Question about a child not wanting to see her father (divorce) (1 Viewer)

[TheIronSheik]

When the original settlement was hammered out, she was only 7. Now she's 10 and dreads going each weekend. There are a couple of reasons. The main two are that it interferes with her weekend time when she could be going over friend's houses and (the bigger one) she doesn't like her dad. Now, that last one could be expected in most divorces, I assume, but her dad is a drunk.

Thing is, he actually lost his license because of too many DUI's. And, because he's such a drunk, he lives with his mother (who is in denial.) Now, if he didn't live there, he wouldn't even ask to see her. But because his mom wants to have time with her, he requests for the time and she comes and picks my daughter up. When she gets back, she says that he's usually asleep or stumbling around smelling like alcohol.

The worst part is that he's supposed to pay $600 a month in child support but he doesn't pay because he can't keep a job. Meanwhile, his mom is extremely wealthy, yet she refuses to pay the money because it's "not her responsibility." This ##### wants to be a grandmother, but doesn't think she should have to pay any money to her granddaughter.

That's more of a side note, since I know that child support has nothing to do with visitation rights, unfortunately. But now that my daughter is older, she sees all of this and wants nothing to do with them.

Is there something we can do (cheaply)? It pisses me off that we have gone in debt fighting this d-bag while their family has boatloads of money, yet refuse to support their own flesh and blood. Any suggestions would be extremely grateful.

TIA

TIS

 

[Sand]

The worst part is that he's supposed to pay $600 a month in child support but he doesn't pay because he can't keep a job. Meanwhile, his mom is extremely wealthy, yet she refuses to pay the money because it's "not her responsibility." This ##### wants to be a grandmother, but doesn't think she should have to pay any money to her granddaughter.

She has every right to want to be a grandmother, but I don't see where she should feel compelled to take on these payments. Dad sounds like a major ###, though.

 

[fruity pebbles]

So ur the stepdad? Have to agree with the grandmother in that the child support isn't her responsibility. I would continue to try and nurture some sort of relationship with the father.

 

[TheIronSheik]

The worst part is that he's supposed to pay $600 a month in child support but he doesn't pay because he can't keep a job. Meanwhile, his mom is extremely wealthy, yet she refuses to pay the money because it's "not her responsibility." This ##### wants to be a grandmother, but doesn't think she should have to pay any money to her granddaughter.

She has every right to want to be a grandmother, but I don't see where she should feel compelled to take on these payments. Dad sounds like a major ###, though.

She's a major ###, too.

I can't say I know much about family law, but do grandmother's even get rights? If she was even a little nice, I'd have no problem with her seeing her. But she is far from nice.

 

[Joe Summer]

Pretty sure you can extort some out of Granny by threatening to cut off visitation. I don't think the courts are going to like hearing that daddy is a stumbling drunk during her visits...

 

[Bull Dozier]

The worst part is that he's supposed to pay $600 a month in child support but he doesn't pay because he can't keep a job. Meanwhile, his mom is extremely wealthy, yet she refuses to pay the money because it's "not her responsibility." This ##### wants to be a grandmother, but doesn't think she should have to pay any money to her granddaughter.

She has every right to want to be a grandmother, but I don't see where she should feel compelled to take on these payments. Dad sounds like a major ###, though.

She's a major ###, too.

I can't say I know much about family law, but do grandmother's even get rights? If she was even a little nice, I'd have no problem with her seeing her. But she is far from nice.

My wife's decree with her ex stipulated who could pick up/drop off. Any details in the agreement you have enforce around the issue of him not being able to drive?

The only other option you have is if you are able to prove some harm to the girl by visiting her dad and going to court to prove it. Short of that, like a lot of divorces, it's just a sucky situation everyone is stuck in.

 

[GroveDiesel]

You don't get leniency on paying child support payments just because you're out of work, do you?

If you really want to press the issue and your daughter REALLY doesn't want to go there, why not report him for not making payments so that he gets arrested? No visitation if he's in jail.

 

[TheIronSheik]

So ur the stepdad? Have to agree with the grandmother in that the child support isn't her responsibility. I would continue to try and nurture some sort of relationship with the father.

I'm actually not the step dad. My girlfriend and I are not married. Apart from the title, we are pretty much married, but not officially.

I should point out that this women is not just a typical woman. I don't want to air out too much dirty laundry, but trust me when I say that this woman is a special kind of #####.

