The Great 2020 All Time Television Draft: The Simpsons is judged the greatest show of all time (4 Viewers)

[Yo Mama]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

Criteria

Combined rankings with @Corporation @Gally and very special guest, my mom.  She had fun ranking the moms, but when I tried to explain why we were ranking TV moms she said she had thought I had broken out of my nerd phase a long time ago.  Ties were broken by my mom.  My rankings are listed first, Corp’s second, Gally’s third, and hers fourth.  Even though some mediocre jokes will follow, I did spend a good amount of time with these rankings.  I looked at how well they either represented the traditional view of what a mother “should” be, or how they represented what a “real” mom is like.  Characters that were interesting within the show and impactful in pop culture scored better within these rankings.  Rather than break the moms into tiers, I’ll release them two at a time instead.

Overall, the selections were great and it was fun doing research for my writeups to revisit some of these incredible characters, but there are some awesome moms that weren’t selected (in this or the drama/comedy/supporting categories) – Estelle Costanza (Seinfeld), Peg Bundy (Married With Children), Claire Dunphy (Modern Family), Norma Bates (Bates Motel), and Debra Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond) are the tops of my undrafted list.

Time to judge your moms. . .

 

[Gally]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

Criteria

Combined rankings with @Corporation @Gally and very special guest, my mom.  She had fun ranking the moms, but when I tried to explain why we were ranking TV moms she said she had thought I had broken out of my nerd phase a long time ago. 

Yo Mama!

 

[Zegras11]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

Criteria

Combined rankings with @Corporation @Gally and very special guest, my mom.  She had fun ranking the moms, but when I tried to explain why we were ranking TV moms she said she had thought I had broken out of my nerd phase a long time ago.  Ties were broken by my mom.  My rankings are listed first, Corp’s second, Gally’s third, and hers fourth.  Even though some mediocre jokes will follow, I did spend a good amount of time with these rankings.  I looked at how well they either represented the traditional view of what a mother “should” be, or how they represented what a “real” mom is like.  Characters that were interesting within the show and impactful in pop culture scored better within these rankings.  Rather than break the moms into tiers, I’ll release them two at a time instead.

Overall, the selections were great and it was fun doing research for my writeups to revisit some of these incredible characters, but there are some awesome moms that weren’t selected (in this or the drama/comedy/supporting categories) – Estelle Costanza (Seinfeld), Peg Bundy (Married With Children), Claire Dunphy (Modern Family), Norma Bates (Bates Motel), and Debra Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond) are the tops of my undrafted list.

Time to judge your moms. . .

I wanna complain and whine right now about any rankings that @Gally provided.

 

[Yo Mama]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

1 pts - Rebecca Pearson (#16)

Played by Mandy Moore on This Is Us 

(Individual rankings - 1/2/1/4)

Yo Mama is so uninteresting (to me). . .  she is a hot singer, widowed mother of three who marries her dead husband's best friend and I can't for the life of me find anything close to interesting/funny to put into a Yo Mama comment.  My mom loves her though, just not enough to boost her up in the rankings.

Motherly wisdom: "When you're a mom, you get a front row seat to the best show in town: watching your kids grow up. [big collective yawn]"

2 pts - Frankie Heck (#15)

Played by Patricia Heaton on The Middle 

(Individual rankings - 2/3/5/1)

Yo Mama must have done so much smack in her younger days, she named two of her kids Axl and Brick.

Motherly wisdom: "Your dad's wearing a belt he found on a park bench.  We're not giving you any more money."

 

[Yo Mama]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

3 pts - Elyse Keaton (#14)

Played by Meredith Baxter-Birney on Family Ties 

(Individual rankings - 3/4/7/3)

Yo Mama is such a typical ex-hippie boomer, she became successful as an architect and raised an alt-right troll as a son.

Motherly wisdom: "Alex was offended by our political magazines and ripped them up." 

Alex: "You have no proof." 

Elyse: "Yes we do.  We found your rattle on the floor next to the evidence." 

Alex: "It could have been Mallory's." 

Elyse: "It was your Nixon rattle."

