My wife, she's... overweight. (1 Viewer)

[General Malaise]

You aren't gonna get away with no child support, not sure what you were expecting there. And every other weekend is pretty much the default deal. Again, what did you expect?

I'm fine with paying child support. Have always expected it.

Alimony, not so much. She makes slightly less per hour than I do, but works 50% time. She has a good job, a good career. But if she doesn't want to ever go back to work and just wants to live off my dime I don't really have a choice.

And I don't give a #### if every other weekend is the default for other people, I'm not ok with it. I'm a good dad who spends time with and loves his kids. Every other weekend would kill me.

Oh, I thought she just stayed at home. I should really re-read details.

 

[culdeus]

Oh, she's working. Well that should change things.

 

[Invaded?]

The alimony is only temporary, yes? The courts would expect your wife to get a job wouldn't they?

Standard can be up to half the length of the marriage, which is 7+ years.

She has a job, a good one, but I've always wanted her to work part time so she could spend time with the kids. And up until recently, we didn't have a non-expensive child care solution.

 

[culdeus]

Does your wife know you met with the lawyer?

No.

I know my MIL has been pushing for her to lawyer up though.

The MIL is a big deal here and I'm only just now (within the past month or two) realizing it.

why is this a problem? What can she do to you? Just give her daughter advice?

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Throw all your money at your lawyers and that cut gets smaller by the day. It's a huge threat when the other spouse doesn't work to just basically blow it all on lawyers.

I'm not a fan of this approach.

 

[Invaded?]

Does your wife know you met with the lawyer?

No.

I know my MIL has been pushing for her to lawyer up though.

The MIL is a big deal here and I'm only just now (within the past month or two) realizing it.

why is this a problem? What can she do to you? Just give her daughter advice?

She can be the vindictive bug in her ear.

Push her towards seeking full custody and throwing thousands of dollars at lawyers instead of compromising. Push her to take everything to court instead of talking through it and figuring out solutions that work for everyone.

 

[Godsbrother]

Met with a lawyer last week.

It was a pretty depressing/sobering day.

Financially I'm probably screwed. And if she, or her mom, gets defensive/angry/vindictive I'm probably screwed in respect to the kids.

Life.

:(

Sorry to hear that. How old are the kids now? What did your lawyer recommend?

Oldest is not yet 10.Prior to moving out draft and sign a non-abandonment agreement and attempt to work out the details of the division of assets, custody, child suport, etc. as much as possible. Draft a separation agreement ourselves and hire him to review it or hire him to draft it, up to me.

Biggest advice was to talk and work things out as much as possible ourselves. Avoid court/trial as much as possible. Each issue that goes to trial (custody, division of assets, child support/alimony) could cost $5-10k if it goes that far.

My buddy is in the middle of a divorce and has spent over $100k on lawyers so far. And they aren't done yet.

This and the custody thing are two reasons why I get why some guys just stay.

Yeah there is a good chance that after the divorce the ex will find someone else and you have another guy raising your kids. I'm not sure I would handle that very well and would probably stick it out another 7-8 years to avoid it.

 

[James Daulton]

Assuming that there are no extenuating circumstances, why wouldn't he get dual custody? Isn't that more the norm these days?

I find it difficult to believe that the court would say a good dad can only see his kids 2 days out of every 14. That doesn't seem healthy for the kids, not to mention the dad.

 

[culdeus]

Throw all your money at your lawyers and that cut gets smaller by the day. It's a huge threat when the other spouse doesn't work to just basically blow it all on lawyers.

I'm not a fan of this approach.

Well she works, so it's not really a threat.

 

[NREC34]

Met with a lawyer last week.

It was a pretty depressing/sobering day.

Financially I'm probably screwed. And if she, or her mom, gets defensive/angry/vindictive I'm probably screwed in respect to the kids.

Life.

:(

Sorry to hear that. How old are the kids now? What did your lawyer recommend?

Oldest is not yet 10.Prior to moving out draft and sign a non-abandonment agreement and attempt to work out the details of the division of assets, custody, child suport, etc. as much as possible. Draft a separation agreement ourselves and hire him to review it or hire him to draft it, up to me.

Biggest advice was to talk and work things out as much as possible ourselves. Avoid court/trial as much as possible. Each issue that goes to trial (custody, division of assets, child support/alimony) could cost $5-10k if it goes that far.

My buddy is in the middle of a divorce and has spent over $100k on lawyers so far. And they aren't done yet.

This and the custody thing are two reasons why I get why some guys just stay.