As for the father, that relationship is a lost cause. She can't stand him. The guy has been near death several times and he's one of the few people I've actually hoped will die soon. He'll call up in the middle of the night and ask why they aren't home yet. That's how out of it this guy is. He's totally out of it. Again, if his mother wasn't around, we wouldn't even want her to be alone with him.

 

[TheIronSheik]

The worst part is that he's supposed to pay $600 a month in child support but he doesn't pay because he can't keep a job. Meanwhile, his mom is extremely wealthy, yet she refuses to pay the money because it's "not her responsibility." This ##### wants to be a grandmother, but doesn't think she should have to pay any money to her granddaughter.

She has every right to want to be a grandmother, but I don't see where she should feel compelled to take on these payments. Dad sounds like a major ###, though.

She's a major ###, too.

I can't say I know much about family law, but do grandmother's even get rights? If she was even a little nice, I'd have no problem with her seeing her. But she is far from nice.

My wife's decree with her ex stipulated who could pick up/drop off. Any details in the agreement you have enforce around the issue of him not being able to drive?

The only other option you have is if you are able to prove some harm to the girl by visiting her dad and going to court to prove it. Short of that, like a lot of divorces, it's just a sucky situation everyone is stuck in.

No. No stipulation on him driving or not. He had already lost his license by then.

 

[fruity pebbles]

So ur the stepdad? Have to agree with the grandmother in that the child support isn't her responsibility. I would continue to try and nurture some sort of relationship with the father.

I'm actually not the step dad. My girlfriend and I are not married. Apart from the title, we are pretty much married, but not officially.

I should point out that this women is not just a typical woman. I don't want to air out too much dirty laundry, but trust me when I say that this woman is a special kind of #####.

As for the father, that relationship is a lost cause. She can't stand him. The guy has been near death several times and he's one of the few people I've actually hoped will die soon. He'll call up in the middle of the night and ask why they aren't home yet. That's how out of it this guy is. He's totally out of it. Again, if his mother wasn't around, we wouldn't even want her to be alone with him.

You really don't have a dog in this fight unfortunately. Think i'd question my girlfriends judgement in procreating with this loser honestly. Short of that i'd encourage her to legally go after the child support she's owed.

 

[Baloney Sandwich]

Your girlfriend's child is not your daughter

 

[Cold Dead Hands]

Your a better man than me Sheik. I'd have dumped the girlfriend very early on in this mess.

 

[TheIronSheik]

You don't get leniency on paying child support payments just because you're out of work, do you?

If you really want to press the issue and your daughter REALLY doesn't want to go there, why not report him for not making payments so that he gets arrested? No visitation if he's in jail.

This is the part that pisses me off to no end. My GF will call the number to report him not paying. They won't call her back until she calls them 7 times. When they do call back, they say that they can't do anything because he did make a payment of $300 three months ago. Like, WTF does that mean?!? This ##### is behind about $4000. Who cares if he paid $300?

Twice we've gotten far enough to where they finally said that they would issue a warrant. And both times he made a payment of $150. And they said that was enough for them not to keep the warrant active. That doesn't even make sense to me. That sounds like some government workers who don't feel like doing their job.

 

[TheIronSheik]

So ur the stepdad? Have to agree with the grandmother in that the child support isn't her responsibility. I would continue to try and nurture some sort of relationship with the father.

I'm actually not the step dad. My girlfriend and I are not married. Apart from the title, we are pretty much married, but not officially.

I should point out that this women is not just a typical woman. I don't want to air out too much dirty laundry, but trust me when I say that this woman is a special kind of #####.

As for the father, that relationship is a lost cause. She can't stand him. The guy has been near death several times and he's one of the few people I've actually hoped will die soon. He'll call up in the middle of the night and ask why they aren't home yet. That's how out of it this guy is. He's totally out of it. Again, if his mother wasn't around, we wouldn't even want her to be alone with him.

You really don't have a dog in this fight unfortunately. Think i'd question my girlfriends judgement in procreating with this loser honestly. Short of that i'd encourage her to legally go after the child support she's owed.

Yeah. I'm not fighting for me. I'm fighting for the child.

 

[Joe Summer]

I can't say I know much about family law, but do grandmother's even get rights?

