My wife, she's... overweight. (2 Viewers)

[Binky The Doormat]

Well, if it matters, I'm 46, have been out of school a long time, and have been happily married for 13 years.

Second, there is no accepted definition of this stuff. That's as weak as saying "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you".

You're telling your wife she's beautiful... but you tell us (and seemingly not her) that you aren't attracted to her.

That just strikes me as wrong.

Sure it can mean lots of different things. I'll tell you what they mean to me:Beautiful = one's entire being. Heart, mind, body, personality, everything.

Sexy = outward appearance...both their physical attributes and how they choose to use/cover/uncover said attributes

Love = caring as much or more about another person as you do about yourself...wanting them to be happy and "doing" for them, even if causes more hardship and unpleasantness in your own life.

Lust = wanting to stick one's "member" in another person's warm, moist hole.

You may have a different definition of these things. Heck, I would be disappointed if you didn't, as you might have even better ones that I could use to improve upon my own definitions! But that's what they mean to me.

I can think of hundreds of women I've seen who I think are sexy...and dozens who I've probably lusted over at some point in my life. But how could I know a person is beautiful unless I get to know them and "see" their heart/soul? How could I ever grow to feel so strongly about another human being that I'd be willing to die to help them continue living if it came to that...if all I am thinking about is releasing the tension in my pants?

But you aren't doing her any favors unless she's on board w/ your definition and meaning. It just strikes me as problematic that you are telling your wife she is beautiful, yet secretly, you do not find her attractive, and have this definition above all worked out in your mind to make it ok. But maybe that's just me?

You're missing the point though. What came out during counseling is that whatever I did or told her, her internal voice (her messages to herself) were "I am ugly" or "I am fat." Believe me, in my early/mid 30s, I tried the "sexy" route too...making it known that I thought she was smoking HOT, and that if she had a little time free and wanted me to take her to the moon, just say the word. Didn't work...because all she could hear/think was that she wasn't pretty or didn't "deserve" it. Which also evolved into not TRUSTING it. AKA he's only telling me that because he wants something! So that I could be the embodiment of her problems and more justification for playing the victim.I still love her to death. If an armed robber breaks into our home tonight and I can save her life, but in the process I am killed while she makes it out alive, then this will be one of my final postings in the FFA. Love her SO much! I'm incredibly hurt by her, and incredibly sad at how ####ed up our relationship has become, but that doesn't mean I don't love her. It also doesn't mean I cannot still find her beautiful. Sexy? That ship is out of port right now. Not because of her weight gain, but because of how wronged I've felt through years of this stuff. But to define anything as complicated as a 17-year relationship (15 year marriage) as "sexy" and "lust" is incredibly naive and immature. Not directed at you! Just saying that in general.

You are me. I feel so close to you right now.

 

[Biabreakable]

I think if you love your wife it would not matter if she grew to Jabba the Hut proportions but I guess love only goes so far.

Didnt watch the video but I'll just say with respect to this comment that you can't always control your feelings, just your actions and responses.

No worries! The video is Kayne West work out video that I thought reflected many of the statements I was reading in this thread.I have never been married so I wouldn't know what its like to go through what you are now. I just know that some of my friends wives are pretty big and they have never complained about it. I even teased one of my friends who is kind of a small guy about his wife being about twice his size. He told me gets more BJs now than he used to and the look of happiness on his face couldn't be plainer.

 

[Binky The Doormat]

I think if you love your wife it would not matter if she grew to Jabba the Hut proportions but I guess love only goes so far.

Didnt watch the video but I'll just say with respect to this comment that you can't always control your feelings, just your actions and responses.

No worries! The video is Kayne West work out video that I thought reflected many of the statements I was reading in this thread.I have never been married so I wouldn't know what its like to go through what you are now. I just know that some of my friends wives are pretty big and they have never complained about it. I even teased one of my friends who is kind of a small guy about his wife being about twice his size. He told me gets more BJs now than he used to and the look of happiness on his face couldn't be plainer.

Exactly!! Please read a little further.

 

[jwb]

Well, if it matters, I'm 46, have been out of school a long time, and have been happily married for 13 years.

Second, there is no accepted definition of this stuff. That's as weak as saying "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you".

You're telling your wife she's beautiful... but you tell us (and seemingly not her) that you aren't attracted to her.

That just strikes me as wrong.

Sure it can mean lots of different things. I'll tell you what they mean to me:Beautiful = one's entire being. Heart, mind, body, personality, everything.