4 pts - Ann Romano (#13)

Played by Bonnie Franklin on One Day at a Time 

(Individual rankings - 5/1/6/5)

Yo Mama was such a trailblazer, she tackled real-life problems as a single working mom such as teenage drug addiction and getting married to the guitarist from Van Halen."

Motherly wisdom: "God, a lot of people think You're really a woman.  If You are, how about rooting for our team?""

 

[Yo Mama]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

5 pts - Florida Evans (#12)

Played by Esther Rolle on Good Times, Maude 

(Individual rankings - 4/8/4/6)

Yo Mama is so good at scratchin' and survivin' that her husband on the show is 19 years younger than her.

Motherly wisdom: "I don't have to ask who hung this picture up here, Michael Evans, but before I hang you in its place, Why?"

6 pts - Kitty Foreman (#11)

Played by Debra Jo Rupp on That '70s Show 

(Individual rankings - 7/5/12/2)

Yo Mama is so cool she will sneak the occasional smoke or drink and even sit in on a friendly puff-puff-pass Circle, but so cold she will ground you for sleeping with that hussy girl next door.

Motherly wisdom: "Oh that was not me.  That was the menopause talking."

More wisdom: "Honey, I put some sandwiches in your duffel bag.  Now, um, why do you need such a big bag of oregano?"

 

[Yo Mama]

Gotta run to a meeting, be back with more Mom action in an hour or so. 

 

[Corporation]

That's a really cool angle to bring your mom into the rankings

 

[tuffnutt]

That's a really cool angle to bring your mom into the rankings

I rank Yo Mama’s mamma #1

 

[Zegras11]

I rank Yo Mama’s mamma #1

Gally's are just rank

 

[Yo Mama]

That's a really cool angle to bring your mom into the rankings

She definitely had a bias toward some of the older moms. 

 

[Yo Mama]

I rank Yo Mama’s mamma #1

You might want to wait until you see how she ranked your mom

 

[Yo Mama]

I was afraid she thought I was coming out to her when I approached her about doing this. 
 

“Hey mom, you know how I used to do fantasy football? . . . Well, . . “

 

[Yo Mama]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

7 pts - Tami Taylor (#10)

Played by Connie Britton on Friday Night Lights 

(Individual rankings - 6/9/8/7)

Yo Mama is so respected, she can give out advice to not only her family, but the entire football team and high school student body, and they actually listen to her.

Motherly wisdom: "The big deal is, that it's part of my job to make sure that you don't grow up stupid.  It's bad for the world."

More wisdom: "I'm right 100% of the time.  You can ask my husband."

8 pts - Lorelie Gilmour (#9)

Played by Lauren Graham on The Gilmore Girls 

(Individual rankings - 10/10/2/8)

Yo Mama is so equally good and bad at relationships, she can meet someone, get engaged and then break it off, embarrass her daughter and then make best friends with her - all in time for this week's Friday Dinner with her parents.

Motherly wisdom: "If you're going to throw your life away, he better have a motorcycle."

More wisdom: "There's plenty to do tonight that we can be mortified about tomorrow."

 

[timschochet]

Leading Man Comedy 1950-1970

Very tough category. I tried to apply the same rule as before in which characters that the show focuses on are ranked above characters that are part of an ensemble, but it was harder to do here because some of the ensemble characters are so iconic. 

1 pt Mr Ed Just doesn’t do it for me. If Francis had had a show it would have been top 5 no problem. 

2 pts George Burns Later on he emerged as very funny (The Sunshine Boys, Oh God!) but back then he was basically the straight man for Gracie. Didn’t do much. 

3 Pts Jim Anderson Father doled out stable 50s wisdom but was not very funny. Ozzie Nelson would have been better. 

4 Pts Danny Williams Long running show, highly regarded, but didn’t do well in syndication so it’s largely forgotten. 

 

[Charlie Steiner]

4 Pts Danny Williams Long running show, highly regarded, but didn’t do well in syndication so it’s largely forgotten. 

Give him special points for getting St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital up and running, which is still going strong to this day and hopefully many more years to come.

