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Unexpected Roommates (1 Viewer)

Wrigley

Wrigley

Footballguy
Well, my SIL and her husband of 5 years are calling it quits. He's moved out(for good reason) leaving SIL alone with her 3 kids, ranging in age from 12 to 6. Since she has no job, and his income is now gone. They are being forced out of their leased home.

Wife asks me last night if they can live with us for a little while(what am I going to do, kick them out on the street)

We've only got one extra bedroom now(currently my man cave). Our girls are still sleeping in our room, so we could move a bed into their nursery. We also have an unfinished basement that can be used as a spare bedroom......and plenty of couch space.

Her kids are great, but I've kind of had a problem with the SIL for awhile now.

She drinks too much.

She's not motivated to get a job(used to make pretty good money as an insurance underwriter)

She only thinks about herself....very selfish

Used her husband as a babysitter so she could go out at night

Her husband is a good guy, who took on more responsibility than he could handle.

She smokes

Again, has a major alcohol problem(so much so, I've listed it twice)

I was just getting used to having my 3 girls(wife and twin girls), now my life is about to get much more complicated.

What is a FBG to do?

:lifeupsidedown:

 
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"yes, they can stay but she is not welcome to drink in te home nor can she smoke inside. I expect her to chip in on expenses and to actively be looking for a job. If that doesn't happen, it's going to be your responsibility to line her out or else you and I nay have problems."

 
'Abraham said:
"yes, they can stay but she is not welcome to drink in te home nor can she smoke inside. I expect her to chip in on expenses and to actively be looking for a job. If that doesn't happen, it's going to be your responsibility to line her out or else you and I nay have problems."
Click to expand...
:goodposting:
 
I would lay down these groundrules:

1) Smoke outside

2) Get a job

3) Stays home with her kids when she isn't working

If she wouldn't/couldn't live with those conditions then I would offer to take the kids but she needs to find a place for herself

 
'Abraham said:
"yes, they can stay but she is not welcome to drink in te home nor can she smoke inside. I expect her to chip in on expenses and to actively be looking for a job. If that doesn't happen, it's going to be your responsibility to line her out or else you and I nay have problems."
Click to expand...
This is a good post, however I've heard it's incredibly difficult to kick someone out of your house once you've let them stay. This might require a legal document be drawn up. I can see this 'temporary' stay lasting quite awhile with his description of the SiL.GL & GB Wrigley.P.S. I'd definitely put the kabash on the 'watching the kids so she can go out at night' right away. No way I'm letting her move in so she can continue her party lifestyle.
 
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You need to set up some type of progressive plan to ensure that this is only a very temporary thing, say a month.

You need to have a serious sit down with the wife and explain to her that this is not something that you believe is a "good" idea, but you feel obligated because of her to help her sister. Tell her that if the sister drinks she is OUT, not given another chance, not only a little bit, not "it is only one drink", but one and out. Also she is too look for a job, and until she finds a job she will be doing all the household chores - this included bathrooms, floors, kitchen, laundry and windows. She is not to be mistaken that you are dead set against, and only because of your wife and you will to allow this. Above all else do not make her feel at home.

 
My advice to you, start drinking heavily. Oh wait, you won't have any booze left in your house once she moves in.

 
Been through this twice w/ my wife's sisters, one by herself and the other w/ husband and infant son. The couple w/ kid had to leave England pretty suddenly because of visa issues, and stayed while they looked for a house. The single one was mentally disabled and waiting for a spot in an assited living buiding to open up. The latter one sucked - she's harmless but never shuts up and has no concept of personal space and staying out of the way. Oh, and my MIL lives w/ permanently.

Both situations were different than yours in that we knew they weren't going to be super long term - I think they ended up about 6 months each. You've got to go into it with an exit strategy in place and lay some ground rules, starting w/ SIL cutting down on the booze. More importantly I'd advise you start boozing more.

 
'Wrigley said:
Well, my SIL and her husband of 5 years are calling it quits. He's moved out(for good reason) leaving SIL alone with her 3 kids, ranging in age from 12 to 6. Since she has no job, and his income is now gone. They are being forced out of their leased home.

Wife asks me last night if they can live with us for a little while(what am I going to do, kick them out on the street)

We've only got one extra bedroom now(currently my man cave). Our girls are still sleeping in our room, so we could move a bed into their nursery. We also have an unfinished basement that can be used as a spare bedroom......and plenty of couch space.

Her kids are great, but I've kind of had a problem with the SIL for awhile now.

She drinks too much.

