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Parent Advice - 9 yo son did something stupid (1 Viewer)

Warhogs said:
Do taking away electronics include the cell phone? My initial thought was talk to him about it, take away the cell phone for a while and no extravaganza. To be honest my kids are in high school so I may be a little bit out of touch but do all 9 year olds carry cell phones? Seems young to this old timer.
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Way too young IMO but Im not judging other's for whatever reasons they may have.

 
sbonomo said:
What do you think should happen to the other kid?  he intended it as a joke right? 
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Not sure it was a joke. Sadly, you can't really tell these days. But maybe it wasn't intended as a threat... more of a prediction... that the devil was coming to get them all.

 
Dont go overboard on the punishment.  Talk to your kid, try to understand him.  He is 9 and all us parents want our kids to be perfect ... but they wont ever.

 
Are you concerned that your son is the actual Anti-Christ since he has his number in his contacts?

 
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So stupid. Talk to him  Take the phone away if you really feel you need to do something.  It's not a big deal, he was being a dumb kid.  It's not serious at all imho, only serious jeeebus lovers would think twice about it.  What the other kid did was worse.  What if your kid said he was calling god to see if everyone was going to die?  No punishment?  

 
glock said:
Is this a parochial school?
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I'm somewhat curious about this as well.  For many people, "the devil" is a cartoon character, a sports team mascot or a Halloween costume.  I suppose for many religious folks - including the kids, their parents and the school officials - this aspect of the story might have more meaning.

fwiw, I think the proposed punishment is way too severe, and could be counter-productive.  The discussion you have with him is way more important than the temporary removal of his privileges.  For me and my family, the important thing would be to learn that being mean to kids, especially younger kids, is not cool.  That's not to say his intent was to be mean, but that's probably the lesson here - being aware of the effect your actions will have on others.

 
Just talk to him, see if he has any empathy and understands why parents and the school aren't happy with his actions.  If he pulls the "But I did nothing wrong!" card, you'll have a lot more to talk about.  Some kids struggle seeing things from other POVs so here's a chance to discuss it.

As for punishment, I'd simply say the school pretty much covered it.  I don't think there's a need to double dip on punishment in this particular situation.  YMMV.

 
Johnny Rock said:
What am I missing? You’re not going to talk to him after school this evening but wait until tomorrow?
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Because my wife and I are both working tonight.  She is working a double shift and I won't be home until midnight.  His grandparents are there, but they should not be expected to deal with this.

Not all FBG are multi-quadzillionaires.

 
pats3in4 said:
Just talk to him, see if he has any empathy and understands why parents and the school aren't happy with his actions.  
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because they all have sticks up their butts?  

kid made a lame joke.  it wasn't offensive, it wasn't threatening.  I'm really not seeing the issue here.  because he mentioned the devil?  what is so bad about the word devil coming out of his mouth?  there has to be more to the story.  he had to be more involved with the other kid and threatening people or I'm at a loss what the exact issue is here...

 
Galileo said:
Serious answer... 1. Stay calm.  2. Talk to him about it...find out why he did it.  3. Assuming he meant it as a joke as you suspect, use it as a teachable moment to discuss what is appropriate and not appropriate.  Point out why some people may be offended or scared by such a thing.  4.  Move on.  Not sure you really need more consequences unless his answer to #2 was that he wanted to terrorize the other children.  If that's the case, seek counseling.
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This.

 
CletiusMaximus said:
I'm somewhat curious about this as well.  For many people, "the devil" is a cartoon character, a sports team mascot or a Halloween costume.  I suppose for many religious folks - including the kids, their parents and the school officials - this aspect of the story might have more meaning.

fwiw, I think the proposed punishment is way too severe, and could be counter-productive.  The discussion you have with him is way more important than the temporary removal of his privileges.  For me and my family, the important thing would be to learn that being mean to kids, especially younger kids, is not cool.  That's not to say his intent was to be mean, but that's probably the lesson here - being aware of the effect your actions will have on others.
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Its a public school.  I don't know where this comes from. 

 
otb_lifer said:
clearing cache/browsing history down?

all because you don't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen - ONLY fix is blocking, or extremely diligent monitoring.  extremely.
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They are 10 and 8. They are not there yet. Few more years 

 
Sit your kid down and explain to him how the school completely overreacted in their punishment and then take him out for ice cream and maybe get him a dog.  