 

[timschochet]

Leading Man 1950-1970 

5 Pts Fred Flintstone Basically a cartoon version of the top pick in this category

6 Pts Sgt Bilko Phil Silvers was a great talent but this show was short-lived 

7 Pts Darrin Stephens If **** York had been Derwood the entire time this might have been a better pick. Long-standing theory that there was no magic on Bewitched; only Larry and Darrin getting plastered. 

 

[Yo Mama]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

9 pts - Marie Barrone (#8)

Played by Doris Roberts on Everybody Loves Raymond 

(Individual rankings - 8/6/14/9)

Yo Mama is so devious she intentionally left ingredients out from her son’s favorite recipes so her daughter in law wouldn’t be able to cook as well as her.

Motherly wisdom: "If I see something that you desperately need help with, like cooking, cleaning, the children, your hair... I care so much that I have to say something, because I want to help."

10 pts - Sophia Petrillo (#7)

Played by Estelle Getty on The Golden Girls 

(Individual rankings - 11/11/3/12)

Yo Mama has glasses so thick, she could look into your future and tell you how disappointed she is in it.

Motherly wisdom: "Your heart's in the right place, but I don't know where the hell your brain is."

More wisdom: “Have I given you any indication at all that I care?"

 

[timschochet]

Leading Man Comedy 1950-1970

8 Pts Beaver Cleaver Iconic but boring 

9 Pts Gomer Pyle underrrated singer but this show really sucked IMO

10 Pts Gilligan Star of the show, iconic, and the least interesting person on the island 

 

[rick6668]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

9 pts - Marie Barrone (#8)

Played by Doris Roberts on Everybody Loves Raymond 

(Individual rankings - 8/6/14/9)

Yo Mama is so devious she intentionally left ingredients out from her son’s favorite recipes so her daughter in law wouldn’t be able to cook as well as her.

Motherly wisdom: "If I see something that you desperately need help with, like cooking, cleaning, the children, your hair... I care so much that I have to say something, because I want to help."

10 pts - Sophia Petrillo (#7)

Played by Estelle Getty on The Golden Girls 

(Individual rankings - 11/11/3/12)

Yo Mama has glasses so thick, she could look into your future and tell you how disappointed she is in it.

Motherly wisdom: "Your heart's in the right place, but I don't know where the hell your brain is."

More wisdom: “Have I given you any indication at all that I care?"

3rd judge has reverse ranking as the other 3.

 

[timschochet]

Leading Man Comedy 1950-1970

Heres where it got tough because these guys are still incredibly funny today, and all of them were outstanding. 

11 Pts Gomez Adams Great line delivery. He was one of the very best talents at this. 

12 Pts Herman Munster This show was not as consistently funny as its competitor, but Fred Gwynn was so consistently excellent he makes up for it. 

13 Pts Rob Petrie All star quality here. 

 

[timschochet]

Leading Man 1950-1970

The legends 

14 Pts Ricky Ricardo (my pick) 

15 Pts Maxwell Smart

16 Pts Ralph Kramden 

Little needs to be said here. These were the Titans of their day. 

 

[timschochet]

Leading Man Comedy 1950-1970

16 Pts Ralph Kramden 

15 Pts Maxwell Smart 

14 Pts Ricky Ricardo 

13 Pts Rob Petrie 

12 Pts Herman Munster 

11 Pts Gomez Adams 

10 Pts Gilligan 

9 Pts Gomer Pyle 

8 Pts Beaver Cleaver 

7 Pts Darrin Stevens 

6 Pts Sgt Bilko 

5 Pts Fred Flintstone 

4 Pts Danny Williams 

3 Pts Jim Anderson 

2 Pts George Burns 

1 Pt Mr Ed 

 

[Zegras11]

3rd judge has reverse ranking as the other 3.

Oh, hi Gally.

 

[Yo Mama]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

11 pts - Donna Stone (#6)

Played by Donna Reed on The Donna Reed Show 

(Individual rankings - 12/7/10/13)

Yo Mama is so 1950s she wore pearls, high heels, and her best dress to dust and vacuum the house.

Motherly wisdom: "Sergeant, I'm not trying to tell you how to do your job; I'm just telling you what I think you should do."