Yeah there is a good chance that after the divorce the ex will find someone else and you have another guy raising your kids. I'm not sure I would handle that very well and would probably stick it out another 7-8 years to avoid it.

Yep. Happened to me. When I hang out with my son, half the time he messes up and calls me that dudes name.

 

[Cjw_55106]

Met with a lawyer last week.

It was a pretty depressing/sobering day.

Financially I'm probably screwed. And if she, or her mom, gets defensive/angry/vindictive I'm probably screwed in respect to the kids.

Life.

:(

Sorry to hear that. How old are the kids now? What did your lawyer recommend?

Oldest is not yet 10.Prior to moving out draft and sign a non-abandonment agreement and attempt to work out the details of the division of assets, custody, child suport, etc. as much as possible. Draft a separation agreement ourselves and hire him to review it or hire him to draft it, up to me.

Biggest advice was to talk and work things out as much as possible ourselves. Avoid court/trial as much as possible. Each issue that goes to trial (custody, division of assets, child support/alimony) could cost $5-10k if it goes that far.

My buddy is in the middle of a divorce and has spent over $100k on lawyers so far. And they aren't done yet.

This and the custody thing are two reasons why I get why some guys just stay.

Yeah there is a good chance that after the divorce the ex will find someone else and you have another guy raising your kids. I'm not sure I would handle that very well and would probably stick it out another 7-8 years to avoid it.

Yep. Happened to me. When I hang out with my son, half the time he messes up and calls me that dudes name.

Um....doesnt he just call you dad? I can see him calling the other guy dad, but its odd he would call you "Jim".

 

[NREC34]

Met with a lawyer last week.

It was a pretty depressing/sobering day.

Financially I'm probably screwed. And if she, or her mom, gets defensive/angry/vindictive I'm probably screwed in respect to the kids.

Life.

:(

Sorry to hear that. How old are the kids now? What did your lawyer recommend?

Oldest is not yet 10.Prior to moving out draft and sign a non-abandonment agreement and attempt to work out the details of the division of assets, custody, child suport, etc. as much as possible. Draft a separation agreement ourselves and hire him to review it or hire him to draft it, up to me.

Biggest advice was to talk and work things out as much as possible ourselves. Avoid court/trial as much as possible. Each issue that goes to trial (custody, division of assets, child support/alimony) could cost $5-10k if it goes that far.

My buddy is in the middle of a divorce and has spent over $100k on lawyers so far. And they aren't done yet.

This and the custody thing are two reasons why I get why some guys just stay.

Yeah there is a good chance that after the divorce the ex will find someone else and you have another guy raising your kids. I'm not sure I would handle that very well and would probably stick it out another 7-8 years to avoid it.

Yep. Happened to me. When I hang out with my son, half the time he messes up and calls me that dudes name.

Um....doesnt he just call you dad? I can see him calling the other guy dad, but its odd he would call you "Jim".

Yeah for some reason he will say the guy's name sometimes instead of dad.

 

[Invaded?]

Assuming that there are no extenuating circumstances, why wouldn't he get dual custody? Isn't that more the norm these days?

I find it difficult to believe that the court would say a good dad can only see his kids 2 days out of every 14. That doesn't seem healthy for the kids, not to mention the dad.

Yet it happens a lot I'm sure.

It's scary, even if the probability is not high.

 

[AAABatteries]

Met with a lawyer last week.

It was a pretty depressing/sobering day.

Financially I'm probably screwed. And if she, or her mom, gets defensive/angry/vindictive I'm probably screwed in respect to the kids.

Life.

:(

Sorry to hear that. How old are the kids now? What did your lawyer recommend?

Oldest is not yet 10.Prior to moving out draft and sign a non-abandonment agreement and attempt to work out the details of the division of assets, custody, child suport, etc. as much as possible. Draft a separation agreement ourselves and hire him to review it or hire him to draft it, up to me.

Biggest advice was to talk and work things out as much as possible ourselves. Avoid court/trial as much as possible. Each issue that goes to trial (custody, division of assets, child support/alimony) could cost $5-10k if it goes that far.

My buddy is in the middle of a divorce and has spent over $100k on lawyers so far. And they aren't done yet.

This and the custody thing are two reasons why I get why some guys just stay.

Yeah there is a good chance that after the divorce the ex will find someone else and you have another guy raising your kids. I'm not sure I would handle that very well and would probably stick it out another 7-8 years to avoid it.

Yep. Happened to me. When I hang out with my son, half the time he messes up and calls me that dudes name.

This would kill me. I'm sure I would get used to it but the thought alone just makes me angry.

