Dear Penthouse,
...then the Cougar asked me if I wanted to give her a Thundering Herd, full necktie version, with a side of Chanticleer (UNCCC) sauce. I told her that Arkansas State had recently changed their names from Indians to Red Wolves, something she neither knew or cared about since she proclaimed the nonexistence of an actual Red Wolf. She wanted to see my Red Devil (Dickinson) and unbeknownst to her I had recovered nicely and presented a Golden Griffin (Canisius) rising like a Phoenix (UW GB) closely to her Leatherneck (WIU). Just then Lord Jeffs (Amherst) crashed through the door like a crazy Marauder (Central State) claiming I was not the only Hilltopper (WKU) that had climbed that Mountain Cat (Pitt-Johnstown).
I scrambled to find my Moccasins (UT Chatt) but the Fighting Okra (Delta State) I had eaten earlier, had me Prairie Dogging (Sante Fe). Unfortunately the Wonder Boys (Arkansas Tech) were in the Maurader's wake, and the aroma of Sailfish (Palm Beach Atlantic) emanating from the Cougar had overwhelmed the room. But I had a Purple Ace (Evansville) up my sleeve, this wasn't the first time I was caught with my Privateers (NOLA) in my hand. I thought back to when I was a Loper (Nebraska Kearney) dating Lady Jacks (SF Austin women), so I threw my loaded Jimmies (Jamestown) and ran like a Jackrabbit (SDSU) never to see that little Hill Cat (Rogers State) again.
In the end she was a Terrible Swede (Bethany College) and her sisters often looked like Trolls (Trinity Christian), which surely would have caught up to her later. It was a Golden Flash (Kent), one that will give me Demons (Northwestern State) for years. I learned I had to control my Crimson Storm (Southern Nazarene)and to avoid Cougars with connections to butt Buccaneers (East Tenn State).