Small Talk And Happiness (1 Viewer)

[Joe Bryant]

Thought this was interesting. And I know there's the causation and correlation thing. But interesting.

A new study, published last month in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, indicated that “minimal social interactions” with “weak ties,” or strangers, can substantially boost your happiness. These interactions involved simply saying good morning or thank you, and in some cases stretched to brief conversation.

Researchers studied 60,000 participants and analyzed data from two groups who were quizzed about their daily interactions with people they hadn’t met.

And connected to my dislike of self checkout at the grocery.

Article here: https://www.mensjournal.com/news/study-small-talk-with-strangers-substantially-boosts-happiness

 

[Keerock]

Interesting. I'm one of those who prefers the "self-checkout"... but I will say that I am (generally) a happy, cheerful, cordial person. I'm happy to give a quick hi, a Merry Christmas, a smile... and that quick banter is gratifying. However... anything prolonged I start to be less and less comfortable/more annoyed.


My brother, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. Just like my dad was. Make quick friends with strangers in minutes. I can't do it.

 

[Mitchie]

I enjoy the 2 or 3 times a year when a cute female says hi or smiles at me but that's about it.

 

[Snoopy]

Extrovert vs introvert? Small talk can energize extroverts and make them feel better about themselves but the same small talk can drain the energy from introverts and make them feel the need to avoid such interactions.

 

[NutterButter]

Interesting. I'm one of those who prefers the "self-checkout"... but I will say that I am (generally) a happy, cheerful, cordial person. I'm happy to give a quick hi, a Merry Christmas, a smile... and that quick banter is gratifying. However... anything prolonged I start to be less and less comfortable/more annoyed.

I'm the same way. Loner by choice aside from the girlfriend, but I generally enjoy brief interactions with people.

 

[Juxtatarot]

Extrovert vs introvert? Small talk can energize extroverts and make them feel better about themselves but the same small talk can drain the energy from introverts and make them feel the need to avoid such interactions.

Saying “Good morning!” Isn’t very draining for the vast majority of introverts. I assume this study is true for them as well.

 

[hagmania]

I know people who state they have anxiety from the mere anticipation of smalltalk.

 

[NutterButter]

"Also, remind yourself that you’re not going to hit a home run every time you talk to a new person–but much more often than not, people are going to be friendly."

I like that part. I need to remind myself of this when I greet people while hiking or biking. Sometimes I come across people that aren't friendly at that moment where they won't return the greeting and to not let it affect my approach.

 

[Soulfly3]

moving to france and having small talk basically removed from my life has been pretty depressing. not depressing, but i do enjoy it, and i do miss it.
the french don't bother with it... they don't enjoy it... it used to drive me crazy about my wife, because my friends always thought she was cold - then i understood it when i got here.

in fact, the word they use for "small talk" is "banalités". it's the literal translation. - banal. makes all the sense in the world now.

i'm trying my best to change it here, but one man alone cannot do it.

 

[mr. furley]

I know people who state they have anxiety from the mere anticipation of smalltalk.

it's the anticipation of quips like "boy, it sure is cold" and "you hear about that (politician) who said (something they don't agree with)" and "so, what do you do for a living" that makes me want to strangle myself

it's how repetitive and empty the exchanges are with people who typically initiate these kinds of ice breakers.

 

[Hugsy_Malone]

Loneliness is very real. It's crushing, especially around the holidays. I hate even the anticipation of having nobody to talk to during the grey days of winter. People with steady families and loved or not loved ones to come to should experience it before they poo-pooh small talk. I've been to enough schools and had to stay late at them to know even the fleeting feeling of loneliness. It's horrible.

There. The crux of it has been spoken. It's there for the lonely at heart.

 

[Runkle]

Extrovert vs introvert? Small talk can energize extroverts and make them feel better about themselves but the same small talk can drain the energy from introverts and make them feel the need to avoid such interactions.

Seriously. Extroverts seem unable to understand how introverts work.