 

[Vegasman]

Wow does this strike home. I am late to the party but so much of what has been said in this thread is dead on for me. Married 15 years, wife is generally great. But she has gained 100 pounds, and most of it early in after our first child. And has made no effort to take it off.

We have exercised, eaten healthy etc. Wr have talked about it. No sex in a year, but I am OK with that. I have no attraction anymore.

But what sucks is being trapped. I don't want her sexually. But I Cannot have anyone else. Twice in my life I had chances with other women. And almost took them. But didn't. And fessed up about them. And it's a hard trap.

We have had the talks. I started drinking. A lot at one point. It was easier and it is 100% true that alcohol eases the pain. I now down to 2-3 a day.

I promised to get my drinking under control if she got her weight under control. I did my part. She didn't.

I live in a town where all the men have skinny wives. But me. And I am jealous and bitter about that. Because I had it and lost it through no fault of my own.

I feel like a POS for feeling this way since she is a homemaker, cooks everyday and does her "part." Why can't I accept that she is fat and live with it?

Don't know. But every day is a grind. Every day I am happy to get to bed without losing it. To make it to 11pm so i cam wolf down my two or three drinks and fall off to aleep. I am here for my two kids, and will be 60 when my youngest is 21.

The only thing that makes it easier is knowing my kids will see me everyday. The wisdom of my decision aside (and I know many stay for the kids and many don't), deep down I know it is partly a lack of courage.

It's fear. Fear of being soaked financially. Fear of losing my kids. Fear that having fessed up to having a shot with someone else who was stunningly gorgeous but not taking it will be used against me. Fear of dying alone.

This was a great thread. Thanks for listening

 

[Uruk-Hai]

Vegas, do you have any practical access to therapy? Just for you?

 

[Pumpnick]

Wow does this strike home. I am late to the party but so much of what has been said in this thread is dead on for me. Married 15 years, wife is generally great. But she has gained 100 pounds, and most of it early in after our first child. And has made no effort to take it off.

We have exercised, eaten healthy etc. Wr have talked about it. No sex in a year, but I am OK with that. I have no attraction anymore.

But what sucks is being trapped. I don't want her sexually. But I Cannot have anyone else. Twice in my life I had chances with other women. And almost took them. But didn't. And fessed up about them. And it's a hard trap.

We have had the talks. I started drinking. A lot at one point. It was easier and it is 100% true that alcohol eases the pain. I now down to 2-3 a day.

I promised to get my drinking under control if she got her weight under control. I did my part. She didn't.

I live in a town where all the men have skinny wives. But me. And I am jealous and bitter about that. Because I had it and lost it through no fault of my own.

I feel like a POS for feeling this way since she is a homemaker, cooks everyday and does her "part." Why can't I accept that she is fat and live with it?

Don't know. But every day is a grind. Every day I am happy to get to bed without losing it. To make it to 11pm so i cam wolf down my two or three drinks and fall off to aleep. I am here for my two kids, and will be 60 when my youngest is 21.

The only thing that makes it easier is knowing my kids will see me everyday. The wisdom of my decision aside (and I know many stay for the kids and many don't), deep down I know it is partly a lack of courage.

It's fear. Fear of being soaked financially. Fear of losing my kids. Fear that having fessed up to having a shot with someone else who was stunningly gorgeous but not taking it will be used against me. Fear of dying alone.

This was a great thread. Thanks for listening

she is who she is. i don't get it?

 

[Uruk-Hai]

Wow does this strike home. I am late to the party but so much of what has been said in this thread is dead on for me. Married 15 years, wife is generally great. But she has gained 100 pounds, and most of it early in after our first child. And has made no effort to take it off.

We have exercised, eaten healthy etc. Wr have talked about it. No sex in a year, but I am OK with that. I have no attraction anymore.

But what sucks is being trapped. I don't want her sexually. But I Cannot have anyone else. Twice in my life I had chances with other women. And almost took them. But didn't. And fessed up about them. And it's a hard trap.

We have had the talks. I started drinking. A lot at one point. It was easier and it is 100% true that alcohol eases the pain. I now down to 2-3 a day.

I promised to get my drinking under control if she got her weight under control. I did my part. She didn't.

I live in a town where all the men have skinny wives. But me. And I am jealous and bitter about that. Because I had it and lost it through no fault of my own.

I feel like a POS for feeling this way since she is a homemaker, cooks everyday and does her "part." Why can't I accept that she is fat and live with it?

Don't know. But every day is a grind. Every day I am happy to get to bed without losing it. To make it to 11pm so i cam wolf down my two or three drinks and fall off to aleep. I am here for my two kids, and will be 60 when my youngest is 21.

