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Send an invite or no? (Baby shower / infertility situation) (1 Viewer)

matttyl

matttyl

Footballguy
Wife and I are expecting in August. Friends are hosting a "baby shower" for us, which is really just going to be a BBQ where men and kids are also welcome. We'll do hot dogs and hamburgers and have yard games and such, and for maybe 30 minutes the ladies will go inside and do the gift thing.

Anyway, coming up with a guest list - and one situation is giving me some hesitation, a very close college buddy (we were groomsmen for each other, and we and our wives have traveled internationally together). He's recently discovered that he's infertile, which is causing very serious strain on his marriage. I don't want to be insensitive at all at what he's going through, but I also don't want to exclude him (and potentially her) from something they might otherwise enjoy. It would be a 3-4 hour drive each way if they were to attend, and I don't think they would make the trip, but should I send an invite anyway? Other college buddies (and wives) in the same social circle will be invited.

 
Yes invite him. Let him make the decision if he wants to go.

If he's a good buddy, let him know that he doesn't have to come, but you didn't want to leave him out.

 
I'd call him, make sure that an invitation wouldn't cause any additional stress. If he thinks it will be fine then send it. If not then don't, but he'll know you weren't just not inviting them.

 
Just invite him as you would if is fertility situation didn't exist. Don't draw attention to it by making a call about it first. If he declines , you know why. If he says yes, you spare yourself the awkward conversation that I don't feel is necessary IMO

 
Whomper said:
Just invite him as you would if is fertility situation didn't exist. Don't draw attention to it by making a call about it first. If he declines , you know why. If he says yes, you spare yourself the awkward conversation that I don't feel is necessary IMO
Click to expand...
Why does it have to be awkward.

Matttyl: "Hey, we're having a baby shower on June 28th. I know you guys have been under some stress lately so I wanted to make sure that we wouldn't be causing any grief if we sent you an invitation."

College Buddy: "Thanks Mattyl, wife has been really bummed lately so I'm not sure seeing a baby shower invite would be best. Besides, I'm not sure we could make the 4 hour drive this time anyway."

Matttyl: "No worries, I just wanted to make sure we're cool."

Matttyl: "BTW, did I tell you that Obamacare is the devil?"

 
if I were going to be doing such a Travis mockery I wouldn't even bother calling him I would just send the invitation

 
Foosball God said:
Whomper said:
Just invite him as you would if is fertility situation didn't exist. Don't draw attention to it by making a call about it first. If he declines , you know why. If he says yes, you spare yourself the awkward conversation that I don't feel is necessary IMO
Click to expand...
Why does it have to be awkward.

Matttyl: "Hey, we're having a baby shower on June 28th. I know you guys have been under some stress lately so I wanted to make sure that we wouldn't be causing any grief if we sent you an invitation."

College Buddy: "Thanks Mattyl, wife has been really bummed lately, but going to a baby shower will do her some good"

Matttyl: "Cool, cant wait to see you both."

College Buddy: "WTF? Why would I go to a baby shower? Just invite my wife and we're all good. Invite me and our friendship is done"

Matttyl: "BTW, did I tell you that Obamacare is the devil?"
Click to expand...
 
matttyl said:
Godsbrother said:
I remember when baby showers were for ladies only.
Click to expand...
So do we. We didn't like that idea. We didn't want to discriminate against dudes. So we'll have beer and burgers and cornhole.
Click to expand...
Trust me... most normal "dudes" prefer to be "discriminated against" when it comes to baby showers. You're not doing anyone any favors. Few things lamer than co-ed baby/bridal/wedding/couples showers of any kind. :thumbdown:

Leave the shameless gift grabs to the ladies, IMO.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
making guys go to the shower makes you look more greedy than inclusive. no guy wants to go to a baby shower. none. not one.

 
yeah... I hate meeting up with my friends and drinking/eating. because they might bring their SOs and talk about babies.

 
Apple Jack said:
El Floppo said:
Apple Jack said:
El Floppo said:
yeah... I hate meeting up with my friends and drinking/eating. because they might bring their SOs and talk about babies.
Click to expand...
love those things. except for the baby shower part.
Click to expand...
what are you afraid is going to happen?
Click to expand...
my fauxtrage is running on fumes here, but i dunno, a baby shower breaks out or something.
Click to expand...
fuel the fire, dammit.

yeah... likely. or it could just be a party, where instead of "birthday" gifts, they're gifts for the mom and future baby. :shrug:

 
El Floppo said:
yeah... likely. or it could just be a party, where instead of "birthday" gifts, they're gifts for the mom and future baby. :shrug:
Click to expand...
That's what we're thinking of for this. Just a party and a reason for some of my college buddies (from out of town) and my family (from out of town, male and female alike) and her family and friends (the same) can all get together for some beer and burgers - as our travel and ability to host people will be limited after the baby comes.

