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The 50 Greatest Hair Albums EVER. (1 Viewer)

For Bruce Dickinson,

I had recently turned 21 and had my own apartment and access to booze. My step-brother was 17 and even though step-brothers we had become great friends and metal fans. We got tickets to the Ozzy Osbourne/Metallica (Master of Puppets) tour. My s/b was going to stay with me so we could party really hard and he wouldn't have to go home and face the parents.

We get to the concert early and even though he's 17 he can really drink. So he starts drinking everything. I keep telling him "the show isn't for like 3 hours". He keeps drinking. We go to the concert and he's smashed. We stand in the long line and he's getting crazier and starts drinking things other people have smuggled in the line. The doors still haven't opened for the concert.

The doors open and the line starts inching forward and he passes out. Pisses himself right there. People are walking over him and I'm dragging him to the side trying to get him out of the way. Someone helps me and they take him down to medical. We are there like 30 minutes and they release us.

He's still passed out and I'm driving him home and he's puking everywhere.

He wakes up the next morning and he says "I can't remember the concert" I let him know that we met the band and went back stage and were partying with Metallica. He starts freaking out and crying and then I let him know we never even made it in.

Cliff Burton dies later that year and I don't see Metallica again until like 10 years later.

 
The original guitar player of Dangerous Toys is a guy named Kevin fowler. He moved to Austin to be a country singer and worked delivering copies of the Austin chronicle around town. He always saw this band advertised in the music section and saw that they needed a guitarist. So he tried out and joined and was part of the band.

He is now a very successful country musician here in Texas. Kind of like our own Kenny Chesney party country guy and does ford commercials and other stuff. But he talks about being part of dt pretty matter of factory, essentially saying "in the late 80's and early 90's In Austin, you got a lot better ##### with a les Paul than a Martin. That's the entire reason I joined that band."

 
[SIZE=16pt]38. Dangerous Toys – Dangerous Toys (1989) [/SIZE]

6. Sport’n a Woody
Couple weeks back wife and I are driving around and across the screen in the car this title comes up on Hair nation and the wife is looking at the screen, then at me and asking "WTF?" :lmao:

Needless to say we HAD to leave the song on and laugh throughout..

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Statorama said:
JZilla said:
Statorama said:
Abraham said:
jomar said:
Warsteinner said:
42. Warrant Cherry Pie (1990)
liked DRFSR much better than this album. wonder if that'll come in higher or not be on at all.
Agreed. DRFSR has a lot of good songs (Down Boys, Heaven, Sometimes She Cries, Big Talk, 32 Pennies). CP has one (Uncle Tom's Cabin)
Oh come on, if Love In Stereo doesn't scratch your hair band itch you're just not a fun person.
I'm not a Cherry Pie fan either but I agree this is the track to have. I don't understand Uncle Tom's Cabin. Why is it called that? It's not about the book. I guess we'll never know. "I Saw Red" isn't horrible.

Say what you will about Winger.. better than about half of these
Just listened to 'Seventeen'...still holds up
What about Purple Haze?

 
coyote5 said:
Bruce Dickinson said:
Things this thread needs more of:

* Stories about crazy ex-girlfriends

* Stories about crazy fans at concerts

* Stories about crazy strippers

* Stories about crazy #### you did while listening to albums on this list and other candidates for it

Things this thread needs less of:

* Pretentious music #######s trying to define "hair metal" for everyone else

Warsteinner - you're killing it. Loving every word you're posting. Some of these albums I know pretty well, some I only know at most one song. Enjoying everything you're saying about it. As you were...
The last day of 8th grade we had a big outdoor "graduation" party at school in the afternoon. There was a big air band contest as part of it. Well, sometime that morning a buzz started circulating through the hallways; our resident stoners had entered a submission and they would be doing WASP's "Animal." Now I'm sure 95% of us had no idea who WASP was, or what the song was, but once a bunch of 14 year olds heard that the supposed real title to the song was #### Like a Beast.... well we couldn't friggin wait to see how this played out.So the first few bands blew through, I think some guys did Livin on a Prayer, which sucked and the next band they did some Beastie Boys which was actually pretty awesome. But we didn't give a ####. Jason, Scott and the boys were on next and #### was about to get real. Let me tell ya, they went all out - full hair metal regalia... they were wearing painted, studded cups over their black jeans for cod pieces, eye liner, blown out hair, the whole nine. Real instruments, even a small drum kit. I mean, they painted the picture.