 

[Doug B]

moving to france and having small talk basically removed from my life has been pretty depressing. not depressing, but i do enjoy it, and i do miss it.
the french don't bother with it... they don't enjoy it... it used to drive me crazy about my wife, because my friends always thought she was cold - then i understood it when i got here.

in fact, the word they use for "small talk" is "banalités". it's the literal translation. - banal. makes all the sense in the world now.

i'm trying my best to change it here, but one man alone cannot do it.

I wonder if small-tall customs are different in the big French cities (especially Paris) versus the French countryside. That's very roughly the divide in the U.S., through many mid-sized cities (especially in the Southern U.S.) have a vigorous small-talk ethic versus New York City, etc.

 

[-OZ-]

I’ll take the self checkout almost every time. But I always say hi or give a quick wave or head nod when I’m walking the dog. Usually when running too.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Thought this was interesting. And I know there's the causation and correlation thing. But interesting.

A new study, published last month in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, indicated that “minimal social interactions” with “weak ties,” or strangers, can substantially boost your happiness. These interactions involved simply saying good morning or thank you, and in some cases stretched to brief conversation.

Researchers studied 60,000 participants and analyzed data from two groups who were quizzed about their daily interactions with people they hadn’t met.

And connected to my dislike of self checkout at the grocery.

Article here: https://www.mensjournal.com/news/study-small-talk-with-strangers-substantially-boosts-happiness

Didn't read the article, but all things being equal (which they're not, of course) this would suggest urban folk are happier than their country peers.

 

[Sand]

Thought this was interesting. And I know there's the causation and correlation thing. But interesting.

A new study, published last month in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, indicated that “minimal social interactions” with “weak ties,” or strangers, can substantially boost your happiness. These interactions involved simply saying good morning or thank you, and in some cases stretched to brief conversation.

Researchers studied 60,000 participants and analyzed data from two groups who were quizzed about their daily interactions with people they hadn’t met.

And connected to my dislike of self checkout at the grocery.

Article here: https://www.mensjournal.com/news/study-small-talk-with-strangers-substantially-boosts-happiness

Didn't read the article, but all things being equal (which they're not, of course) this would suggest urban folk are happier than their country peers.

There is a sheep joke in there, but nope. Not gonna do it.

 

[Terminalxylem]

I seldom use self check out, am friendly if someone engages me (smile, say hi, etc.), but avoid "social interactions with weak ties", if possible.

To take it a step further, I often avoid brief interactions with people I know, even if I like them. As an example, I recently ordered take-out food at a roadside cafe. Walking towards the pick up window, I noticed an acquaintance, actually a close friend of one of my good friends, with whom I've had pleasant interactions at least a dozen times. As soon as I saw him, I averted my eyes and walked past the window, into the bakery in the same complex (I'd intended on getting dessert anyway). When I exited, he was still waiting...so I again avoided eye contact, taking the sweets back to my car to buy some more time. Thankfully, he was gone when I returned.

Now he was on his cell almost the entire time (talking to his wife; I heard him mention her name as I passed), so we really wouldn't have had much time to talk anyway. Still, I wasn't gonna take a chance on unwanted chit-chat.

My wife would've been shocked at my actions, as she's the type who engages everyone, actually taking the time to have thoughtful conversation with complete strangers. I'm not sure if this behavior contributes to her happiness, but it certainly keeps her late at work, parties, etc.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Thought this was interesting. And I know there's the causation and correlation thing. But interesting.

A new study, published last month in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, indicated that “minimal social interactions” with “weak ties,” or strangers, can substantially boost your happiness. These interactions involved simply saying good morning or thank you, and in some cases stretched to brief conversation.

Researchers studied 60,000 participants and analyzed data from two groups who were quizzed about their daily interactions with people they hadn’t met.

And connected to my dislike of self checkout at the grocery.

Article here: https://www.mensjournal.com/news/study-small-talk-with-strangers-substantially-boosts-happiness

Didn't read the article, but all things being equal (which they're not, of course) this would suggest urban folk are happier than their country peers.

There is a sheep joke in there, but nope. Not gonna do it.

That would be in baaaad taste.

 

[rockaction]

That would be in baaaad taste.

Ewe can't make puns like that and expect to get away with it.