 
Probably kind of mean if the bus kids are significantly younger than your son, but definitely funny :thumbup:

 
Also, lmao at the school's punishment.  Suspension from the bus is more of a punishment for the parents since they now have to drive the kid to school.  The kid just got three days of chauffeur service.

 
jomar said:
because they all have sticks up their butts?  

kid made a lame joke.  it wasn't offensive, it wasn't threatening.  I'm really not seeing the issue here.  because he mentioned the devil?  what is so bad about the word devil coming out of his mouth?  there has to be more to the story.  he had to be more involved with the other kid and threatening people or I'm at a loss what the exact issue is here...
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I read the OP as the younger kids on the bus got spooked, like 5-7yr olds.  I can see kids that age being gullible enough to think, "You're gonna call the devil?!?"

Edit: The teaching moment is more of "Be careful about what you say around younger kids" and see if he understands that.

 
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Caesar said:
Hi all.  Looking for any advice or maybe some experiences that have worked for others if they have ever been in a similar situation.

Yesterday, a little boy on my son's bus started writing on sticky notes that kids were going to die at midnight.  This was scaring some of the younger kids, and my son did something stupid.  He took out is cell phone and told them that he was calling the devil, the number is 666. 

When the school called me today, I was floored.  This is extremely out of character for him (I know, the idiot parent is always shocked when their kid acts like a little jerk).  He has always been great with other kids, younger and older.  He loves having friends, and I have never seen him be mean to anyone. 

I, and the principal agreed, believe that he thought it was a joke and was just teasing.  I don't think he knows how serious something like that would be taken, and more than a few parents called the school to complain.  I feel so bad for those parents and kids right now, and I am really pissed.  I will not be able to be home when my son gets home, and for that I am grateful in some ways because I really need to think this through.

The school has suspended him from the bus for three days next week.  He can go to school, but we will have to drive him. 

My thoughts on his punishment, after we talk to him about it, are as follows:

1.  Take away all electronics for a week.  No video games or ipad or TV.  

2.  He will use his own money to buy a pack of cards and write an apology letter to every kid that he scared and give it to them when he is allowed to ride the bus again.

3.  He has a "extravaganza" at school tomorrow.  We alreayd bought tickets.  Its games and food and fun.  I do not think we are going now.  (I have even considered going and standing outside and making him give our tickets to people who are going in)

4.  I am looking for a book for him to read about being nice to others.  It will be learning experience and give him something to do other than video games, videos, etc.

I don't know if that is too harsh, but I really want him to understand how serious this is, and especially in today's world how things like this can be construed.  Any other suggenstions or thoughts are appreciated.
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Where to begin.

1) The devil isn't real.  He cannot be reached by cell phones because cell phones don't call imaginary beings.

2) Like your son, I also don't think it is a serious issue.  Again, you can't summon demons with a cell phone because there are no such things.

3) Scaring young kids is wrong.  Fun, but wrong.  You should punish that behavior with gusto and vigor.

4) Why does a 9 year old have his own cell phone?  In addition to his own iPad and video games? 

5) Punishments don't have to fit the crime.  If you know your kid well enough, you should know his pressure points.  Take away something he loves (like his cell phone or iPad).  And not for just a few days.  A month at least.  A month is an eternity to a 9 year old.  If he repeats this sort of behavior, whatever it was you took from him, take him to Goodwill and make him donate it (then keep the receipt so you can write it off your taxes).