The music hit and we were just waiting, one eye on them, one eye on the teachers. Waiting for the explosion. Well the first chorus is on the way... "I moan and growl and the hunt drives me crazy..." Oh ####, is this it? Is this what we've been waiting for?? "...I #### LIKE A BEAST!!" Boom, 300 kids explode, our meathead gym teacher, Body Bob, head snaps around like he just took a right cross from Tyson... but he wasn't exactly sure he heard what he thought he heard so he watches and listens... the lead-in to the second chorus hits "A pelvic thrust and the sweat starts to sting ya..." Body Bob starts heading quickly towards the stage "... I #### LIKE A BEAST!!" That dude was off like a shot towards those boys. They dropped the guitars like a shot and were off the stage in an instant, racing through the crowd of kids trying to escape. A few other teachers joined in what seemed like a 10 minute Benny Hill chase sequence (but I'm sure was much less than that) with the whole crowd of kids cheering and yelling.

2 of the band were caught at the scene, the other 2, well I mean it's not like everyone didn't know who they were so they just got rounded up later at home. One of the guys took a swing at Body Bob in the chase, cops were involved charges were filed and I don't think air band was allowed at that middle school for several years after that. But #######ed that was a fun afternoon!
I love every word of this. So vivid I can picture every detail. Works even better if in your head you can run the soundtrack from "Animal" while the air band is on stage, and transition to "Yakkety Sax" when the chase scene breaks out.
 
[SIZE=16pt]38. Dangerous Toys – Dangerous Toys (1989) [/SIZE]

6. Sport’n a Woody
Couple weeks back wife and I are driving around and across the screen in the car this title comes up on Hair nation and the wife is looking at the screen, then at me and asking "WTF?" :lmao:

Needless to say we HAD to leave the song on and laugh throughout..
Toys were exactly what was great and horrible about hair metal. Loved the sleaze. Hated the goofiness. Great spot for Toys though. The OP is killing this.

And for the record, Hysteria sucks. Pyro is the answer. That will be #1.

 
For Bruce Dickinson,

I had recently turned 21 and had my own apartment and access to booze. My step-brother was 17 and even though step-brothers we had become great friends and metal fans. We got tickets to the Ozzy Osbourne/Metallica (Master of Puppets) tour. My s/b was going to stay with me so we could party really hard and he wouldn't have to go home and face the parents.

We get to the concert early and even though he's 17 he can really drink. So he starts drinking everything. I keep telling him "the show isn't for like 3 hours". He keeps drinking. We go to the concert and he's smashed. We stand in the long line and he's getting crazier and starts drinking things other people have smuggled in the line. The doors still haven't opened for the concert.

The doors open and the line starts inching forward and he passes out. Pisses himself right there. People are walking over him and I'm dragging him to the side trying to get him out of the way. Someone helps me and they take him down to medical. We are there like 30 minutes and they release us.

He's still passed out and I'm driving him home and he's puking everywhere.

He wakes up the next morning and he says "I can't remember the concert" I let him know that we met the band and went back stage and were partying with Metallica. He starts freaking out and crying and then I let him know we never even made it in.

Cliff Burton dies later that year and I don't see Metallica again until like 10 years later.
:headbang: :cry: :clap: Normally I don't advocate foot-to-genital violence, but I feel like your stepbrother should let you kick him in the groin on five separate occasions because of this.