 

[gianmarco]

Thought this was interesting. And I know there's the causation and correlation thing. But interesting.

A new study, published last month in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, indicated that “minimal social interactions” with “weak ties,” or strangers, can substantially boost your happiness. These interactions involved simply saying good morning or thank you, and in some cases stretched to brief conversation.

Researchers studied 60,000 participants and analyzed data from two groups who were quizzed about their daily interactions with people they hadn’t met.

And connected to my dislike of self checkout at the grocery.

Article here: https://www.mensjournal.com/news/study-small-talk-with-strangers-substantially-boosts-happiness

Didn't read the article, but all things being equal (which they're not, of course) this would suggest urban folk are happier than their country peers.

There is a sheep joke in there, but nope. Not gonna do it.

That would be in baaaad taste.

The shear horror.

 

[Don Quixote]

Extrovert vs introvert? Small talk can energize extroverts and make them feel better about themselves but the same small talk can drain the energy from introverts and make them feel the need to avoid such interactions.

Seriously. Extroverts seem unable to understand how introverts work.

Yeah - I had a small talk interaction that lasted about 30 seconds in the office today, but have probably spent 30 minutes replaying it in my head.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Extrovert vs introvert? Small talk can energize extroverts and make them feel better about themselves but the same small talk can drain the energy from introverts and make them feel the need to avoid such interactions.

Seriously. Extroverts seem unable to understand how introverts work.

Yeah - I had a small talk interaction that lasted about 30 seconds in the office today, but have probably spent 30 minutes replaying it in my head.

Not sure that’s purely introversion. I’m not remotely extroverted, but don’t dwell on conversations I’ve had, small talk or otherwise.

 

[Phil Elliott]

Prefer cashier if not too long of wait. Interesting side note to the original article. About 4 months ago we took my mother-in-law to her neurologist (she has moderate dementia). We asked about iPad games to keep help her slow the dementia. He said one of the most effective "treatments" is social interaction because there are a ton of brain processes occurring (listening, thinking of your response, lip reading, evaluating the person(s) reactions while you are talking, evaluating background noises/activities, etc). My MIL's response was "I don't like people" (although she will try to be the life of the party when forced to be in a group).
He also emphasized stop/minimize alcohol consumption (she loves cheap wine), because it slows the body's processes down.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Prefer cashier if not too long of wait. Interesting side note to the original article. About 4 months ago we took my mother-in-law to her neurologist (she has moderate dementia). We asked about iPad games to keep help her slow the dementia. He said one of the most effective "treatments" is social interaction because there are a ton of brain processes occurring (listening, thinking of your response, lip reading, evaluating the person(s) reactions while you are talking, evaluating background noises/activities, etc). My MIL's response was "I don't like people" (although she will try to be the life of the party when forced to be in a group).
He also emphasized stop/minimize alcohol consumption (she loves cheap wine), because it slows the body's processes down.

Socialization is extremely important for the elderly, and is a characteristic of long-lived populations. Typically it is achieved through family +/- spiritual outlets, but I suppose any interaction is better than none.

A related issue, that tends to lead to lead to isolation as we age: hearing loss. It's been linked to cognitive decline, likely in part because those who can't hear tend to disengage.

 

[jvdesigns2002]

I started taking long walks super early every morning once the pandemic lockdowns started and have continued to do so ever since. I can vouch that saying “good morning” to people that I see along my walk (many of which are nothing more than familiar faces of strangers that also seem to enjoy morning walks) has had an impact on me. I think that many of us maybe have jobs that are predominately computer based and “work from home” to where social interaction is minimized. For me, I have a job that forces me to interact with a lot of people—but there is a difference in the feeling of the forced socialization of a workplace versus random pure socialization where the only motivation or provocation is to say something kind or nice to somebody. Even a quick acknowledgment of somebody can have an impact on their day. At first, I felt as though it was just the physical aspect of walking, and starting off my day with a positive accomplishment that kept me wanting to keep up my daily walking routine—but I do think that this small talk aspect probably does play a part in a lot of the enjoyment I get from it.

