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Son's teammate died; do you still play? (1 Viewer)

D

dutch

Footballguy
Got an email tonight from son's soccer coach informing us that one of the boys on the team fell on his head today and died this evening. The teams first round playoff game is set for 1:30 this afternoon. This is 7th grade rec league we're talking about and the coach is asking the parents where they stand on playing today. I am of the mindset to let the game go on and tell the boys afterwards. My wife feels we should postpone or forfeit in respect to the family. Anybody ever deal with this kind of situation or have any guidance?

 
Postpone! And I cannot possibly imagine the other team and organization wouldn't be onboard with the decision and let you reschedule

 
Can you ask the family of the child who died what their wishes are? They might appreciate the team playing a game in his honor.

 
Mrs. Rannous said:
Can you ask the family of the child who died what their wishes are? They might appreciate the team playing a game in his honor.
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Their child died tonight. I would recommend strongly against calling them for the purpose of asking them whether a soccer game should go forward tomorrow.

 
I am crafting an email to the coach in which I suggest we work with the league to postpone . The coach did offer up the idea of playing the game in the kids honor but I can't imagine the team being able to concentrate enough for it to be worthwhile.

This is a messed up situation, one of those times I wish I hadn't opened up my email before going to bed.

 
bigbottom said:
Mrs. Rannous said:
Can you ask the family of the child who died what their wishes are? They might appreciate the team playing a game in his honor.
Click to expand...
Their child died tonight. I would recommend strongly against calling them for the purpose of asking them whether a soccer game should go forward tomorrow.
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This is a good point. We are not involving the family in this.

Eff it, it is only 7th grade rec and real life is more important. Not looking forward to talking with my son in the morning.

 
dutch said:
bigbottom said:
Mrs. Rannous said:
Can you ask the family of the child who died what their wishes are? They might appreciate the team playing a game in his honor.
Click to expand...
Their child died tonight. I would recommend strongly against calling them for the purpose of asking them whether a soccer game should go forward tomorrow.
Click to expand...
This is a good point. We are not involving the family in this. Eff it, it is only 7th grade rec and real life is more important. Not looking forward to talking with my son in the morning.
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I imagine it's going to be a tough conversation. Good luck and I hope you are able to find the right words to help your son deal with the loss of his teammate.

 
Very short notice on something like this can be tough for communication to see if you play or not.

If you do play, get the ball afterwards, have everyone sign it, and give it to the parents.

I would personally be all for playing the game (unless others oppose obviously, especially the kids) and using it as a life lesson rather than just use time to heal the wounds.

No wrong answer though, sucks.

 
You'd have to be pretty cold blooded to go forward with the game. There are bigger things in life

The kids already have the time off, let it be a time to being the team together and reflect, discuss how everyone feels, start the healing

Good luck

 
wilked said:
ghostguy123 said:
using it as a life lesson rather than just use time to heal the wounds.
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Are you out of your mind? Which life lesson is that, circle of life?
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I am not saying anyone should be forced to play. Simply make sure everyone knows the situation, and if enough want to play, then play.

If not, so be it, and that is totally understandable.

If they do happen to play, yeah, there would be some value in the kids playing for a friend and then doing something nice as a team for the family afterwards.

I also have no idea about the dynamics of the relationships of all involved, which I am sure would make a difference in many cases.

Either way, crappy situation obviously, and there is no wrong answer on playing or not playing.

 
Sorry for your loss.

Terrible.

I would just cancel.

If you cancel you might have a couple people mildly disappointed but wouldn't voice it out of being insensitive.

If you play, you can be deemed the insensitive one and anger quite a few people in the process...including the family of the child.

 
GB those poor parents. I don't see where playing a soccer game should even be in the conversation at this point.

 
Thanks guys, I appreciate everyone's input. I've sent the coach my thoughts and am waiting to hear back.

It was tough sleeping last night. It's awful to think about what the parents are going through. Here you are with a normal day and *poof* stupid stuff happens. What a gray day.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
So sad. Definitely do what you're doing and don't play.

Now I understand why neither Goodwill not Savers would accept a bunk bed donation this summer. Injuries must be somewhat common.

 
Thoughts and prayers go out for that family. What a horrible tragedy.

Why not leave it up to the kids themselves? No pressure on them to play or not. It could give them a few hours of escape to play the game. If they want to rally together and play in his honor so be it. If they don't feel like playing then so be it.

 
The last thing on the family's mind is what the #### their dead son's soccer team is doing. Play the game, postpone the game, doesn't matter.

 
KingPrawn said:
Thoughts and prayers go out for that family. What a horrible tragedy.

