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Teenage daughter drama - friends mother calls my daughter a slut and white devil (1 Viewer)

STEADYMOBBIN 22

STEADYMOBBIN 22

Footballguy
I’ll try and be brief...

Short version

14 y/o daughter and friend don’t get along, anymore, beef goes to Snapchat, mother of friend calls the school, school wants us to meet, friends mother shows up late, causes a scene and calls my daughter a whore, says she’s dated half of the basketball team and she’s a white devil - all in front of my daughter. End of scene as she’s escorted into another room to meet with the principal and were told the meeting is over and someone will call us.

What the hell man? Should I take some form of preventive legal action or something to document this aggressive behavior? I’d love to just ignore this girl and her family going forward but I doubt they have the ability to do so. 

long version 


 
My daughter and another girl have always had an on and off friendship what which has gotten more contentious as of late.

So long story short (too late) 

Friend slips out on voluntary basketball practice and doesn’t invite my daughter because she says she was worried my daughter would snitch.

My daughter gets butthurt about this because she wouldn’t have snitched and tells friend not to bother being her friend anymore.

Friend takes to Snapchat :rolleyes:  and posts the text conversation showing everyone “how lame” my daughter is. This continues for several days.

My daughter ignores it for a few days but all her fiends are talking about it and she posts her own picture of the friend with the subtext calling the friend a ##### -which is obviously stupid. 

Then the friends “Sister” (who is this girls legal guardian and an adult) calls my daughter directly to confront her. My daughter hangs up and blocks her. Then the sends a text to my wife’s phone. This is on THANKSGIVING evening around 8pm -so we’re drunk and not going to respond. 

The following day we get an email from the school saying that because they’re on the basketball team together they we should all meet before they practice together. 

This isn’t a school matter but we agree because we would like a resolution.

Wife and I both take off of work early today for the meeting. We arrive early to find out that the friends mother has already been to the school in the morning they no show for the first 15 minutes and then barge into the room while we are explaining the facts as we know them. The friends mother interrupts a few times before we get things settled down. I start off explaining that under no circumstances is any adult to contact my daughter directly and that’s when the friends mother goes into a rage playing the victim and proceeds to call my daughter a slut and a white devil. She is escorted out of the room where she continues expletives and calling my daughter names- laid enough so that our other daughter and dozens of other kids overhear her.

We wait for awhile before being told that we should just go and someone will contact us tomorrow. 

So what’s the recourse here is any? IMO the woman dug her own grave all by herself and we shouldn’t have to do much but I’m doing my due diligence by sharing my story her both for your entertainment and more importantly, advice on how to proceed.

I should add that this a private school and our children have been there paying full tuition for 4 years. 

Wife and I are going to send an email to school explaining that we will be there tomorrow morning to meet with the principal. 
Any advice other than that? Are folks really allowed to verbally abuse my daughter like that with no recourse? Are there any legal preventative/measures I should take? 


 
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Stupid edit won’t work with spoiler ....

Any advice other than that? Are folks really allowed to verbally abuse my daughter like that with no recourse? Are there any legal preventative/measures I should take? 

 
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This is how Carrie started.  Have your daughter completely sever ties to the other girl, and better yet, switch schools.  

 
Dude, you've called me a ###### and gone off on me numerous times. I'd say your daughter will be okay. And I care. I really do. No BS. But your behavior isn't so good here, and I'd think the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, frankly.  You're raising what you are.   

 
rockaction said:
Dude, you've called me a ###### and gone off on me numerous times. I'd say your daughter will be okay. And I care. I really do. No BS. But your behavior isn't so good here, and I'd think the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, frankly.  You're raising what you are.   
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Lol you are a doofus but I admit you have grown on me. 

 
Nigel said:
Girls that age are horrible to each other. 
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Horrific.

I forgot to say I know my daughter isn’t a saint and I’m sure there more to both sides of the story but I wouldn’t confront another persons child, EVER. Nor would I ever be verbally abusive towards a child. Hold Christ, what just happened??  

 
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I know I wouldn't let my daughter associate with them any more.  I would also explain that whatever she posts NEVER goes away.

I think I'd want to talk to the principal about the supposed other adult's behavior.  No adult should be contacting your kid.  Block them and never respond to them in any form.

 
STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
Horrific.

I forgot to say I know my daughter isn’t a saint and I’m sure there more to both sides of the story but I wouldn’t confront another persons child, EVER. Nor would I ever be verbally abusive towards a child. Hold Christ, what just happened??  
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Never should happen. You're dead right on this one.   

 
Okay my .02 having gone through similar situations with my now 19 year old daughter and my 14 year old daughter. Be the Calm! It is very easy to get all worked up over this and it won’t be productive. Don’t escalate this unless you have to. Your daughter should lose her social media rights for some time. Thats’s where it ends unless the other side ramps it up.

i can’t tell you how many times I have sat up at night worried about some situation my girls got themselves into and then the next day they come home and they are like “oh, it is solved.”

