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Overnight Guests Arriving at 11pm - Rude or Not? (1 Viewer)

Is it rude?

  • Yes, of course.

    Votes: 56 36.8%

  • No, of course not.

    Votes: 24 15.8%

  • Depends.

    Votes: 72 47.4%
  • Total voters
    152
mr roboto

mr roboto

Footballguy
My wife’s cousin and her husband are coming into town and will be staying with us. They got into town this afternoon but aren’t planning on arriving at our home until 11pm. 

They could have come over first, said hi, unloaded their stuff etc without inconveniencing their plans.  

We didn’t object but I would never plan to show up at someone’s home that late because I would worry it was rude. 

We want one of us to stay up to greet them. Neither of us want to really but I probably will. 

Thoughts?

 
No, sounds like they warned you ahead of time so I wouldn’t say it’s rude. 

But, I wouldn’t wait up if you’re usually asleep well before 11:00, either.  

 
Voted depends because I don’t think it’s rude if you’re warned ahead of time. 

 
Yeah that’s late and what if it turns into 11:30 or midnight.  I’d recommend a nice hotel and tell them you’ll see them in the morning 

 
Zow said:
No, sounds like they warned you ahead of time so I wouldn’t say it’s rude. 

But, I wouldn’t wait up if you’re usually asleep well before 11:00, either.  
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Yeah we were ‘warned’ but there was no ‘I know it’s late - is that ok?’ I don’t know that we could’ve said no because that would probably be rude. 

 
mr roboto said:
Yeah we were ‘warned’ but there was no ‘I know it’s late - is that ok?’ I don’t know that we could’ve said no because that would probably be rude. 
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Yeah... some acknowledgement would have been ideal. Like some cursory, “we are sorry it’s late but we have x and y happening. Would you mind if we don’t get there until 11? We can get a hotel” would have been the best. 

But, since you were warned, I don’t find it rude. But, again, I also wouldn’t find it rude for you to not stay up to greet them st that hour. I agree it would have been rude to say no and I disagree with the suggestion of you telling them to get a hotel. 

 
I t depends on a lot of things. How close are you? Have they spent the night before? Would them stopping to see you first have been out of the way or not made sense for some other reason? Were they meeting someone who possibly only was available at a specific time? It depends on a lot. 

 
Ilov80s said:
I t depends on a lot of things. How close are you? Have they spent the night before? Would them stopping to see you first have been out of the way or not made sense for some other reason? Were they meeting someone who possibly only was available at a specific time? It depends on a lot. 
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:goodposting:

If they have been over and spent the night in the past, I would tell them that we’ll probably be asleep by 11, and I’d leave a key to the back door under the mat. However, if this is their first overnight visit, this is pretty rude IMO. 

 
Man In The Box said:
:goodposting:

If they have been over and spent the night in the past, I would tell them that we’ll probably be asleep by 11, and I’d leave a key to the back door under the mat. However, if this is their first overnight visit, this is pretty rude IMO. 
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Right. It's all about how close the relationship is. I have some family where I would take it as super rude if they did this. I have a lot of family where I wouldn't think twice about this. 

 
It's rude because they didn't make any effort to apologize or check about arriving that late.

I'd go to bed a little early, then make an exaggerated show about getting up to let them in when they arrive... turn off all the lights, wear PJs even if you don't usually, act a little groggy, etc...

 
I voted depends. It really does depend upon context. I think the pro move would have been to drop their stuff off or at least apologize for the lateness, then you might feel better about it as a host. That you took a thread out tells me that you're either 

  • looking for reaffirmation over your anger
  • seriously looking for whether you're on tilt
I'd argue that it depends, really, and the answer lies somewhere in the middle, most likely.  

 
How old are they?  In their 20s I would say not rude and would expect it.  30 and up it is rude and immature.

 
Ilov80s said:
I t depends on a lot of things. How close are you? Have they spent the night before? Would them stopping to see you first have been out of the way or not made sense for some other reason? Were they meeting someone who possibly only was available at a specific time? It depends on a lot. 
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Not close. Never stayed with us. Coming from 5 hrs away for other people’s events (bridal shower and a baby shower). We aren’t involved in these other events. 

 
mr roboto said:
Early 30s. They have a 1.5 year old who isn’t traveling with them. 

We are in our late 30s. 3 kids - 10, 8, 2. 
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Rude..they want to party first.   Plus if they show up at 11-1130 you will not be going straight to bed.

Our home has  a bedroom and bathroom in the lower level so I have just left the backdoor open and they can go down and do their thing.  If they had to stay upstairs I would be pissed if I had to wait up while they partied.

Then again if they asked me to go party with them we all probably would not get back until 1-2am

 
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Voted yes. But i am the guy that thinks it is rude to ask for somebody's wifi password. I brought this up to a few people and they thought i was nutso. 

 
parasaurolophus said:
Voted yes. But i am the guy that thinks it is rude to ask for somebody's wifi password. I brought this up to a few people and they thought i was nutso. 
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Yeah that’s a bit strange to find it rude that someone asked for your password. 

 
mr roboto said:
Not close. Never stayed with us. Coming from 5 hrs away for other people’s events (bridal shower and a baby shower). We aren’t involved in these other events. 
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Okay so they used you for a place to stay. I think that’s commonplace in some families and I’m assuming they aren’t loaded money wise. 

But hell, I just spent a week in Minnesota and got a hotel for my entire stay so my family and I wouldn’t burden my extended family since we have two small kids. Pre-kids and pre-current income I’d have hoped for family to let me stay even if I was there for events unrelated for them. 