 
38. Dangerous Toys – Dangerous Toys (1989) https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/0/0a/Dangerous_Toys_self-titled.jpg/220px-Dangerous_Toys_self-titled.jpg

6-7 months ago I was in my local dive bar where I had been dodging a particular bar wench that had the hots for old Warsteinner for several weeks, we’ll call her Sherry. From the neck down the body was absolutely smoking, but the face, as GB Chain from the FFAWT would put it, looked like she had ran a 40 yard dash in a 30 yard gym. This night I was on God only knows what and feeling rather randy. I made up my mind early I was just going to take her back my place and beat the effing brakes off of it. This sort of occasion demanded an album from a band with mind supplanted in the gutter. Enter- Dangerous Toys.

1. Teas’n, Pleas’n

2. Scared

3. Bones in the Gutter

4. Take Me Drunk

5. Feels Like a Hammer

6. Sport’n a Woody

7. Queen of the Nile

8. Outlaw

9. Here Comes Trouble

10. Ten Boots

11. That Dog
Still have this album on my iPod. Queen of the Nile and Ten Boots are my personal favorites

 
Hysteria was one horrendous album. Just terrible.

Rock of Ages was possibly the first hair metal song I can remember going mainstream. I remember my older sister even liked it. That whole album rocked and then I found High n Dry afterwards and that too was incredible. Hell, even On Through The Night was a better album than Hysteria.

 
Apple Jack said:
I think I was too old when Hysteria came out (9th grade) and had already moved into Metallica and Slayer, so it was lost on me. Pyromania was massive and was part of the first wave of MTV. To me, that was the bigger cultural touchstone. It also had balls relative to Hysteria. Hysteria sounds like it could have been a Shania Twain record.
I was into hair metal at the same time I was into Megadeth (and to a lesser extent Metallica) and rap. Most people aren't that way and felt the need to built their identity around a genre but I was open to all types of music.

 
I don't have any hair metal stories, but I have played Halo with Joey Belladonna. A friend had a basement dedicated to Xbox (multiple Xboxes in multiple rooms), and had him to his house when he was in town for a show. He never got the hang of it, but we all still laugh about him having no clue. At one point he screemed "did I get him?" We all laughed when we looked at his screen showing him walking into a corner, shooting the ground while someone else came up and assanated him. Gamer he is not, but he is a cool dude.

 
I wonder where Tesla will land on the list.
Of all of the 80s bands, this is the one I refuse to classify as hair metal. Certainly, if GnR isn't considered hair metal for this, I'd think that eliminates Tesla too.

I guarantee there is no bigger Tesla fan on this board than me. I've seen them many, many times and as recently as a few years ago. Mechanical Resonance was the very first CD I bought as I made the switch from cassettes.

 
Apple Jack said:
I think I was too old when Hysteria came out (9th grade) and had already moved into Metallica and Slayer, so it was lost on me. Pyromania was massive and was part of the first wave of MTV. To me, that was the bigger cultural touchstone. It also had balls relative to Hysteria. Hysteria sounds like it could have been a Shania Twain record.
I was into hair metal at the same time I was into Megadeth (and to a lesser extent Metallica) and rap. Most people aren't that way and felt the need to built their identity around a genre but I was open to all types of music.
I like both kinds of music...country AND western. ;)

 
I don't have any hair metal stories, but I have played Halo with Joey Belladonna. A friend had a basement dedicated to Xbox (multiple Xboxes in multiple rooms), and had him to his house when he was in town for a show. He never got the hang of it, but we all still laugh about him having no clue. At one point he screemed "did I get him?" We all laughed when we looked at his screen showing him walking into a corner, shooting the ground while someone else came up and assanated him. Gamer he is not, but he is a cool dude.
To be fair, multiplayer FPS's suck.