 Let the kids and time work this out. 

Now if the adult sister does something else, that’s another story.

 
STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
Stupid edit won’t work with spoiler ....

Any advice other than that? Are folks really allowed to verbally abuse my daughter like that with no recourse? Are there any legal preventative/measures I should take? 
Click to expand...
It was inappropriate for the school to agree to this meeting, and the mother's behavior is exactly why. They created an environment that allowed your child to be traumatized.

But there's nothing you can do about "recourse". The school can't punish the mother. You can't sue her for saying mean things. And you can't sue the school because they didn't really do anything that was illegal.

If it were me, I'd demand a meeting with whoever supervises the principal of that school, and I would let him know that the school's rinky-dink attempt at mediation resulted in a traumatic experience for your child, and that no other children should be put in that kind of situation.

Beyond that, I would suspend social media activity for your daughter and I would completely cut the psycho mom and her kids out of your family's lives forever.

 
Harassment prevention order. Document everything if it escalates.

 
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[scooter] said:
It was inappropriate for the school to agree to this meeting, and the mother's behavior is exactly why. They created an environment that allowed your child to be traumatized.

But there's nothing you can do about "recourse". The school can't punish the mother. You can't sue her for saying mean things. And you can't sue the school because they didn't really do anything that was illegal.

If it were me, I'd demand a meeting with whoever supervises the principal of that school, and I would let him know that the school's rinky-dink attempt at mediation resulted in a traumatic experience for your child, and that no other children should be put in that kind of situation.

Beyond that, I would suspend social media activity for your daughter and I would completely cut the psycho mom and her kids out of your family's lives forever.
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This seems like a good response 

 
There might be some cyber bulling law in your jurisdiction... but to be honest, it sounds like it took two people to create this situation, so I doubt any cyber bulling law could result in there being a clear victim here. 

There's nothing to justify what the mother did to your daughter, but it sounds like your daughter is no saint. 

 
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[scooter] said:
It was inappropriate for the school to agree to this meeting, and the mother's behavior is exactly why. They created an environment that allowed your child to be traumatized.

But there's nothing you can do about "recourse". The school can't punish the mother. You can't sue her for saying mean things. And you can't sue the school because they didn't really do anything that was illegal.

If it were me, I'd demand a meeting with whoever supervises the principal of that school, and I would let him know that the school's rinky-dink attempt at mediation resulted in a traumatic experience for your child, and that no other children should be put in that kind of situation.

Beyond that, I would suspend social media activity for your daughter and I would completely cut the psycho mom and her kids out of your family's lives forever.
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Agreed. I’m not looking to sue anyone, ever I hope. I meant more of along the lines of filing a police report or restraining order.

The kids certainly aren’t innocent but the mother/sister or whatever she is -isn’t stable.

 
Politician Spock said:
There might be some cyber bulling law in your jurisdiction... but to be honest, it sounds like it took two people to create this situation, so I doubt any cyber bulling law could result in there being a clear victim here. 

There's nothing to justify what the mother did to your daughter, but it sounds like your daughter is no saint. 
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The girls are girls and neither are saints.

This could have all been cordially worked out but the insane sister/mother couldn’t conduct herself appropriately.

The mother/sister just took what was normal teenage girl nonsense to a different level. 

 
Courtjester said:
Okay my .02 having gone through similar situations with my now 19 year old daughter and my 14 year old daughter. Be the Calm! It is very easy to get all worked up over this and it won’t be productive. Don’t escalate this unless you have to. Your daughter should lose her social media rights for some time. Thats’s where it ends unless the other side ramps it up.

i can’t tell you how many times I have sat up at night worried about some situation my girls got themselves into and then the next day they come home and they are like “oh, it is solved.”

 Let the kids and time work this out. 

Now if the adult sister does something else, that’s another story.
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Good advice too.

 
No social media is a given. Going forward the phone will only have the ability to send and receive text/calls during specific times. 

 
What @[scooter] and @bosoxs45 said. 

Talk about what happened at the school meeting with your daughter again. Talk about the other woman’s reaction in general and to what your daughter posted online and (hopefully) lies that her friend to the mother. She needs to understand that by posting and calling the other girl a name on social media only inflamed the situation and the other mother. Punish her for it, that it’s unacceptable behavior. I’ve taught my kids that unless you’re physically attacked, walk away and don’t listen to words. That’s all they are, they mean nothing. The people’s opinions that matter live with them and do not belong to the friend, the  friend’s crazy mother or any kid at school for that matter. Good luck. Kids suck. 

Edit: and also commend your daughter for not skipping out on basketball practice. This actually started because she did the right thing, and she needs to be reminded of it. The other girl is trying to get her to go down a road she doesn’t want to go, end that friendship quick.

 
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STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
The girls are girls and neither are saints.

This could have all been cordially worked out but the insane sister/mother couldn’t conduct herself appropriately.

The mother/sister just took what was normal teenage girl nonsense to a different level. 
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Well besides for maybe being a little off, she’s defintiely as immature as the kids. 

