there, I wouldn't even help her pack... Her ##### would be all over the lawn with a note that says Thanks for 3 great weeks... See you in Hell! But no, this year Mike retires and I am informed thru various sites that Caddy is getting the goal line. GREAT!!! NOT!!!! Now what... Again as a fool I see a glimmer of potential yet again. Maybe I am the one who should be on a strict diet of anticonvulsant medication and malt liquor. enough is enough.. I gotta get outta this relationship already!
Fast forward to week 2. Monday: Doubtful Tuesday: Doubtful (keep an eye on Pittman) Wednesday: May Dress, will not see enough action to be worth a starting spot. Thursday: Fitted with a special jacket went through practice, Friday: Probable, Saturday: Will Play, Sunday: 2 FREAKING TDS!!!! I HATE YOU CADDY I HATE YOU AS MUCH A MAN LIKE MYSELF CAN HATE AN ATHLETE WHO MAKES MORE MONEY PER GAME THEN I DO PER YEAR! I obviously had him on my bench. No sense in having him start, knowing that I would take a high five and a juice box for him. Asking Caddy too score 2 TD's to me was like asking Bea Aurthur not to be a large man!
It's Sunday morning... I am now ready to sever this relationship once and for all. Just one small hurdle... By 4 pm Sunday I have fallen in love all over again. Why did you have to score 2 tds? What am I gonna do now? Who am I kidding I am a weak pathetic man! I love you Caddy and I will never let you go! You are my soul mate! You complete me! Yet you suck! See ya in next week!
Yours Truly
Steven Mann
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........ :awaitingthemanifesto:
it went a little overboard.ETA - but I enjoy the posts
I'm trying to figure out which 4 letter word would fit there the best, and none make any sense except for one in a very perverted sort of way. NTTIAWWT
it went a little overboard.