 
Apple Jack said:
I think I was too old when Hysteria came out (9th grade) and had already moved into Metallica and Slayer, so it was lost on me. Pyromania was massive and was part of the first wave of MTV. To me, that was the bigger cultural touchstone. It also had balls relative to Hysteria. Hysteria sounds like it could have been a Shania Twain record.
I was into hair metal at the same time I was into Megadeth (and to a lesser extent Metallica) and rap. Most people aren't that way and felt the need to built their identity around a genre but I was open to all types of music.
I guess it was all the same to me. Metallica and Ozzy were my favorites for many years but I still loved Crüe, Ratt, VH, Quiet Riot, Maiden, Faster #####cat, Dokken, GnR, etc.

When I think of Hair Metal, I pretty much think of any band I listened to back then. I guess not all of them were but that's how I view them for the most part

 
I wonder where Tesla will land on the list.
Of all of the 80s bands, this is the one I refuse to classify as hair metal. Certainly, if GnR isn't considered hair metal for this, I'd think that eliminates Tesla too.

I guarantee there is no bigger Tesla fan on this board than me. I've seen them many, many times and as recently as a few years ago. Mechanical Resonance was the very first CD I bought as I made the switch from cassettes.
Great album!! I have no idea what they are classified as though.

 
More lesser known names to make sure Warsteiner doesn't forget about them:

Armored Saint

Black n Blue

Bulletboys

Four Horsemen

Grim Reaper

Helix

Junkyard

Krokus

Y&t

 
A few of my brushes with Hair Metal bands:

Was a party in late 1991 and ended up doing a line of blow with unnamed members of Skid Row and Vinnie Vincent Invasion. My buddy walked in the room and kicked them all out as he was anti-blow and it was his house.

Taime Down of Faster #####cat came into a place I worked to get some copies made of a demo he had. Ended up stealing a girl I was trying to get with but apparently she was a hair metal groupie.

Was in an elevator in Hollywood making a delivery and noticed the other guy in the elevator was Phil Lewis from LA Guns. I started talking with him and telling him what a big fan I was and so on. I asked him where he's going and he tells me he is meeting with his record company on band business. Found out a couple days later LA Guns had broken up. I tell people I was in the elevator when Phil was on his way to break up the band.

 
More lesser known names to make sure Warsteiner doesn't forget about them:

Armored Saint

Black n Blue

Bulletboys

Four Horsemen

Grim Reaper

Helix

Junkyard

Krokus

Y&t
i think at least three of those are shoe-ins for this list.

like to see Grim Reaper make it, just not sure they will. lyrical content might keep them out of the "hair metal" category.

 
[SIZE=16pt]38. Dangerous Toys – Dangerous Toys (1989) [/SIZE]

6. Sport’n a Woody
Couple weeks back wife and I are driving around and across the screen in the car this title comes up on Hair nation and the wife is looking at the screen, then at me and asking "WTF?" :lmao:

Needless to say we HAD to leave the song on and laugh throughout..
Toys were exactly what was great and horrible about hair metal. Loved the sleaze. Hated the goofiness. Great spot for Toys though. The OP is killing this.

And for the record, Hysteria sucks. Pyro is the answer. That will be #1.
Don't care what EG says, I ####### loved that album!

 
I wonder where Tesla will land on the list.
Of all of the 80s bands, this is the one I refuse to classify as hair metal. Certainly, if GnR isn't considered hair metal for this, I'd think that eliminates Tesla too.

I guarantee there is no bigger Tesla fan on this board than me. I've seen them many, many times and as recently as a few years ago. Mechanical Resonance was the very first CD I bought as I made the switch from cassettes.
:goodposting:

 
More lesser known names to make sure Warsteiner doesn't forget about them:

Armored Saint

Black n Blue

Bulletboys

Four Horsemen

Grim Reaper

Helix

Junkyard

Krokus

Y&t
Good list... loved Y&T.Others. Not as popular that may fit

Kix - midnight dynamite is quality Hair metal :headbang:

Icon

King Kobra

 
I wonder where Tesla will land on the list.
I guarantee there is no bigger Tesla fan on this board than me..
:bye:

I've seen this band at least once every year since '86...not including their break between '97-'00. Most memorable was in '90 at the Channel in Boston on a off night while opening for Motley Crue. Almost the same set as Five Man Acoustical Jam, except The Black Crows, who opened for Aerosmith at Great Woods earlier that night, joined them for an extended encore jam.