 

[Joe Bryant]

I started taking long walks super early every morning once the pandemic lockdowns started and have continued to do so ever since. I can vouch that saying “good morning” to people that I see along my walk (many of which are nothing more than familiar faces of strangers that also seem to enjoy morning walks) has had an impact on me. I think that many of us maybe have jobs that are predominately computer based and “work from home” to where social interaction is minimized. For me, I have a job that forces me to interact with a lot of people—but there is a difference in the feeling of the forced socialization of a workplace versus random pure socialization where the only motivation or provocation is to say something kind or nice to somebody. Even a quick acknowledgment of somebody can have an impact on their day. At first, I felt as though it was just the physical aspect of walking, and starting off my day with a positive accomplishment that kept me wanting to keep up my daily walking routine—but I do think that this small talk aspect probably does play a part in a lot of the enjoyment I get from it.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Extrovert vs introvert? Small talk can energize extroverts and make them feel better about themselves but the same small talk can drain the energy from introverts and make them feel the need to avoid such interactions.

Seriously. Extroverts seem unable to understand how introverts work.

Maybe you meant something else but the article was relaying the findings. I don't think it was trying to explain or understand introverts. I think everyone fully understands different people like/dislike different things.

 

[mr. furley]

was thinking about this last night as i was running, quietly, with only my thoughts.. totally at peace.

of the handful of people i know who LOVE small talk & i mean LOVE small talk.. the common denominator is that they love to hear themselves talk. it's not the conversation they enjoy, the back & forth of meeting someone new.. it's that they like engaging new people so they can talk about themselves and/or brain dump on someone who hasn't heard all the jokes/stories before.

it's like every new person they meet is a chance to talk to themselves in a mirror.

now, that's not everyone for sure. i've definitely known people who enjoy small talk for the chance to get to know other people but the majority of smalltalklvrs i know are the main character in their own movie looking for someone to watch their act.

it's not small talk. it's large monologue. a one-way street.

 

[Juxtatarot]

was thinking about this last night as i was running, quietly, with only my thoughts.. totally at peace.

Curious if you passed many people on the run and if you greeted any of them. Despite an introverted nature, I do find a quick greeting, wave or even nod a positive experience.

 

[belljr]

was thinking about this last night as i was running, quietly, with only my thoughts.. totally at peace.

Curious if you passed many people on the run and if you greeted any of them. Despite an introverted nature, I do find a quick greeting, wave or even nod a positive experience.

I know my anxiety kicks in sometimes even for something this minor

 

[mr. furley]

was thinking about this last night as i was running, quietly, with only my thoughts.. totally at peace.

Curious if you passed many people on the run and if you greeted any of them. Despite an introverted nature, I do find a quick greeting, wave or even nod a positive experience.

it's cold & dark here when i run. there are no people out :(

but i will give a wave when passing by another runner, or some sort of alert/warning if i'm running up behind someone.

 

[Zow]

I seldom use self check out, am friendly if someone engages me (smile, say hi, etc.), but avoid "social interactions with weak ties", if possible.

To take it a step further, I often avoid brief interactions with people I know, even if I like them. As an example, I recently ordered take-out food at a roadside cafe. Walking towards the pick up window, I noticed an acquaintance, actually a close friend of one of my good friends, with whom I've had pleasant interactions at least a dozen times. As soon as I saw him, I averted my eyes and walked past the window, into the bakery in the same complex (I'd intended on getting dessert anyway). When I exited, he was still waiting...so I again avoided eye contact, taking the sweets back to my car to buy some more time. Thankfully, he was gone when I returned.

Now he was on his cell almost the entire time (talking to his wife; I heard him mention her name as I passed), so we really wouldn't have had much time to talk anyway. Still, I wasn't gonna take a chance on unwanted chit-chat.

My wife would've been shocked at my actions, as she's the type who engages everyone, actually taking the time to have thoughtful conversation with complete strangers. I'm not sure if this behavior contributes to her happiness, but it certainly keeps her late at work, parties, etc.

I think this is where I fall, too.

I'm totally in favor of smiles, head nods, or brief hellos to even strangers on the street. I'm also in favor of small talk to kill time (e.g. standing in line with the social understanding that any conversation ends when one of us gets his or her stuff). But, I now live my life very efficiently and greatly value my time so forced conversations that extend my duration doing X activity drive me nuts.