Why not leave it up to the kids themselves? No pressure on them to play or not. It could give them a few hours of escape to play the game. If they want to rally together and play in his honor so be it. If they don't feel like playing then so be it.
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Postpone with league agreement, then after a couple days let the coach or parents ask the kids as a team if they want to play. The kids may want to.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
bigbottom said:
Mrs. Rannous said:
Can you ask the family of the child who died what their wishes are? They might appreciate the team playing a game in his honor
Click to expand...
Their child died tonight. I would recommend strongly against calling them for the purpose of asking them whether a soccer game should go forward tomorrow.
Click to expand...
This. There are other things on their mind.Cancel. Hug your kids. T&P to all involved.

 
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KingPrawn said:
Thoughts and prayers go out for that family. What a horrible tragedy.

Why not leave it up to the kids themselves? No pressure on them to play or not. It could give them a few hours of escape to play the game. If they want to rally together and play in his honor so be it. If they don't feel like playing then so be it.
Click to expand...
Because kids don't know any better? That's why there are adults around to help them. Jesus.

 
cstu said:
The last thing on the family's mind is what the #### their dead son's soccer team is doing. Play the game, postpone the game, doesn't matter.
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Agreed. But the question about canceling the game isn't about the family of the child (hopefully they will not be contacted to solicit their thoughts on the game) so much as it is about the other boys on the team who will be learning today that their teammate died and whether proceeding with a soccer game immediately on the heels of learning that news is the right decision.

 
ghostguy123 said:
I would personally be all for playing the game (unless others oppose obviously, especially the kids) and using it as a life lesson rather than just use time to heal the wounds.
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There is no lesson to be learned from playing a meaningless game in 7th grade.

 
There is no right or wrong answer to this. It's possible that if the kid that died wasn't well liked, you'd have a group of kids pissed off and bitter that they can't play because of him. As insensitive as that sounds, lots of kids are insensitive. It's hard to know how kids will react to this news. So let the kids decide if they want to play or not. If you force a decision on them that they don't agree with, it will make it worse.

 
A few years ago, one of the players on our high school football team passed away...car crash coming home from his girl friend's house on Wednesday. The family, school, community were all a wreck. That Saturday, the team played in the State Semi Finals. The schedule was beyond anyone's control locally. The game went on with family members present and their blessing. Very emotional time...very emotional game. We get beat in that game, but there were a lot of heroics in just being able to take the field in his memory. It ended up being a fairly therapeutic experience for a lot of people.

This was obviously a much different situation then yours, but I figured I would share. I would not play the soccer game. Good luck.

 
Politician Spock said:
There is no right or wrong answer to this. It's possible that if the kid that died wasn't well liked, you'd have a group of kids pissed off and bitter that they can't play because of him. As insensitive as that sounds, lots of kids are insensitive. It's hard to know how kids will react to this news. So let the kids decide if they want to play or not. If you force a decision on them that they don't agree with, it will make it worse.
Click to expand...
Actually there is a wrong answer.
 
Politician Spock said:
There is no right or wrong answer to this. It's possible that if the kid that died wasn't well liked, you'd have a group of kids pissed off and bitter that they can't play because of him. As insensitive as that sounds, lots of kids are insensitive. It's hard to know how kids will react to this news. So let the kids decide if they want to play or not. If you force a decision on them that they don't agree with, it will make it worse.
Click to expand...
I would like to think that most kids aren't this crude and insensitive.

 
Fyi, the boy who died was liked by all on the team. He wasn't best pals with most of them but he was a little goofy and quite harmless. Nobody disliked him for any reason.

Coach contacted the league and is awaiting word. My wife and I will talk with our son as soon as we find out what's happening with the game.

 
comfortably numb said:
Sorry for your loss.

Terrible.

I would just cancel.

If you cancel you might have a couple people mildly disappointed but wouldn't voice it out of being insensitive.
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But it's the playoffs!!!! I'm almost positive one creep parent will say this, sadly.

Sad situation, agree with majority to reschedule.

 
Galileo said:
A few years ago, one of the players on our high school football team passed away...car crash coming home from his girl friend's house on Wednesday. The family, school, community were all a wreck. That Saturday, the team played in the State Semi Finals. The schedule was beyond anyone's control locally. The game went on with family members present and their blessing. Very emotional time...very emotional game. We get beat in that game, but there were a lot of heroics in just being able to take the field in his memory. It ended up being a fairly therapeutic experience for a lot of people.

This was obviously a much different situation then yours, but I figured I would share. I would not play the soccer game. Good luck.
Click to expand...
This was what I was thinking of, because it happened here a few weeks ago. But these kids are younger, so it's very different.

 
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