Visitation rights vary by state, and she may have to go through a lengthy court battle just to get bare-minimum visits.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Your girlfriend's child is not your daughter

She is my daughter. Not legally. And I've never claimed her as my legal daughter. But to me, she is my daughter. And to her, I am her dad.

 

[MikeMan]

At that age the child should love her dad know matter if he is a drunk mass murderer so hopefully she isn't getting brainwashed to hate him by you and yours.

Anyway, if all that is true, just stop taking her and making her go. They will have to go to court to have the divorce agreement's visitation complied with. You don't need an atty - just show up and tell court daughter doesn't want to go and he smellis of alcohol, and stuff you said above. The judge will then decide whether you have to keep taking her. Worst that can happen is you comply. Around here, the family courts are so backed up, it'll take months to get the hearing and who knows if they will even do that unless g'ma foots the bill. Or just wait for them to call your bluff, hire an atty, and set a date - then comply.

If you wanted to be more on the offense, file a petition to change the visitation to less often or supervised (probably wouldn't win though).

Invite g'ma to pick her up for a regular dinner date. Very important if you end up in court that you are showing you are trying to foster the relationships with the other family. Send her emails/texts and save.

According to my divorce counselor who had fancy charts to prove it, kids with arguing and demeaning parents toward each other have more long-term negative effects than kids who have been molested.

My advice is take the high road at every step - for the girl's sake, but if need be, just stop taking her.

 

[fruity pebbles]

You don't get leniency on paying child support payments just because you're out of work, do you?

If you really want to press the issue and your daughter REALLY doesn't want to go there, why not report him for not making payments so that he gets arrested? No visitation if he's in jail.

This is the part that pisses me off to no end. My GF will call the number to report him not paying. They won't call her back until she calls them 7 times. When they do call back, they say that they can't do anything because he did make a payment of $300 three months ago. Like, WTF does that mean?!? This ##### is behind about $4000. Who cares if he paid $300?

Twice we've gotten far enough to where they finally said that they would issue a warrant. And both times he made a payment of $150. And they said that was enough for them not to keep the warrant active. That doesn't even make sense to me. That sounds like some government workers who don't feel like doing their job.

They probably know there's no real money to go after. He's got no license already, he's got no wages to garnish.

 

[TheIronSheik]

At that age the child should love her dad know matter if he is a drunk mass murderer so hopefully she isn't getting brainwashed to hate him by you and yours.

Anyway, if all that is true, just stop taking her and making her go. They will have to go to court to have the divorce agreement's visitation complied with. You don't need an atty - just show up and tell court daughter doesn't want to go and he smellis of alcohol, and stuff you said above. The judge will then decide whether you have to keep taking her. Worst that can happen is you comply. Around here, the family courts are so backed up, it'll take months to get the hearing and who knows if they will even do that unless g'ma foots the bill. Or just wait for them to call your bluff, hire an atty, and set a date - then comply.

If you wanted to be more on the offense, file a petition to change the visitation to less often or supervised (probably wouldn't win though).

Invite g'ma to pick her up for a regular dinner date. Very important if you end up in court that you are showing you are trying to foster the relationships with the other family. Send her emails/texts and save.

According to my divorce counselor who had fancy charts to prove it, kids with arguing and demeaning parents toward each other have more long-term negative effects than kids who have been molested.

My advice is take the high road at every step - for the girl's sake, but if need be, just stop taking her.

There is no brainwashing. We have taken the high road at every turn. Both my girlfriend and I come from very strong and loving families. We would never do anything to hurt her.

 

[NCCommish]

When I was her age I had an interview with the judge on my parents case. He wanted to know what I wanted, who I wanted to live with. Once we got that covered we talked about visitation and such. I spent about an hour with him. Seems like that might be a good thing here if they still even do that these days.

Oh and the whole she should love daddy no matter what stuff above. Must not be a child of divorce or don't know very many. I know a lot of girls who hated Daddy for years for leaving Mommy. Working with one right now. Once she became an adult she was able to move past it and now they have a pretty good relationship. As friends not really as parent/child. But when she was 10 she would throw fits every time she was supposed to go there.

 

[TheIronSheik]

You don't get leniency on paying child support payments just because you're out of work, do you?

If you really want to press the issue and your daughter REALLY doesn't want to go there, why not report him for not making payments so that he gets arrested? No visitation if he's in jail.