12 pts - June Cleaver (#5)

Played by Barbara Billingsley on Leave it to Beaver 

(Individual rankings - 9/15/9/10)

Yo Mama is so sickingly perfect she caused generations of women to get hooked on benzos and cooking sherry trying to live up to her unrealistic standards.

Motherly wisdom: "Ward…don't you think you're being a bit hard on the Beaver?"

 

[Zow]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

11 pts - Donna Stone (#6)

Played by Donna Reed on The Donna Reed Show 

(Individual rankings - 12/7/10/13)

Yo Mama is so 1950s she wore pearls, high heels, and her best dress to dust and vacuum the house.

Motherly wisdom: "Sergeant, I'm not trying to tell you how to do your job; I'm just telling you what I think you should do."

12 pts - June Cleaver (#5)

Played by Barbara Billingsley on Leave it to Beaver 

(Individual rankings - 9/15/9/10)

Yo Mama is so sickingly perfect she caused generations of women to get hooked on benzos and cooking sherry trying to live up to her unrealistic standards.

Motherly wisdom: "Ward…don't you think you're being a bit hard on the Beaver?"

So is Eddie Haskell, Wally, and Ms. Cleaver. 

 

[Yo Mama]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

13 pts - Marge Simpson (#4)

Played by Julie Kavner on The Simpsons 

(Individual rankings - 13/12/13/11)

Yo Mama is so good at raising the height of her immaculate hairdo, raising three kids and an idiot husband seems easy by comparison.

Motherly wisdom: "The way I see it, if you raised three children who can knock out and hog tie a perfect stranger you must be doing something right."

More wisdom: "I guess one person can make a difference. But most of the time, they probably shouldn’t."

More wisdom: "And all this time I thought “Googling yourself” meant the other thing."

14 pts - Marion Cunningham (#3)

Played by Marion Ross on Happy Days 

(Individual rankings - 14/13/11/15)

Yo Mama is such a boss, she’s the only one who can call the toughest guy in town by his first name and get him to blush out of shyness.

Motherly wisdom: "Now’s not the time to get frisky."

 

[Yo Mama]

I just want to point out I was the lowest ranker (tied) for my own pick (Cleaver) 

 

[Yo Mama]

Top two was a runaway tie broken by my mom

 

[Yo Mama]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

15 pts - Claire Huxtable (#2)

Played by Phylicia Rashad on The Cosby Show 

(Individual rankings - 15/16/16/14)

Yo Mama is so badass, she could demolish her competition in court all day and still whoop your behind for its foolishness at night.

Motherly wisdom: "If you ever take this attitude with us again, you can take whatever is in that bank account of yours and go discover America."

More wisdom: “You tell them that a woman is entitled to have a mood, any mood, a happy mood, a sad mood, an angry mood, and she can have this mood whenever she likes and it has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not Aunt Flo is visiting.”

16 pts - Carol Brady (#1)

Played by Florence Henderson on The Brady Bunch 

(Individual rankings - 16/14/15/16)

Yo Mama is so good at that special thing she does she found a sugar daddy with that sweet architect income to take her and her three daughters in off the street; plus she gets a housekeeper to cook, clean, and take care of the kids even though she doesn’t have to work.

Motherly wisdom: "You shouldn't put down a loser, Cindy, because you might be one yourself someday."

 

[Yo Mama]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms - Final Rankings

16 pts - Carol Brady (#1)

15 pts - Claire Huxtable (#2)

14 pts - Marion Cunningham (#3)

13 pts - Marge Simpson (#4)

12 pts - June Cleaver (#5)

11 pts - Donna Stone (#6)

10 pts - Sophia Petrillo (#7)

9 pts - Marie Barrone (#8)

8 pts - Lorelie Gilmour (#9)

7 pts - Tami Taylor (#10)

6 pts - Kitty Foreman (#11)

5 pts - Florida Evans (#12)

4 pts - Ann Romano (#13)

3 pts - Elyse Keaton (#14)

2 pts - Frankie Heck (#15)

1 pts - Rebecca Pearson (#16)

 

[Yo Mama]