The only thing that makes it easier is knowing my kids will see me everyday. The wisdom of my decision aside (and I know many stay for the kids and many don't), deep down I know it is partly a lack of courage.

It's fear. Fear of being soaked financially. Fear of losing my kids. Fear that having fessed up to having a shot with someone else who was stunningly gorgeous but not taking it will be used against me. Fear of dying alone.

This was a great thread. Thanks for listening

she is who she is. i don't get it?

His post is about him, not her.

 

[Pumpnick]

Wow does this strike home. I am late to the party but so much of what has been said in this thread is dead on for me. Married 15 years, wife is generally great. But she has gained 100 pounds, and most of it early in after our first child. And has made no effort to take it off.

We have exercised, eaten healthy etc. Wr have talked about it. No sex in a year, but I am OK with that. I have no attraction anymore.

But what sucks is being trapped. I don't want her sexually. But I Cannot have anyone else. Twice in my life I had chances with other women. And almost took them. But didn't. And fessed up about them. And it's a hard trap.

We have had the talks. I started drinking. A lot at one point. It was easier and it is 100% true that alcohol eases the pain. I now down to 2-3 a day.

I promised to get my drinking under control if she got her weight under control. I did my part. She didn't.

I live in a town where all the men have skinny wives. But me. And I am jealous and bitter about that. Because I had it and lost it through no fault of my own.

I feel like a POS for feeling this way since she is a homemaker, cooks everyday and does her "part." Why can't I accept that she is fat and live with it?

Don't know. But every day is a grind. Every day I am happy to get to bed without losing it. To make it to 11pm so i cam wolf down my two or three drinks and fall off to aleep. I am here for my two kids, and will be 60 when my youngest is 21.

The only thing that makes it easier is knowing my kids will see me everyday. The wisdom of my decision aside (and I know many stay for the kids and many don't), deep down I know it is partly a lack of courage.

It's fear. Fear of being soaked financially. Fear of losing my kids. Fear that having fessed up to having a shot with someone else who was stunningly gorgeous but not taking it will be used against me. Fear of dying alone.

This was a great thread. Thanks for listening

she is who she is. i don't get it?

His post is about him, not her.

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

 

[Vegasman]

Vegas, do you have any practical access to therapy? Just for you?

quote did about three years of it. Made no difference, but helped me get my drinking under control

 

[Uruk-Hai]

Wow does this strike home. I am late to the party but so much of what has been said in this thread is dead on for me. Married 15 years, wife is generally great. But she has gained 100 pounds, and most of it early in after our first child. And has made no effort to take it off.

We have exercised, eaten healthy etc. Wr have talked about it. No sex in a year, but I am OK with that. I have no attraction anymore.

But what sucks is being trapped. I don't want her sexually. But I Cannot have anyone else. Twice in my life I had chances with other women. And almost took them. But didn't. And fessed up about them. And it's a hard trap.

We have had the talks. I started drinking. A lot at one point. It was easier and it is 100% true that alcohol eases the pain. I now down to 2-3 a day.

I promised to get my drinking under control if she got her weight under control. I did my part. She didn't.

I live in a town where all the men have skinny wives. But me. And I am jealous and bitter about that. Because I had it and lost it through no fault of my own.

I feel like a POS for feeling this way since she is a homemaker, cooks everyday and does her "part." Why can't I accept that she is fat and live with it?

Don't know. But every day is a grind. Every day I am happy to get to bed without losing it. To make it to 11pm so i cam wolf down my two or three drinks and fall off to aleep. I am here for my two kids, and will be 60 when my youngest is 21.

The only thing that makes it easier is knowing my kids will see me everyday. The wisdom of my decision aside (and I know many stay for the kids and many don't), deep down I know it is partly a lack of courage.

It's fear. Fear of being soaked financially. Fear of losing my kids. Fear that having fessed up to having a shot with someone else who was stunningly gorgeous but not taking it will be used against me. Fear of dying alone.

This was a great thread. Thanks for listening

she is who she is. i don't get it?

His post is about him, not her.

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

Good Lord....... I'm out.

Vegas, pm me if you feel the need to talk.

 

[comfortably numb]

5 months ago I would have said Ashley Madison would be a good route to take

 

[DallasDMac]

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

Yep. If it turns out your wife is an axe wielding mass murderer, you need to stick it out. Because you should have considered that possibility before you married her.

