Gr00vus
Footballguy
People get upset with me for that, so I backdoored it here.
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"The Bachelor" on ABC (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter azgroover
- Start date
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
I would have reserved this verb for Michelle.
Gr00vus
Footballguy
Have your sources confirmed this? Also - when does the girls tell all episode start including lingerie pillow fighting to see who gets to be the next bachelorette?
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
I think you should forward this idea to the ABC producers. They really need to freshen this thing up.
Otis
Footballguy
Kudos to the mousey chick. She was so quiet and such a bore in the show, but good on her for speaking up about Michelle before anyone even says a word and pointing out that Michelle was shticking throughout and that these girls are essentially hormonal and dumb. She's not as dumb as I thought.
honky kong
Footballguy
Geezus, this is terrible.
honky kong
Footballguy
Brad: "I promised my significant other that I would only be marginally happy but I can't so babe, if you're out there, I am SO happy to see all of you."
Holy crap, it IS Chantal!
Holy crap, it IS Chantal!
desert rose
Footballguy
OMG who are you? I don't even recognise you. And stop with the fake teas, Michelle. No one except Otis is buying this.
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Wait, Britt wasn't the mousy chick?
Otis
Footballguy
Every one of the chubby, washed up, old hags hated her. Gee I wonder why.Women are really good at being amazingly predictable.
Otis
Footballguy
Negative. The mousey chick is the dark haired one who lasted really long and was pretty cute but said all of three words throughout the entire show and who wasn't blonde.
Otis
Footballguy
Ashley's makeover is pretty terrible BTW. It's like she read this thread, saw us talking about her thin Helen Hunt lips and boring look, went out and got a fake tan, put some thick red lipstick on her lips, and now looks like a 16 year old girl dressing up for the prom the first time and wearing her mom's heels. Eesh.
My wife just called it -- best way to describe Ashley: unsexy.
My wife just called it -- best way to describe Ashley: unsexy.
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honky kong
Footballguy
Chris: "Are you in love?"
Brad: "Am I in love? I was in love a long time ago, buddy."
Holy crap, it IS Emily!
Brad: "Am I in love? I was in love a long time ago, buddy."
Holy crap, it IS Emily!
honky kong
Footballguy
Oooooh, that's good.Theory: based on this, he must have picked Emily, because he is being super nice to Michelle, and Michelle said some nasty things about Chantal, so if he had ended up with Chantal, there is no way he would have been able to be so nice to Michelle.
identikit
Footballguy
Nice theory, but he'll pickTheory: based on this, he must have picked Emily, because he is being super nice to Michelle, and Michelle said some nasty things about Chantal, so if he had ended up with Chantal, there is no way he would have been able to be so nice to Michelle.
Otis
Footballguy
Seriously. You know how chicks work. You can NEVER say nice things to the girl who called your girlfriend fat. Ever ever ever ever ever.And don't forget Emily and Michelle got along famously.Oooooh, that's good.Theory: based on this, he must have picked Emily, because he is being super nice to Michelle, and Michelle said some nasty things about Chantal, so if he had ended up with Chantal, there is no way he would have been able to be so nice to Michelle.
YSR
Footballguy
Interesting, IMO, that Shawntel didn't even warrant a special sit-down tonight, and Ashley S did. Makes me think that either 1,) she's the next Bachelorette (starting to doubt this), or 2.) she just wasn't that interesting a story-line.
I'm sad about it, though. Total girl crush on her. :(
I'm sad about it, though. Total girl crush on her. :(
desert rose
Footballguy
Ashley H. was talking like someone who is about to embark on a new journey...a journey of amazing dates, of exploring feelings she never knew were possible until that moment, and of meeting amazing men and finding that person she is meant to be with.
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Agree. The bangs are good in theory to cover up the sixhead, but she looked better blonde.
identikit
Footballguy
Yep.She's the one; I'm 100% serious about that.
Otis
Footballguy
Not nearly attractive enough.
identikit
Footballguy
They've picked quite a few that were by no means knockouts.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Britt's a moron.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Yes, of dopey Chris Harrison. "Ladies.. seriously!?!?" Yes, Chris.. seriously. What a chivalrous mess he is.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Finally, the blind squirrel finds a nut.Yes, it was terrible. The lipstick accentuated her thin lips. Was that a spray-on tan?