Yo Mama Judges Your Moms

Criteria

Combined rankings with @Corporation @Gally and very special guest, my mom.  She had fun ranking the moms, but when I tried to explain why we were ranking TV moms she said she had thought I had broken out of my nerd phase a long time ago.  Ties were broken by my mom.  My rankings are listed first, Corp’s second, Gally’s third, and hers fourth.  Even though some mediocre jokes will follow, I did spend a good amount of time with these rankings.  I looked at how well they either represented the traditional view of what a mother “should” be, or how they represented what a “real” mom is like.  Characters that were interesting within the show and impactful in pop culture scored better within these rankings.  Rather than break the moms into tiers, I’ll release them two at a time instead.

Overall, the selections were great and it was fun doing research for my writeups to revisit some of these incredible characters, but there are some awesome moms that weren’t selected (in this or the drama/comedy/supporting categories) – Estelle Costanza (Seinfeld), Peg Bundy (Married With Children), Claire Dunphy (Modern Family), Norma Bates (Bates Motel), and Debra Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond) are the tops of my undrafted list.

Time to judge your moms. . .

I forgot to call out another good mom that was undrafted - Lois Wilkerson from Malcolm in the Middle. 

 

[Zow]

Well, I'm pleased to see that I didn't screw up my top 4. 

 

[wikkidpissah]

here, let me judge the 50s & 60s for you:

last: 50s

next to last: a) 50's vaudeville legend on show that has never been on nick at nite

then: b) 50s legit actor who created the archetype everyone been imitating for 65 yrs but has never been on nick at nite.

ibid a

ibid a 

ibid b

ibid a

ridiculous character on putrid 60s show but i was 4 so it was great

inane character on putrid 60s show but i was 6 so it was great

insipid character on putrid 60s show but i was 8 so it was great

60s good

60s good

60s great

we honor the 50s by overrating the ones we've all heard of thru reruns

60s great

we honor the 50s by overrating the ones we've all heard of thru reruns

next

 

[Yo Mama]

here, let me judge the 50s & 60s for you:

last: 50s

next to last: a) 50's vaudeville legend on show that has never been on nick at nite

then: b) 50s legit actor who created the archetype everyone been imitating for 65 yrs but has never been on nick at nite.

ibid a

ibid a 

ibid b

ibid a

ridiculous character on putrid 60s show but i was 4 so it was great

inane character on putrid 60s show but i was 6 so it was great

insipid character on putrid 60s show but i was 8 so it was great

60s good

60s good

60s great

we honor the 50s by overrating the ones we've all heard of thru reruns

60s great

we honor the 50s by overrating the ones we've all heard of thru reruns

next

I hear ya, but the 50s-60s are tough to judge. Old shows are partially judged based on how they held up, and unfortunately a big part of how they hold up or are remembered is through reruns. 
 

I may think Bilko (my pick) was a much better character than Pyle or Gilligan, but most people today don’t remember him because that show didn’t live on through syndication like the others did. 

 

[wikkidpissah]

I may think Bilko (my pick) was a much better character than Pyle or Gilligan, but most people today don’t remember him because that show didn’t live on through syndication like the others did. 

fuhgit dose bohunks. contemporarily, Kramden was a smudge next to Bilko

 

[Gally]

3rd judge has reverse ranking as the other 3.

I had Sophia low because when I think of her I don't think of a mom.  I love the character but she doesn't equate to a mom.  

 

[Yo Mama]

I had Sophia low because when I think of her I don't think of a mom.  I love the character but she doesn't equate to a mom.  

Hers was my favorite Yo Mama joke/comment. I was pretty proud of that one. 

 

[Gally]

Oh, hi Gally.

Hi

 

[Yo Mama]

fuhgit dose bohunks. contemporarily, Kramden was a smudge next to Bilko

Ricky totally rode Lucy’s coattails too

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

@Mrs. Rannous - which version of the Justice League are we talking for animated shows?

whichever one scores the worst in the ranking

I mean really, this is almost as bad as going with "Power Rangers" and not specifying the season and particular generation of rangers - mighty morphin?  zeo?  turbo?  time force?  wild force?  ninja storm?   dino thunder?  Rangers S.P.D.? (should have been SBD)  ...and that's not nearly all of them.  