Sexy = outward appearance...both their physical attributes and how they choose to use/cover/uncover said attributes

Love = caring as much or more about another person as you do about yourself...wanting them to be happy and "doing" for them, even if causes more hardship and unpleasantness in your own life.

Lust = wanting to stick one's "member" in another person's warm, moist hole.

You may have a different definition of these things. Heck, I would be disappointed if you didn't, as you might have even better ones that I could use to improve upon my own definitions! But that's what they mean to me.

I can think of hundreds of women I've seen who I think are sexy...and dozens who I've probably lusted over at some point in my life. But how could I know a person is beautiful unless I get to know them and "see" their heart/soul? How could I ever grow to feel so strongly about another human being that I'd be willing to die to help them continue living if it came to that...if all I am thinking about is releasing the tension in my pants?

But you aren't doing her any favors unless she's on board w/ your definition and meaning. It just strikes me as problematic that you are telling your wife she is beautiful, yet secretly, you do not find her attractive, and have this definition above all worked out in your mind to make it ok. But maybe that's just me?

You're missing the point though. What came out during counseling is that whatever I did or told her, her internal voice (her messages to herself) were "I am ugly" or "I am fat." Believe me, in my early/mid 30s, I tried the "sexy" route too...making it known that I thought she was smoking HOT, and that if she had a little time free and wanted me to take her to the moon, just say the word. Didn't work...because all she could hear/think was that she wasn't pretty or didn't "deserve" it. Which also evolved into not TRUSTING it. AKA he's only telling me that because he wants something! So that I could be the embodiment of her problems and more justification for playing the victim.I still love her to death. If an armed robber breaks into our home tonight and I can save her life, but in the process I am killed while she makes it out alive, then this will be one of my final postings in the FFA. Love her SO much! I'm incredibly hurt by her, and incredibly sad at how ####ed up our relationship has become, but that doesn't mean I don't love her. It also doesn't mean I cannot still find her beautiful. Sexy? That ship is out of port right now. Not because of her weight gain, but because of how wronged I've felt through years of this stuff. But to define anything as complicated as a 17-year relationship (15 year marriage) as "sexy" and "lust" is incredibly naive and immature. Not directed at you! Just saying that in general.

I understand what you are saying. Hope things get better.

 

[jwb]

No. If the weight truly bothers someone this much, they should say so, and let the chips fall where they may.

What if I don't want the chips to fall where they may?

I guess that's a problem, then. There's probably no good answer.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

I guess that's a problem, then. There's probably no good answer.

We've come a long way since post #4 of this thread:

We've had some similar threads before. There aren't really any easy answers. I wish there were.

 

[placebo]

If it was my ex the chips always fell in her mouth.

 

[Maude]

Jeebus... sounds like BuddyKnuckles has been right this entire thread. Between datonn, WRay,[icon], et al, it seems like there really is NOT a damn thing you can do about your wife being fat.

 

[johnnycakes]

A word to the younger FBGs: Our fearless leader, Joe Bryant himself, has previously advised carefully checking out your beloved's mother before tying the knot because there's a good chance that 20-30 years later, that's what she's going to look like. So if you really don't want a fatty for a wife in middle age, make sure her mother isn't a fatty in middle age.

 

[Mr. Soup Nazi]

A word to the younger FBGs: Our fearless leader, Joe Bryant himself, has previously advised carefully checking out your beloved's mother before tying the knot because there's a good chance that 20-30 years later, that's what she's going to look like. So if you really don't want a fatty for a wife in middle age, make sure her mother isn't a fatty in middle age.

While not bad advice, not a hard and fast rule. Pops can have a lot of influence too.Lucky for me, my MIL is still quite attractive for a 62 year old and my wife is her clone, but I've seen some big variances between mother & daughter.

 

[JFT Ben]

While not bad advice, not a hard and fast rule. Pops can have a lot of influence too.Lucky for me, my MIL is still quite attractive for a 62 year old and my wife is her clone, but I've seen some big variances between mother & daughter.

Agreed, my MIL is a but has issues, doesn't exercise, eats junk, etc. Wife is hard-core into diet/exercise, HUGE difference.

 

[[icon]]

A word to the younger FBGs: Our fearless leader, Joe Bryant himself, has previously advised carefully checking out your beloved's mother before tying the knot because there's a good chance that 20-30 years later, that's what she's going to look like. So if you really don't want a fatty for a wife in middle age, make sure her mother isn't a fatty in middle age.