This is the part that pisses me off to no end. My GF will call the number to report him not paying. They won't call her back until she calls them 7 times. When they do call back, they say that they can't do anything because he did make a payment of $300 three months ago. Like, WTF does that mean?!? This ##### is behind about $4000. Who cares if he paid $300?

Twice we've gotten far enough to where they finally said that they would issue a warrant. And both times he made a payment of $150. And they said that was enough for them not to keep the warrant active. That doesn't even make sense to me. That sounds like some government workers who don't feel like doing their job.

They probably know there's no real money to go after. He's got no license already, he's got no wages to garnish.

Yup. But I'd love to see him go to jail. Because he's been there before and his mother has said it is the one thing that hurts her inside. I guess it's hard to be in denial when your son is in jail.

 

[TheIronSheik]

When I was her age I had an interview with the judge on my parents case. He wanted to know what I wanted, who I wanted to live with. Once we got that covered we talked about visitation and such. I spent about an hour with him. Seems like that might be a good thing here if they still even do that these days.

Oh and the whole she should love daddy no matter what stuff above. Must not be a child of divorce or don't know very many. I know a lot of girls who hated Daddy for years for leaving Mommy. Working with one right now. Once she became an adult she was able to move past it and now they have a pretty good relationship. As friends not really as parent/child. But when she was 10 she would throw fits every time she was supposed to go there.

Exactly.

 

[Jaysus]

Your girlfriend's child is not your daughter

She is my daughter. Not legally. And I've never claimed her as my legal daughter. But to me, she is my daughter. And to her, I am her dad.

You are a good man GB.

 

[fruity pebbles]

what does your girlfriend want to do?

 

[NCCommish]

Your girlfriend's child is not your daughter

She is my daughter. Not legally. And I've never claimed her as my legal daughter. But to me, she is my daughter. And to her, I am her dad.

You are a good man GB.

 

[LinusMarr]

Your girlfriend's child is not your daughter

She is my daughter. Not legally. And I've never claimed her as my legal daughter. But to me, she is my daughter. And to her, I am her dad.

You are middle eastern, stone the guy...

 

[TheIronSheik]

what does your girlfriend want to do?

We both want the same thing: what's best for the child. The main problem is that he bled her dry on the divorce. What should have been an easy divorce ended up sending her to the poor house. So money is tight. In a perfect world, we'd hire a lawyer and get this taken care of. Unfortunately, that's not really an option.

Each Sunday, our daughter begs us not to make her go. And we tell her that we can't not send her because he has the right to see her. We tell her to try and make the best of it. It's obvious to see she doesn't want to go. It kind of sucks having to make her do something that we can see she hates doing. Especially when we know deep down that she'd be better off not going.

 

[The Commish]

Yeah....all the debt in the world wouldn't prevent me from rectifying this for my child. I really feel for you and the situation. It has to suck!

 

[LinusMarr]

I have split for much less drama! She must be really good in the sack to deal with all this?

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

When I was her age I had an interview with the judge on my parents case. He wanted to know what I wanted, who I wanted to live with. Once we got that covered we talked about visitation and such. I spent about an hour with him. Seems like that might be a good thing here if they still even do that these days.

Oh and the whole she should love daddy no matter what stuff above. Must not be a child of divorce or don't know very many. I know a lot of girls who hated Daddy for years for leaving Mommy. Working with one right now. Once she became an adult she was able to move past it and now they have a pretty good relationship. As friends not really as parent/child. But when she was 10 she would throw fits every time she was supposed to go there.

Girls with Daddy issues are my favorite.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Yeah....all the debt in the world wouldn't prevent me from rectifying this for my child. I really feel for you and the situation. It has to suck!

Thanks, GB. Thing is, I don't even know if throwing money at it would actually solve it. Again, I don't know anything about family law, but I'd have to assume at a certain age the kid can say whether they want to go visit their parent or not. I mean, are 17 year old kids really going on family visits?

 

[MikeMan]

When I was her age I had an interview with the judge on my parents case. He wanted to know what I wanted, who I wanted to live with. Once we got that covered we talked about visitation and such. I spent about an hour with him. Seems like that might be a good thing here if they still even do that these days.

Oh and the whole she should love daddy no matter what stuff above. Must not be a child of divorce or don't know very many. I know a lot of girls who hated Daddy for years for leaving Mommy. Working with one right now. Once she became an adult she was able to move past it and now they have a pretty good relationship. As friends not really as parent/child. But when she was 10 she would throw fits every time she was supposed to go there.

