While the man inarguably does his research, we must assume that Al Michaels did not read
this story when it ran two and a half weeks ago. If he had, he would have called in sick for Thursday night's Raiders-Broncos game, and so might have spared himself having to call
one of the worst events ever presented by upright mammals. And when we say "events," we mean "things watched by other people"—sporting contests, sure, but also television, movies, films, concerts, art exhibits, circuses, operas, mime, busking on the boardwalk, all the way down to battlefield operating theaters. Think of the worst karaoke rendition you have ever heard, only with some helium-huffing involved. Think of Civil War-era trauma medicine. It was worse than that.