 
Zow said:
Yeah that’s a bit strange to find it rude that someone asked for your password. 
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Who the hell can't afford to use their own data? 

If it was an overnight guest that brought a laptop i wouldnt have a problem at all. Over for an evening and you ask for it for your phone? 

I find that absurd. If you need to watch netflix that badly go home. 

 
parasaurolophus said:
Who the hell can't afford to use their own data? 

If it was an overnight guest that brought a laptop i wouldnt have a problem at all. Over for an evening and you ask for it for your phone? 

I find that absurd. If you need to watch netflix that badly go home. 
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Well, okay, I guess the better answer is “it depends.” If agree somebody at your house for a couple of hours shouldn’t need the WiFi. 

 
Zow said:
Okay so they used you for a place to stay. I think that’s commonplace in some families and I’m assuming they aren’t loaded money wise. 

But hell, I just spent a week in Minnesota and got a hotel for my entire stay so my family and I wouldn’t burden my extended family since we have two small kids. Pre-kids and pre-current income I’d have hoped for family to let me stay even if I was there for events unrelated for them. 
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This is a correct reading of the situation.  Nice people. Not high income. Not poor either. 

My wife’s extended family is all about saving money and staying with family. I’m more ‘let’s get a hotel so we don’t bother anyone and so we can have our own space’  

My wife’s family is appalled if I suggest I can just Uber to/from the airport when visiting. Like it’s insulting to not make them drive me to the airport. 

 
shadyridr said:
On a weekend and if they let us know ahead of time? Not really
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OP is having to stay up late to accommodate them.

Just because they told him ahead of time they would be arriving at 11 p.m. doesn't make it less rude.

What if they had said midnight instead.

As long as they apologized and went out of their way to make sure it wasn't an inconvenience, then it would be okay. I didn't get the impression they did that.

 
NotSmart said:
OP is having to stay up late to accommodate them.

Just because they told him ahead of time they would be arriving at 11 p.m. doesn't make it less rude.

What if they had said midnight instead.

As long as they apologized and went out of their way to make sure it wasn't an inconvenience, then it would be okay. I didn't get the impression they did that.
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It's Saturday night. Most people don't go to bed by 11.

 
My kids are 6 & 2, outside of extenuating circumstances, I’d absolutely tell just about anyone to #### off in this situation... def rude.

Luckily (not really), I live in an area of the country where I can’t afford enough space for my own family, let alone guests, so this isn’t a problem I anticipate happening.

 
James Daulton said:
For real.  I typically am sleeping before 11 since I get up super early but I can easily stay up well past 11 if there's a reason to.

This place is really skewing old.
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I agree that this place is getting old but that's besides the point.  I'm close to 20 years younger than you and I think 11 PM is getting late....especially for out of town guests to arrive. 

 
mr roboto said:
Not close. Never stayed with us. Coming from 5 hrs away for other people’s events (bridal shower and a baby shower). We aren’t involved in these other events. 
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It's Minnesota? How expensive could a hotel be? It's obnoxious to ask to stay in the first place if you're not close.

 
shuke said:
11 pm is late to you people?
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I have two small kids that get up at 6 am regardless of when I go to bed. 

Again, I don’t think it’s rude for family to ask to stay and show at 11, but it’s also not rude to not make the effort to stay up to greet them if that’s past our bedtim.  

 
mr roboto said:
Not close. Never stayed with us. Coming from 5 hrs away for other people’s events (bridal shower and a baby shower). We aren’t involved in these other events. 
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In that situation, it's pretty inconsiderate. Fine line between that and rude and I wouldn't call it rude.

As a one time thing, I'd just let it go as it's not worth saying anything about it. Some people are just oblivious to these kinds of things.

 
gianmarco said:
In that situation, it's pretty inconsiderate. Fine line between that and rude and I wouldn't call it rude.

As a one time thing, I'd just let it go as it's not worth saying anything about it. Some people are just oblivious to these kinds of things.
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I think in some families it’s just commonplace to assume that one person’s house is accessible to everybody - especially if the alternative is a $100+ dollar hotel room to just sleep. 

My wife’s cousin essentially “used” our house for a fishing tournament a couple of years ago iirc. He came and went at odd hours and clearly had no intentions of spending time with us. But he was polite and I barely noticed him so I didn’t care and didn’t find it rude. I’m also assuming he didn’t care and/or expected us to greet him or make him food or whatever. 

I can see how some families don’t operate this way and I can definitely see the merit in that. But, as to the ultimate question of rudeness in this situation, assuming the OP’s wife’s family does operate this way the guests weren’t being rude. 

 
Zow said:
I think in some families it’s just commonplace to assume that one person’s house is accessible to everybody - especially if the alternative is a $100+ dollar hotel room to just sleep. 

My wife’s cousin essentially “used” our house for a fishing tournament a couple of years ago iirc. He came and went at odd hours and clearly had no intentions of spending time with us. But he was polite and I barely noticed him so I didn’t care and didn’t find it rude. I’m also assuming he didn’t care and/or expected us to greet him or make him food or whatever. 

I can see how some families don’t operate this way and I can definitely see the merit in that. But, as to the ultimate question of rudeness in this situation, assuming the OP’s wife’s family does operate this way the guests weren’t being rude. 
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Yup. In my family, unless we made specific plans for someone to stay over (which can and does happen), we would simply assume the out of town guest is getting a hotel room - none of us see any reason to disrupt someone's weekend/etc to save a few bucks.  I do understand that others see it different, however. 

 
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If we were close to them and they were visiting us, I would have no issue.  If we never did anything with us and we're just using the house, it would be rude.  

 
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