SO True. I love my brother dearly but jesus he got roped into this one.

He fell for this girl who was pursuing him heavily in college. He dated a lot of her friends (who were skinnier and more attractive). She kept pursuing and finally lost a ton of weight and her persistence paid off. They started dating... he fell for her. The only problem was... her mother is a gelatinous blob not unlike jabba the hut. He failed to take notice of the rule. The result?

Mother:

The daughter:

Apple...tree....and all that business....

 

[Socrates11]

Jeebus... sounds like BuddyKnuckles has been right this entire thread. Between datonn, WRay,[icon], et al, it seems like there really is NOT a damn thing you can do about your wife being fat.

You can leave her. She'll be back in the gym and watching what she eats almost immediately. They can't be bothered to do that for their current mate, but they'll do it to land their next one.

 

[sbonomo]

A word to the younger FBGs: Our fearless leader, Joe Bryant himself, has previously advised carefully checking out your beloved's mother before tying the knot because there's a good chance that 20-30 years later, that's what she's going to look like. So if you really don't want a fatty for a wife in middle age, make sure her mother isn't a fatty in middle age.

SO True. I love my brother dearly but jesus he got roped into this one.

He fell for this girl who was pursuing him heavily in college. He dated a lot of her friends (who were skinnier and more attractive). She kept pursuing and finally lost a ton of weight and her persistence paid off. They started dating... he fell for her. The only problem was... her mother is a gelatinous blob not unlike jabba the hut. He failed to take notice of the rule. The result?

Mother:

The daughter:

Apple...tree....and all that business....

I love this place....

 

[[icon]]

Jeebus... sounds like BuddyKnuckles has been right this entire thread. Between datonn, WRay,[icon], et al, it seems like there really is NOT a damn thing you can do about your wife being fat.

You can leave her. She'll be back in the gym and watching what she eats almost immediately. They can't be bothered to do that for their current mate, but they'll do it to land their next one.

It's the bait and switch:(Disclaimer: this chick fell out of the fugly tree and hit every branch on the way down... just making a point).

Chick I know when involved with a guy before getting ditched: On Left :X

Uh Oh. Dumped. (Right) Time to trim up!.

Somehow brainwashed my buddy into dating her crazy big ###.... safe to pack em back on! (right)

We're talking about 30-40lb swings in a matter of months. It's crazy. And I see it all the time.

 

[Maude]

Jeebus... sounds like BuddyKnuckles has been right this entire thread. Between datonn, WRay,[icon], et al, it seems like there really is NOT a damn thing you can do about your wife being fat.

You can leave her. She'll be back in the gym and watching what she eats almost immediately. They can't be bothered to do that for their current mate, but they'll do it to land their next one.

Very good point. In fact, excellent point. Which begs the question... has the wife gained the extra weight because SHE is no longer in love with the husband? It's a built in excuse to not want/have to be intimate.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

[icon] is bringing the goods today. Love the pics.

I don't know whether my wife would lose weight if we were ever to break up, but I think it's a possibility. There was a time in her life when she worked out pretty much every day.

 

[[icon]]

The problem is, when you select your mate, you're "buying that package". It's a package deal... personality, ethics, intelligence, etc.....and yes, physical appearance.

If a woman suddenly changed her personality and became a raging ##### people wouldn't fault a man for no longer being attracted to her. If her ethical standards/morals shifted dramatically and were no longer in sync, it would be understandable for a man to no longer be attracted to that person. So why is it when they let the physical embodiment of themselves go to hell, we are "Shallow" for no longer being attracted to that person?

It's bull####. It is up to your mate to at least make a REASONABLE effort to live up to the person they sold to you during the "courtship" process (for lack of a better word.

 

[JFT Ben]

If it hasn't already been said...Nothing you can say to her will matter one bit. She has to be the one to want to lose the weight and really dedicate her life to it. By you bringing it up or pushing her in any way, you will eventually end up looking like the jerk. For a short time, it may seem like it's working, but if she feels like she's being forced to lose weight, she will end up going back to her old ways in no time.Only true solution is you becoming a health nut and eating well and hitting the gym regularly. The more you increase your sex rank and start gaining your own confidence and attention of other women, the more she'll have to step her game up. It's definitely not an overnight thing, but you'll have to commit yourself for the next couple of years to it. If she responds than great. If she doesn't respond than you need to just decide if you can live with an overweight wife or start thinking about moving on.

