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I'm trying dude . I'm thinking about it all a lot but just not finding the motivation. It's not that easy to just go to an AA meeting and listen or contact a clinic and apply for low cost or free mental healthcare. I just don't know what to do. I'm scared and just hiding away from the world when I'm not at work.
You do realise that the drinking is as much or worse than other issues you are experiencing? That people fail to meet goals, make their lives for the better when they are drinking so much on top of not being treated? If you're not ready to stop drinking so much which really as people have stated already, should be the first step to the rest of your better life then there's nothing more we can say. We go round and round. You are making people exhausted by trying to get through to you and in some cases like me, trying to see things from your side as well when many others can't stemming from the past. All these things you write about as goals or hopes will not happen unless you get yourself straightened out first, and that is to stop with the alcohol and drugs, if you are using. Not one person becomes a success at anything until they've cleaned up. I think you need to check out those stats and if you still keep on doing what you are doing, then expect nothing to work out or work out for long. There is no escaping with alcohol. You're slowly killing yourself just from drinking so much. Is that what you want because that is what's happening with such high consumption.
Do you really think you drink too much? To be honest, I drink way more than I should but I'm fine with it.
That's a goal I'm trying to set and achieve for myself. Try to write a page a day or something like that. Im obsessed with thinking about it, I have been for many years. Im writing it in my head I just haven't put it down on paper. In my head I can read it as clearly as if it were physically real.
Idk. I rarely go too far. Haven't had any total blackouts or anything. My waistline would indicate I'm drinking too much. I probably spend close to $100 a week on beer and cigarettes. When I don't drink I use my vape which costs pennies a day. When I drink I like real cigarettes. I usually drink about 10 beers a night and smoke and play hockey on Xbox. The only days I don't drink are when I'm so hungover I just sleep the whole day away.
OK, I know that this may be a sensitive topic...I'm somewhat new to active posting here, thus, I don't like getting involved in things that I really don't understand too well.
Did you hack my computer?OK, I know that this may be a sensitive topic...I'm somewhat new to active posting here, thus, I don't like getting involved in things that I really don't understand too well.
Also, I don't enjoy giving advice, as I have made many mistakes in my life that I have not yet figured out.
But...in this one case, may I recommend a sci-fi thriller based upon the forces of overlord sentient plants allied with genius squirrels that want more nuts?
I see a Hollywood deal here....if done correctly.
If you are curious the best way I could describe my idea is catcher in the rye meets Independence Day. That's as much as I'm comfortable revealing.OK, I know that this may be a sensitive topic...I'm somewhat new to active posting here, thus, I don't like getting involved in things that I really don't understand too well.
Also, I don't enjoy giving advice, as I have made many mistakes in my life that I have not yet figured out.
But...in this one case, may I recommend a sci-fi thriller based upon the forces of overlord sentient plants allied with genius squirrels that want more nuts?
I see a Hollywood deal here....if done correctly.
I know its hard for you--because it's hard for anybody to confront their fears and/or problems. This is a commonality that we all share. With that being said--you have to put yourself in a position to move forward and not tread water. You need to tackle these issues so that you can thrive in every facet of life. You yourself admit that you have a drinking problem, dabble in drugs, and might have mental illness--so I give you this--why not stop thinking about doing tthings that you know will help you---and just do them? Don't think about attending an AA meeting--just do it. Look up the closest one to you-and just frigging go. If you are personally aware that your thought process is probably flawed (by possible mental illness along with alcohol and drug abuse)--don't put too much stock in your thought process. Your mind might possibly be your biggest enemy--so be aware of this fact. You know that you need help--do not allow your mind and thought process to get in the way of that. We are all rooting for your success man. Good luck and good night.
See, I don't think you have a drinking problem. At least not more than many other people. Not me at least. But you're just plugging along without any direction or goals. I don't know why you don't utilize your artistic ability to work toward a goal.
Because it's not as simple as you are making it out to be. I've gone through countless different scenarios in my head regarding all this and I haven't figured enough out to feel comfortable taking the first step in any particular direction. As much as i post on here every day it's not my entire life. There are people and issues in my life not even related to my drinking or mental illness. There are so many factors and possibilities it makes my head spin.
It's not as easy as it seems to draw. That's a tremendous emotional endevour. My ex, who's also my best friend, encourages me to draw every day. The truth is im just not feeling any inspiration lately.
Well you need to change that and make it a manageable process. Put a clock on yourself and draw 30 minutes a day and put the pen/pencil/brush down. Do it every day and see what happens. Don't waste talent! Your art is where your release is. It just won't happen today, tomorrow, next week or next year. It's years of hard work but something we all must do.
Of course it makes sense--and nobody is saying or implying that what you are going through is easy. However--the hardest things are often the most rewarding. The reason you drink, do drugs, and socialize here is because it is easy for you because you are fearful to succeed and overcome your problems. In university--one of my professors quoted a line (and I cannot recollect who came up with it) that went "Fear is the thief of dreams"--and this is the exactly the case for you. Your dreams are located just behind the professional help--and all you need to do is go down that path to get to them. You just have to start somewhere and force yourself to do something that you know is good for you. Start going down that path man--even if its one baby step at a time. Nobody is saying to dive all in right off the bat. Again--I will end this post the way I end most of mine to you--goodnight and good luck.
When I was in college , my friend and I would draw pics of dongs and then leave them on a bench outside the library. We would wait further back and see reactions. Good times.....
It doesn't work that way. It's not my process. That's why I want to switch to being a writer. It seems more manageable .
That's why I enjoyed doing it for the FFA. It was actually inspired by @Annyong. He posted a drawing of a trailer with a dong and it just clicked in me.
Yeah but set yourself up in what you're good at so you can pursue the other things. Don't throw away money.
Unfortunately, for me, this does make sense.
It's a lot of pressure hearing " go to an AA meeting" every day. I'm trying to digest the entire idea but the more I get hounded by it the more averse I get to it. I appreciate the help everyone is offering but I can't just wake up and feel " I'm going to a meeting today". If I do it I have to do it when I'm ready.
I'm not comfortable revealing that. It's really good and original and I don't want the plot stolen.
I can be a good writer too. I actually am a good writer. I used to write short fantasy stories for class in school and would blow my teachers minds, some of them were actually published writers and they told me they never saw this kind of writing from a child.
For myself, entering group Cognitive Behavioral Therapy was one of the scariest things I ever did. I was not ready...but I had no choice. I resisted...I fought...but...after about 4 months, I began to understand. I found that the people there were not there to attack me, rather, they were me...in a certain sense. They understood me better than any doctor or therapist that I had ever encountered....because they were going thru what I was gong thru. However, the Doc/Therapist does matter. They are the moderators and guides. I experienced some REALLY sucky ones. It may take time to click...and with limited resources, this can be tough, but it is not impossible.
100% ready....of course not.
that's all an excuse to not ever go. what a load of crap. No one is ever ready to go to an initial AA meeting.
there is no perfect time to get help. You just go and get it. It sucks big time at first but then the help starts to work and then you soften up and embrace the change and great things happen. Quit the bs act and go.
Also, since you liked this song, I offer this live version:
You think I don't tell myself that every day? I do.