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
I'm positive they shot a sit down with Shawntel and edited it out. She's a bit of a bore. My guess is that she probably didn't give them the reaction they were looking for. I was pretty disappointed in Shawntel's behavior driving away in the limo. She pulled the whole "I want to be treated like a princess" routine. I audibly groaned.There's no way they frame a show around the creepy embalmer. As stunningly normal as she is, especially given that her dad is a total weirdo, the end result will be Marilyn introducing some boy to the rest of the Munsters. I don't see it.They usually cast the most devastated. You'd think that would be either Emily or Chantal. If Emily is sent packing, she's 1000% the choice. If Chantal.. eh, I'm not so sure. A little too juvenile. And that accent, whatever it is, is a mess. I only really started to notice it in the last couple of episodes. Now I almost have to turn on closed captioning.
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Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
I'm not sure. Ali wasn't drop dead gorgeous or anything. Ashley H. is perky enough to keep it interesting. I'm certainly no fan of hers, but it'd be funny to see dudes fawning over a dentist.
Rohn Jambo
Footballguy
I'm bummed that I didn't see this episode live before The Pickles Review.
Based on how she answered all of Brad's question last week, it was pretty obvious that Ashley was trying to lose as the runner up or 2nd runner up. Clearly, to her, being the next bachelorette is the much better "prize".
Based on how she answered all of Brad's question last week, it was pretty obvious that Ashley was trying to lose as the runner up or 2nd runner up. Clearly, to her, being the next bachelorette is the much better "prize".
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Rohn Jambo
Footballguy
I pity the guy who ends up marrying her.
desert rose
Footballguy
Not a fan of thin, smart, perky women? She may not have the prettiest face, but at least she doesn't have thunder thighs like Ali did, and like Chantal is developing. She has great legs, she's not awkward moving around with her dancing background, and she can buy boobs if that's really important.
Rohn Jambo
Footballguy
It is not her appearance that turned me off.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
This is awful, level one analysis.The whole "chicks hate the pretty one" is not working here. They're all pretty. Well, for the most part. Michelle wasn't anything exceptional. The only reasons she stood out were her ridiculous use of dark foundation, bad skin, immovable hair, and over the top shtick. She's also at least 34 claiming to be 30. She's the old hag, guy. The girls hated her for different reasons. Most of them were actually cool with her during the show since she didn't pull much to their face. A larger number had an issue with stuff she said behind their backs. That's predicable and dumb on their part, but most of them were right about her act.
If your girl was the belle of the ball and a shark among the guppies, she wouldn't have sobbed like an unburped baby. That was a pathetic performance. Michelle is the kind of girl that plays everything off as shtick, except when it's not. She walks that fine line so that she can instantly backpedal into a defensive position. She's the LHUCKS of the Bachelorette. It was funny to see Harrison calling off the dogs. When will the producers stop casting actors? We're like 21 seasons into this series and they're still padding peoples' resumes.
And what would be Brad's motivation to trash Michelle anyway? There isn't one. The dude is happy and just wants to leave that mess behind. To dredge up some crap about Michelle being a mental patient doesn't help him one iota. Michelle was flat out weird near the end. I think she was 80% shtick, but that 20% showed up and was goofier than hell. The dude was like, "whoa, I like intense, but daaaamn." The guy looked like a cat getting a bath during that episode in Costa Rica where she showed up unannounced.
Rohn Jambo
Footballguy
I didn't see the Tell All yet. It's too bad that the girls picked on Michelle. She may be a nice person under all the shtick, when she is not on a reality show. This season would be dead boring without her.
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Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
This is an interesting angle. At what point do those in the final group start angling for being cast on the next show? I think by the final four all of them are starting to weigh their options. You can either have a relationship that has an 8% chance of succeeding, or parlay it into your own show. Chantal is too dumb to think this way, but Ashley H. isn't. If Michelle were more in control, as Otis suggested, she could have pulled this off. Ashley S. was nearly begging to be the next bachelorette, but Harrison was like, "nah." You'd have better luck bringing Tenley back. Most of the women were pretty dumb. I think Emily is fairly stupid as well, but she's genuinely nice.
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Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Yes, she made it interesting. But then again, that's her job.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
If ABC had any nuts, they'd make Madison the next Bachelorette. She'd eat dudes for lunch.
