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Stood a woman up tonight - am I a bad person? (1 Viewer)

bweiser

Footballguy
56 year old white male.

Met a woman online this week and we texted every day. She seemed cool and it probably would have been a slam-dunk slump buster. 

This morning I decided I just couldn’t go through with it . She wasn’t what I am really seeking. I’ll probably never find what I am looking for. Which is OK I guess. 

 
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Punxsutawney Phil

Footballguy
It's probably better off than going into something that your not feeling really good about.  Then you have to feel like a POS when you dump some poor lady who is in love with you.

 

comfortably numb

Footballguy
If you left her waiting for you and now are gonna just avoid her texts that is super dooshy and juvenille.

If you have a change of heart and told her you dont wanna meet up later or have to cancel, even with a BS excuse that isnthe adult thing to do.

 

Uruk-Hai

Footballguy
What made you think she wasn't for you? All in your 2nd paragraph sounds like you were interested.

Agree with the others that, if you made a time/place date and just didn't show, it's pretty messed up.

 

bweiser

Footballguy
No. I was supposed to text her to set up a meet up. So she was just expecting it and I didn’t text her 

 

AAABatteries

Footballguy
Is that really considered standing someone up?  I haven’t dated in a long time and we didn’t have texting back then so I’m genuinely unsure.  If I told a girl back in the day let’s do something and told her I’d call I wouldn’t have called it standing her up if I never called her.  

 

Ilov80s

Footballguy
Obviously not as bad as making plans to meet and never showing, but still pretty lame. She might have had other things she was going to do but put them off assuming you two were going to hang out. Why not just text and say something as simple as  "sorry but I am going to go out tonight".  Or makeup an excuse like most people do?

 

DocHolliday

Footballguy
No. I was supposed to text her to set up a meet up. So she was just expecting it and I didn’t text her 
It's good that you bailed before you gave her hope but you should have told her that you have decided you are not ready to date anyone or don't have room in your life for a relationship.   You may have struck gold.  She may have said that she was fine with that and only wants a good time or sex partner and doesn't need a relationship either.  At worst, you don't leave her hanging.   

 
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Ghost Rider

Footballguy
Just text her that you had an unexpected herpes outbreak and had to hurry to the pharmacy for some meds.  You'll never hear from her again. 

 

jvdesigns2002

Footballguy
I don't think that it's glaringly wrong to have a change of heart before following through with a meet up or a date--but I do think that you should at least text/email and give the other party a heads up.   Even if you don't want to fess up and let them know the real reason--make up an excuse ahead of time so that they aren't sitting around waiting or being worried about you.  Basically--no--there is nothing wrong with having a change of heart--but in my opinion straight of ghosting her without any communication that you are not going to be able to make it is pretty dooshy.  Just my 2 cents. 

 

Rirruto

Footballguy
No. I was supposed to text her to set up a meet up. So she was just expecting it and I didn’t text her 
Then you did absolutely nothing wrong, and the same will undoubtedly happen to you if you stay in the game for more than a week. You flaked on her, which is expected at a certain rate for every person involved in app/online dating. Leaving her waiting at a bar for you would be a ##### move, but declining to set up a date or texting to cancel a date are totally acceptable in the current dating environment.

Anyone who tells you otherwise hasn't been on a date in 10 years and shouldn't be seriously listened to.

 

CurlyNight

Footballguy
She may text you to see what happened. It would have been cleaner to have just texted her that something's come up. You don't need to say what. Wish her well. By wishing her well it's clear you won't be contacting her again. 

 
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ILUVBEER99

Footballguy
wtf. you didn't even confirm you had a date set up for sure.  Why would you feel bad?  

With online dating you're probably messaging with 25+ woman at any given time (woman are in contact with 100's on these online dating sites). 

Don't sweat it, i'm sure she's got tons of other guys in the chamber.

 

NotSmart

Footballguy
wtf. you didn't even confirm you had a date set up for sure.  Why would you feel bad?  

With online dating you're probably messaging with 25+ woman at any given time (woman are in contact with 100's on these online dating sites). 

Don't sweat it, i'm sure she's got tons of other guys in the chamber.
While I agree with you, it takes less than 30 seconds to send her a text like CN suggested above.

Maybe the world will even send a little good karma his way... you know, for the effort.

 

Mrs. Rannous

Footballguy
ILUVBEER99 said:
wtf. you didn't even confirm you had a date set up for sure.  Why would you feel bad?  

With online dating you're probably messaging with 25+ woman at any given time (woman are in contact with 100's on these online dating sites). 

Don't sweat it, i'm sure she's got tons of other guys in the chamber.
And he demonstrated bad manners and immaturity.  I bet word gets out about that stuff, too.

 
Is that really considered standing someone up?  I haven’t dated in a long time and we didn’t have texting back then so I’m genuinely unsure.  If I told a girl back in the day let’s do something and told her I’d call I wouldn’t have called it standing her up if I never called her.  
I believe it’s considered “ghosting” someone. 

 

Stuart Ullman

Footballguy
She texted me today and I explained why
There you go.

You didn't handle the situation the best way nor did you handle it the worst way. You wasted her Saturday night but you didn't get her hopes up.

That's the dating world. Sometimes we're into somebody but maybe not into them enough. You get in too deep and it's actually your own conscience (sp) that makes it hard to do the right thing.

She's an adult, she'll understand.

 
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