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Trouble shoot this family situation for me (1 Viewer)

Dentist said:
Just got some great news... the cousin wedding is at 4:30... shouldn't take over 45 min.. the sister wedding is at 6:00 PM and the venues are 20 min apart
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The guy goes from touting nomarriage.com to calling attending two weddings in one day as "Great" news. What a sad state of affairs.

 
shadyridr said:
The guy goes from touting nomarriage.com to calling attending two weddings in one day as "Great" news. What a sad state of affairs.
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Touche.

trust me it sounds like a horrible day... just awful.  But in terms of my sanity things improved.

That said, it does suck to be a shell of your former self...  sucks real bad... at one point in my life I was on the verge of awesome..  now.. just another fat dad who looks forward to Monday morning

 
Dentist said:
Touche.

trust me it sounds like a horrible day... just awful.  But in terms of my sanity things improved.

That said, it does suck to be a shell of your former self...  sucks real bad... at one point in my life I was on the verge of awesome..  now.. just another fat dad who looks forward to Monday morning
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Eh... Just make sure you tell your wife that she is the hottest thing at either wedding and you can't your eyes off of her, and either by marriage hormones or sheer exhaustion she will probably let you do that chest poop thing finally that you want to do.

 
Dentist said:
Wife's cousin has wedding scheduled 11/3 - been scheduled 2 years.  They are close, my sons are the ring bearers in the wedding.

My sister just got engaged today.  Unbeknownst to me, she had been planning her wedding in advance of the engagement and scheduled it 11/3.

Wife and sister don't get along at all.  Wife afraid if she doesn't show to sister's wedding that she will really be black listed for life... But also doesn't feel like she should have to miss cousins wedding.

We both feel like we're in a lose lose and feel slighted no one asked about our availability before planning.

What would you do?
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you go to sister, wife goes to cousin.  maybe there is a time difference that will help you out.  conflicts happen and people need to be adults.  do something you can live with.

 
Yankee23Fan said:
Eh... Just make sure you tell your wife that she is the hottest thing at either wedding and you can't your eyes off of her, and either by marriage hormones or sheer exhaustion she will probably let you do that chest poop thing finally that you want to do.
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chest poop?   that's so 2015..   now it's all about vomit BJ's

 
Dentist said:
Just got some great news... the cousin wedding is at 4:30... shouldn't take over 45 min.. the sister wedding is at 6:00 PM and the venues are 20 min apart
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By the time it actually starts, pictures are done, etc. you should be able to leave the cousin wedding by 8pm.......   I'd suggest driving separate to the cousin wedding, that way you can be at the ceremony for both, but your wife can handle what I will assume are the expectation of pictures, etc. with the kids as part of the wedding party at the cousin wedding after the ceremony, then your wife can bring the kids to the reception for the sister wedding. Since they're 3 and 4, it's not like there is a reason for them to be at the actual wedding ceremony for your sister when they are not in it, and this way you still make both weddings, and you can get some extra points from your sister (not that you are looking for them) with your wife making the effort to come to the reception with the kids as well

 
Dentist said:
This is pretty accurate minus the drunk part.. i had an incident at a family function where i got blackout drunk about 4 years ago and now  multiple people "watch" what i'm drinking to prevent...    I'm blackout free since '14..  i intend to keep it that way
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Don't be a quitter.  It's time to get KRUNK!

 
Dentist said:
i was typing along and the story got so long that it was turning into a TL;DR type of thing so i trimmed it down to the minimum i could.

That said, i agree with you, and I'm sorry.

Though I still say that if you're going to plan something less than 7 months away and you know your dad and brother are dentists who plan their schedules a year in advance.. that I should've been consulted.. i could've had plans to goto a major continuing education course..  or travel, etc, etc.
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I think he's right here.  If a person is important enough where there will be an issue if they aren't able to make your wedding they need to be told about the date beforehand.  Both my brother and sister did this for our immediate family, a couple weeks after we heard about an engagement e-mails went out about dates they were considering to make sure no one was 100% blocked out of anything.  Turned out my sister's fiancé's twin brother had a conflict he couldn't break, so they chose one of the other dates.  Hard to please everyone and at some point, even if there are conflicts you just need to make a decision and say this is what it is, but it's the courteous way to handle this.

It's selfish as F people that think the world revolves are them that get engaged, tweet out a date in the next day or so and will hold it against you if there is a reason you are unable to attend on that date.

 
I was in the camp of splitting weddings, but then I proposed the question to my wife.

According to my wife, if your sister did not clear the date with you before setting it in stone, then you are not a critical guest and your absence is on her. To back up her statement, she reminding me that we cleared dates with all siblings prior to committing to a date, and even had our wedding in the spring because summer was a conflict with one of my siblings.

Then I suggested splitting duties and she agreed that was a reasonable solution. So go with wilkeds suggestion.

 
Dragons said:
I was in the camp of splitting weddings, but then I proposed the question to my wife.

According to my wife, if your sister did not clear the date with you before setting it in stone, then you are not a critical guest and your absence is on her. To back up her statement, she reminding me that we cleared dates with all siblings prior to committing to a date, and even had our wedding in the spring because summer was a conflict with one of my siblings.

Then I suggested splitting duties and she agreed that was a reasonable solution. So go with wilkeds suggestion.
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I think that is bullsh!t.  My wife and I did not consult anyone in choosing our date.  We decided what worked for us and then told everybody when it would be.  It wouldn't surprise me if some people do as you describe (obviously you did), but I don't think that is the norm.  Maybe I am just selfish...  :shrug:

ETA...I have 4 sisters who have had 5 weddings among them.  Not a single one of them ever cleared a date with me.