Rohn Jambo
Footballguy
I don't think they will let him come back one more time to "redeem" himself if he doesn't pick Emily.Theory: based on this, he must have picked Emily, because he is being super nice to Michelle, and Michelle said some nasty things about Chantal, so if he had ended up with Chantal, there is no way he would have been able to be so nice to Michelle.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Pre-finale analysis
So after all of this, we're down to two: Chantal and Emily. Now, in a vacuum, Emily wins this without any thought. She's like the human incarnation of Grand Marnier-infused vanilla bean cheesecake with macerated strawberry compote. However, she has a child named after a guy "who didn't land," and is six years into an apparent 50 year grieving process. On the other hand, you have Chantal who enjoys living with a menagerie of pets, spending daddy's Lexus fortune, and eating Twinkies.. but has rather prodigious mammaries. What to do...
Honestly, the only sane choice is to run. But barring that option since it was exhausted four years ago, Brad should choose Chantal. I won't rehash the reasons, but given the show's truly awful track record of long-term relationships (even beyond a few weeks), you have to start looking for a safe landing area even before take off. With Chantal, there's an easier out. With Emily, erm.. things get complicated. Not only do you have her daughter to figure out, but you have the entire Hendrick family staring at you. As enticing as Emily is ("no-no, I couldn't possibly eat another bite... oh, yes I can."), this doesn't seem like the ideal option for a guy that has commitment issues at 38. Think, goddammit, think.
Then again, we have to consider that Brad is a bit of a lunkhead and will probably find a way to screw this up. If he can't take none of the above, or sex it up with a producer (still giving this 100-1 odds), then he'll have to go with with Emily or Chantal. My unsolicited expert advice is to take Chantal and get her vocal training for that nasal deal she's got going on, but it seems more and more likely that he's going to embark on R.M.S. Emily as it careens toward an iceberg at 40 knots. Hopefully the band keeps playing as the ship goes down. Since it's obvious that neither of these choices will result in a wedding, you just have to go with the most manageable situation, and that's Chantal's big butt and a smile. You can never trust it, but you can at least get away from it.
In hindsight, was there anyone that Brad should have chosen instead from this group? Personally, I think Madison showed that she had some serious potential in small doses, but her laughably bad vampire shtick killed any chance of that evolving. I figured, "okay, she'll show the fangs a couple of times and take them out. Cute." But instead, she kept that up for several episodes. It's really too bad since she's shown herself to be astoundingly articulate and infinitely more interesting than I ever expected initially... of course, once she left the show (ugh). NICE GOING, DUMMY. Her text commentary to past episodes (available on the ABC website) were pretty much spot on and entertaining. She's also stunningly gorgeous. This should be your next Bachelorette, folks. I can also make a strong case for Shawntel. She seemed to be shackled to the family creepatorium, but I think she would have ditched it gleefully. She had all the signs of a repressed female looking for an out. Yes, it would have taken some work, but it would have been a tenth the effort of Emily's impossible situation. Once Shawntel moved away from Chico, I'm fairly certain she would have been all "what's embalming?" Not a hard sell. Other than that, it's difficult to say if there were better options based on what we know. Michelle was certified nutty (I've seen the paperwork), so let's not even go there. Some of the "stealth" options are interesting in hindsight, like Lindsay (a personal favorite) and Lisa M. Sadly, we'll never know.
As to the next Bachelorette, insider signs are pointing to the contestant formerly known as Ashley H., and I have almost uniformly negative opinions on that. First, what on earth was she thinking with that makeover? It's like she entered the Witness Protection Program on a discount voucher. Oof, try again, sister. If that kind of of thing is going to be rewarded, the system is flawed. Second, I don't think Ashley resonated with the general viewing public, and as the usually misguided Otis rightly pointed out, she's not that attractive anyway. She does have an okay personality, so it wouldn't be a total snoozer, but my god I think we can do better here. At least give the guys a reason to tune in. This tradition of picking some sad sack loser for the next show probably needs to go the way of the Raphus cucullatus. Let's spice it up here, for the love of Chris Harrison. And speaking of driftwood, can't ABC embark on a joint venture with IBM to create some witty cyber-host to replace the current android model? I liked the fancy fútbol moves he pulled on a throng of five year olds at that run down school in South Africa, but that was perhaps his finest and most creative moment in a full decade of doing the show. This must be the easiest show in the world to produce, as a consequence. The script hasn't changed in its entire history. Now that we have Trip Advisor and Priceline, a team of interns can probably book everything in a week.