So, like you, I may intentionally avoid interaction with an acquaintance solely to avoid any delays in what I'm doing (even though I may like the person and would have happily talked to them in line or something).

 

[Dr. Octopus]

I've taken eight flights of stairs up to my office because I saw someone,that I knew was going to engage me in small talk, waiting at the elevator bank.

 

[dgreen]

I saw my parents in a grocery store and didn’t go talk to them.

 

[Zow]

I've taken eight flights of stairs up to my office because I saw someone,that I knew was going to engage me in small talk, waiting at the elevator bank.

Wow... and it wasn't somebody you overall dislike?

Assuming not, that's extreme.

 

[Dr. Octopus]

I've taken eight flights of stairs up to my office because I saw someone,that I knew was going to engage me in small talk, waiting at the elevator bank.

Wow... and it wasn't somebody you overall dislike?

Assuming not, that's extreme.

It’s somebody I liked well enough. For complete disclosure, I would take the stairs every once in a while for exercise anyway.

 

[Terminalxylem]

was thinking about this last night as i was running, quietly, with only my thoughts.. totally at peace.

Curious if you passed many people on the run and if you greeted any of them. Despite an introverted nature, I do find a quick greeting, wave or even nod a positive experience.

I know my anxiety kicks in sometimes even for something this minor

Nodding makes you anxious? Is it just a feeling of unease, or are you replaying the interaction in your mind, worrying you did something wrong?

 

[Terminalxylem]

was thinking about this last night as i was running, quietly, with only my thoughts.. totally at peace.

Curious if you passed many people on the run and if you greeted any of them. Despite an introverted nature, I do find a quick greeting, wave or even nod a positive experience.

it's cold & dark here when i run. there are no people out :(

but i will give a wave when passing by another runner, or some sort of alert/warning if i'm running up behind someone.

What’s your alert of choice, and when do you give it?

I’ve unintentionally scared the cr@p out of people approaching from behind, with the standard “on your left”.

 

[Terminalxylem]

I seldom use self check out, am friendly if someone engages me (smile, say hi, etc.), but avoid "social interactions with weak ties", if possible.

To take it a step further, I often avoid brief interactions with people I know, even if I like them. As an example, I recently ordered take-out food at a roadside cafe. Walking towards the pick up window, I noticed an acquaintance, actually a close friend of one of my good friends, with whom I've had pleasant interactions at least a dozen times. As soon as I saw him, I averted my eyes and walked past the window, into the bakery in the same complex (I'd intended on getting dessert anyway). When I exited, he was still waiting...so I again avoided eye contact, taking the sweets back to my car to buy some more time. Thankfully, he was gone when I returned.

Now he was on his cell almost the entire time (talking to his wife; I heard him mention her name as I passed), so we really wouldn't have had much time to talk anyway. Still, I wasn't gonna take a chance on unwanted chit-chat.

My wife would've been shocked at my actions, as she's the type who engages everyone, actually taking the time to have thoughtful conversation with complete strangers. I'm not sure if this behavior contributes to her happiness, but it certainly keeps her late at work, parties, etc.

I think this is where I fall, too.

I'm totally in favor of smiles, head nods, or brief hellos to even strangers on the street. I'm also in favor of small talk to kill time (e.g. standing in line with the social understanding that any conversation ends when one of us gets his or her stuff). But, I now live my life very efficiently and greatly value my time so forced conversations that extend my duration doing X activity drive me nuts.

So, like you, I may intentionally avoid interaction with an acquaintance solely to avoid any delays in what I'm doing (even though I may like the person and would have happily talked to them in line or something).

Exactly this. I can feel my vitality slipping away, as my wife is compelled to say an individualized goodbye to everyone left at the party, after we‘ve already stayed late to clean up.

But I believe there is evidence suggesting slowing down/relaxing promotes longevity.

 

[Terminalxylem]

I've taken eight flights of stairs up to my office because I saw someone,that I knew was going to engage me in small talk, waiting at the elevator bank.