 
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Galileo said:
I think that is bullsh!t.  My wife and I did not consult anyone in choosing our date.  We decided what worked for us and then told everybody when it would be.  It wouldn't surprise me if some people do as you describe (obviously you did), but I don't think that is the norm.  Maybe I am just selfish...  :shrug:

ETA...I have 4 sisters who have had 5 weddings among them.  Not a single one of them ever cleared a date with me.
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Would you have held it against anyone if they had prior commitments? Or would you expect them to break all obligations to make your wedding?

ETA: your family is a ####.

 
Dragons said:
Would you have held it against anyone if they had prior commitments? Or would you expect them to break all obligations to make your wedding?

ETA: your family is a ####.
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Yes.  I would have expected them to change plans assuming there was sufficient lead time to do so.  And, I would have adjusted any plans I had in order to attend their weddings.

I am not sure what you are saying in your edit, so I don't know how mad I should be.

 
Dentist said:
Well my sister announced the engagement yesterday FROM HOLLAND where she had gone with the dude.. who i've met 4 times...  and so i've not spoken to her about it because she's out of the country.

My kids aren't choosing anything.. they're 4 and 3..  they just want to goto the one with the bigger cake.

Let me add into this whole thing that my sister is insane with an attempt at suicide on her record.

Let me add more into this because the wife's cousin's mom died last year and my wife is filling the role of a "motherly presence"   helped cousin pick out a wedding dress, etc, etc.
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How has your sister acquired a wedding venue and have a firm date set in stone if she just got engaged yesterday?

 
This is easy.  Wife goes to cousin's wedding, you go to your sister's.

You both have a legit reason to miss the other wedding and they shouldn't hold it against you.  If they do, its on them.

Your wife's relationship with her cousin and the boys being in the wedding trumps even the sister-in-law wedding, but you can't miss your sister's for a cousin-in-law.

 
Dentist said:
Just got some great news... the cousin wedding is at 4:30... shouldn't take over 45 min.. the sister wedding is at 6:00 PM and the venues are 20 min apart
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The winners here are your kids. They get all the cake!

 
TheMagus said:
How has your sister acquired a wedding venue and have a firm date set in stone if she just got engaged yesterday?
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Because it was a bs engagement.  They'd agreed to be married in principle months ago and planned the whole thing, then made the announcement

 
Galileo said:
I think that is bullsh!t.  My wife and I did not consult anyone in choosing our date.  We decided what worked for us and then told everybody when it would be.  It wouldn't surprise me if some people do as you describe (obviously you did), but I don't think that is the norm.  Maybe I am just selfish...  :shrug:

ETA...I have 4 sisters who have had 5 weddings among them.  Not a single one of them ever cleared a date with me.
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i don't think people clear dates because realistically, who has something planned out on one weekend 6-9 months in advance often?

 
Galileo said:
Yes.  I would have expected them to change plans assuming there was sufficient lead time to do so.  And, I would have adjusted any plans I had in order to attend their weddings.

I am not sure what you are saying in your edit, so I don't know how mad I should be.
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Some plans can't be adjusted. So I stand by my wife's original opinion that if you don't clear a date before setting it in stone, then you have to be understanding if someone is surprisingly already booked. 

The edit is just a joke.

 
I imagine this "consulting on dates" could be a regional thing too. Up around here, you don't pick a date...you choose from whatever dates are available at the venue you've landed on, in the approximate timeframe you're looking for. Basically if you want a Saturday wedding between May and September, you better be securing it at least a year out, hell maybe even 18 months out now if you really want options. Any less and you're getting married on a Sunday or going further away from your desired months. 

There just isn't the opportunity to get feedback from two sets of parents, siblings, spouses, kids, grandparents, best friends, whatever and find one date that is guaranteed to be clear for everyone AND THEN be able to actually get married where you want to. You lock in your date and tell your key people ASAP and hope that the year or so of lead time is enough to clear up potential conflicts. 

 
Meh. If attending both were not an option, and if each spouse going to a different wedding were undesirable, I'd prioritize a sister's wedding over a cousin's. Of course, that's assuming it is the sister's first wedding.

 
Leave wedding 1 before cake, get to wedding 2 after cake is gone... show those moochers what's what.

 
E-Z Glider said:
Backstory? This sounds more interesting than the wedding date conflict.  :popcorn:
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It really wasn't.   Just made a real ### of myself, pissed off a bride, threw up in a rental car, and lost $200 to donkeys at a poker game... all while my 7 months pregnant wife lectured me on getting my #### together before this kid comes.

The thing is.. it was a real wake up moment and I used it as a catalyst to become a better person...    I like the new blackout free me...  came close to a relapse with a borderline blackout in '16...  but I turned down the prostitute and went to bed.

I shouldn't have needed that moment..  that should've come in 2011 when I had a blackout moment and lost my wallet in Vegas and fell asleep on the doorstep to my room only to have a massive incident with security...   but I didn't learn from that.

 
RUSF18 said:
No way Dentist is splitting the family up and paying for two separate gifts AND the extra gas to go to two different weddings. 

That's the difference between retiring on 8/15/32 and 8/16/32.
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I'm quoting this so I can like it again.

 
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Really shouldn't matter no matter how you slice and dice it, but I'd have Dentist go to wife's cousin's wedding and wife go to Dentist's sister's.

Shows you put some thought into the matter and are giving respect to both sides of the family as a united front.

 
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