I, along with you, eagerly await our arrival on this glorious epic, some might say Homerian, journey to find true, pure, honest, real love. Sadly, our hero will go through the requisite motions to get that 25% contract-mandated enthusiasm bonus, but after the final rose, the bloom will soon wilt, and we'll be stuck watching a dentist struggle to be normal as a stable of attention-seeking male whores vie for her pseudo-affections and the right to put gravy on her fries. Mmm.. sounds delish.
Until the next awkward iteration, I bid you.. adiós.
MP
So after all of this, we're down to two: Chantal and Emily. Now, in a vacuum, Emily wins this without any thought. She's like the human incarnation of Grand Marnier-infused vanilla bean cheesecake with macerated strawberry compote. However, she has a child named after a guy "who didn't land," and is six years into an apparent 50 year grieving process. On the other hand, you have Chantal who enjoys living with a menagerie of pets, spending daddy's Lexus fortune, and eating Twinkies.. but has rather prodigious mammaries. What to do...
Honestly, the only sane choice is to run. But barring that option since it was exhausted four years ago, Brad should choose Chantal. I won't rehash the reasons, but given the show's truly awful track record of long-term relationships (even beyond a few weeks), you have to start looking for a safe landing area even before take off. With Chantal, there's an easier out. With Emily, erm.. things get complicated. Not only do you have her daughter to figure out, but you have the entire Hendrick family staring at you. As enticing as Emily is ("no-no, I couldn't possibly eat another bite... oh, yes I can."), this doesn't seem like the ideal option for a guy that has commitment issues at 38. Think, goddammit, think.
Then again, we have to consider that Brad is a bit of a lunkhead and will probably find a way to screw this up. If he can't take none of the above, or sex it up with a producer (still giving this 100-1 odds), then he'll have to go with with Emily or Chantal. My unsolicited expert advice is to take Chantal and get her vocal training for that nasal deal she's got going on, but it seems more and more likely that he's going to embark on R.M.S. Emily as it careens toward an iceberg at 40 knots. Hopefully the band keeps playing as the ship goes down. Since it's obvious that neither of these choices will result in a wedding, you just have to go with the most manageable situation, and that's Chantal's big butt and a smile. You can never trust it, but you can at least get away from it.
In hindsight, was there anyone that Brad should have chosen instead from this group? Personally, I think Madison showed that she had some serious potential in small doses, but her laughably bad vampire shtick killed any chance of that evolving. I figured, "okay, she'll show the fangs a couple of times and take them out. Cute." But instead, she kept that up for several episodes. It's really too bad since she's shown herself to be astoundingly articulate and infinitely more interesting than I ever expected initially... of course, once she left the show (ugh). NICE GOING, DUMMY. Her text commentary to past episodes (available on the ABC website) were pretty much spot on and entertaining. She's also stunningly gorgeous. This should be your next Bachelorette, folks. I can also make a strong case for Shawntel. She seemed to be shackled to the family creepatorium, but I think she would have ditched it gleefully. She had all the signs of a repressed female looking for an out. Yes, it would have taken some work, but it would have been a tenth the effort of Emily's impossible situation. Once Shawntel moved away from Chico, I'm fairly certain she would have been all "what's embalming?" Not a hard sell. Other than that, it's difficult to say if there were better options based on what we know. Michelle was certified nutty (I've seen the paperwork), so let's not even go there. Some of the "stealth" options are interesting in hindsight, like Lindsay (a personal favorite) and Lisa M. Sadly, we'll never know.
As to the next Bachelorette, insider signs are pointing to the contestant formerly known as Ashley H., and I have almost uniformly negative opinions on that. First, what on earth was she thinking with that makeover? It's like she entered the Witness Protection Program on a discount voucher. Oof, try again, sister. If that kind of of thing is going to be rewarded, the system is flawed. Second, I don't think Ashley resonated with the general viewing public, and as the usually misguided Otis rightly pointed out, she's not that attractive anyway. She does have an okay personality, so it wouldn't be a total snoozer, but my god I think we can do better here. At least give the guys a reason to tune in. This tradition of picking some sad sack loser for the next show probably needs to go the way of the Raphus cucullatus. Let's spice it up here, for the love of Chris Harrison. And speaking of driftwood, can't ABC embark on a joint venture with IBM to create some witty cyber-host to replace the current android model? I liked the fancy fútbol moves he pulled on a throng of five year olds at that run down school in South Africa, but that was perhaps his finest and most creative moment in a full decade of doing the show. This must be the easiest show in the world to produce, as a consequence. The script hasn't changed in its entire history. Now that we have Trip Advisor and Priceline, a team of interns can probably book everything in a week.