I took six flights of stairs down rather than ride the elevator with a couple colleagues, after one of them started a conversation walking down the hall, saying “we should all get a beer sometime”.

I replied we can certainly meet up outside work, but prefer stairs to elevators, all of which is true.

We never ended up doing anything, however.

 

[Sand]

Extrovert vs introvert? Small talk can energize extroverts and make them feel better about themselves but the same small talk can drain the energy from introverts and make them feel the need to avoid such interactions.

Seriously. Extroverts seem unable to understand how introverts work.

Maybe you meant something else but the article was relaying the findings. I don't think it was trying to explain or understand introverts. I think everyone fully understands different people like/dislike different things.

I am a classic introvert. Engineer, work with engineers, etc. I thrive on small interactions in the office. I was miserable during COVID stuffed away in a back room working remote; it was the height of suckage. It's really the only thing that gives me pause about retirement - I could do without a ton of the stress, the deadlines, and all the rest.

 

[mr. furley]

was thinking about this last night as i was running, quietly, with only my thoughts.. totally at peace.

Curious if you passed many people on the run and if you greeted any of them. Despite an introverted nature, I do find a quick greeting, wave or even nod a positive experience.

it's cold & dark here when i run. there are no people out :(

but i will give a wave when passing by another runner, or some sort of alert/warning if i'm running up behind someone.

What’s your alert of choice, and when do you give it?

I’ve unintentionally scared the cr@p out of people approaching from behind, with the standard “on your left”.

lol, "on your left/right" is best i give. doesn't matter, still scares people.

considered carrying a clicker, or a noisemaker of some sort, but that might make it worse.

sometimes i farmer blow and that gets attention, but, you know.. kinda nasty.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

I will give a wave when passing by another runner, or some sort of alert/warning if i'm running up behind someone.

I've found honking a clown horn helps alert others to my presence.

 

[Dinsy Ejotuz]

Small talk you can get yourself out of quickly is waaay different from being stuck in a social situation and having to make small talk. It's super easy to be friendly and interested in small bursts. And it does feel good.

For long conversations I'm terrible if there's no meat on the bone.

 

[Senor Schmutzig]

I started taking long walks super early every morning once the pandemic lockdowns started and have continued to do so ever since. I can vouch that saying “good morning” to people that I see along my walk (many of which are nothing more than familiar faces of strangers that also seem to enjoy morning walks) has had an impact on me. I think that many of us maybe have jobs that are predominately computer based and “work from home” to where social interaction is minimized. For me, I have a job that forces me to interact with a lot of people—but there is a difference in the feeling of the forced socialization of a workplace versus random pure socialization where the only motivation or provocation is to say something kind or nice to somebody. Even a quick acknowledgment of somebody can have an impact on their day. At first, I felt as though it was just the physical aspect of walking, and starting off my day with a positive accomplishment that kept me wanting to keep up my daily walking routine—but I do think that this small talk aspect probably does play a part in a lot of the enjoyment I get from it.

I got about halfway through this post and I had to scroll up to see if it was my own response because it sounded exactly how I was thinking about responding to this thread. Weird.

I enjoy saying good morning to everyone I pass on my morning walks, unless they are clearly engaged with someone else and it would appear to be a “hey, pay attention to me” gesture.

I enjoy the inevitable smile I can get from an otherwise scowling person or the hard earned, preemptive hello I will get from the old codgers that used to just grunt at me when I first started encountering them months or years ago.

I am in Sales so I have always been able to connect with people. The key for me is finding something relatable to talk about, not just the BS “how’s the weather?” type questions that are mentioned above. I hate that kind of conversation as much as the next guy. I do like creating a rapport with someone because that usually makes them more memorable and gives me a better chance of remembering who the heck they are when I inevitably see them again months or years later.

 

[Senor Schmutzig]

And I don’t consider myself an extrovert or an introvert. More of the middle, the ambivert.

I don’t get charged up and energized by interaction, it’s still drains me but I enjoy it. On the flip side, I do like to be introverted at times as that is what charges my batteries and allows me to be successful during those times I need to be social in my job.