I still think this post (from Page 3) isn't getting enough attention. Especially WR, who thinks it's a possibility his wife may work out again if they broke up. Destabilize things and strike the uncertainty into her that you could walk out on her fat ###, though eventually you'll have to decide if that's really an option for you. Check out the MMSL (athol kay) for ideas, read the Bogart thread for someone who decided (for different reasons) it was worth divorce (always tough) - he seems happier. It's your life and you can only control yourself. Good luck folks, seriously.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

If it hasn't already been said...Nothing you can say to her will matter one bit. She has to be the one to want to lose the weight and really dedicate her life to it. By you bringing it up or pushing her in any way, you will eventually end up looking like the jerk. For a short time, it may seem like it's working, but if she feels like she's being forced to lose weight, she will end up going back to her old ways in no time.Only true solution is you becoming a health nut and eating well and hitting the gym regularly. The more you increase your sex rank and start gaining your own confidence and attention of other women, the more she'll have to step her game up. It's definitely not an overnight thing, but you'll have to commit yourself for the next couple of years to it. If she responds than great. If she doesn't respond than you need to just decide if you can live with an overweight wife or start thinking about moving on.

I still think this post (from Page 3) isn't getting enough attention. Especially WR, who thinks it's a possibility his wife may work out again if they broke up. Destabilize things and strike the uncertainty into her that you could walk out on her fat ###, though eventually you'll have to decide if that's really an option for you. Check out the MMSL (athol kay) for ideas, read the Bogart thread for someone who decided (for different reasons) it was worth divorce (always tough) - he seems happier. It's your life and you can only control yourself. Good luck folks, seriously.

Yeah, my "sex rank" is already high enough. That's not really an issue. I already acknowledged that the threat of divorce is probably the only means of control I could exert on the situation. I'm just not willing to make a threat that I wouldn't be prepared to follow up on. Even though I'm often down about my marriage, I don't want to get divorced. So I'm sorta powerless. Seems like the OP is the same way.

 

[Corky]

If it hasn't already been said...Nothing you can say to her will matter one bit. She has to be the one to want to lose the weight and really dedicate her life to it. By you bringing it up or pushing her in any way, you will eventually end up looking like the jerk. For a short time, it may seem like it's working, but if she feels like she's being forced to lose weight, she will end up going back to her old ways in no time.Only true solution is you becoming a health nut and eating well and hitting the gym regularly. The more you increase your sex rank and start gaining your own confidence and attention of other women, the more she'll have to step her game up. It's definitely not an overnight thing, but you'll have to commit yourself for the next couple of years to it. If she responds than great. If she doesn't respond than you need to just decide if you can live with an overweight wife or start thinking about moving on.

I still think this post (from Page 3) isn't getting enough attention. Especially WR, who thinks it's a possibility his wife may work out again if they broke up. Destabilize things and strike the uncertainty into her that you could walk out on her fat ###, though eventually you'll have to decide if that's really an option for you. Check out the MMSL (athol kay) for ideas, read the Bogart thread for someone who decided (for different reasons) it was worth divorce (always tough) - he seems happier. It's your life and you can only control yourself. Good luck folks, seriously.

If that doesn't work, leave a post-it note on the bathroom door saying "Hey, just want to let you know, I've been working a little overtime these days, and you might want to lay off the brownies - Signed, the scale"In other words: Rarely, if ever, follow the advice of offdee.

 

[Cliff Clavin]

While not bad advice, not a hard and fast rule. Pops can have a lot of influence too.Lucky for me, my MIL is still quite attractive for a 62 year old and my wife is her clone, but I've seen some big variances between mother & daughter.

Agreed, my MIL is a but has issues, doesn't exercise, eats junk, etc. Wife is hard-core into diet/exercise, HUGE difference.

Yeah, until she gets bored of dieting and exercising

 

[JFT Ben]

Agreed, my MIL is a but has issues, doesn't exercise, eats junk, etc. Wife is hard-core into diet/exercise, HUGE difference.

Yeah, until she gets bored of dieting and exercising

True, true. We actually had a brief conversation last night, semi-jokingly, that my main requirements for her as a wife was that she needed to not "whale out" (as I so delicately put it) and continue to have sex with me on a regular basis. She was trying to wrap her head around how she could go bat-s__ crazy (note: I don't see that happening, but I guess that would be a deal breaker too) and that would be ok, but "whaling out" wouldn't. I explained to her that's mainly what husbands/men want out of their wives, and really isn't too much to ask. She didn't disagree.