I, along with you, eagerly await our arrival on this glorious epic, some might say Homerian, journey to find true, pure, honest, real love. Sadly, our hero will go through the requisite motions to get that 25% contract-mandated enthusiasm bonus, but after the final rose, the bloom will soon wilt, and we'll be stuck watching a dentist struggle to be normal as a stable of attention-seeking male whores vie for her pseudo-affections and the right to put gravy on her fries. Mmm.. sounds delish.
Until the next awkward iteration, I bid you.. adiós.
MP
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General Malaise
Footballguy
gonna save Pickle's write up for tomorrow morning's first cup of coffee reading.
Otis
Footballguy
My analysis was spot on here. You're giving most if these women way too much credit. Michelle was vilified for being the smarter, prettier, wittier girl many of them wished they could be. Jackie from New York acted the part flawlessly of the horrified sorority sister at the comments Michelle made, while everyone with a straight head on their shoulders in that room (there weren't many) conceded that Michelle was the only entertaining person on the show and was actually just schticking the entire time. I still don't get the knocks on her looks -- she is easily top three on the show and there is a reason she was besties with Emily. The pretty girls always run together.
Da Guru
Fair & Balanced
According to Cori, Emily was never engaged to Ricky and barely knew him. “After Ricky died and she found out she was pregnant, Emily wanted to have lunch with me, because she didn’t enen know Ricky that well,” says Cori.
And after Ricky died in 2004, his family reportedly gave Emily Cori’s $100,000 engagement ring — so that people wouldn’t find out about the scandal of Emily getting pregnant out of wedlock.
We’ve seen Emily get upset at any reminder of Ricky on The Bachelor, as in the scene when Brad takes her on a date to the Vegas track.
But other sources claim that’s an act. Since Ricky’s death, they say, Emily has dated several other NASCAR drivers — and would hang out at the track every Saturday.“Everybody knows Emily was spending almost every Saturday at the racetrack,” one insider says. “It’s not an emotional place for her. I don’t get it.”
Emily even hosted Speed channel’s Three Wide Life — a show about the industry — in 2007.But that’s not all that Emily has reportedly fibbed about. Cori, a nurse at Levine Children’s Hospital in North Carolina where Emily says she had worked, says that the staff has never heard of Emily before. “No one knows who she is,” she says.
So was Emily ever a “children’s hospital event planner?” A source says Emily interned for three months at a event-planning company in 2008 that once put on an event for the hospital, but that’s it. Nobody even knows who she is at the hospital.
And after Ricky died in 2004, his family reportedly gave Emily Cori’s $100,000 engagement ring — so that people wouldn’t find out about the scandal of Emily getting pregnant out of wedlock.
We’ve seen Emily get upset at any reminder of Ricky on The Bachelor, as in the scene when Brad takes her on a date to the Vegas track.
But other sources claim that’s an act. Since Ricky’s death, they say, Emily has dated several other NASCAR drivers — and would hang out at the track every Saturday.“Everybody knows Emily was spending almost every Saturday at the racetrack,” one insider says. “It’s not an emotional place for her. I don’t get it.”
Emily even hosted Speed channel’s Three Wide Life — a show about the industry — in 2007.But that’s not all that Emily has reportedly fibbed about. Cori, a nurse at Levine Children’s Hospital in North Carolina where Emily says she had worked, says that the staff has never heard of Emily before. “No one knows who she is,” she says.
So was Emily ever a “children’s hospital event planner?” A source says Emily interned for three months at a event-planning company in 2008 that once put on an event for the hospital, but that’s it. Nobody even knows who she is at the hospital.
Colin Dowling
Footballguy
She was listed as ricks girlfriend in his obituary, FYI.
desert rose
Footballguy
There are a lot of pictures of them together. To say that they barely knew each other just sounds fabricated.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Sorry, no.Michelle isn't this glorious example of womanhood. You're putting her on a pedestal for some reason. She was shticking, sure, but she's also unstable. If she's this incredible mastermind, why didn't she fare better overall? What's your explanation for sob-fest last night? The girl is a mess. Even you should see that.
The reason she got along with Emily is that.. everyone gets along with Emily. Michelle didn't "run" with anyone.
You're not making a very good case here.
Zow
Footballguy
Girl I bet and I haven't seen each other in weeks so I'm in the clearThere is now word that, what was once thought to be spoiled, may not be.
I hope you didn't bet too much, Woz.
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