She's not motivated to get a job(used to make pretty good money as an insurance underwriter)

She only thinks about herself....very selfish

Used her husband as a babysitter so she could go out at night

Her husband is a good guy, who took on more responsibility than he could handle.

She smokes

Again, has a major alcohol problem(so much so, I've listed it twice)

I was just getting used to having my 3 girls(wife and twin girls), now my life is about to get much more complicated.

What is a FBG to do?

:lifeupsidedown:
Click to expand...
Seems like textbook enabling of these things to let her move in.
 
This is my biggest fear with my wife's side of the family. Almost came to pass a few times with her niece (21, you don't want pics) and more recently her sister & kids (husband threatened divorce over money issues--I think they worked it out).

Good luck!

 
'Sabertooth said:
Seems like textbook enabling of these things to let her move in.
Click to expand...
what would you do? Your wife's sister is getting divorced, has three young children to care for, no job, and now no place to live....you just gonna tell her g'luck? Would you do that to your own sister/brother if the shoe was on the other foot?obviously wrigley needs to do his best to hammer out some house rules to keep his relationship with his wife good first and foremost, but you just can't turn your back to family when they are in pretty dire need of help. He's stuck here. Gonna need to put her up for a few months and hope to pass her along to some other poor sap :)
 
'guru_007 said:
'Sabertooth said:
Seems like textbook enabling of these things to let her move in.
Click to expand...
what would you do? Your wife's sister is getting divorced, has three young children to care for, no job, and now no place to live....you just gonna tell her g'luck? Would you do that to your own sister/brother if the shoe was on the other foot?obviously wrigley needs to do his best to hammer out some house rules to keep his relationship with his wife good first and foremost, but you just can't turn your back to family when they are in pretty dire need of help. He's stuck here. Gonna need to put her up for a few months and hope to pass her along to some other poor sap :)
Click to expand...
Does the wife not have parents? Are there no other siblings? Can she not apply for state aid or subsidized housing? Do you think it is worth his own marriage to help this poor helpless woman and the children she is responsible for. Can the children not live with the father? I agree though and to some extent I can relate to him, but he's in for a world of hurt if this goes sideways on him.
 
Make it as much of a PITA as possible for her to smoke, drink, and be lazy and she'll find somewhere else to squat soon enough.

 
smoking outside should be a no brainer. Do you drink at home? If so, gonna have a hard time playing the 'no drinking card' on an adult with an alcohol problem, if you are also drinking at home.

 
It sucks, and it totally shouldn't be 'your responsibility', but all things considered the fastest way you are going to get her oughta there is to get her a job, and find a cheap place to rent. Do you know anyone who could hook her with a job?

 
'Wrigley said:
'gianmarco said:
:useless:
Click to expand...
ok(on right)
Click to expand...
:eek: should be no problem getting a woman that hot a job as a receptionist/personal assistant at least. Hell if she has insurance background maybe even that. Just get an invite to a fancy country club from a friend. Bring her along. She'll have about 4-5 job offers at least if you mention 'she's new in town and looking for a job'.

she's gotta be a what 8.5-9 even on the offdee scale.

 
'Abraham said:
"yes, they can stay but she is not welcome to drink in te home nor can she smoke inside. I expect her to chip in on expenses and to actively be looking for a job. If that doesn't happen, it's going to be your responsibility to line her out or else you and I nay have problems."
Click to expand...
this, but with better spelling.
 
'Flying Spaghetti Monster said:
You need to set up some type of progressive plan to ensure that this is only a very temporary thing, say a month.

You need to have a serious sit down with the wife and explain to her that this is not something that you believe is a "good" idea, but you feel obligated because of her to help her sister. Tell her that if the sister drinks she is OUT, not given another chance, not only a little bit, not "it is only one drink", but one and out. Also she is too look for a job, and until she finds a job she will be doing all the household chores - this included bathrooms, floors, kitchen, laundry and windows. She is not to be mistaken that you are dead set against, and only because of your wife and you will to allow this. Above all else do not make her feel at home.
Click to expand...
Agreed, a meeting definitely needs to happen before she moves in and starts taking advantage of you and your wife. Find out what her plan is before she gets in, otherwise if you say nothing, she'll just continue her ways, and you'll be babysitting three more kids. And if she doesn't have a plan, give her one and lay down your house rules. GL and keep us posted.

 
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What does your wife feel about the situation?

Did your wife and her go out and party once in a while before this, or they barely saw each other?

 
What a shock . . . the lazy and entitled chick is hot.

Ground rules or she'll take your marriage down in the same fireball fashion. Absolutely have them hammered out w/the wifey so you're both on the same page when the time comes to boot the deadbeat.

 
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