 

[Exit 1]

A word to the younger FBGs: Our fearless leader, Joe Bryant himself, has previously advised carefully checking out your beloved's mother before tying the knot because there's a good chance that 20-30 years later, that's what she's going to look like. So if you really don't want a fatty for a wife in middle age, make sure her mother isn't a fatty in middle age.

SO True. I love my brother dearly but jesus he got roped into this one.

He fell for this girl who was pursuing him heavily in college. He dated a lot of her friends (who were skinnier and more attractive). She kept pursuing and finally lost a ton of weight and her persistence paid off. They started dating... he fell for her. The only problem was... her mother is a gelatinous blob not unlike jabba the hut. He failed to take notice of the rule. The result?

Mother:

The daughter:

Apple...tree....and all that business....

Uggh...that's horrible. Hope it works out for him.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

A word to the younger FBGs: Our fearless leader, Joe Bryant himself, has previously advised carefully checking out your beloved's mother before tying the knot because there's a good chance that 20-30 years later, that's what she's going to look like. So if you really don't want a fatty for a wife in middle age, make sure her mother isn't a fatty in middle age.

SO True. I love my brother dearly but jesus he got roped into this one.

He fell for this girl who was pursuing him heavily in college. He dated a lot of her friends (who were skinnier and more attractive). She kept pursuing and finally lost a ton of weight and her persistence paid off. They started dating... he fell for her. The only problem was... her mother is a gelatinous blob not unlike jabba the hut. He failed to take notice of the rule. The result?

Mother:

The daughter:

Apple...tree....and all that business....

 

[kutta]

Something to keep in mind for the guys with the wives putting on the lbs.

My wife is 5'3" and was 100 lbs when we met (she was a teenager). When she was 35 she weighed 165 and was diagnosed with diabetes (her mom died from this). Things really pretty much sucked in our marriage then. She is now down to 120 lbs, been there for a couple years (she's 40 now), and has nice fake boobs. She looks great.

But many of the issues that came up due to her weight gain (self confidence and everything that comes with that) are still there. Just because they loose weight doesn't make all the problems go away.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Something to keep in mind for the guys with the wives putting on the lbs.My wife is 5'3" and was 100 lbs when we met (she was a teenager). When she was 35 she weighed 165 and was diagnosed with diabetes (her mom died from this). Things really pretty much sucked in our marriage then. She is now down to 120 lbs, been there for a couple years (she's 40 now), and has nice fake boobs. She looks great.But many of the issues that came up due to her weight gain (self confidence and everything that comes with that) are still there. Just because they loose weight doesn't make all the problems go away.

Good point. To what do you attribute her ability to finally lose the weight? The diabetes diagnosis or something else? Anything you were able to do?

 

[shadyridr]

A word to the younger FBGs: Our fearless leader, Joe Bryant himself, has previously advised carefully checking out your beloved's mother before tying the knot because there's a good chance that 20-30 years later, that's what she's going to look like. So if you really don't want a fatty for a wife in middle age, make sure her mother isn't a fatty in middle age.

this is not always true in reverse. my MIL is by all means, hot. my wife and her two sisters are all beautiful women but all overweight

 

[Uwe Blab]

A word to the younger FBGs: Our fearless leader, Joe Bryant himself, has previously advised carefully checking out your beloved's mother before tying the knot because there's a good chance that 20-30 years later, that's what she's going to look like. So if you really don't want a fatty for a wife in middle age, make sure her mother isn't a fatty in middle age.

SO True. I love my brother dearly but jesus he got roped into this one.

He fell for this girl who was pursuing him heavily in college. He dated a lot of her friends (who were skinnier and more attractive). She kept pursuing and finally lost a ton of weight and her persistence paid off. They started dating... he fell for her. The only problem was... her mother is a gelatinous blob not unlike jabba the hut. He failed to take notice of the rule. The result?

Mother:

The daughter:

Apple...tree....and all that business....

Cold. This is your sister-in-law? Hilarious...but cold.Had she just had a baby?

 

[kutta]

Something to keep in mind for the guys with the wives putting on the lbs.My wife is 5'3" and was 100 lbs when we met (she was a teenager). When she was 35 she weighed 165 and was diagnosed with diabetes (her mom died from this). Things really pretty much sucked in our marriage then. She is now down to 120 lbs, been there for a couple years (she's 40 now), and has nice fake boobs. She looks great.But many of the issues that came up due to her weight gain (self confidence and everything that comes with that) are still there. Just because they loose weight doesn't make all the problems go away.