 

[Pumpnick]

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

Yep. If it turns out your wife is an axe wielding mass murderer, you need to stick it out. Because you should have considered that possibility before you married her.

ok, i didn't see that part about the mass murdering

 

[comfortably numb]

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

Yep. If it turns out your wife is an axe wielding mass murderer, you need to stick it out. Because you should have considered that possibility before you married her.

ok, i didn't see that part about the mass murdering

Reread it

He was cryptic. She has been murdering hamburgers for he last 10 years

 

[AAABatteries]

Wow does this strike home. I am late to the party but so much of what has been said in this thread is dead on for me. Married 15 years, wife is generally great. But she has gained 100 pounds, and most of it early in after our first child. And has made no effort to take it off.

We have exercised, eaten healthy etc. Wr have talked about it. No sex in a year, but I am OK with that. I have no attraction anymore.

But what sucks is being trapped. I don't want her sexually. But I Cannot have anyone else. Twice in my life I had chances with other women. And almost took them. But didn't. And fessed up about them. And it's a hard trap.

We have had the talks. I started drinking. A lot at one point. It was easier and it is 100% true that alcohol eases the pain. I now down to 2-3 a day.

I promised to get my drinking under control if she got her weight under control. I did my part. She didn't.

I live in a town where all the men have skinny wives. But me. And I am jealous and bitter about that. Because I had it and lost it through no fault of my own.

I feel like a POS for feeling this way since she is a homemaker, cooks everyday and does her "part." Why can't I accept that she is fat and live with it?

Don't know. But every day is a grind. Every day I am happy to get to bed without losing it. To make it to 11pm so i cam wolf down my two or three drinks and fall off to aleep. I am here for my two kids, and will be 60 when my youngest is 21.

The only thing that makes it easier is knowing my kids will see me everyday. The wisdom of my decision aside (and I know many stay for the kids and many don't), deep down I know it is partly a lack of courage.

It's fear. Fear of being soaked financially. Fear of losing my kids. Fear that having fessed up to having a shot with someone else who was stunningly gorgeous but not taking it will be used against me. Fear of dying alone.

This was a great thread. Thanks for listening

Couple of questions:

- How old are your kids now?

- You mention you've exercised and ate healthy - for how long? Did either of you lose weight? Are you sure she doesn't have a medical condition?

- No sex and you are ok with it - is she ok with it too? Is she willing to have sex?

No sex and she's unwilling is a deal breaker IMO but if she's willing then that's a different story.

 

[Vegasman]

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

Yep. If it turns out your wife is an axe wielding mass murderer, you need to stick it out. Because you should have considered that possibility before you married her.

ok, i didn't see that part about the mass murdering

She was 100 pounds when we got married. Who thinks there is any chance of a double? No one get married if your standard was right

 

[Pumpnick]

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

Yep. If it turns out your wife is an axe wielding mass murderer, you need to stick it out. Because you should have considered that possibility before you married her.

ok, i didn't see that part about the mass murdering

She was 100 pounds when we got married. Who thinks there is any chance of a double? No one get married if your standard was right

you take your chances

 

[Vegasman]

Couple of questions:

- How old are your kids now?

- You mention you've exercised and ate healthy - for how long? Did either of you lose weight? Are you sure she doesn't have a medical condition?

- No sex and you are ok with it - is she ok with it too? Is she willing to have sex?

No sex and she's unwilling is a deal breaker IMO but if she's willing then that's a different story.

12 and 6

I have lost weight. I am only 155 lbs never been above 165. I even said at one point that I was trying to set a good example for my two girls.

I think she accepts it. We have discussed it.

 

[Vegasman]

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

Yep. If it turns out your wife is an axe wielding mass murderer, you need to stick it out. Because you should have considered that possibility before you married her.

ok, i didn't see that part about the mass murdering

She was 100 pounds when we got married. Who thinks there is any chance of a double? No one get married if your standard was right

you take your chances

Ok fair enough. I hope it doesn't happen to you. Like hitting a bad lottery

 

[Pumpnick]

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

Yep. If it turns out your wife is an axe wielding mass murderer, you need to stick it out. Because you should have considered that possibility before you married her.

ok, i didn't see that part about the mass murdering

She was 100 pounds when we got married. Who thinks there is any chance of a double? No one get married if your standard was right

you take your chances

Ok fair enough. I hope it doesn't happen to you. Like hitting a bad lottery

i'll do her, send her here

 

[Vegasman]

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

Yep. If it turns out your wife is an axe wielding mass murderer, you need to stick it out. Because you should have considered that possibility before you married her.

ok, i didn't see that part about the mass murdering

She was 100 pounds when we got married. Who thinks there is any chance of a double? No one get married if your standard was right

you take your chances

Ok fair enough. I hope it doesn't happen to you. Like hitting a bad lottery

i'll do her, send her here

Will do. Hope it works out. Honestly I wouldn't object. Of it makes her happy so be it. I have thought about telling her to find someone she can screw and even that it would be a one way street- she could have sex on the side and I wouldn't.