Question about the white devil remark, am I wrong to assume that is a racially motivated comment?  

 
Before Cyber Monday ends, pick up a set of outdoor surveillance cameras for your daughters “big gift” this year. So you can record the other girl and #### mom vandalizing your house.

we live on a street with a pair of (now college and older) girls. The older one was a really good soccer player who apparently displaced another girl off of the varsity team. Well, this went over about as well as you could expect. The girl vandalized my mailbox, and broke one of my house lights. Yep, her Google-fu was off and she targeted my house instead. Of course, a few nights later she hit the right house. Get cameras.

 
I think most of the "luck" in my life was used up on having a drama-free daughter.

I'll take it.  :D  

 
I don’t have anything to help.  Middle school girls are the worst and I’m pretty sure I did something terrible in a previous life to deserve this.  Like maybe I was h.h. Holmes or something. HTH. Cowboys suck. San dimes high school football rules.

 
Long Ball Larry said:
I don’t have anything to help.  Middle school girls are the worst and I’m pretty sure I did something terrible in a previous life to deserve this.  Like maybe I was h.h. Holmes or something. HTH. Cowboys suck. San dimes high school football rules.
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Thank bud. I forgot to include you on the short list of eagles fans I like but..... I, um ....like you?  :oldunsure:

Its the worst. 

 
STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
Stupid edit won’t work with spoiler ....

Any advice other than that? Are folks really allowed to verbally abuse my daughter like that with no recourse? Are there any legal preventative/measures I should take? 
Click to expand...
not sure why to bring in legal recourse here. I would suggest to my daughter that the reason that mom probably said that is definitely because she has a low self-esteem and nothing more intelligent to present, and i would suggest it is possible that she said that because she was a slut when she was a teenager. I would have called the mom out at the meeting, but it is better you didn't. 

Don't think it needs to be said, but the most important thing here is obviously to talk with your daughter about it and ensure she is ok. Let her know it sucks, but in life people are going to say sh'tty things to her, and she will need to figure out how to deal with them. hopefully your daughter has a good network of friends and what this other mom said is just junk, but still let her know you love her and that this lady is just nuts. 

 
I'd have probably gone all Hustle and  Flow on that woman and been like "Look here  you dirt rascal pimp...you keep my daughters name out of your mouth".  Then I would have probably sent her some **** pics and tried to hook up with her.....but not bang her really good as a form of revenge. 

 
Thunderlips said:
I'd have probably gone all Hustle and  Flow on that woman and been like "Look here  you dirt rascal pimp...you keep my daughters name out of your mouth".  Then I would have probably sent her some **** pics and tried to hook up with her.....but not bang her really good as a form of revenge. 
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i did something like this a few weeks ago when some homeless guy asked me for money outside of a local Wawa while i was waiting with my 17 month old daughter for her medicine from the CVS. About halfway through my comment i thought "oh man, i should have just ignored and kept walking", but just let the rest of it gush out. 

Skipped on the 2nd sentence though. Did feel a bit bad about it, but damn day care my daughter goes to gives me every single disease in the book so i was ill as well. But yeah, wasn't pleased he mentioned something about my daughter while asking us for money.

My wife is probably better than me to ask advice for on these kinds of things

 
modogg said:
not sure why to bring in legal recourse here. I would suggest to my daughter that the reason that mom probably said that is definitely because she has a low self-esteem and nothing more intelligent to present, and i would suggest it is possible that she said that because she was a slut when she was a teenager. I would have called the mom out at the meeting, but it is better you didn't. 

Don't think it needs to be said, but the most important thing here is obviously to talk with your daughter about it and ensure she is ok. Let her know it sucks, but in life people are going to say sh'tty things to her, and she will need to figure out how to deal with them. hopefully your daughter has a good network of friends and what this other mom said is just junk, but still let her know you love her and that this lady is just nuts. 
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Another mistake the school made was to have the meeting in a small office without enough chairs. I gave up my chairs for the ladies and stood. The late arriving sister also had no place to sit so I do t think that helped.

So since we were both standing this B actually stepped up to me yelling and said that she wasn’t the to mess with. :lmao:

I calmly told her to get out of my face twice before I dropped a get out of my MFn face. This is when the vice principal ushered out of the room and then she called my daughter a slut.

 
STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
Another mistake the school made was to have the meeting in a small office without enough chairs. I gave up my chairs for the ladies and stood. The late arriving sister also had no place to sit so I do t think that helped.

So since we were both standing this B actually stepped up to me yelling and said that she wasn’t the to mess with. :lmao:

I calmly told her to get out of my face twice before I dropped a get out of my MFn face. This is when the vice principal ushered out of the room and then she called my daughter a slut.
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agree the school did set this up to be ugly. Not sure why they would do it that way, probably knowing the result was going to be the mother and sister doing their thing. I can only imagine how much it made your blood boil. Not looking forward to these type of things when mine gets older. Really not a good way for that to end. 

 
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