Good point. To what do you attribute her ability to finally lose the weight? The diabetes diagnosis or something else? Anything you were able to do?

As others have said, it really was all about her finally making the decision. I think the diabetes diagnosis was the best thing to happen to her because it did motivate her to lose it, but it is also the hammer over her head to keep it off. Her doctor officially declared her diabetes free about a year ago. There was really nothing I could do. We bought a treadmill. We bought a stationary bike. We got her a gym membership. We bought books on the Zone diet. etc. etc. etc.But nothing happened until she decided to commit to weight loss. She joined Jenny Craig and stuck with it for about a year. And she walked three miles every day. That was really all she did - no gym, no personal trainer, no Atkins. She is now totally off Jenny Craig and eating "regular" food, but the beauty of Jenny Craig was that it really taught her portion control. She fluctuates a little bit (between 118 and 125) now after a low of 115, but she is really on top of it and I don't see her ever going to back to being big.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Something to keep in mind for the guys with the wives putting on the lbs.My wife is 5'3" and was 100 lbs when we met (she was a teenager). When she was 35 she weighed 165 and was diagnosed with diabetes (her mom died from this). Things really pretty much sucked in our marriage then. She is now down to 120 lbs, been there for a couple years (she's 40 now), and has nice fake boobs. She looks great.But many of the issues that came up due to her weight gain (self confidence and everything that comes with that) are still there. Just because they loose weight doesn't make all the problems go away.

Good point. To what do you attribute her ability to finally lose the weight? The diabetes diagnosis or something else? Anything you were able to do?

As others have said, it really was all about her finally making the decision. I think the diabetes diagnosis was the best thing to happen to her because it did motivate her to lose it, but it is also the hammer over her head to keep it off. Her doctor officially declared her diabetes free about a year ago. There was really nothing I could do. We bought a treadmill. We bought a stationary bike. We got her a gym membership. We bought books on the Zone diet. etc. etc. etc.But nothing happened until she decided to commit to weight loss. She joined Jenny Craig and stuck with it for about a year. And she walked three miles every day. That was really all she did - no gym, no personal trainer, no Atkins. She is now totally off Jenny Craig and eating "regular" food, but the beauty of Jenny Craig was that it really taught her portion control. She fluctuates a little bit (between 118 and 125) now after a low of 115, but she is really on top of it and I don't see her ever going to back to being big.

Awesome. When you were talking about "issues" before, what exactly are you talking about? Have those continued to present problems for you guys?

 

[[icon]]

A word to the younger FBGs: Our fearless leader, Joe Bryant himself, has previously advised carefully checking out your beloved's mother before tying the knot because there's a good chance that 20-30 years later, that's what she's going to look like. So if you really don't want a fatty for a wife in middle age, make sure her mother isn't a fatty in middle age.

SO True. I love my brother dearly but jesus he got roped into this one.

He fell for this girl who was pursuing him heavily in college. He dated a lot of her friends (who were skinnier and more attractive). She kept pursuing and finally lost a ton of weight and her persistence paid off. They started dating... he fell for her. The only problem was... her mother is a gelatinous blob not unlike jabba the hut. He failed to take notice of the rule. The result?

Mother:

The daughter:

Apple...tree....and all that business....

you know some of us know who you are on facebook?

I trust those who have access to my info to be cool enough to not stir up stuff. Misplaced trust? Possibly... hope not.

 

[drfeelgood]

[icon] is bringing the goods today. Love the pics.

I find his commentary on his SIL rather mean, but [icon] isn't the kindest person when it comes to posting about women.

 

[[icon]]

Something to keep in mind for the guys with the wives putting on the lbs.My wife is 5'3" and was 100 lbs when we met (she was a teenager). When she was 35 she weighed 165 and was diagnosed with diabetes (her mom died from this). Things really pretty much sucked in our marriage then. She is now down to 120 lbs, been there for a couple years (she's 40 now), and has nice fake boobs. She looks great.But many of the issues that came up due to her weight gain (self confidence and everything that comes with that) are still there. Just because they loose weight doesn't make all the problems go away.