 

[Pumpnick]

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

Yep. If it turns out your wife is an axe wielding mass murderer, you need to stick it out. Because you should have considered that possibility before you married her.

ok, i didn't see that part about the mass murdering

She was 100 pounds when we got married. Who thinks there is any chance of a double? No one get married if your standard was right

you take your chances

Ok fair enough. I hope it doesn't happen to you. Like hitting a bad lottery

i'll do her, send her here

Will do. Hope it works out. Honestly I wouldn't object. Of it makes her happy so be it. I have thought about telling her to find someone she can screw and even that it would be a one way street- she could have sex on the side and I wouldn't.

ok deal i will #### your wife tonight

 

[AAABatteries]

Couple of questions:

- How old are your kids now?

- You mention you've exercised and ate healthy - for how long? Did either of you lose weight? Are you sure she doesn't have a medical condition?

- No sex and you are ok with it - is she ok with it too? Is she willing to have sex?

No sex and she's unwilling is a deal breaker IMO but if she's willing then that's a different story.

12 and 6

I have lost weight. I am only 155 lbs never been above 165. I even said at one point that I was trying to set a good example for my two girls.

I think she accepts it. We have discussed it.

To be clear, you are only not having sex because you are not attracted to her? You said she accepts it - are you saying she accepts you not having sex with her and is ok with it?

I know people have done it - some even in this thread I think but potentially going 12 more years without sex is going to make both of your miserable. Start knocking the bottom out and see if she decides to lose some weight. Worst case you are having sex which almost certainly will help things.

 

[Vegasman]

[i know people have done it - some even in this thread I think but potentially going 12 more years without sex is going to make both of your miserable. Start knocking the bottom out and see if she decides to lose some weight. Worst case you are having sex which almost certainly will help things.

"Knocking the bottom out?"

 

[AAABatteries]

[i know people have done it - some even in this thread I think but potentially going 12 more years without sex is going to make both of your miserable. Start knocking the bottom out and see if she decides to lose some weight. Worst case you are having sex which almost certainly will help things.
"Knocking the bottom out?"

Been that long huh?

 

[Meatwad Reloaded]

Eh...just start jacking it to BBW and midget porn. After a few months of that, your mind will be reconditioned to accept your wife for who she is. Then join a swingers club.

 

[The Future Champs]

Wow does this strike home. I am late to the party but so much of what has been said in this thread is dead on for me. Married 15 years, wife is generally great. But she has gained 100 pounds, and most of it early in after our first child. And has made no effort to take it off.

We have exercised, eaten healthy etc. Wr have talked about it. No sex in a year, but I am OK with that. I have no attraction anymore.

But what sucks is being trapped. I don't want her sexually. But I Cannot have anyone else. Twice in my life I had chances with other women. And almost took them. But didn't. And fessed up about them. And it's a hard trap.

We have had the talks. I started drinking. A lot at one point. It was easier and it is 100% true that alcohol eases the pain. I now down to 2-3 a day.

I promised to get my drinking under control if she got her weight under control. I did my part. She didn't.

I live in a town where all the men have skinny wives. But me. And I am jealous and bitter about that. Because I had it and lost it through no fault of my own.

I feel like a POS for feeling this way since she is a homemaker, cooks everyday and does her "part." Why can't I accept that she is fat and live with it?

Don't know. But every day is a grind. Every day I am happy to get to bed without losing it. To make it to 11pm so i cam wolf down my two or three drinks and fall off to aleep. I am here for my two kids, and will be 60 when my youngest is 21.

The only thing that makes it easier is knowing my kids will see me everyday. The wisdom of my decision aside (and I know many stay for the kids and many don't), deep down I know it is partly a lack of courage.

It's fear. Fear of being soaked financially. Fear of losing my kids. Fear that having fessed up to having a shot with someone else who was stunningly gorgeous but not taking it will be used against me. Fear of dying alone.

This was a great thread. Thanks for listening

she is who she is. i don't get it?

His post is about him, not her.

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

pumpnick, go troll someplace else.

 

[Sabertooth]

You only get one go round. Your kids have their own journey in life. You cannot shield them forever anyway. I'd bail. And I say this as a guy who has been married for 15 years. Luckily I'm still attracted to my wife though.