Anyway, thanks for the bits of insight here.

 
Homer: Well, I really should discuss this with my wife.
Salesman: Your wife? (cracks an imaginary whip)
Homer: What, you think I'm going to buy a $20,000 truck just because you make that noise?
Salesman: (cracks his whip again)
Homer: Okay, I'll take it.

 
El Floppo said:
Apple Jack said:
El Floppo said:
Apple Jack said:
El Floppo said:
yeah... I hate meeting up with my friends and drinking/eating. because they might bring their SOs and talk about babies.
Click to expand...
love those things. except for the baby shower part.
Click to expand...
what are you afraid is going to happen?
Click to expand...
my fauxtrage is running on fumes here, but i dunno, a baby shower breaks out or something.
Click to expand...
fuel the fire, dammit.

yeah... likely. or it could just be a party, where instead of "birthday" gifts, they're gifts for the mom and future baby. :shrug:
Click to expand...
They might talk about vajins. And not hot porn star vajins, but things splitting open and then pooping on themselves.

 
Foosball God said:
Whomper said:
Just invite him as you would if is fertility situation didn't exist. Don't draw attention to it by making a call about it first. If he declines , you know why. If he says yes, you spare yourself the awkward conversation that I don't feel is necessary IMO
Click to expand...
Why does it have to be awkward.

Matttyl: "Hey, we're having a baby shower on June 28th. I know you guys have been under some stress lately so I wanted to make sure that we wouldn't be causing any grief if we sent you an invitation."

College Buddy: "Thanks Mattyl, wife has been really bummed lately so I'm not sure seeing a baby shower invite would be best. Besides, I'm not sure we could make the 4 hour drive this time anyway."

Matttyl: "No worries, I just wanted to make sure we're cool."

Matttyl: "BTW, did I tell you that Obamacare is the devil?"
Click to expand...
I think the conversation, while the intentions are good, could be unintentionally insulting. The guy or his wife could feel like just because they are having fertility issues people are now going to feel funny including them in baby related things ?? I would think they would find it tiresome to have "the call" come in to them every time they would potentially be invited to a Christening, first birthday etc. I think you invite them and let them make the decision. They might decline and if they do you will know why

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Whomper said:
Foosball God said:
Whomper said:
Just invite him as you would if is fertility situation didn't exist. Don't draw attention to it by making a call about it first. If he declines , you know why. If he says yes, you spare yourself the awkward conversation that I don't feel is necessary IMO
Click to expand...
Why does it have to be awkward.

Matttyl: "Hey, we're having a baby shower on June 28th. I know you guys have been under some stress lately so I wanted to make sure that we wouldn't be causing any grief if we sent you an invitation."

College Buddy: "Thanks Mattyl, wife has been really bummed lately so I'm not sure seeing a baby shower invite would be best. Besides, I'm not sure we could make the 4 hour drive this time anyway."

Matttyl: "No worries, I just wanted to make sure we're cool."

Matttyl: "BTW, did I tell you that Obamacare is the devil?"
Click to expand...
I think the conversation, while the intentions are good, could be unintentionally insulting. The guy or his wife could feel like just because they are having fertility issues people are now going to feel funny including them in baby related things ?? I would think they would find it tiresome to have "the call" come in to them every time they would potentially be invited to a Christening, first birthday etc. I think you invite them and let them make the decision. They might decline and if they do you will know why
Click to expand...
I got the impression this was a recent discovery by the other couple. If this is a known thing for years I would just send the invite without worrying about it. It just seemed potentially more sensative than normal due to timing.

 
Please be sure to post about a thousand pics of your newborn in this thread so we know it looks like every other baby ever born.

 
Foosball God said:
Whomper said:
Foosball God said:
Whomper said:
Just invite him as you would if is fertility situation didn't exist. Don't draw attention to it by making a call about it first. If he declines , you know why. If he says yes, you spare yourself the awkward conversation that I don't feel is necessary IMO
Click to expand...
Why does it have to be awkward.