Hardly.  There's only one animated show with this name.

And it has the best theme music.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

I'm almost ready to rank documentaries, but I need help with Bob Dylan:  No DIrection Home.  I really can't stand his constipated singing.  Watching 208 minutes of that is just beyond me.

Anyone care to help?

 

[Corporation]

@Mrs. Rannous - which version of the Justice League are we talking for animated shows?

whichever one scores the worst in the ranking

I mean really, this is almost as bad as going with "Power Rangers" and not specifying the season and particular generation of rangers - mighty morphin?  zeo?  turbo?  time force?  wild force?  ninja storm?   dino thunder?  Rangers S.P.D.? (should have been SBD)  ...and that's not nearly all of them.  

Hardly.  There's only one animated show with this name.

And it has the best theme music.

Justice League was tremendous, and then it rolled into Justice League Unlimited, which had a new name but was essentially all the same people and added in more of the expanded universe.

 

[timschochet]

I'm almost ready to rank documentaries, but I need help with Bob Dylan:  No DIrection Home.  I really can't stand his constipated singing.  Watching 208 minutes of that is just beyond me.

Anyone care to help?

Yes. It’s the best music documentary I’ve ever seen. I give it a 16. 

 

[timschochet]

Drama 1950-1970

1 Pt As the World Turns Doesn’t really belong here. My bad for not including a soap opera category but then, I’m not sure I’d want to know the judge. 

2 Pts Lassie If television had been popular ten years earlier, Rin Tin Tin would have had a show. Whoever drafted this could also have taken Flipper. 

3 Pts The Saint Roger Moore with a strange haircut. My dad loved this show, never missed it. 

4 Pts Ben Casey Marcus Welby wasn’t available I guess. 

 

[timschochet]

5 Pts I Spy Historically important action show but lacks the excellence of those ranked above it. 

6 Pts The Fugitive Not nearly as good as the Harrison Ford movie but still a pretty good concept for a show. Might be considered one of the first serial dramas. 

7 Pts Route 66 One of several excellent anthology series taken. The first two decades of television seemed to have a lot of these, and then they largely disappeared until recently. 
 

8 Pts  The Defenders Consistently superb legal drama, with great writing and acting. Would be ranked higher except for its relatively short run. 

 

[timschochet]

9 Pts The Avengers Quirky fun British spy drama. “Mrs. Peel we’re needed” became a household saying. Very 60s in its appeal and style. 

10 Pts Mission: Impossible Decent score here but I wonder if it would have even done better in the action category. 

11 Pts Playhouse 90 (My pick) At it’s best (“Judgment at Nuremberg”, “Marty”) arguably one of the greatest shows ever to appear on television in any decade.

12 Pts Alfred Hitchcock Presents Great acting and scripts and a tremendous host. 

 

[timschochet]

13 Pts Perry Mason Iconic character and fine presentation. 

14 Pts The Outer Limits The creators of this show said, “OK let’s take the Twilight Zone and to hell with the messaging and subtleties: let’s just scare the hell out of them!” And it’s worked. Belongs in the horror category where I might have had to give it high score were I the judge. But it did fine here as well. 

15 Pts Dragnet The all time classic police procedural. 

16 Pts The Twilight Zone I will examine this show in more detail later when I rank it again. 
 

 

[timschochet]

Drama 1950-1970

16 Pts The Twilight Zone 

15 Pts Dragnet 

14 Pts the Outer Limits 

13 Pts Perry Mason 

12 Pts Alfred Hitchcock Presents 

11 Pts Playhouse 90 

10 Pts Mission: Impossible 

9 Pts The Avengers

8 Pts The Defenders 

7 Pts Route 66 

6 Pts The Fugitive 

5 Pts I Spy 

4 Pts Ben Casey 

3 Pts The Saint 

2 Pts Lassie 

1 Pt As the World Turns 

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Yes. It’s the best music documentary I’ve ever seen. I give it a 16. 

Do you know who drafted it?

Did you watch the Woodstock doc?