 

[flapgreen]

 

[cockroach]

need an invaded? update big time!

Vegasman, you seem like a good dude. Hope it works out. You said that your wife is generally great. Any other areas besides weight where you're really unhappy?

 

[flapgreen]

[i know people have done it - some even in this thread I think but potentially going 12 more years without sex is going to make both of your miserable. Start knocking the bottom out and see if she decides to lose some weight. Worst case you are having sex which almost certainly will help things.

"Knocking the bottom out?"

Been that long huh?One of my favorite sayings

 

[flapgreen]

need an invaded? update big time!

Vegasman, you seem like a good dude. Hope it works out. You said that your wife is generally great. Any other areas besides weight where you're really unhappy?

A lot of men would trade their ##### of a wife for one who's overweight but "generally great." You got it all wrong, Vegas.

 

[Pumpnick]

Wow does this strike home. I am late to the party but so much of what has been said in this thread is dead on for me. Married 15 years, wife is generally great. But she has gained 100 pounds, and most of it early in after our first child. And has made no effort to take it off.

We have exercised, eaten healthy etc. Wr have talked about it. No sex in a year, but I am OK with that. I have no attraction anymore.

But what sucks is being trapped. I don't want her sexually. But I Cannot have anyone else. Twice in my life I had chances with other women. And almost took them. But didn't. And fessed up about them. And it's a hard trap.

We have had the talks. I started drinking. A lot at one point. It was easier and it is 100% true that alcohol eases the pain. I now down to 2-3 a day.

I promised to get my drinking under control if she got her weight under control. I did my part. She didn't.

I live in a town where all the men have skinny wives. But me. And I am jealous and bitter about that. Because I had it and lost it through no fault of my own.

I feel like a POS for feeling this way since she is a homemaker, cooks everyday and does her "part." Why can't I accept that she is fat and live with it?

Don't know. But every day is a grind. Every day I am happy to get to bed without losing it. To make it to 11pm so i cam wolf down my two or three drinks and fall off to aleep. I am here for my two kids, and will be 60 when my youngest is 21.

The only thing that makes it easier is knowing my kids will see me everyday. The wisdom of my decision aside (and I know many stay for the kids and many don't), deep down I know it is partly a lack of courage.

It's fear. Fear of being soaked financially. Fear of losing my kids. Fear that having fessed up to having a shot with someone else who was stunningly gorgeous but not taking it will be used against me. Fear of dying alone.

This was a great thread. Thanks for listening

she is who she is. i don't get it?

His post is about him, not her.

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

pumpnick, go troll someplace else.

i don't get this either

 

[Tick]

Wow does this strike home. I am late to the party but so much of what has been said in this thread is dead on for me. Married 15 years, wife is generally great. But she has gained 100 pounds, and most of it early in after our first child. And has made no effort to take it off.

We have exercised, eaten healthy etc. Wr have talked about it. No sex in a year, but I am OK with that. I have no attraction anymore.

But what sucks is being trapped. I don't want her sexually. But I Cannot have anyone else. Twice in my life I had chances with other women. And almost took them. But didn't. And fessed up about them. And it's a hard trap.

We have had the talks. I started drinking. A lot at one point. It was easier and it is 100% true that alcohol eases the pain. I now down to 2-3 a day.

I promised to get my drinking under control if she got her weight under control. I did my part. She didn't.

I live in a town where all the men have skinny wives. But me. And I am jealous and bitter about that. Because I had it and lost it through no fault of my own.

I feel like a POS for feeling this way since she is a homemaker, cooks everyday and does her "part." Why can't I accept that she is fat and live with it?

Don't know. But every day is a grind. Every day I am happy to get to bed without losing it. To make it to 11pm so i cam wolf down my two or three drinks and fall off to aleep. I am here for my two kids, and will be 60 when my youngest is 21.

The only thing that makes it easier is knowing my kids will see me everyday. The wisdom of my decision aside (and I know many stay for the kids and many don't), deep down I know it is partly a lack of courage.

It's fear. Fear of being soaked financially. Fear of losing my kids. Fear that having fessed up to having a shot with someone else who was stunningly gorgeous but not taking it will be used against me. Fear of dying alone.

This was a great thread. Thanks for listening

she is who she is. i don't get it?

His post is about him, not her.

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

Would you please put a little effort into this?

 

[Henry Ford]

need an invaded? update big time!

Vegasman, you seem like a good dude. Hope it works out. You said that your wife is generally great. Any other areas besides weight where you're really unhappy?