Matttyl: "Hey, we're having a baby shower on June 28th. I know you guys have been under some stress lately so I wanted to make sure that we wouldn't be causing any grief if we sent you an invitation."

College Buddy: "Thanks Mattyl, wife has been really bummed lately so I'm not sure seeing a baby shower invite would be best. Besides, I'm not sure we could make the 4 hour drive this time anyway."

Matttyl: "No worries, I just wanted to make sure we're cool."

Matttyl: "BTW, did I tell you that Obamacare is the devil?"
Click to expand...
I think the conversation, while the intentions are good, could be unintentionally insulting. The guy or his wife could feel like just because they are having fertility issues people are now going to feel funny including them in baby related things ?? I would think they would find it tiresome to have "the call" come in to them every time they would potentially be invited to a Christening, first birthday etc. I think you invite them and let them make the decision. They might decline and if they do you will know why
Click to expand...
I got the impression this was a recent discovery by the other couple. If this is a known thing for years I would just send the invite without worrying about it. It just seemed potentially more sensative than normal due to timing.
Click to expand...
The final medical determination came in last week. It's very much a timing issue.

 
matttyl said:
Foosball God said:
Whomper said:
Foosball God said:
Whomper said:
Just invite him as you would if is fertility situation didn't exist. Don't draw attention to it by making a call about it first. If he declines , you know why. If he says yes, you spare yourself the awkward conversation that I don't feel is necessary IMO
Click to expand...
Why does it have to be awkward.

Matttyl: "Hey, we're having a baby shower on June 28th. I know you guys have been under some stress lately so I wanted to make sure that we wouldn't be causing any grief if we sent you an invitation."

College Buddy: "Thanks Mattyl, wife has been really bummed lately so I'm not sure seeing a baby shower invite would be best. Besides, I'm not sure we could make the 4 hour drive this time anyway."

Matttyl: "No worries, I just wanted to make sure we're cool."

Matttyl: "BTW, did I tell you that Obamacare is the devil?"
Click to expand...
I think the conversation, while the intentions are good, could be unintentionally insulting. The guy or his wife could feel like just because they are having fertility issues people are now going to feel funny including them in baby related things ?? I would think they would find it tiresome to have "the call" come in to them every time they would potentially be invited to a Christening, first birthday etc. I think you invite them and let them make the decision. They might decline and if they do you will know why
Click to expand...
I got the impression this was a recent discovery by the other couple. If this is a known thing for years I would just send the invite without worrying about it. It just seemed potentially more sensative than normal due to timing.
Click to expand...
The final medical determination came in last week. It's very much a timing issue.
Click to expand...
Do they already know you guys are pregnant? If so, just send him the invite. Then it's just a normal progression of a pregnancy.

If not, call him.

 
dozer said:
Please be sure to post about a thousand pics of your newborn in this thread so we know it looks like every other baby ever born.
Click to expand...
Trust me, when you see some babies......they are not all created equal. I'll just leave it at that.

 
matttyl said:
Wife and I are expecting in August. Friends are hosting a "baby shower" for us, which is really just going to be a BBQ where men and kids are also welcome. We'll do hot dogs and hamburgers and have yard games and such, and for maybe 30 minutes the ladies will go inside and do the gift thing.

Anyway, coming up with a guest list - and one situation is giving me some hesitation, a very close college buddy (we were groomsmen for each other, and we and our wives have traveled internationally together). He's recently discovered that he's infertile, which is causing very serious strain on his marriage. I don't want to be insensitive at all at what he's going through, but I also don't want to exclude him (and potentially her) from something they might otherwise enjoy. It would be a 3-4 hour drive each way if they were to attend, and I don't think they would make the trip, but should I send an invite anyway? Other college buddies (and wives) in the same social circle will be invited.
Click to expand...
I'd invite him but if you're worried it's going to cause his wife pain I might actually just call him up and talk to him about it.

 
My sister and brother-in-law are dealing with fertility issues, but they absolutely love my kids and enjoy being around them. They are planning on adopting whether or not they have their own kids, but with your friend, I'd invite him. Friends should be included, and perhaps if you're close enough, he could be the child's godparent, if you do that sort of thing.

 
Foosball God said:
I'd call him, make sure that an invitation wouldn't cause any additional stress. If he thinks it will be fine then send it. If not then don't, but he'll know you weren't just not inviting them.
Click to expand...
This. Don't send out an invite before speaking with your friend.

 
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