ETA: Just in case it went over any heads, #5 is schtick.  If a real crime had happened, sure, I'm brutal about taking things from my kids.  My 7 year old lost her birthday party last year when she pushed her sister on the stairs.  Gotta go hard core for real stuff like that.  For something like this though, I wouldn't punish him at all.  I'd probably buy him ice cream for being so witty.

 
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Ramblin Wreck said:
Don't punish the outcome.  Punish his intent, if it's deserved.  It sounds like it is not.  He's 9 and likely has zero clue how serious that was.  Other parents that are pissed off should recognize this too since they have 9 year olds too.  
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I'm 41 and I have zero clue how serious it was.

 
pats3in4 said:
I read the OP as the younger kids on the bus got spooked, like 5-7yr olds.  I can see kids that age being gullible enough to think, "You're gonna call the devil?!?"
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We also live in a very diverse area with a lot of immigrants from other countries.  Different cultures and upbrinings have different reactions to things.  I can at least say that is true based on my experiences in world travels.

Just look at the range of comments in this thread alone.  (the jokes do make me laugh)

 
Caesar said:
Lots of good responses in here, and you guys calmed me down a bit.  I don't know what happened to the other kid, but I am sure he is at least suspended from the bus for three days as well.  He might have gotten more since he was the instigator.

I don't want to overpunish him, but I do want him to know it was wrong.  I agree wtih the poster who said to take away his cell phone until he is 12.  I debated him having it at all, but because his mom and I both work, and his grandparents watch him and they don't really speak English, I wanted him to have it for emergencies. 

Still, I think some of this comes from Facebook and YouTube and some of the "prank" or "joke" vidoes that get posted, so I do want to do a better job monitoring that stuff.

I went from single to Married with 4 kids in 16 months, so this is all pretty new to me.  I just don't want to screw it up.
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Get a land line?

 
For reference, whenever my 9 year old complains that her friends have a cell phone and she doesn't, I just say, "Well, her parents must love her more." and then look at her with dead eyes.

 
Maybe it deserves its own thread or a poll, but I am a little surprised at the number of people who think 9 is too young to have a cell phone.

I guess I thought the same thing at first, but when I really looked at the positives and negatives, there just wasn't enough negative (not foreseeing making calls to satan, of course) to dissuade it. 

It was a hand-me-down.  Its on a family plan and doesn't cost anything.  Other than general lack of maturity, its not like you can make anonymous prank calls these days,.. oh, wait...

 
Caesar said:
I talked to my wife.  She was on third shift last night and second tonight, so she was sleeping this morning when I got the call.  Since neither of us will be there when he gets home from school, we agreed to keep his electronics locked up and no TV tonight.  He was already talked to at school, so he knows why. 

We will talk to him first thing tomorrow when she gets home from work and go from there.  I think the extravaganza is out and I will definitely take away the cell phone and monitor his YouTube better.

Tonight, he can do his homework, read from his book, and play with his baby sisters which are all things he likes to do, so its not really a punishment as much as I just want him to think a little about priveledges that he has. 
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You are already punishing him without getting to speak with him and then you're planning on talking to him tomorrow and punishing him more?

Seems excessive.

In the scheme of things, what he did really isn't a big deal.  It's a great teaching moment about being sensitive to others.  But what he did wasn't really bullying or "mean" or anything out of character for a 9 year old boy.  If you do keep his electronics and TV tonight before talking to him, then that should be the end of it, IMO.  Otherwise, wait until you speak to him to actually hear what happened and hear what he has to say and then go from there.

I also think the school suspending him from the bus for 3 days for that "behavior" is excessive.  Kids say/do far worst things on a daily basis that receives no punishment whatsoever. 

Finally, this is why my 13 yo still doesn't have a cell phone.  Very little good comes from it at this age.  There are ways to contact caregivers without 9 year-olds carrying phones.

 
(HULK) said:
For reference, whenever my 9 year old complains that her friends have a cell phone and she doesn't, I just say, "Well, her parents must love her more." and then look at her with dead eyes.
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This should not have made me laugh as hard as it did.