 
Northern Voice said:
My mom taught Sebastian Bach (Bierk) when he was young. He always said he was going to be a musician when he grew up. Talented family.
Yup - as you know, his brother Zac had a cup of coffee in the NHL as a goalie. Must have been a cool family to hang out with.

And Tesla doesn't belong here - they probably never collectively owned a can of Aquanet and blew the cover off most of these bands.

 
More lesser known names to make sure Warsteiner doesn't forget about them:

Armored Saint

Black n Blue

Bulletboys

Four Horsemen

Grim Reaper

Helix

Junkyard

Krokus

Y&t
I wore out Armored Saint's Symbol of Salvation cassette, multiple times. Great album. Same goes for Junkyards's first 2 albums. All of em still in my rotation.

I'll add:

Love/Hate - pure sleaze metal

Vain

Queensryche (obviously)

Badlands- Jake E Lee AND Ray Gillen???!!!

Pride and Glory- Zakk Wylde's first departure from Ozzy. 1 album masterpiece

EZO - for the international crowd

Come on Warsteiner, you can keep posting from the bar. Hit the jukebox while you're at it.

 
jomar said:
50. W.A.S.P W.A.S.P. (1984) https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/30/Wasp-first-album.jpg

Debut album for legendary front man Blackie Lawless and the boys. When the album was first released they caved to pressure and deleted the song Animal (**** like a beast) because some parents added it to a list of filthy songs. It was however, put back on in a 1998 reissue.

1. I WANNA BE SOMEBODY

When I was kid, we tried to hacksaw a circular saw blade in half to then glue it to our heads like the WASP album cover. Needless to say, we were unsuccessful. I think we made it about 1cm before we quit. Good times!
I remember getting the #### Like a Beast vinyl that had the chainsaw crotch as its cover. Don't know why or how my parents allowed it and I don't remember exactly. what I do recall is that the record was red and that cover. loved WASP and Blackie Lawless.
I've got the gold plated (looking) one.

 
Hey, did you guys ever hear that John Bush from Armored Saint was once offered a spot in Metallica?!11?

Anyway, to throw in a couple names I'm guessing we'll see later -- Tora Tora and Kingdom Come

 
Buzzbait said:
Warsteinner said:
As we dip into the final 39 I just want it to be know that I love Appetite for Destruction. I do not however put it into the "hair" category so will not include it in the list. Any other 80's rock list it would be #1 without a close challenger.
Warsteinner said:
As we dip into the final 39 I just want it to be know that I love Appetite for Destruction. I do not however put it into the "hair" category so will not include it in the list. Any other 80's rock list it would be #1 without a close challenger.
I'd be OK with that explanation except if you're putting VH on the list you can't exclude GnR. Makes no sense. GnR is just as close to the hair genera (actually more IMO) than VH.
Agree, VH shouldn't be anywhere near this list.

 
More lesser known names to make sure Warsteiner doesn't forget about them:

Armored Saint

Black n Blue

Bulletboys

Four Horsemen

Grim Reaper

Helix

Junkyard

Krokus

Y&t
I wore out Armored Saint's Symbol of Salvation cassette, multiple times. Great album. Same goes for Junkyards's first 2 albums. All of em still in my rotation.

I'll add:

Love/Hate - pure sleaze metal

Vain

Queensryche (obviously)

Badlands- Jake E Lee AND Ray Gillen???!!!

Pride and Glory- Zakk Wylde's first departure from Ozzy. 1 album masterpiece

EZO - for the international crowd

Come on Warsteiner, you can keep posting from the bar. Hit the jukebox while you're at it.
LA Guns

Winger

Pretty Boy Floyd

Dokken

Warrent

 
Also hoping to see BulletBoys too. First album just spectacular hair metal anthems, like the previously-mentioned Hell on My Heels with its "One, two [bleep] you" intro.