PRops to her on toning up and best of luck to you guys in getting everything back on track :(

 

[kutta]

Something to keep in mind for the guys with the wives putting on the lbs.My wife is 5'3" and was 100 lbs when we met (she was a teenager). When she was 35 she weighed 165 and was diagnosed with diabetes (her mom died from this). Things really pretty much sucked in our marriage then. She is now down to 120 lbs, been there for a couple years (she's 40 now), and has nice fake boobs. She looks great.But many of the issues that came up due to her weight gain (self confidence and everything that comes with that) are still there. Just because they loose weight doesn't make all the problems go away.

Good point. To what do you attribute her ability to finally lose the weight? The diabetes diagnosis or something else? Anything you were able to do?

As others have said, it really was all about her finally making the decision. I think the diabetes diagnosis was the best thing to happen to her because it did motivate her to lose it, but it is also the hammer over her head to keep it off. Her doctor officially declared her diabetes free about a year ago. There was really nothing I could do. We bought a treadmill. We bought a stationary bike. We got her a gym membership. We bought books on the Zone diet. etc. etc. etc.But nothing happened until she decided to commit to weight loss. She joined Jenny Craig and stuck with it for about a year. And she walked three miles every day. That was really all she did - no gym, no personal trainer, no Atkins. She is now totally off Jenny Craig and eating "regular" food, but the beauty of Jenny Craig was that it really taught her portion control. She fluctuates a little bit (between 118 and 125) now after a low of 115, but she is really on top of it and I don't see her ever going to back to being big.

Awesome. When you were talking about "issues" before, what exactly are you talking about? Have those continued to present problems for you guys?

Pretty much the same things others have talked about. Don't want to go into too much detail, but the typical issues you have when your wife has low self confidence.And yes, it has continued. Interestingly, her counselor says that the reason things don't always improve is because some of the women "hide" behind their fat when they are overweight. Once they lose the weight, they don't have any place to hide anymore and the world sees the "real" person. For someone with low self confidence, that's hard to deal with.

 

[kutta]

Something to keep in mind for the guys with the wives putting on the lbs.My wife is 5'3" and was 100 lbs when we met (she was a teenager). When she was 35 she weighed 165 and was diagnosed with diabetes (her mom died from this). Things really pretty much sucked in our marriage then. She is now down to 120 lbs, been there for a couple years (she's 40 now), and has nice fake boobs. She looks great.But many of the issues that came up due to her weight gain (self confidence and everything that comes with that) are still there. Just because they loose weight doesn't make all the problems go away.

PRops to her on toning up and best of luck to you guys in getting everything back on track :(

Thanks. Actively working on it.

 

[benson_will_lead_the_way]

I'm with Icon on being careful.

I had a great girl for a year, but her mother was bigger than I would like at that age and it was a factor in ending it.

My current girl, literally has a 6 pack and her mom is fit/skinny.

 

[kutta]

I'm with Icon on being careful.I had a great girl for a year, but her mother was bigger than I would like at that age and it was a factor in ending it.My current girl, literally has a 6 pack and her mom is fit/skinny.

Some of the wives in this thread have a six pack too. A six pack every night.

 

[parasaurolophus]

I'm with Icon on being careful.I had a great girl for a year, but her mother was bigger than I would like at that age and it was a factor in ending it.My current girl, literally has a 6 pack and her mom is fit/skinny.

So how hard and fast is this rule? My wife is six feet tall and very skinny. Her mom is 5'3" and round. Is my wife going to shrink 9 inches and get fat?

 

[johnnycakes]

A word to the younger FBGs: Our fearless leader, Joe Bryant himself, has previously advised carefully checking out your beloved's mother before tying the knot because there's a good chance that 20-30 years later, that's what she's going to look like. So if you really don't want a fatty for a wife in middle age, make sure her mother isn't a fatty in middle age.

SO True. I love my brother dearly but jesus he got roped into this one.

He fell for this girl who was pursuing him heavily in college. He dated a lot of her friends (who were skinnier and more attractive). She kept pursuing and finally lost a ton of weight and her persistence paid off. They started dating... he fell for her. The only problem was... her mother is a gelatinous blob not unlike jabba the hut. He failed to take notice of the rule. The result?

Mother:

The daughter:

Apple...tree....and all that business....

Another mother-daughter set... local girl, very cute, but dumb as rocks... a natural blonde. Mother-daughter set 1

Mother-daugher set 2

Mother-daughter set 3.

 

[mr roboto]

Icon, I feel like you are seriously contradicting yourself here. On the one hand, no one has an excuse to be significantly overweight, yet younger women are destined, with few exceptions, to look like their mothers.

So is it genetics or lifestyle? Or are you claiming laziness is a gene?