Exactly.

I am a product of divorce and also went through a 2.5 year divorce/custody battle ending almost one year ago. (so I may be a bit dad-biased) I'm not saying a child can't repair a relationship later in life. Of course they can. I'm saying that a 10 year old isn't going to hate their dad because they don't pay child support, which OP claims is the 'worst part' of the situation. Also saying that stats show kids do better in school, less drugs, etc... when parents find a way to get along, or at least pretend to. Those kids that hate one parent growing up and later reconnect - they do worse in those areas and just something to keep in mind.

Frustrating situation for sure. To test your stated hypothesis that dad wouldn't even want to see her if it wasn't for grandma, the obvious answer is to give grandma some dinner dates and weekend activities and see if dad will relinquish the other visits. If yes, you are good-to-go. If not, your hypothesis was wrong and he does want to see her.

 

[NCCommish]

When I was her age I had an interview with the judge on my parents case. He wanted to know what I wanted, who I wanted to live with. Once we got that covered we talked about visitation and such. I spent about an hour with him. Seems like that might be a good thing here if they still even do that these days.

Oh and the whole she should love daddy no matter what stuff above. Must not be a child of divorce or don't know very many. I know a lot of girls who hated Daddy for years for leaving Mommy. Working with one right now. Once she became an adult she was able to move past it and now they have a pretty good relationship. As friends not really as parent/child. But when she was 10 she would throw fits every time she was supposed to go there.

Exactly.

I am a product of divorce and also went through a 2.5 year divorce/custody battle ending almost one year ago. (so I may be a bit dad-biased) I'm not saying a child can't repair a relationship later in life. Of course they can. I'm saying that a 10 year old isn't going to hate their dad because they don't pay child support, which OP claims is the 'worst part' of the situation. Also saying that stats show kids do better in school, less drugs, etc... when parents find a way to get along, or at least pretend to. Those kids that hate one parent growing up and later reconnect - they do worse in those areas and just something to keep in mind.

Frustrating situation for sure. To test your stated hypothesis that dad wouldn't even want to see her if it wasn't for grandma, the obvious answer is to give grandma some dinner dates and weekend activities and see if dad will relinquish the other visits. If yes, you are good-to-go. If not, your hypothesis was wrong and he does want to see her.

Sounds like it's more about daddy not being sober than any payment issue for her. For the adults the payment or lack thereof is an issue.

 

[The Commish]

Yeah....all the debt in the world wouldn't prevent me from rectifying this for my child. I really feel for you and the situation. It has to suck!

Thanks, GB. Thing is, I don't even know if throwing money at it would actually solve it. Again, I don't know anything about family law, but I'd have to assume at a certain age the kid can say whether they want to go visit their parent or not. I mean, are 17 year old kids really going on family visits?

It might be worth a visit to an attorney to see what the options are. They'd probably help you out with a consultation, no?

 

[The Commish]

When I was her age I had an interview with the judge on my parents case. He wanted to know what I wanted, who I wanted to live with. Once we got that covered we talked about visitation and such. I spent about an hour with him. Seems like that might be a good thing here if they still even do that these days.

Oh and the whole she should love daddy no matter what stuff above. Must not be a child of divorce or don't know very many. I know a lot of girls who hated Daddy for years for leaving Mommy. Working with one right now. Once she became an adult she was able to move past it and now they have a pretty good relationship. As friends not really as parent/child. But when she was 10 she would throw fits every time she was supposed to go there.

Exactly.

I am a product of divorce and also went through a 2.5 year divorce/custody battle ending almost one year ago. (so I may be a bit dad-biased) I'm not saying a child can't repair a relationship later in life. Of course they can. I'm saying that a 10 year old isn't going to hate their dad because they don't pay child support, which OP claims is the 'worst part' of the situation. Also saying that stats show kids do better in school, less drugs, etc... when parents find a way to get along, or at least pretend to. Those kids that hate one parent growing up and later reconnect - they do worse in those areas and just something to keep in mind.

Frustrating situation for sure. To test your stated hypothesis that dad wouldn't even want to see her if it wasn't for grandma, the obvious answer is to give grandma some dinner dates and weekend activities and see if dad will relinquish the other visits. If yes, you are good-to-go. If not, your hypothesis was wrong and he does want to see her.