 
CletiusMaximus said:
I'm somewhat curious about this as well.  For many people, "the devil" is a cartoon character, a sports team mascot or a Halloween costume.  I suppose for many religious folks - including the kids, their parents and the school officials - this aspect of the story might have more meaning.

fwiw, I think the proposed punishment is way too severe, and could be counter-productive.  The discussion you have with him is way more important than the temporary removal of his privileges.  For me and my family, the important thing would be to learn that being mean to kids, especially younger kids, is not cool.  That's not to say his intent was to be mean, but that's probably the lesson here - being aware of the effect your actions will have on others.
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If it was my kid, I would've argued with the Principal over there being any punishment at all.  

 
sbonomo said:
This is the part of the story that got me, why in the world does a 9-year old have a cell phone (non parent here so I may be way off).
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I have a 9 year old. Not one, but two kids in his class have cells. Not just some simple basic phone good for only calling and texting, brand spanking new iPhones. My kid can't find his socks 5 minutes after coming home. He would lose that think in a New York minute. not to mention what it does to brain development. I'm fighting hard not to get him one and want to straight up slap the parents of the two kids that gave their kids phones. 

 
Caesar said:
Maybe it deserves its own thread or a poll, but I am a little surprised at the number of people who think 9 is too young to have a cell phone.

I guess I thought the same thing at first, but when I really looked at the positives and negatives, there just wasn't enough negative (not foreseeing making calls to satan, of course) to dissuade it. 

It was a hand-me-down.  Its on a family plan and doesn't cost anything.  Other than general lack of maturity, its not like you can make anonymous prank calls these days,.. oh, wait...
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There are LOTS of negatives and some major ones.  Kids that age don't have the social maturity to make good decisions with things like cell phones.  Bullying happens.  Inappropriate group texting.  Pictures that are taken and sent out with permanent and very serious repercussions. 

In my son's school last year, in 6th grade, I'd guess 95% of his classmates had cell phones.  There was an issue with texts that were being sent to various students that weren't appropriate and weren't in spirit with being good citizens.  It became a big enough deal that the teachers had to send an email to parents and needed to have specific discussions about it.

Luckily we didn't have to worry about it at all and my son understood at that moment why having a cell phone can be a problem and why it's just not worth it.  And, because so many kids have one, if he ever has to reach me in the rare situation where no phone is available and he's with friends, he can always borrow their phone. 

He'll get a phone when he starts driving at 16, not before then.  And it hasn't negatively impacted him at all.  I have seen phones negatively impact his classmates.

 
My thought is why was your son punished when he was protecting the other kids. He was responding to the issue, in defense of the other kids.

AcerFC said:
There are a ton of legit reasons a 9 year would have a cell phone . Myself, we have not allowed my daughter to have a phone. Next year she will be 11 and in middle school. We figure it is time. She will actually get it a little early for her birthday. But I'm not going to get on someone because their kid has one. 

Legislating YouTube is a good thing. My kids watched some moron named jeffey. We put an end to that. You can always see what they watch with history and they both have stayed away. 
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YouTube has an app for younger viewers; YouTube Kids is designed to "make it safer and simpler for kids to explore the world through online video – from their favorite shows and music to learning how to build a model volcano (or make slime ;-), and everything in between. There’s also a whole suite of parental controls, so you can tailor the experience to your family’s needs." My 11 y.o. daughter watches it a lot and hasn't seen anything offensive. There is a version for both iOS and Android.

 
I don't see or agree with how what he did affects, or should affect, anybody else at all. Quite a bit different than saying kids are going to die.

As such, imo (parent of 10 and 6yos) no harm no foul. 

Unless your kid actually converses with Satan. In which case, no iPad for a night.

 
I would want my kid to have a phone in case of emergency/kidnapping and stuff.  But it would be the kind that is heavily restricted probably only able to make calls to us.  They should be about 14-15 before I let them make calls to Satan.

 
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