And while this EG guy seems like a decent dude, I'll fight a mfer that talks stuff about Dangerous Toys. GNR, Skid Row and DT were the best three bands in the world at one point in time. I'm not sure of any real good metrics to show that, but it's true, dammit.

 
The original guitar player of Dangerous Toys is a guy named Kevin fowler. He moved to Austin to be a country singer and worked delivering copies of the Austin chronicle around town. He always saw this band advertised in the music section and saw that they needed a guitarist. So he tried out and joined and was part of the band.

He is now a very successful country musician here in Texas. Kind of like our own Kenny Chesney party country guy and does ford commercials and other stuff. But he talks about being part of dt pretty matter of factory, essentially saying "in the late 80's and early 90's In Austin, you got a lot better ##### with a les Paul than a Martin. That's the entire reason I joined that band."
Yeah I was at Temple HS when they hit, a couple of them were from around there, it was kind of a big deal

They were solid hair metal B Listers :shrug: Certainly not in joke territory.

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
Bruce Dickinson said:
Things this thread needs more of:

* Stories about crazy ex-girlfriends

* Stories about crazy fans at concerts

* Stories about crazy strippers

* Stories about crazy #### you did while listening to albums on this list and other candidates for it

Things this thread needs less of:

* Pretentious music #######s trying to define "hair metal" for everyone else

Warsteinner - you're killing it. Loving every word you're posting. Some of these albums I know pretty well, some I only know at most one song. Enjoying everything you're saying about it. As you were...
I used to live by the Skid Row guys. I've been in Snake Sabo's house, a friend of mine used to live next door and once in a blue moon, he'd be home and we'd knock on the door. He would let us in and shoot the #### for a while over beers. Awesome dude. Bach lived near me too, I would see him in places like the supermarket or at the bank fairly regularly. I would usually say hi and we'd shake hands and exchange pleasantries.

One day I'm at a Motorhead show at the Stone Pony and standing stage left right up against the stage itself. It's preposterously loud, so much so that the sound is distorted and hard to even make out. I look over and standing kind of caddy-corner to me, just side-stage is Sebastian. He's smoking a joint roughly the size of a small burrito. I give him the horns and a smile of approval - he smiles at me in what sure appeared to be recognition - "that's that dude I've seen around." Then he takes the joint and kind of slide/skips it across the corner of the stage to me. I grabbed it, took a couple deep drags and then threw it back to him. He flashed me the horns and goes back to watching the show.

Metal.
Not to derail this thread (maybe it's a topic for a thread all its own), but given the choice, I'd rather live EG72's life over AZ Ron's.

 
LA Guns

Dokken
I made a list of my top 15 (will add when I have time) to compare to Warsteiner and LA Guns debut shows up in the top 10. Just a great album from start to finish.

Dokken's Tooth and Nail also appears in there.

Tidbit I found while doing some research: Don Dokken originally sang the vocals on the Scorpions 1982 release 'Blackout' demo after Klaus Meine had to have surgery on his vocals

 
Assuming the consensus is that hair bands were extinct at the turn of the century, I'm calling my shot, there will be a top-5er that was released in 1999, and it wouldn't surprise me to see it make #1.

 
I miss my hair ... Every time a great hair metal song comes on I look at my 25 and 23 y/o country and rap music loving sons with their long hair and I go upstairs and cry myself to sleep.

 
[SIZE=16pt]48. Skid Row – Slave to the Grind (1991) [/SIZE]https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/e/ec/Skidrow-slavecover.jpg/220px-Skidrow-slavecover.jpg

First heavy metal album to debut #1 on the Billboard 200. Sebastian Bach is a hair God.

1. Monkey Business

2. Slave To The Grind

3. The Threat

4. Quicksand Jesus

5. Psycho Love

6. Get The #### Out

7. Livin' On A Chain Gang

8. Creepshow

9. In A Darkened Room

10. Riot Act

11. Mudkicker

12. Wasted Time
Better than self-titled. #2 and #3 so good.

 

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