Pretty confident here distain is for the DRUNK in her father, not that he's missing the $600 payment

 

[TheIronSheik]

Yes. If I made it sound like she hates him because of the money, that's my fault. She does not like him because he's not a father to her. This is not a man that is around and doing things, but smells of drinks. This is a guy who is no longer a functioning person in society. In the past three years, she has never seen him sober. And by that I mean he is incoherent. He is passed out in front of people she knows in public places. He doesn't remember that a divorce has even happened.

She is embarrassed to be seen around him. She is a smart kid.

As far as she knows, she's living a normal life with us. Money is not an issue. We know that money is tight, but we have made sure that she is neither aware of that, nor affected by it.

 

[Sand]

We know that money is tight, but we have made sure that she is neither aware of that, nor affected by it.

Whoah, WHOAH!

I thought you were like an American Sheikh making deals and pumping millions of barrels of oil? Talk about a bubble bursting here.

 

[fruity pebbles]

Yes. If I made it sound like she hates him because of the money, that's my fault. She does not like him because he's not a father to her. This is not a man that is around and doing things, but smells of drinks. This is a guy who is no longer a functioning person in society. In the past three years, she has never seen him sober. And by that I mean he is incoherent. He is passed out in front of people she knows in public places. He doesn't remember that a divorce has even happened.

She is embarrassed to be seen around him. She is a smart kid.

As far as she knows, she's living a normal life with us. Money is not an issue. We know that money is tight, but we have made sure that she is neither aware of that, nor affected by it.

If he's really that bad, you need to document everything. Take pictures, record phone calls, save text messages etc. You probably wouldn't even need a lawyer to get him knocked down to supervised visits at best.

 

[TheIronSheik]

We know that money is tight, but we have made sure that she is neither aware of that, nor affected by it.

Whoah, WHOAH!

I thought you were like an American Sheikh making deals and pumping millions of barrels of oil? Talk about a bubble bursting here.

I left those good times and got into the lucrative wedding business. Turns out they don't pay quite as well as Big Oil.

 

[Godsbrother]

The worst part is that he's supposed to pay $600 a month in child support but he doesn't pay because he can't keep a job. Meanwhile, his mom is extremely wealthy, yet she refuses to pay the money because it's "not her responsibility." This ##### wants to be a grandmother, but doesn't think she should have to pay any money to her granddaughter.

She has every right to want to be a grandmother, but I don't see where she should feel compelled to take on these payments. Dad sounds like a major ###, though.

Yeah I am not seeing why she should be paying the $600/month child support to see her grandaughter.

 

[GroveDiesel]

The worst part is that he's supposed to pay $600 a month in child support but he doesn't pay because he can't keep a job. Meanwhile, his mom is extremely wealthy, yet she refuses to pay the money because it's "not her responsibility." This ##### wants to be a grandmother, but doesn't think she should have to pay any money to her granddaughter.

She has every right to want to be a grandmother, but I don't see where she should feel compelled to take on these payments. Dad sounds like a major ###, though.

Yeah I am not seeing why she should be paying the $600/month child support to see her grandaughter.

I agree that she has no obligation to pay the $600. But she also has no rights to see her granddaughter. The only reason she has any ability to see her now is that her loser son is living with her. If TIS could get his butt thrown in jail for not paying child support, they would have every right to cut grandma off completely.

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

Your girlfriend's child is not your daughter

She is my daughter. Not legally. And I've never claimed her as my legal daughter. But to me, she is my daughter. And to her, I am her dad.

You are a good man GB.

 

[T Bell]

When the original settlement was hammered out, she was only 7. Now she's 10 and dreads going each weekend. There are a couple of reasons. The main two are that it interferes with her weekend time when she could be going over friend's houses and (the bigger one) she doesn't like her dad. Now, that last one could be expected in most divorces, I assume, but her dad is a drunk.

Thing is, he actually lost his license because of too many DUI's. And, because he's such a drunk, he lives with his mother (who is in denial.) Now, if he didn't live there, he wouldn't even ask to see her. But because his mom wants to have time with her, he requests for the time and she comes and picks my daughter up. When she gets back, she says that he's usually asleep or stumbling around smelling like alcohol.