 

[Mr Two Cents]

Have not read the whole thread so I don't know if this has been mentioned but it will improve her self image, give her esteem and self worth and a goal to work towards. My wife had this done 2 years ago and it was the best thing she ever had done, for her mental/esteem problems caused by her father 40 years ago.

It cost about 9 Grand in total and was a great investment for her/us.

Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy

 

[Pick]

I think there's some truth to the MIL thing but not complete. Maybe 2 out of 3 times it's correct.

4 girls in my wife's family. 2 are blimps. My wife and one sister are hot. Mom is semi-blimp.

I got a buddy who married strictly for superficial reasons. She is way hot. One daughter is blimp nation. They are just ending a brutal divorce process of course.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

So after all this bull####, did you decide on how to proceed?

I'm going to sit down with her this weekend and talk about how I really want to support her with her goals.

Did this happen?

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

So after all this bull####, did you decide on how to proceed?

I'm going to sit down with her this weekend and talk about how I really want to support her with her goals.

Did this happen?

Hope the wife didn't take things the wrong way.

 

[TxBuckeye]

Hope the wife didn't take things the wrong way.

Maybe he decided to take the intitiative and got rid of the unhealthy junk food, chips, cookies, etc. She came home, was upset and hungry, and ate him.

 

[DocHolliday]

Hope the wife didn't take things the wrong way.

Maybe he decided to take the intitiative and got rid of the unhealthy junk food, chips, cookies, etc. She came home, was upset and hungry, and ate him.

Great stuff.

 

[DocHolliday]

A word to the younger FBGs: Our fearless leader, Joe Bryant himself, has previously advised carefully checking out your beloved's mother before tying the knot because there's a good chance that 20-30 years later, that's what she's going to look like. So if you really don't want a fatty for a wife in middle age, make sure her mother isn't a fatty in middle age.

SO True. I love my brother dearly but jesus he got roped into this one.

He fell for this girl who was pursuing him heavily in college. He dated a lot of her friends (who were skinnier and more attractive). She kept pursuing and finally lost a ton of weight and her persistence paid off. They started dating... he fell for her. The only problem was... her mother is a gelatinous blob not unlike jabba the hut. He failed to take notice of the rule. The result?

Mother:

The daughter:

Apple...tree....and all that business....

Another mother-daughter set... local girl, very cute, but dumb as rocks... a natural blonde. Mother-daughter set 1

Mother-daugher set 2

Mother-daughter set 3.

I do not remember why I was looking at these pics but that chick is hot. Love the dress photo. Wish tubby was not in the photos. It sucks when my eyes wander off the hot chick.

 

[Invaded?]

So, yeah, tonight was rough.

We've had a lot going on the past couple weeks so we haven't really had time to talk. I hadn't planned to tonight, but it sort of just happened on it's own.

I don't really want to get into too many details, but she basically admitted tonight that she's disgusted with herself and doesn't like to put herself in positions where I can look at her. Like, in bed. Oof. She pretty much confirmed all the thoughts that I had with respect to her own self image and how it's affecting her. Emotionally, sexually, etc.

I really tried to be supportive, and we talked briefly about a bunch of the ideas for how I could specifically help her. We're going to sit down tomorrow night after the kids go to bed and talk further.

I wish the issue really was as easy as "just suck it up and do it!", like some people here think it is. Having someone you love cry in your arms might change your perspective.

I need a .

 

[johnnycakes]

So, yeah, tonight was rough.

We've had a lot going on the past couple weeks so we haven't really had time to talk. I hadn't planned to tonight, but it sort of just happened on it's own.

I don't really want to get into too many details, but she basically admitted tonight that she's disgusted with herself and doesn't like to put herself in positions where I can look at her. Like, in bed. Oof. She pretty much confirmed all the thoughts that I had with respect to her own self image and how it's affecting her. Emotionally, sexually, etc.

I really tried to be supportive, and we talked briefly about a bunch of the ideas for how I could specifically help her. We're going to sit down tomorrow night after the kids go to bed and talk further.

I wish the issue really was as easy as "just suck it up and do it!", like some people here think it is. Having someone you love cry in your arms might change your perspective.

I need a .

Fwiw, I've lost 25lbs so far on eDiets. No counting or anything... you have to buy your own nonfat dairy & fruits, but they send everything else. Very easy... just #### and eat what they send you. And exercise. For me, anyhow, it cuts the mental stress of dieting quite a bit... much easier to stick to it this way.