A lot of men would trade their ##### of a wife for one who's overweight but "generally great." You got it all wrong, Vegas.

It's one thing to say a woman has gained some weight. If a 100 pound woman becomes 200, or a 150-lb woman becomes 300, that's a good enough reason to not be attracted to someone. He's entitled to feel that way.

 

[Pumpnick]

Wow does this strike home. I am late to the party but so much of what has been said in this thread is dead on for me. Married 15 years, wife is generally great. But she has gained 100 pounds, and most of it early in after our first child. And has made no effort to take it off.

We have exercised, eaten healthy etc. Wr have talked about it. No sex in a year, but I am OK with that. I have no attraction anymore.

But what sucks is being trapped. I don't want her sexually. But I Cannot have anyone else. Twice in my life I had chances with other women. And almost took them. But didn't. And fessed up about them. And it's a hard trap.

We have had the talks. I started drinking. A lot at one point. It was easier and it is 100% true that alcohol eases the pain. I now down to 2-3 a day.

I promised to get my drinking under control if she got her weight under control. I did my part. She didn't.

I live in a town where all the men have skinny wives. But me. And I am jealous and bitter about that. Because I had it and lost it through no fault of my own.

I feel like a POS for feeling this way since she is a homemaker, cooks everyday and does her "part." Why can't I accept that she is fat and live with it?

Don't know. But every day is a grind. Every day I am happy to get to bed without losing it. To make it to 11pm so i cam wolf down my two or three drinks and fall off to aleep. I am here for my two kids, and will be 60 when my youngest is 21.

The only thing that makes it easier is knowing my kids will see me everyday. The wisdom of my decision aside (and I know many stay for the kids and many don't), deep down I know it is partly a lack of courage.

It's fear. Fear of being soaked financially. Fear of losing my kids. Fear that having fessed up to having a shot with someone else who was stunningly gorgeous but not taking it will be used against me. Fear of dying alone.

This was a great thread. Thanks for listening

she is who she is. i don't get it?

His post is about him, not her.

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

Would you please put a little effort into this?

i read it

 

[Henry Ford]

Wow does this strike home. I am late to the party but so much of what has been said in this thread is dead on for me. Married 15 years, wife is generally great. But she has gained 100 pounds, and most of it early in after our first child. And has made no effort to take it off.

We have exercised, eaten healthy etc. Wr have talked about it. No sex in a year, but I am OK with that. I have no attraction anymore.

But what sucks is being trapped. I don't want her sexually. But I Cannot have anyone else. Twice in my life I had chances with other women. And almost took them. But didn't. And fessed up about them. And it's a hard trap.

We have had the talks. I started drinking. A lot at one point. It was easier and it is 100% true that alcohol eases the pain. I now down to 2-3 a day.

I promised to get my drinking under control if she got her weight under control. I did my part. She didn't.

I live in a town where all the men have skinny wives. But me. And I am jealous and bitter about that. Because I had it and lost it through no fault of my own.

I feel like a POS for feeling this way since she is a homemaker, cooks everyday and does her "part." Why can't I accept that she is fat and live with it?

Don't know. But every day is a grind. Every day I am happy to get to bed without losing it. To make it to 11pm so i cam wolf down my two or three drinks and fall off to aleep. I am here for my two kids, and will be 60 when my youngest is 21.

The only thing that makes it easier is knowing my kids will see me everyday. The wisdom of my decision aside (and I know many stay for the kids and many don't), deep down I know it is partly a lack of courage.

It's fear. Fear of being soaked financially. Fear of losing my kids. Fear that having fessed up to having a shot with someone else who was stunningly gorgeous but not taking it will be used against me. Fear of dying alone.

This was a great thread. Thanks for listening

she is who she is. i don't get it?

His post is about him, not her.

he should have thought about the chances b4 marrying

Would you please put a little effort into this?

i read it

Oh, stop, we all know you can't read. Thank goodness for Dragon software, am I right?

 

[Pumpnick]

make me look like the bad guy. The guys wife gained weight, deal with it.

 

[flapgreen]

need an invaded? update big time!

Vegasman, you seem like a good dude. Hope it works out. You said that your wife is generally great. Any other areas besides weight where you're really unhappy?

A lot of men would trade their ##### of a wife for one who's overweight but "generally great." You got it all wrong, Vegas.

It's one thing to say a woman has gained some weight. If a 100 pound woman becomes 200, or a 150-lb woman becomes 300, that's a good enough reason to not be attracted to someone. He's entitled to feel that way.

Of course he is. Can't force yourself to be physically attracted to a huge woman