The worst part is that he's supposed to pay $600 a month in child support but he doesn't pay because he can't keep a job. Meanwhile, his mom is extremely wealthy, yet she refuses to pay the money because it's "not her responsibility." This ##### wants to be a grandmother, but doesn't think she should have to pay any money to her granddaughter.

That's more of a side note, since I know that child support has nothing to do with visitation rights, unfortunately. But now that my daughter is older, she sees all of this and wants nothing to do with them.

Is there something we can do (cheaply)? It pisses me off that we have gone in debt fighting this d-bag while their family has boatloads of money, yet refuse to support their own flesh and blood. Any suggestions would be extremely grateful.

TIA

TIS

The child custody laws in your state will govern this. Consult with an attorney.

Grandma likely has no visitation or custodial rights, so she can't assert any claim here, and if Dad is nothing but drunk then you may be able to make a case that visitation is terminated.

 

[TheIronSheik]

The worst part is that he's supposed to pay $600 a month in child support but he doesn't pay because he can't keep a job. Meanwhile, his mom is extremely wealthy, yet she refuses to pay the money because it's "not her responsibility." This ##### wants to be a grandmother, but doesn't think she should have to pay any money to her granddaughter.

She has every right to want to be a grandmother, but I don't see where she should feel compelled to take on these payments. Dad sounds like a major ###, though.

Yeah I am not seeing why she should be paying the $600/month child support to see her grandaughter.

I agree that she has no obligation to pay the $600. But she also has no rights to see her granddaughter. The only reason she has any ability to see her now is that her loser son is living with her. If TIS could get his butt thrown in jail for not paying child support, they would have every right to cut grandma off completely.

Exactly! I'm not trying to punish her in to paying her son's child support. What I'm saying is that she knows full well that the only reason she is seeing her granddaughter is because she's, essentially, working the system.

Our goal isn't to keep her from seeing her granddaughter. What I was saying was that she is very well off. VERY well off. And to think that she contributes nothing to her granddaughter is mindblowing to us. Sure, she's not required to. But I can tell you that my parents, who are not her actual grandparents, spend huge amounts of money on her. My parents are quite well off, too. And they are not required to pay for anything. But they spend money on her to make sure she has everything possible. I can't imagine a grandparent not doing this. Not WANTING to do this. Especially if they have the means.

 

[SeaDogStat]

We know that money is tight, but we have made sure that she is neither aware of that, nor affected by it.

Whoah, WHOAH!

I thought you were like an American Sheikh making deals and pumping millions of barrels of oil? Talk about a bubble bursting here.

I left those good times and got into the lucrative wedding business. Turns out they don't pay quite as well as Big Oil.

Just not your own...

 

[Zow]

This is a really nuanced question where the answer may vary greatly by state law. You really need to consult with a family law attorney in your jurisdiction. I imagine some can probably do an hour consult or so for a couple hundred bucks.

 

[Zow]

Yes. If I made it sound like she hates him because of the money, that's my fault. She does not like him because he's not a father to her. This is not a man that is around and doing things, but smells of drinks. This is a guy who is no longer a functioning person in society. In the past three years, she has never seen him sober. And by that I mean he is incoherent. He is passed out in front of people she knows in public places. He doesn't remember that a divorce has even happened.

She is embarrassed to be seen around him. She is a smart kid.

As far as she knows, she's living a normal life with us. Money is not an issue. We know that money is tight, but we have made sure that she is neither aware of that, nor affected by it.

If he's really that bad, you need to document everything. Take pictures, record phone calls, save text messages etc. You probably wouldn't even need a lawyer to get him knocked down to supervised visits at best.

Lawyers can rarely "make" anything happen. But what they/we will do it make sure the paperwork is filed correctly and the procedural rules are complied with. Even the most obvious cases with may fail in the civil where rules aren't followed.

 

[TheIronSheik]

This is a really nuanced question where the answer may vary greatly by state law. You really need to consult with a family law attorney in your jurisdiction. I imagine some can probably do an hour consult or so for a couple hundred bucks.

I appreciate the advice. I realize you can't give an exact number or probably even a round about number, but any idea as to a price range we could expect to pay? Are we talking hundreds? Thousands? Not even sure if you can give that, to be honest.

 

[Yankee23Fan]

Pennsylvania, right?

 

[TheIronSheik]

Pennsylvania, right?

Yes sir.